Life Unexpected
by ditzie-blonde
Summary: What happens when a night of comfort turns into so much more for two of our favouite detectives?  Set about 2 months after The Woods. Although certain events from the show will appear in the story, they will not follow the CC timeline.  I own nothing!
1. Chapter 1

Lilly Rush could not believe this was happening. It was supposed to be one of those routine checks at the doctors that was supposed to take 15 minutes. Everything was going fine until that one question, "So Miss Rush, when was your last period?" And she couldn't remember. It was definitely before the attic, before George, definitely before then.

After a few moments of silence the doctor looked up and Lilly got a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach; "Is there any chance you could be pregnant?" Normally the answer would be a resounding "No", it had been nearly a year since Kite and she hadn't dated anyone since then, but there had been that one night... her stomach dropped further as she whispered the answer.

The doctor smiled sympathetically and handed Lilly a small beaker for a urine sample. One bottle of water and a trip to the bathroom later and the answer was revealed: she was pregnant. She was sure it was a mistake, but the doctor had very kindly run two further tests and she could not deny the truth any longer: she was pregnant.

So here she was, sat in the waiting room in the radiology department for a dating scan. Despite the fact that she had only had one night of sex in the last 9 months and she could give the doctor the _exact date_ the baby was conceived, she still had to have a scan. Apparently it was mandatory if she and her doctor were going to discuss her options.

But what were her options? Looking at the leaflets in her hand there appeared to be three: adoption, abortion, or well, keeping it.

Lilly wondered how she was supposed to make that decision? She knew she was 9 weeks along so there were only a few weeks to make a final decision, but her mind was a whirlwind of emotions she was struggling to identify:

Confusion . She had stopped taking birth control after Kite. Her gynaecologist had suggested a break might be a good idea seeing as she had been taking it since she was 16, and well, at the time she didn't really have a need to be taking it so she'd stopped. But she always kept condoms in her bedside cabinet, just in case. She knew firsthand what it is like to be an unwanted kid and she didn't want to put a child through that, so how had she let herself be so reckless?

Anger that she had let this happen. That night had been so emotionally charged that contraception had been the last thing on her mind. She thought they'd used something, but now it was obvious they hadn't. Would it have been so hard for her to have checked the box or the bin in the morning to have made sure they had been careful?

Resentment. The one night she had turned to alcohol and sex for comfort, to feel something other than the hollowness and emptiness - to just forget the damn day's events - she had gone and made her life so much more complicated. She knew that whatever decision she made she would have to live with the consequences for the rest of her life.

Disappointment. After all these years of trying not to become her mother, she had ended up just like her anyway. Pregnant with an unplanned child, the only difference being that work was her drug of choice instead of alcohol. Granted she wasn't a teenager - she had a good job and a nice home in a good area unlike her mother - but ultimately she was alone, pregnant and suffering an addition just like her mother.

Fear. Did she even want to be a mother? Could she be a mother after what she had been through as a child? She didn't have the best role model. Cats she could look after, but a child? She wasn't getting any younger and from the scant information she had gathered over the years from baby showers and magazine articles she was lucky to be pregnant at 36. Realistically, this was probably her one and only chance at having a family of her own. She had no family as such - she wasn't even sure where her mother and sister were living at the moment - so she would have no one to rely on if things got tough, or if the kid was ill, or it wouldn't stop screaming, or if she got pulled into work at 2am...

So that left adoption and abortion.

Abortion seemed the most logical route. She could have a simple procedure and pretend that it had never happened, that it had never existed. After all, it had been conceived on the night she had killed Philadelphia's most prolific serial killer, so that in itself didn't bode well for the kid's future. She hadn't really had any symptoms either, she didn't feel pregnant, so it wouldn't be hard for her to force the memory away. Obviously she'd missed a couple of periods (although she hadn't even noticed those) and she had been feeling a bit more tired than usual. Coffee hadn't had its usual appeal either and she hadn't had a cup for weeks, but that was about it. She was pretty good at denial, perhaps this could be one more thing she could add to the list?

"Lilly Rush?"

She was brought out of her internal debate by a nurse calling her name. Walking towards the examination room she felt like she was in a dream and was thankful that the radiographer seemed to sense she wasn't in the mood for talking. The radiographer asked her some questions, which she answered the best she could given the circumstances, and the scan began.

Suddenly Lilly didn't know what to do. Her mid-drift was bare and she felt exposed, as if the radiographer was going to look inside her and find that the hollowness and emptiness she had been feeling since That Night was in fact real.

Her hands gripped the bed sheet tightly and she stared blankly at the ceiling as she felt the cool gel being applied. The radiographer started to move the wand over her abdomen and that's when she heard it; a fast, echoy, booming, sound that sounded so far away yet so close.

Lilly's head shot to the monitor and she was mesmerised by the image she was seeing. There, as plain as day, was this small, white, bean shaped thing. Inside the bean there was something flickering so fast, so strong, and with such ferociousness and determination that Lilly could just not tear her eyes away. She heard the radiographer talking to her, but all she could hear was that booming sound and all she could see was that flickering thing inside the bean. It was as if it was trying to send out a message to her, that this bean shaped thing wanted to be born, wanted to live, wanted to be a part of her life. At that very moment she felt such an overwhelming wave of protection for that bean that she wanted to knock the radiographer's wand away from her belly in case it was hurting the bean in some way, but at the same time she wanted to keep watching, keep listening... Something else stirred deep inside her causing Lilly's heart to speed up and a warm feeling to creep into her chest and circulate around her body.

For the first time since the doctor had uttered those life alternating words to her this morning, she knew what she was going to do.

Lilly Rush was going to be a mother.


	2. Chapter 2

_So, I've just realised this is where you're supposed to put the author's notes! _

_Thank you all for your kind praises and story alerts. This is my first ever fic and I haven't done any creative writing since my GCSE's, and well, that was over a decade ago now! It means so much to me that people want to read more and has really spurred me on. Writing the dialogue was hard, so if anyone has any tips they'd like to share they would be gratefully received! _

_I was hoping to have a few more chapters up this week but literally the day after posting this a whole load of family drama kicked off which is going to take a while to sort out. My aim is to have a chapter up a week though, provided people still want to read it!_

_Obviously, I'm writing this fic with the benefit of having watched 7 series of Cold Case, so there will be events in this fic that happened in the show that I feel shaped the characters lives. They won't appear in the same order, or in the same time frame as they appeared in the show, but some will be worked into the story. Hopefully you'll start to see what I mean shortly..._

**_Disclaimer: _**_Still don't own it._

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><p>Scotty Valens was getting worried. Well maybe not worried, but concerned. He'd been at work for an hour and a half already and was supposed to be filling in a report following his latest interview, but all he could do was stare at the empty seat opposite him.<p>

Lilly Rush was officially late.

She'd mentioned something yesterday about a doctor's appointment, but even going by "doctor time" she was late, very late, and that concerned him. Lilly never had a day off sick, and as far as he was aware, never went to the doctors. Mind you, Boss hadn't asked him where she was yet, so maybe there had been some delay at the doctors that Boss knew about that was making her late. He contemplated going to ask him but decided against it. If Boss hadn't noticed she wasn't in yet he certainly didn't want to be the one to get her in trouble.

Sighing he checked his watch again and looked down at his report. Maybe if he concentrated hard enough it would take his mind off the empty seat and the person who should be sat there.

Thirty minutes later and he was roused from his report writing by the clinking of a glass being set down on the desk opposite him. Looking up he was relieved to see that Lilly had arrived.

"Hey Lil. Everything go ok at the doctors?" he asked with a hint of concern. If there was one thing he knew about his partner it was that she was fiercely protective over her personal life. He didn't want to pry, but he was worried. Call it partnerly concern.

Lilly's heart leapt into her throat at Scotty's question. There was no way he could know, was there? She'd only found out just over an hour ago and there was no way she could be showing just yet – her trousers weren't even tight! She finished setting her bag on the floor and started to pull out the files she had taken home last night. Glancing up she noted the concern in his eyes and realised there was nothing more behind Scotty's question than Scotty being Scotty. Inwardly she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Uh-huh, just a routine doctor's appointment – woman thing". That part was most definitely true.

Seeing his face turn slightly pink and watching him try to hide the grimace that so obviously wanted to appear on his face made her want to laugh. What was it with men and "woman's things"? Just mention those two words and they run a mile.

"Right, errr, good. Glad everything went ok." Scotty quickly looked down and tried to focus on his report. Discussing woman's issues with his partner was definitely territory that he did not want to venture into.

Several minutes later he was interrupted again by a quiet voice from the desk opposite him.

"Scotty, did you want to come to dinner at my house tonight? Well, it'll be more like take out, but it's been a while since we've hung out and I thought tonight might be a good time. You know, make the most of the summer nights?"

Looking up he saw that his partner had a death hold on her pen and was biting down on the end so hard that he was surprised the pen hadn't broken in two yet. That wasn't the only thing though. She was looking at him with a strange mix of what appeared to be apprehension and nervousness. They'd never really hung out before, well apart from First Thursday's, but well, there was a first time for everything.

"Sure Lil, sounds great. 7.30pm ok? I'll bring the beer"

Relief seemed to flood her body at his response. The death grip she had on her pen loosened and a small smile graced her features as she replied.

"Sounds perfect. You remember where I live?"

"Yep – just don't make me talk about woman's issues all evening" he replied with a smirk.

He couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw something resembling fear flash through Lilly's eyes as she nodded, opened a file and got to work.

Suddenly the concern he felt earlier returned.

xxx

Lilly Rush wasn't going to deny it, she was nervous. After all it wasn't everyday you got to tell your partner you were pregnant.

This morning it had seemed like such a good idea to just tell Scotty her news straightaway – like the proverbial pulling off a band-aid - but now, well now she wasn't so sure. She knew he had a right to know that it wasn't just her back that he was covering whenever they were out in the field together, but that of her child's as well, however, thinking about it maybe she could just wait a couple of weeks before telling him...

Jumping at the loud knock coming from her front door Lilly realised her time to chicken out was over. She somehow mustered a smile as she opened the door to find Scotty standing there with a smile on his face holding up two packs of beer.

"Hey Lil, brought the beers as promised. Where shall I put them?"

Crap! How was she going to get out of this one? Even she knew drinking alcohol when pregnant was strongly advised against. She had been trying not to think about how much alcohol had been in her bloodstream the night she had gotten pregnant, or the few drinks she'd had at First Thursday's since then. The doctor had assured her that everything appeared healthy in the scan and she was hoping things remained that way.

"The fridge is in front of you as you go into the kitchen. I've just had a beer so I'm good for now, help yourself though." She neglected to tell him her "beer" had in fact been a glass of water.

Scotty followed her into the kitchen and put the beers in the fridge, opening one for himself along the way, as she started serving dinner – cheesesteaks and salad. Scotty's eyes almost bulged out his head when he saw where the cheesesteaks were from.

"Geno's, Lil? You went all the way over to Geno's to get cheesesteaks?"

It was the least she could do considering the news she was about to deliver.

"What can I say? I had a hankering for a cheesesteak, and well, Geno's _is_ the best. Even got you some Cheesewizz!"

Lilly walked past him and started heading towards her French doors "Thought we'd eat outside, seeing as the weather is still good"

Scotty had never realised that Lilly had a back yard before. Admittedly he'd seen the French doors at the rear of her house the few times he had visited prior to tonight, but never thought much of it. However, once he crossed the threshold into her small courtyard garden he realised that Lilly Rush must be something of a gardener in her spare time. There was a round wooden table and chair set in the centre of the courtyard and the boundary was covered in various bushes and flower beds, reminding him of a Spanish plaza for some reason.

"Wow Lil, this is amazing. Never took you for having green fingers" he teased.

Lilly blushed. "Thanks. Sometimes I just come out here after a hard day at work and dig to get rid of the frustration, you know? Then in the summer it turns into this and I come out here to just relax and remind myself that there is goodness in the world. Stupid huh?"

Scotty was shocked. He'd never seen this side of his partner before. "Nah Lil, it's great".

Taking their seats at the table they chatted amiable about everything and nothing as they ate dinner. Once the dishes had been cleared away, they resumed their seats in the garden and a relaxed silence eventually overcame them as they watched dusk roll into night.

Lilly watched the peaceful expression that appeared on Scotty's face as he relaxed and she realised it had been months, possibly years, since she's last seen him look like that. Probably when Elisa had still been alive. She hoped what she was about to tell him wasn't going to destroy that, but deep down she knew it would.

"Scotty, you know you asked me how things went at the doctors this morning? Well, I wasn't entirely honest with you. She gave me some news".

A frown came across Scotty's face destroying that peaceful expression just like she feared.

"Something wrong Lil?" he asked with concern

"Not exactly. Nothing that won't be cured in 7 months".

Scotty's expression turned to one of confusion and Lilly knew it was now or never, "I'm pregnant Scotty".

Scotty wasn't sure he'd heard his partner correctly. Had she just said she was pregnant? How could that be? He was sure she hadn't been seeing anyone in the last few months, so how could she be pregnant?

"What Lil?"

"I'm pregnant Scotty. 9 weeks."

As the shock began to wear off Scotty that his workaholic partner was pregnant, he realised she was looking at him expectantly.

"Congratulations Lil. I didn't know you had been seeing anyone. Wait, does the father know?"

Lilly closed her eyes. He was really going to make her say it wasn't he?

"He does now".

Anger flooded Scotty. He's wondered why she had been so late for work today and why she'd been quiet and withdrawn all day, this must be the reason. She'd told the father and he'd abandoned her. Scotty wasn't going to let that happen, not to Lil. He didn't know much about her childhood, but he knew enough to know her father hadn't been around much and it hadn't been easy for her. He cared way too much about her to let her, or her child for that matter, get hurt.

"What's his name Lil? Me and him, we're going to have a little talk, he's gonna wi..." Scotty began menacingly, but he was abruptly cut off by Lilly.

"Scotty, I haven't been with anyone else since that night. That night after George."

Watching Scotty's expression change from one of anger to complete and utter confusion she realised she was going to have the say the words she'd been dreading. For one of the smartest detectives she knew, he really wasn't connecting the dots this time.

"With you. That night after George with you. You're the father Scotty". She whispered.

If she thought Scotty had looked surprised when she'd told him she was pregnant, that was nothing compared to the look he wore now. His mouth had dropped open, his eyes were the size of dinner plates, and he was pale. His body had sagged into the seat too, as if the shock had sucked all the energy out of him.

He stayed that way for several minutes before he did something she thought he'd never do.

Scotty Valens got up, turned round, and walked out of her house.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks for all your reviews, they have really kept me motivated. __I wasn't going to post this chapter for a few more days, but I woke up with a stinking cold this morning and it's my first day back at work which I know it going to be horrible, so I thought I'd post this now in the vain hope that someone would leave me a nice review to cheer me up when I get home from work! LOL. _

_Just so you know, there is one thing I am changing from the original storyline of the show and that's although Scotty will have had an affair with a cocktail waitress, it won't have been Chris. This isn't going to be a story that should have been on the Jerry Springer Show! All will be revealed..._

**_Disclaimer: _**_Seriously, if I owned it, would I be writing this?_

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><p>"<em>With you. That night after George with you. You're the father Scotty"<em>

Scotty Valens' had never thought it would be possible to be shell-shocked given the job he did. He'd been undercover, worked Narcotics, seen things that no one should ever have to see and barely blinked an eyelid. But now, well, shell-shocked was the perfect word for what he was feeling.

Lilly was pregnant. Pregnant with his kid. He was going to be a father.

Suddenly he needed air, no not air – he was pretty sure he was still sat outside - space. He needed space. He needed to move around, to relieve the energy his buzzing mind was creating. Walking. Walking he could do that. He got up and started to move, to where he had no idea, it was like he was blinkered, looking but not seeing, letting his legs move him wherever they fell.

His mind was in overdrive. How had this happened? He remembered Lilly whispering something about her nightstand and he'd frantically reached into the drawer to find the condom he most desperately needed... his fingers brushing the wrapper of the box... not quite being able to reach it, but not wanting to leave Lilly for one second...then Lilly stroking him and sucking on that sensitive spot behind his ear and all he could think of was being inside her right _right then_...

God that night he hadn't known what had come over him, them. Despite her assurances that she was fine, Lilly had been in no fit state to drive home and Boss had asked him to do it, seeing as her house was on his route home. He knew she wasn't fine when she didn't disagree.

However, when he'd pulled up outside her house it was like she was afraid to go in. He'd suggested a quick drink, hell they both needed it -Boss had ordered the whole team to take the next day off anyway so it wasn't like they'd had to worry about getting up for work - so they'd walked to a bar around the corner from her house. Several shots of whiskey and tequila later and he realised just how not "fine" his partner was. With each drink she became more and more withdrawn. Her expression was blank, but her eyes, they were endless pools of hollowness, emptiness, pain, devastion. By the time they'd stumbled back to her house he was desperate to do something – anything – to get those emotions out of her eyes.

He wasn't sure who kissed who first, or why, but the next time he peered into her eyes lust seemed to be fighting to through the other emotions. And then he was kissing her again, kissing her like there was no tomorrow with the hope that he could make those other emotions disappear for good. He couldn't fix whatever had happened to her in that house, but this he could do.

She'd responded just as enthusiastically, dragging him through the front door and guiding him into her bedroom, each shedding the other's clothing along the way. There was such a fierceness to her kisses, a desperation, like she was begging him to make her forget, and in that moment he had been willing, and wanting, to do anything to keep that hollowness, that emptiness, that pain and devastation out of her eyes. He'd never thought of Lil that way before, but suddenly he'd wanted her so damn much that it had physically hurt.

Memories of the resulting night flashed through his head. He'd lost count of how many times they'd had sex, how many positions they'd been in – him on top, her on top, sat upright – fast, slow...

All he knew was that after she climaxed, the pain, the hollowness, the devastation, the emptiness - everything - disappeared and was replaced with a look of such pleasure, if only for a few seconds, and she was the most beautiful thing he had seen. The first time he'd seen that beautiful expression he'd vowed to keep going for as long as he could, to make that expression appear again and again in the hope that eventually the other emotions would fade away and whatever George had done to her in that house would be erased. He'd even kept going as she'd cried – yes Lilly Rush had cried – kissing away the tears, holding her tight and stroking her tenderly until the tears had gone and she'd reached her high.

That night sex seemed to be the only way they could cope with the emotions George Marks had left behind– alcohol hadn't helped, but sex, sex did. They'd used each other's bodies to vent their emotions together, to reassure each other that the nightmare was over, George was dead, and they had both survived.

He remembered dawn had just broken as Lilly had collapsed on top of him for the last time and fallen asleep, clinging to him like he was her life raft in the middle of a stormy sea.

Both of them had been stirred from their slumber the following morning by one of her cats jumping on the bed. He'd obviously rolled them onto their sides during the few hours they had been asleep so he had a direct view of her face as she woke up.

He could tell straightaway that she'd been startled to find him there at first, and had quickly rolled away from him as far and as fast as her bed would allow. But she hadn't kicked him out or given him the patented Ice Queen look and he'd been relieved at that. Instead a blush had graced her skin and she'd pulled the sheets up tight around her body as she starred at the ceiling.

She'd started to apologise then for using him, tried to explain how she'd just wanted to feel _normal_ again after killing someone, even if that someone had been Philadelphia's worst serial killer, how she'd just wanted to forget the events of that night, the case. He remembered thinking she must still be drunk as there was no way a sober Lilly Rush would be telling him this.

He'd cut her off then and said it wasn't her fault, it was his. He'd taken advantage of her, knew she wasn't ok but carried on after the first kiss regardless- because he had definitely initiated the second kiss.

Eventually though they realised they'd both wanted last night to happen, in that moment they had both needed comfort, reassurance, humanity, each other...

In the cold light of day they'd also realised how much they'd put at stake. If anyone found out about what had taken place that night they could both lose the jobs they loved, probably the only meaningful thing in their lives, and neither of them wanted that. They'd both agreed that it was a one time thing and would stay that way.

So the following day they'd returned to work and acted normally. It was as if that night had never existed, and if he was honest with himself, he was surprised at how well they had managed it. With her icy temperament and his fiery one, well he was sure there at some point they would clash, but they hadn't.

In fact, things had gotten better. A few months before that night, not long after Elisa had died, he'd had a fling with a cocktail waitress that had known Lilly about a decade before. When Lilly had found out whom he was dating she had given him the Ice Queen treatment for reasons he did not know. Turned out the cocktail waitress had slept with Lilly's fiancé.

However, he'd been so messed up at the time that he hadn't broken up with the cocktail waitress. He been too lost in his grief, too fixated on trying to fix someone else because if he couldn't fix Elisa then he was going to fix _someone_, that he hadn't realised how much not ending things with the cocktail waitress had hurt Lil. It had cumulated in an argument in the foyer of PPD and resulted in them taking a break from each other as partners and friends.

His wake up call had come when his cocktail waitress had been arrested for credit card fraud. Apparently she was cloning the cards in the bar she worked. The cocktail waitress had dumped _him_ as soon as she realised he couldn't help her.

In fact it had only been the morning prior to the incident with George that he'd apologised to Lilly for what he'd done, and to his surprise, she had forgiven him.

Except now, well now everything had changed, their secret was going to be revealed. With his one simply omission to wear a condom he'd gone and changed the course of both his and Lilly's lives forever, and created a new one too he realised.

He had to admit, the caveman inside him felt pretty macho about creating a baby. Although he realised with a grimace that he must be something of a curse to women. Despite appearances, he'd only slept with 3 women in his life. His first had been Elisa and she'd developed schizophrenia. His first fling had resulted in the cocktail waitress being arrested, and his first ever one night stand had resulted in a pregnancy.

Sighing, he realised that IAB were going to have his ass over this. He was already on thin ice following the Warfield incident, and the cocktail waitress incident, and he was willing to bet a small fortune that knocking your partner up wasn't going to win him employee of the month. He was pretty sure this was going to be the final push out the door for him. How would he support a kid without an income? Come to think of it, where was he going to put the kid, he only had a one bedroom apartment?

Who was he kidding? He wasn't ready to be a father! He was an uncle, and he loved being an uncle, and he loved kids, but having to take care of a child full time, he wasn't sure he could do that. He hadn't thought about kids since before Elisa had gotten sick. Then the prospect of having children in the future had seemed exciting, but each time her medication had failed, each time she'd had a relapse, the likelihood of having children with her had faded.

He'd always thought Elisa would be the one for him and he'd never imagined having children with anyone but her. The day she'd died the hope that he would be a father also died with her. Now though, now he realised he had a chance, most definitely not the way he ever thought it would happen, but happen it had.

He couldn't imagine himself with a baby, but being raised Catholic he didn't believe in abortion, so he figured that left him with being a father. Mind you, he'd never imagined his brother Mike as a father, but his nephew Emilio was nearly 3 now and Mike had turned into an excellent dad. He remembered Mike telling him that having a child put everything into perspective, that it didn't matter that he could no longer afford season tickets for all his favourite sports teams, or the latest electronic gadget, because one smile from Emilio made it all ok.

Crap! His family! Although he had no doubt in his mind that his mum and dad would be thrilled about having another grandchild, he knew his parents would be disappointed with the way it had been conceived. They were strict Catholics and they'd always frowned upon him and Elisa living together before marriage, a baby conceived effectively through a one night stand was going to break their hearts. Groaning he realised they were going to want him to marry Lil, and he knew that marriage was something that neither of them wanted.

Oh well, he couldn't worry about that now. No, he had to focus on the fact he was going to be a father in 9 months time. Wait, hadn't Lil said she was 9 weeks pregnant? So that left, what, 7 months? 7 months until his life changed entirely.

He was suddenly struck with wonder that he had created a life, a person. Someone he was going to take care of, be responsible for, support for the rest of his life. Right then and there he realised what a blessing he had been given. He wasn't perfect, not by a long shot, but this kid deserved the best he had to offer and he was a damn sight better than those scumbags fathers he'd met whilst he was undercover and in Narcotics. He'd seen how not having a father in her life had affected Lilly, not that she'd ever admit it, and there was no way he would abandon his child like that.

Wait! Did Lilly want him involved with the kid's life? Did she even want it? She wouldn't have told him if she didn't want it, or if she didn't want him involved in its life, would she?

SHIT! Lilly! He looked at his watch and couldn't believe it was nearing midnight already. The last two hours or so had passed in a blur and horror began to flood his body as he realised he'd left Lilly without saying a word to her. Just walked away. The one thing he'd just vowed never to do and he had done it already! He'd abandoned his child and Lil too. Nearly two hours into being a father and he'd already failed. If he could kick his own ass right now he would have.

Suddenly, a conversation he'd had with Mike when his sister-in-law, Alegria, had been pregnant with Emilio popped into his head.

_Scotty heard screaming in the background and what sounded like the freezer door being opened and closed numerous times._

"_Ice cream, Scotty. Ice cream. If Elisa ever gets pregnant the most important thing you have to do is remember to always keep the freezer full of ice cream. Promise me. I forgot to do it and Alegria is now threatening to castrate me. Promise me, Scotty. You ever get anyone pregnant, make sure they have ice cream"_

It wasn't much, but it was all he could think of right now. He started walking back towards Lilly's determined to find an all night store that sold ice cream, and then throwing himself at her mercy, because there was one thing he was certain of.

Whether Lilly Rush liked it or not, Scotty Valens was going to be a father.

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><p><em>You didn't think I'd really have Scotty leave Lilly did you? ;-) Hope you enjoyed the read.<em>


	4. Chapter 4

_So my cold has turned into a nasty case of tonsillitis. :-( On the plus side, I've been ordered to rest by the doctor (and my boss!) which has given me more time to write and consequently another update for you! _

**_Disclaimer: _**_My white pus filled tonsils and throat I do own, Cold Case I do not. _

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><p>The sound of her front door slamming shut resonated into Lilly Rush's back yard as she sat in stunned silence, looking in the direction Scotty had just departed. Part of her could not believe that he had just walked out and left her, the other part hoped it was just a mistake and he'd come right back through the door. Maybe he'd just gone out to get more drinks?<p>

Snorting bitterly at the thought, she realised with a sinking heart that she really was on her own – she really had turned into her mother. Single, pregnant and alone. She'd tried to prepare herself for the fact that Scotty may not want to be involved in their baby's life, but if she was truly honest with herself, she'd never actually expected him to leave.

This was Scotty! The man who had been by Elisa's side the whole time she had been sick, the son who went home at least once a week for dinner with his parents, the guy who put up with her crap everyday and tried to help her out with her life, even if she didn't want him to. Hell, he was even part of the reason she had gotten together with Kite in the first place! He was a gentleman too. Sure he acted cocky, but he always held the door open for her, always insisted on driving when they were out in the field together, got her coffee when he got one for himself, made sure some take out was always left for her - made sure she ate it as well. At first it had driven her crazy, but then she realised that to him, doing this stuff was his way of caring, of making sure his partner was ok. He couldn't talk to her about the stuff he talked to Nick, Will and Boss about, but he could make sure she was looked after.

So that's why she was so surprised with what he had just done. Prior to tonight, if anyone had asked her for her definition of a decent man, she would have said Scotty. Sure, he'd had the slip up with the cocktail waitress after Elisa, but when she'd calmed down enough after their confrontation in PPD, she'd realised that he hadn't deliberately gone out to have an affair with one of the two people that had almost destroyed her life nearly a decade ago. It was just bad luck that his rebound after Elisa had been with that woman.

Eventually he'd learnt his lesson with the cocktail waitress. He'd picked himself up and started to come to terms with what Elisa had done and she'd forgiven him when he apologised, she truly felt he'd earnt it and she wasn't really upset by that point anyway. What a fool she felt now though.

Anger flooded though Lilly then as she'd remembered how Scotty had defended the cocktail waitress, said she was good at heart and had changed. That was before the evidence had been presented to him and he'd had to accept the truth. But her - his partner of nearly 2 years - he had just left without a backward glance. Left her with a child that he was partly responsible for! What was the saying? It takes two to tango.

She felt hurt and utterly betrayed that Scotty had supported some two bit ho, who was clearly a criminal, but her and his child he'd just walked away from. She wasn't in love with Scotty, but she had considered him a friend - a good friend - and his betrayal hurt, more than his affair with that woman. That night after George she'd let him in, let him see her at her lowest, something she had never done before. When he'd pulled up outside her house that night all she could see was the darkness lurking behind the windows and a wave of fear had crashed down on her so heavy she thought she might drown. Logically she knew George was dead, she had pulled the trigger after all, but her heart still thought he might be hiding in the darkness somewhere. She'd been relieved when Scotty had suggested a drink, not only because it would save her from having to go into the darkness for a while, but because for one night she could just drink her fears into oblivion, safe in the knowledge that her partner had her back. She'd trusted Scotty to take care of her, and in their own bizarre way, he had taken care of her because as much as she hated to admit it, that night she had needed him. The alcohol hadn't helped numb her pain, but the way he'd kissed her and touched her, she'd been able to forget everything, if only for those few hours with Scotty. She thought he felt the same after their conversation the morning after - he'd certainly said all the right words to make her believe he had needed her too. Doubt flooded her body then. She was supposed to be one of Philly's best detectives, was she really that stupid that she couldn't see she had only been another notch on his bed post?

That was the other thing that confused her. The way he talked about his family it was as if they meant everything to him, so how could he walk away from his own flesh and blood? Admittedly this baby was anything but planned, but still, it was his blood, his family, and by the way he talked about his family, they was the most important thing in his life.

Suddenly all the anger, the hurt, the betrayal - everything - drained away and she just felt exhausted. As if the weight of the day's events had fallen down on her all at once and all she could think of was curling up in her bed and sleeping. Her eyes widened and a wave of nausea washed over her as she realised she would have to sleep in the bed where Scotty and she had...

No, she couldn't sleep in her bed tonight, not in the place where Scotty and she had expressed so many feelings, felt so many emotions, not after he'd abandoned her.

Glancing back into her house she saw the day bed by the French doors and realised that is where she would be sleeping tonight. It just looked so inviting right now with its cushy pillows, soft blankets – and no memories of Scotty. It was so close too.

Rising slowly, because she really did feel like her limbs had turned to lead, she moved into her house and collapsed onto the day bed. She felt something crease in her pocket as she lay down on her side and remembered the picture the radiographer had given her from the scan that morning - she'd put it into her pocket earlier in the evening in the hope that Scotty would want to see it. Chuckling darkly as she removed the picture from her pocket, she realised that was never going to happen now; it was just going to be her and the baby.

She lay there with the picture held between her fingers whilst her thumb caressed her bean shaped baby tenderly. She tried to think of a name to call the the foetus, as "baby" was starting to sound too real and "it" just felt too cold and impersonal for something growing inside of her.

Bean.

She liked that for a nickname, and well, it did look like a bean at the moment.

Olivia and Tripod must have sensed that something was wrong with their owner as they appeared from upstairs and joined Lilly on the daybed. Tripod took watch in front of Lilly's abdomen, as if sensing there was now something greater in the house to protect, leaving Olivia to snuggle with Lilly as she pulled the ginger cat to her chest and hugged her tight. Tears started to slide down Lilly's checks and into Olivia's fur as she starred at the picture in her hand. Realisation hit her then that Bean really was going to grow up without a father, without a family, that it really was going to be just the two of them. Was she going to be enough?

She must have fallen asleep at some point because the next thing she knew she was disturbed by a knocking on her front door. Frowning, she checked the clock and noted it was past 1am. Moving cautiously towards the door, her detective instincts kicked in and she glanced through the peephole. The sight that greeted her made her gasp and step away.

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><p><em>NB: Chapters 4 and 5 were originally one really long chapter so I decided to split them. Chapter 5 needs a little more editing but should be up soon.<em>

_Hope you enjoyed reading and let me know what you think._


	5. Chapter 5

_Thanks for the reviews. Here's the next instalment!_

**_Disclaimer: _**_Tonsillitis, laryngitis and sinusitis still mine: Cold Case still not mine. _

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><p>Lilly Rush could not believe what she was seeing. Scotty Valens was on her front door step. He was on her front door step with <em>groceries<em>? Why was he bringing her groceries?

She froze and cursed herself for gasping because if Scotty had come back and he had heard her gasp, well she was pretty sure he wouldn't leave until she'd let him in.

"Lil?"

Damn, he'd heard.

"Lil? I know you're there. I'm sorry about earlier, I know I hurt you but I just wanna talk and I'd rather not do it in front of your neighbours".

Scotty was sure Lilly was on the other side of the door, sure he'd heard her gasp, but he didn't blame her for not letting him in. If the situation had been reversed he wouldn't have either.

"Please let me in, Lil."

He would plead with her all night through her door if he had to, sleep on the doorstep if necessary. He was going to get her to listen to him one way or another, and if that had to be in front of her neighbours, then so be it. He'd let Lil and his child down once already and he wasn't about to do it again.

"Please Lil, I'm begging you."

Nothing.

"Please Lil. The ice cream is melting."

Lilly stood frozen to the spot. The hurt, the anger, the betrayal, all of it had come flooding back the moment she'd heard his voice. But at the same time, a small flicker of hope had ignited itself inside her stomach. Scotty had come back and that had to mean something, right?

Scotty breathed a sigh of relief as Lilly's door slowly creaked open and she gestured for him to come into her home. She was wearing her Ice Queen face, but he'd take that, take anything Lil had to throw at him as long as she'd let him be a part of his kid's life.

Walking towards her kitchen he sat down the groceries and started to unpack. He'd noticed earlier, as he'd put the beers away, that she had hardly any food in her fridge and he'd bet her cupboards were the same way. No wonder she was so skinny. Seeing as he was at the grocery store anyway getting the ice cream, he'd decided to pick up some food for her. He thought it was the least he could do after the way he had acted earlier. Plus, there was the whole knocking up thing too.

"Lil, you've gotta start eating more now that you're pregnant. No more take out either. This baby can't be raised on fast food, it needs nutrients, vitamins. Have you got your pre-natal vitamins yet?"

For the second time in less than 5 minutes Lilly wasn't quite sure she could believe what she was seeing and hearing. Scotty Valens was in her kitchen. He was in her kitchen unpacking groceries and lecturing her about her health after he had just walked out on her a little over 3 hours ago?

"...And I've got you some oatmeal and fruit juice for breakfast. You don't need to worry about lunch as I'll make that for us that from now on. I've got you some cooked chicken and some salad for dinner tomorrow. At the weekend we'll go shopping for some more food and I can show you how to make some basic recipes." Scotty carried on.

Lilly's anger returned full force, shattering the Ice Queen mask she had been wearing. "What the hell Scotty! You walked out of here earlier after I told you I was pregnant, pregnant with your child no less, and now you come marching back here telling me what I can and cannot eat! If you think that buying me some groceries is going to make it all ok after you abandoned me, us, then you are sorely mistaken."

Anger flashed inside Scotty. Couldn't she see he was trying, that he did care, that he wanted to be involved in all this? He held back though as he'd sworn to himself earlier that if Lilly let him in, he wasn't going to get angry and shout. He'd caused this problem and he was going to fix it as best he could. Given his track record with fixing things though he wasn't sure how it was going to turn out, and that scared him.

Scotty stopped what he was doing and leaned against the counter, grabbing the edge of her worktop in an effort to control his anger "I don't want to argue with you Lil. I know what I did earlier was wrong, that it must have hurt you so much to think that I had abandoned you and our baby, but God damn it Lil! This is huge! I just needed some space to figure things out. I know some groceries aren't going to make it all better, but it was the best thing I could think of in the middle of the night, when I'd found out only a few hours earlier that I was going to be a Dad! And I do Lil, I really do want to be involved in this kid's life, if you'll let me?"

Lilly was taken aback by Scotty's words. Her anger faded away as the hope inside her grew. Scotty had just said he wanted to be a father; he wasn't abandoning her or Bean. In fact, he was just trying to take care of her, of them, like he always had done in the past.

She didn't feel like she had any right to be angry at him for wanting space. Hell, she'd even been thinking of an abortion earlier on today! If it hadn't been for her doctor insisting that she have a dating scan then she'd never have seen Bean's flickering heart on the screen, or heard that wondrous sound emanating from the speakers on the monitor. She may have made a decision that would have cost her the one thing in her life that she never knew she'd wanted until today.

Looking into Scotty's eyes she saw they were full of regret and she realised just how sorry he was, and how determined he was to make it up to her. His facial expression was a strange mix of desperation and hope. She knew she should be giving him the full Ice Queen treatment, freezing him out, making him suffer for hurting her, but the hope inside her and the fact he came back made her want to try and forgive him. Her father had never been in her life and she didn't want to deny Scotty that opportunity, if he really wanted it.

"Are you sure?" she asked seriously. "Because I don't want my child to have a father that runs a mile as soon as things get tough, because Scotty, things are going to get tough. If you're going to walk away again every time you can't deal with something then maybe it's best you leave now."

Scotty's anger flared again but he held it in check. Yelling at Lilly now would probably get him frozen out of Lilly's, and therefore his kid's, life for good and that was the last thing he wanted. How could she not see that he was committed now? That he desperately wanted to be there for their baby?

"I'm sure Lil. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I'm not going to lie to you that a kid was the last thing on my mind right now, but now that it's here, I realise what a blessing it is. It's my blood and I want, no, I'm going, to be there every step of the way for the rest of it's life, ok? I can't promise you I won't freak out at times, but I will always be there for the baby, and you too" he replied earnestly.

Tears stung Lilly's eyes at his words. She wanted to believe Scotty, she really did, but after everything that had happened tonight...

"But how can I trust you?" she whispered.

Scotty's stomach dropped and he was at a loss for words. He knew it was his own fault, but her words had cut right into his heart

"Because you can Lil. If you never trust me with anything else again, trust me with this. Just let me show you, please Lil?".

Lilly pondered his words. This was the Scotty she had been expecting earlier. Studying him, she realised that he looked just so desperate and guilty and she regonised that look in his eye too from when they were in the interrogation room. Determined and serious. Just like when they knew they had the killer, and the killer would not be leaving that room until they had a confession. In that very moment she knew he would be there forever for their child, come hell or high water. Would it be so hard for her to take a leap of faith, give Scotty the chance he was so obviously despearte for, and hope that things would turn out ok?

She became aware then that she was still clutching the ultrasound picture from earlier and she extended her hand towards him, presenting him with the picture as a sort of peace offering.

"Here, it's a picture of Bean, of the baby, from the scan this morning"

Scotty looked confused as he took the picture from her proffered hand "Bean?"

"Yeah, see this bean shaped thing here? That's our baby. Bean just seemed an appropriate name" Lilly said shrugging, a gentle smile gracing her lips.

Scotty was taken aback. He was holding a picture, a picture of his child. Surreal didn't even begin to cover how he was feeling at that moment. He could see why she'd called the baby Bean. "It's so tiny, Lil! What'd the doctor say? Is everything ok with Bean? How have you been?" he asked rapidly and with concern.

Relief washed over Lilly as she watched Scotty with the picture. He was holding it was such care, such diligence, that she knew without a shadow of a doubt that he really did mean what he'd said earlier about being a father.

"The doctor said Bean's about an inch big at the moment and that everything appears normal. I've been lucky so far and not really had any symptoms, I didn't even suspect I was pregnant until the doctor asked the question. I've felt a bit more tired than usual and I've been off my coffee but that's about it" she stated. "I have another scan in 3 weeks if you'd like to come with me?" she added shyly, almost as an afterthought.

"' Course Lil! I told you I want to be involved and that means from now. Seriously Lil, you need anything, no matter how big or small it is, what time of the day it is, you call me. You want ice cream and pickles at 3am, then I'm your guy. I'm not letting anything happen to you or Bean. Speaking of which, have you told Boss yet?" he asked seriously.

Fear filled Lilly at the prospect of having to tell Boss about Bean. Lieutenant Stillman had always been a father figure to her, was probably the closest thing she had to a father, and she knew he'd be disappointed in her, them, for what they'd done. Not to mention the paperwork he would have to complete and the IAB investigation that would no doubt follow. There would be rumours too once the news of her pregnancy broke and the baby's father was revealed.

"No, I only found out today, well yesterday, and I hadn't even thought about it yet." Lilly began dejectedly "But I don't want to tell anyone else until after the next scan. The doctor said this morning that not all birth defects are formed until about 11 weeks and the risk of miscarriage..."

Scotty looked up in horror "Wait! Birth defects? Miscarriage? I thought you said the scan was ok?"

Lilly sighed. "It was, but the risk of miscarriage is always highest in the first 12 weeks, and seeing as I'm classed as an older mother, that risk is further increased. At the moment I have about a one in 15 chance of miscarrying. Once I get to 12 weeks the risk drops to about 1 in 100. Although the scan is healthy now, they can't check for all the major defects until 12 weeks. It's just one of those things that no one has any control over"

Scotty felt physically sick. He'd just gotten used to the thought of being a parent, was starting to look forward to the future again, and now it might be taken away from him. Lilly was 9 weeks pregnant so that meant she only had 3 weeks to go and he decided there and then that he would do everything he could to keep Lil and Bean out of harm's way.

"I don't want you working in the field Lil. I know you can look after yourself and that the rules say that pregnant cops can work in the field until they feel they are no longer able to do so, but please Lil, I'd worry so much with you and Bean out there. I just don't want anything to happen, and you have to admit, being in the office is safer than on the street. We arrest murderers everyday and you know what they're capable of" he pleaded with her.

Lilly thought about what she could do. She wanted to protect Bean, she really did, but if they told Boss now and something happened, well, both Scotty and she would get in a whole lot of trouble for nothing. If she just waited a few more weeks, then the chances of something good coming out of all the shit that would no doubt follow their announcement would be greatly increased.

"How about a compromise? If we get a situation where we know that something could go wrong, like a hostage negotiation, then I'll tell Boss I'm pregnant and refuse to take part. However, if it's just run of the mill crime scene investigation and witness interviews, I'll go. After the next scan, provided everything is ok, I'll ask to be put on desk duty and say I don't feel comfortable being out in the field. I just don't want to go through all the crap you know we're going to get without a there being a solid guarantee that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Well, a more solid guarantee at least."

Scotty pondered her proposal. She did have a point about the crap they were going to get. If IAB found out about Lil, and she ended up losing the baby, then he'd have possibly lost his job, his kid and probably Lilly as well. If she did what she said, he could make sure he was partnered with her as much as possible. Then if anything went wrong and she got hurt, he'd have no one to blame but himself.

"Ok Lil, but I'm warning you. We're going to be partnered together as much as possible and if anyone tries to hurt you, it's going to be shoot first, ask questions later".

Lilly didn't like the idea of Scotty killing someone on her behalf, not after she herself had killed someone so recently, but she realised it was probably the best they could make out of the situation for now. It also gave her time to get used to the idea of desk duty, although strangely the thought of 6 months behind a desk didn't bother her now. She was the first female homicide detective in Philly and she knew she should be leading the way for women's rights, working on the line until she dropped, but it seemed her priorities had changed and her maternal instinct had kicked in since this morning and now she just wanted to do what was best for Bean. And if that meant 6 months behind a desk, so be it.

"You've got yourself a deal, Valens" she replied with a weak smile.

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><p><em>So, I'm not quite sure how this turned out. I'm the least confrontational person ever so having to write them arguing was hard. Hope you enjoyed it!<em>


	6. Chapter 6

_Ok, so after all the angst, I just wanted a nice, sweet chapter and I hope this accomplishes that!_

_Thanks again for all your reviews._

**_Disclaimer: _**_The copious amounts of drugs for my throat infection I owe, Cold Case I still do not. _

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><p>The last few weeks had passed in a blur for both Lilly and Scotty. Now Lilly lay on the bed in her OBGYN's office waiting for her next scan to begin and she was trying her very best not to yell at her partner, who was currently pacing back and forth in front of her. One look at his face and a monkey could tell he was anxious, but his pacing was making her feel nauseous and she'd only just gotten over a week of morning sickness.<p>

It appeared that Bean had decided she was going to have all her "morning"- more like 24 hour - sickness in one bout and she had spent most of last week either in bed asleep or being sick in her toilet. True to his word, Scotty had been there every day before and after work to makesure she had enough ginger ale, ginger nuts and crackers to hand that were supposed to help with the sickness (they hadn't). Her pregnancy hormones had also kicked in that week and he had since weathered several rounds of her mood swings - from angry insults to crying bouts and everything inbetween - without batting an eyelid.

"Scotty, please" Lilly groaned, closing her eyes "If you keep going like that I'm going to be sick".

Scotty Valens froze immediately at the sound of Lilly's voice and returned to the seat next to her, letting out a deep breath as he sat down. Tense was not an adequate enough word to describe how he was feeling right now, not by a long shot. He was just minutes away from knowing whether Bean was ok or not and he was desperate to get rid of the nervous energy that was currently coursing through his bloodstream, but he didn't think he could take another bout of Lilly's hormones, especially not the way he was feeling right now. Not for the first time today he wished the doctor would hurry up.

It had been just over 3 weeks since Lilly had told him she was pregnant and she had made it through to the key date without any symptoms of a miscarriage. They'd been lucky on the work front too, not only both getting today off, but being partnered together on a majority of the tasks Stillman had asked them to complete. Thankfully those tasks had mainly being paper trails to investigate or interrogations in The Box, and as if by some miracle, their colleagues, Nick Vera and Will Jefferies, had been stuck with the task of apprehending the suspects. Therefore Lilly had been kept out of harms way as much as possible. He hadn't been happy about her doing the interrogations in The Box, but after a heated discussion on the way to get coffee for everyone, he could tell he was fighting a losing battle. The way Lilly saw it she was in the office so she was safe. He'd been the other side of that two way mirror on every occasion Lil had been in there though, just in case something had happened.

Turning around at the sound of the door knob being turned, Scotty was relieved to see Lilly's doctor had finally arrived.

"Lilly Rush? Hi, I'm Dr Jenson and I'll be conducting your scan today". Dr Jenson was tall, about 50 years old, african-american and had a graying hair. He had a wiseness in his eyes and a kindness about his face that put Lilly completely at ease immediately.

"Hi , this is Scotty Valens he's..." Lilly paused panicking about how she would describe her and Scotty's relationship - the guy I slept with after shooting Philadelphia's most notorious serial killer to reassure myself that I was nothing like the man I had just killed, didn't seem appropriate somehow- "the father".

Scotty attempted a smile and raised a hand to the doctor in a funny wave manoeuvre as Dr Jenson settled himself at the monitor and nodded to Scotty with a kind smile on his face.

After asking a few more questions about how she had been feeling, taking a blood sample, and her blood pressure, Dr Jenson started the scan.

Lilly starred at the screen anxiously as Dr Jenson moved the wand around her abdomen, looking, measuring, and taking notes as he went. Bean had grown since she had last seen it and she could now make out what looked like its tummy, head and stubby arms and legs. Bean even appeared to be moving around! She relaxed slightly when she saw the flickering organ that she knew was Bean's heart as that meant Bean was still alive.

She felt Scotty's hand pick hers up and squeeze it gently seconds after the scan began and she couldn't help but sneak a quick glance over at him. Scotty expression was one of complete and utter awe as he saw Bean on the screen for the first time and she couldn't help the gentle smile that graced her lips. She imagined her expression must have been something similar just 3 short weeks ago.

After about 5 minutes Dr Jenson looked up at the expectant parents with a smile on his face.

"Congratulations, your baby looks perfectly healthy. I agree with the due date given in your dating scan as the measurements indicate your baby is due on 12th February, so there's a possibility that you might be having a Valentine's Day baby. "

Lilly breathed a sigh of relief and looked over at Scotty. She was disconcerted to see that he still looked worried.

"Are you sure Doc? Have you checked the nuchal translucency and the nasal bone for signs of Down's syndrome? What about the spine and organs? Have they formed ok?" Scotty asked the doctor anxiously.

Lilly was shocked. She'd known Scotty had been doing research on pregnancy, but hadn't known he'd gone this in depth.

Dr Jenson gave both of them a reassuring smile and began pointing to the monitor pointing out all the areas that Scotty was concerned about.

"See this here? This is the nuchal fold and the measurement is perfectly acceptable. I would say the foetus has a very low risk of having Downs' Syndrome or a chromosome disorder. I'll be able to provide further confirmation tomorrow once Lilly's blood results are back, but I'm confident that everything is fine on that front.

This here is the spine leading up to the head, where you can clearly see the nasal bone. Organs have formed and appear normal at this stage. The amniotic sack and placenta look good. I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Everything looks totally healthy" Dr Jenson continued. "Just need to check the heartbeat but I suspect that will be fine. "

At that, Dr Jenson turned on the speakers and the sound of Bean's heartbeat filled the room. Lilly felt joy course through her at the sound of her child's heartbeat and was again hypnotised by the sound. Looking over at Scotty she could see that the worry had disappeared from his face and a huge smile had taken its place. He even had tears in his eyes.

Scotty couldn't believe what he was seeing and hearing. This little bean shaped thing on the screen looked like a baby, a real baby! And it was his and Lil's! The sound too, it was the most amazing thing he had ever heard. He was feeling so many emotions all at once – relief, happiness, love, pride, protectiveness – that before he could think about what he was doing he raised Lilly's hand up to his lips and kissed it, he hadn't even realised he'd been holding it before now.

Scotty was vaguely aware that Dr Jenson's was speaking to them "Heartbeat sounds perfect. Have you brought a DVD as I can make a recording if you'd like? I take it you'd also like pictures?"

Lilly was still recovering from Scotty's kiss when she heard Dr Jenson. Nodding she reached for her bag. "Yes, I've got a DVD if you wouldn't mind recording it". Glancing at Scotty she realised that he was still transfixed by the sounds and image coming from the monitor, that she couldn't bring herself to disturb him to ask if he wanted pictures "And pictures for the both of us would be great".

Twenty minutes later both Scotty and Lilly sat in Scotty's car – he had insisted on picking her up today- still recovering from the emotional rollercoaster they had just experienced. Scotty had looked completely dazed on the walk back to the car, although the smile had never left his face, and he had grabbed her hand instinctively as they strolled back. She herself had been so overcome by the emotions the scan had induced that holding his hand had seemed natural, as if they needed to keep each other tethered to the ground.

Scotty looked across at her with a puzzled expression on his face "Did the doctor just say we were having a Valentine's Day baby?"

Lilly nodded. "Bean is due on 12th February so it's a possibility, why?"

"Just thinking that it's ironic that Bean could be born on supposedly the most romantic day of the year given the circumstances it was conceived under". He turned his head to Lilly "Not that that night wasn't amazing Lil" he reassured "it's just, well, it was more carnal lust that romantic love making" he finished with a reminiscent look on his face.

As Lilly's mind flashed back to that night she realised just how true Scotty's statement was. "Maybe if Bean is born on Valentine's Day it will have more luck than us in the romance department. Kinda like a reverse karma thing" she replied half-jokingly.

She was more concerned about what lay ahead of them. Reality was now starting to sink in that she and Scotty were going to have to face the music over the night they had shared together and she was going to have to start telling people she was pregnant. She'd kind of liked having this secret to herself, well her and Scotty, over the last three weeks. "Ready to go tell Boss?" she asked hesitantly, rolling her head in the headrest towards Scotty.

Scotty's elation over the scan disappeared immediately at the thought of having to explain to his boss how he had gotten Lilly pregnant. John Stillman had always been protective over Lilly and he wouldn't be surprised if he left Boss' office with a black eye after their meeting today.

"Yeah, better sooner than later, right?" he replied with resignation as he put the key in the ignition and gunned the engine.

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><p><em>This story is set after the events of The Woods which was first broadcast in the USA on 22nd May 2005 according to various websites. Using that as the conception date, 40 weeks from 22nd May is 12th February, so Lilly and Scotty could be having a Valentines Day baby... <em>


	7. Chapter 7

_Once again thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed the story so far. _

_This chapter has been driving me crazy and I've edited it extensively, but I'm still not completely happy with it. I'm going to post it though so the story can move on. Hope you enjoy it!_

**_Disclaimer: _**_Too tired to attempt to think of something witty today, so put simply, I don't own Cold Case._

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><p>It was just past midday when Scotty Valens pulled his car into PPD car park and he could tell that Lilly was nervous. Hell, he was nervous too! Part of him was relieved though.<p>

Scotty Valens was the typical latin male - passionate, fiery tempered and hot headed. So trying to keep Bean a secret from everyone, whilst trying to protect Lilly and Bean, had been tiring and he felt drained. It wasn't the actual protecting that was the problem, it was the looking out for Lil without her knowing or suspecting it part, that was the problem. He couldn't help but worry about her and Bean constantly and when she had suffered her week of "morning" sickness last month he had worried himself so much that he himself had been sick, not that Lilly would ever know that. Sure, he knew that Lilly Rush could take care of herself, he'd witnessed it many times, but the caveman inside of him wanted to lock Lilly away for the next 6 months so that nothing would harm her or Bean. He knew it was chauvinistic, and he knew that Lilly would more than likely cause him extreme physical pain if she ever found out, but he couldn't help it. At least with Boss knowing she was pregnant there would be someone else looking after her, because he knew that Stillman would do just that.

Taking a deep breath he turned towards Lilly

"Ready?" he questioned.

Lilly's nerves had been building the closer and closer they had driven to PPD and she was a nervous wreck. She knew she should tell Boss, knew it was the logical thing, but part of her just wanted to run away and hide. Sighing, she realised that this was one thing she well and truly could not run away and hide from.

"Sure" she replied in a wavering voice as tears sprung to her eyes. Damn hormones! Why did they have to make an appearance now? She was Lilly Rush, Philadelphia's first female homicide detective for goodness sake! She was strong, tough, focused, protector of all things good - the Ice Queen - so why did her hormones have to kick in now when she was about to have one of the most important conversations of her entire career, hell, her entire life?

Seeing the tears form in Lilly's eyes Scotty gently cupped her cheek and brushed them away with his thumb.

"Sssssh Lil, it's ok. You and I, we're in this together. Whatever happens, I'm going to be here for you and Bean, ok? I don't care if I have to go work some shitty rent-a-cop job or set up my own PI business, all I want is for you to be happy and for Bean to be safe and healthy ok?"

If Scotty's words were supposed to make her stop crying, they only made her want to cry more and a choked sob escaped her throat. Turned out pregnancy hormones and 36 years of bottled up emotions had made her an emotional wreck whenever she got worked up about something. Luckily she had managed to keep her mini breakdowns outside of work so far, although Scotty was well versed in them following her "morning" sickness week and he sat there quietly wiping the tears from her face, and giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze every now and then.

After about 5 minutes she had finally calmed down and they headed inside PPD. As they reached Homicide she sent a silent pray out to whoever was listening that Vera and Jefferies were out of the office, apparently getting lunch, but Boss was there, sat behind his desk engrossed in paperwork.

Taking a deep breath, Scotty took the lead and knocked on the door of their Lieutenant's office.

"Hey Boss, you got a sec? We kinda need a word with you?"

John Stillman peered over the top of his glasses and was surprised to see two of his best detective stood in the doorway of his office.

"Scotty, Lilly – what are you doing here? I thought I given you both the day off?" he greeted them warmly, looking up from him paperwork.

Walking into the office and closing the door behind them, Lilly perched on the seat in front of John whilst Scotty stood behind her with his hands resting on the back of her chair. John noticed that Lilly's eyes were red and puffy, as if she had been crying, and was immediately worried.

"Lilly?" He asked with concern.

Lilly took a deep breath to calm her nerves. She felt like a naughty school girl about to be told off by the headmaster and she wasn't quite sure how she was going to get through the next few minutes. She couldn't bring herself to look Boss in the face as she broke the news so stared at the penholder on his desk instead.

"I've got some news" she began in a quiet voice. "I'm pregnant".

John Stillman was speechless. Of all the things that he was expecting Lilly Rush to say, being pregnant was definitely not one of them. As far as he was aware she wasn't seeing anyone and the amount of time she had been working since the George Marks case, well, he was surprised she'd had time to see someone.

"So I'm guessing that week off last week wasn't a stomach bug?" John queried in an even voice.

"No, it was a severe bout of morning sickness" she whispered.

After a few moments of shocked silence he remembered that Scotty was also in the room and a feeling of foreboding came over him. Suddenly things were starting to click into place – Scotty bringing lunch for Lilly everyday, not letting her eat any take out, being in the observation room everytime she was in Interrogation with someone, the way he had been hovering over Lilly like he was now...

"Why are you here Scotty?" he asked in that quiet deadly tone that Scotty had always feared.

Scotty gulped. "Because there's something I need to tell you as well. Lilly's baby, it's mine too".

You could have heard a pin drop in Stillman's office at that moment. Scotty had suspected that John Stillman would be angry, but judging by the expression on his face, he had gone into father mode and he looked livid.

John glared at Scotty as he asked his next question "How long has this been going on?" Same quiet deadly tone.

Lilly spoke up then and finally garnered the courage to look at her Lieutenant "Just once. After George. We got drunk, we..." she had to look away as she couldn't bring herself to say anymore, wasn't sure she could explain even if he wanted her to.

Scotty couldn't let Lilly take all the blame "It's my fault Boss. I suggested we go to a bar on the way home and then afterwards we just..." Scotty couldn't go on any further once he saw the look on his boss' face.

John looked at Lilly and saw her flushed cheeks and the shame that flashed across her face. Scotty wasn't fairing much better and looked deeply guilty, but he was meeting his glare head on with resignation and acceptance, as if Scotty was letting him know that he knew he would be beating the crap out of him, but he was ok with that because he thought he deserved it. John then observed how Scotty's hand had come to rest on Lilly's shoulder and was squeezing it gently in a gesture of reassurance. A gentle, caring look had appeared on Scotty's face along with a protective glint in his eyes as soon as he realised that Lilly was becoming upset.

He'd obviously failed both Scotty and Lilly that night if he hadn't seen how truly devastated they had been after the events with George and he cursed himself. The anger immediately bled out of John's body and he felt guilty that he had made them feel guilty and ashamed for taking solace in each other for one night. What kind of Lieutenant was he if he couldn't detect how distressed his detectives were? It was obvious from both Lilly's and Scotty's expression after the events of that night that they had been lost and had needed help, comfort and goodness knows what else. Suddenly John was grateful that they had found each other and that Lilly's baby would have a father in its life, because if knew Scotty, and he liked to think he did, Scotty wouldn't let any harm come to Lilly or their baby until his last breath left his body.

Scotty obviously cared about Lilly and he knew that he would make a great father. He could also tell that this was causing Lilly great distress and he sought to reassure her.

Sighing, he took off his glasses and ran his hand down his face, leaning back in his chair.

"As your commanding officer, I can't say that I'm not disappointed in you" he began in a soft, firm voice "You know I can't keep this out of IAB's hands" he said seriously glancing at both of them. "You're going to have to report yourself and I'm not sure what the procedure is in situations like this".

He knew that IAB wouldn't have a problem if Scotty and Lilly were in a proper relationship as that was not unheard of, but he didn't know what their reaction would be to two colleagues effectively having a one night stand as a result of one of the detectives killing a serial killer, after said detective had been held hostage for an extended period of time. He hadn't heard much on those stairs, but he'd heard enough to know that despite appearances, George Marks had shattered Lilly's emotional barriers that night and he still considered it one of his greatest failures that he didn't get there first to shoot the bastard and save Lilly the heartache that was most definitely inflicted upon her that night. It didn't exactly put a positive light on Lilly or Scotty's mental health that they had fallen into each other arms and he feared what the repurcussions would be, especially as there was always a possibility that they would need to shoot and kill in their line of work.

"I haven't noticed any changes in your behaviour" and that surprised him as he really hadn't apart from Scotty being a little more overprotective "so I don't have an issue with you working together, but Lilly I'm going to need a note from your doctor to confirm that you are ok to work in the field".

Lilly looked up then and was surprised to see the anger from earlier had disappeared and instead had been replaced by what looked like fatherly concern.

"Ummm, that's the thing Boss. I...I...I don't want to work in the field anymore. I've just had my 3 month scan and Bean is healthy and normal and I want to keep it that way" she stated in a hurried manner.

For the second time since Lilly and Scotty had entered his office this afternoon, he was stunned into shocked silence. Never in a million years would he have thought that Lilly Rush would request desk duty and he had to take a moment to recover.

"Ok Lilly. I'm going to have to speak to HR but I think we should be able to accommodate your request." Secretly he was relieved. He'd always thought of Lilly as a second daughter and the thought of her out there where she and her child could get hurt filled him with dread, at least in the office he could keep an eye on her. He'd also made a note to himself to see about getting another detective, with Lilly on desk duty they could certainly do with an extra pair of hands.

"What did you want to do about telling the others?" John queried.

"We'll tell them, but I'd like to wait awhile Boss if that's ok?" Lilly replied.

Stillman nodded his consent. "I think the paperwork can wait until tomorrow" John stated wearily. He certainly did not need the extra paperwork today.

Lilly and Scotty started to get up to leave, but were stopped by the sound of their Lieutenant's voice.

"On a personal note, however, I want you to know I'm happy for you - both of you" he said with a smile dancing on his lips, directing the second part of his sentence specifically towards Scotty. He'd always felt that Lilly would make a great mother and was happy that she was finally getting her chance.

"You said you had a scan today? I'd love to see a picture?" he asked hopefully.

Lilly felt relief flood her body at Boss's statement and a joyous smile lit up her face. Maybe things weren't going to be so bad after all.

"We've got a DVD and some pictures from this morning" Lilly replied excitedly walking toward Boss whilst searching her bag for the aforementioned items.

Minutes later the DVD was playing on Stillman's computer and he was looking at the picture with a proud look on his face.

"Say hello to Bean, Boss" Scotty stated with pride as he started to point out Bean's various features. "See, this is its arms, legs and face. This long line is its spine and this is its tummy." Scotty explained.

"Bean?" Stillman queried looking between his two detectives with raised eyebrows.

Lilly clarified the nickname further. "The first scan I had 3 weeks ago showed this tiny bean shaped thing and I wanted a nickname for it. Bean just popped into my head and its stuck. I kinda like it".

"So I guess this makes Bean the newest member of the cold case team then?" Stillman queried with a chuckle, handing the pictures and DVD back to Lilly. "You've both got the day off, now go! Celebrate! Take it from someone who knows, this doesn't happen everyday. Make the most of each day as it will be over before you know it." he said with sincerity.

Both Lilly and Scotty smiled and nodded as they began to exit Stillman's office. Lilly was slightly ahead of her partner so she didn't notice Stillman grab Scotty by the elbow and pull him gently to a standstill. Scotty had been expecting this and gulped as he looked at his Boss.

"Look Scotty, I care about Lilly, probably more than a superior should, and I'm warning you, you hurt her and it will be the last thing you do, got it?" Stillman said in a low slightly menacing voice. "She hasn't got a father in her life so consider this some fatherly advice".

"Got it Boss" Scotty nodded and jogged after Lil to catch up with her as she exited Homicide.

Xxx

A short while later Lilly and Scotty sat in a local diner having lunch.

Scotty had not told Lilly about the warning Stillman had given him and he didn't plan to. Lilly just looked so happy and relieved when she'd left PPD he didn't want to do anything to destroy that.

"So what have you got planned for the rest of the afternoon?" he asked Lilly.

"I was going to go clothes shopping. My clothes are getting a bit tight now and I think I'm going to be in maternity clothes sooner rather than later" she replied wistfully. "How about you?"

"I'm having dinner with my parents this evening, you know, to tell them about the baby". Scotty replied conversationally "but that's not until 6pm, so if you want, I can come shopping with you? Carry all those heavy shopping bags for you" he teased.

Normally Lilly Rush would have declined such an offer, but with the stress of the scan, telling Boss their news and the sun blazing down on them, she really was starting to feel tired and headachy. Normally she would have gone home and slept, but she really needed some new clothes. The idea of having someone to carry her shopping for her really did sound appealing and she was enjoying spending time with Scotty outside of work. It was nice to have some company for once.

"Seriously? Would you mind?" she asked ackwardly.

Scotty knew how independent his partner was and that if she was asking for his help she must have been feeling a bit rough. That worried him but he didn't want to make a fuss. If he was with her, he could keep an eye on her.

"Sure Lil, no problem. My biceps are at your disposal" he replied with a smirk. The thought of spending the rest of the day with Lilly Rush, even if it was shopping, filled him with warmth and he started to look forward to the rest of the day.

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><p><em>Ok, so I don't work for the Police and I don't know anyone who does, but I did some research on the internet and it appears that cops dating cops is quite commonplace and not against the rules like I thought. I'm guessing the same rules apply for dectectives, but if not, could you let me know as it will affect the story later on? Thanks!<em>


	8. Chapter 8

_So this is a bit of pointless filler chapter to move things along but I hope you enjoy it. _

**_Disclaimer: _**_Still don't own it, but then it's only 4 months until Christmas..._

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><p>"Scotty, why don't I have a bump yet?" Lilly called to her partner who was currently in her kitchen getting the lasagne out of her oven.<p>

True to his word, Scotty had been coming over on their days off and teaching her how to cook. She'd discovered that he was in fact a very talented chef and a good teacher; he was like a completely different person when he cooked and his patience with her had been amazing. The first time he'd come over he tried to show her how to make an omelette, which had ended up with her burning the egg mixture to the pan. Scotty hadn't lost his temper though, simply washed up the pan and went through it with her again, explaining that she needed to fold it just slightly earlier. The second omelette had been great and she was now a fairly accomplished omelette maker.

"You've got a slight bump Lil, see here?"

Coming in from the kitchen he handed her the plate of lasagne, sat down beside her and gently pulled her maternity top tight to reveal her slightly distended abdomen.

"I just look fat" she grumbled. Initially she had been enjoying the "fat" stage of her pregnancy but now she was 16 weeks along and she _really _wanted the bump stage to begin, which surprised her. She was even getting bump envy when she saw another pregnant woman in the street.

She'd discovered that one of the advantages of working with guys was that if they'd noticed she'd been putting on weight, they never said anything. So, although she'd been wearing her maternity clothes to work and getting a few curious looks, no one had asked her whether she was pregnant. Stillman had also been very subtle in the way he had approached her desk duty too. There had been no big announcement, but him purely allocating her the internal work to do, and making sure the boxes were always taken to her desk by either himself or one of her colleagues. He'd caught her lifting a box once and the glare she had received promptly made her put it down and she'd never tried it again. The fact she was still allowed to do interrogations probably made Will and Nick less suspicious of her condition too.

Part of her wished now that they'd asked Boss to make an announcement or that one of the guys would just _ask_ her why she looked like she had put on weight or why she was going out of the office, as she still hadn't figured out how she was going to break the news to Will and Nick. The other part of her was glad as it meant she didn't have to deal with the rumours, because miraculously, the news of her pregnancy still hadn't broke and IAB hadn't launched an investigation yet. Rumour was they had their hands full investigating a human trafficking ring that they thought some detectives in East were involved in.

"Nah Lil, you look great" Scotty reassured as he flipped on the DVD they had rented. It had become their routine now to hang out after Lilly's cooking lesson and he was starting to unearth the real Lilly Rush, and he had to admit, she was pretty amazing underneath all the bravado.

Lilly just sighed and started eating her lasagne whilst watching the film, which gave Scotty the perfect opportunity to study her. She was definitely thicker around the middle but if you didn't know Lil was pregnant, you'd never suspect it. The little extra weight she'd put on made a look at lot healthier though in his opinion.

Settled back on her couch they watched the film together, making comments here and there. However, Lilly could tell that Scotty was nervous about something. From the moment he'd turned at this morning he'd been acting jittery and on edge and the closer they were coming to the end of the movie, the more and more nervous he was becoming.

"Spill it, Valens" she demanded in her best detective voice as Scotty was switching off the DVD and TV.

Scotty turned towards Lilly, then turned and started pacing across her living room. Lilly started to feel nervous as she'd learnt over these last few weeks that Scotty only paced when he was uptight over something.

"Um Lil. You know I told my parents about the baby a few weeks ago? Well, they want to meet you." There he'd said it.

"What?" Lilly was puzzled. She'd known he'd broken the news of Bean existence to his parents the day of the scan, but she had gotten the distinct impression the next day at work that things hadn't gone well. For the remainder of the week his parents had been calling him several times a day and Scotty had been having heated discussions with them in Spanish. Her knowledge of the Spanish language was limited to say the least, but even she could tell the conversations had been about her and the tone hadn't exactly appeared welcoming and friendly.

"They want to meet the mother of their future grandchild". When he'd first broke the news of Lilly's pregnancy his parents had been thrilled at the prospect of a new grandchild. However, once it transpired that the baby was as a result of a "brief relationship" with a work colleague (he thought that sounded better than a one night stand) and that they weren't getting married, all hell had broken loose.

It was now 4 weeks later and his parents had only just calmed down enough to talk to him rationally about the situation. His parents had demanded to meet the woman who would be bringing the next Valens into the family, and well, he could hardly deny them that. Now he just had to get Lilly to agree.

Lilly was shocked. The Valens' wanted to meet her? She didn't know if that was a good idea after the conversations she had witnessed between Scotty and his parents.

"I...I don't know if that's such a good idea Scotty". Truth is, she'd only done the whole "meet the parents" thing once and it hadn't gone well. That had been when she was engaged to Patrick and his parents had never warmed to her. It seemed they'd known their womanising son could never be tamed and they hadn't seem bothered with getting to know Lilly, as was if they'd known it wouldn't last. In hindsight she probably should have paid attention more attention to them.

Scotty sighed, he knew this would be hard work. "Please Lil. My parents, they really want to meet the mother of their grandchild and I at least owe them that. I've messed up so much recently that I need to show them that this isn't a mistake and that I can do this."

Lilly heard the pain in his voice and she realised then just how disappointed his parents must be by the situation. She knew Scotty had been raised Catholic, had been a choir boy and gone to Catholic school, so she surmised his parents must be fairly devout. A child out of wedlock was probably considered a sin to them and she supposed she should be grateful they even wanted to know their grandchild, as she figured Bean must be bringing a degree of shame on their family. Not having a mother that cared about her was finally paying off for once she thought ruefully.

But then realistically, what did she expect? For her to bring a child into their family and to never actually meet his family? She realised that at some point she was going to have to meet them, and it was probably better now whilst she was still pregnant and not at the hospital after having given birth and in a completely exhausted state.

Plus, she was finding it increasingly difficult to look at the pained expression on his face. She may not have a bump yet, but Scotty's genes inside Bean were obviously making their presence felt at that moment.

"Ok" she agreed reluctantly.

Scotty started in surprise. "Really, Lil?" He'd expected it to be much harder than that.

"Yes, really. I'll have to meet them at some point, right?" Lilly replied with a forced smile. She was just glad to have that pained expression gone from his face.

"Ok then. How about in 2 weeks?" that would give him time to try and persuade his parents to meet them at a restaurant. At least in public things wouldn't get too heated, or at least that's what he hoped.

"Sure. Just let me know where and when" Lilly replied, trying to sound positive. She just hoped she grew a bump by then, because from what she'd _heard_ of Scotty's family, seeing their grandchild might be the only thing that would keep them civil towards her.

Maybe she would have a second helping of lasagne after all.


	9. Chapter 9

_I've got a manic week at work coming up so I'm posting this now otherwise I'm not going to get a chance until the weekend._

_This scene just popped into my head and I had to write it... hope you enjoy it!_

**_Disclaimer: _**_I own a now slighly less infected throat and I still don't own Cold Case._

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><p>Lilly Rush was sat at her desk trying to identify a Jane Doe who had washed up on the banks of the Schuylkill this morning. The girl's remains were approximately 40 years old and she was estimated to have been 4 years old when she'd died. She'd also appeared to have been abused as her arm had been broken as if someone had twisted it.<p>

That last part really got to Lilly. She could never imagine hurting Bean, from the moment she'd seen Bean on the monitor at her first scan she had wanted to do everything she could to protect her child, hell, she was even happy to be on desk duty if it meant keeping Bean safe. Working child abuse cases had always been hard in the past, but now she was pregnant and she had her own connection with a child, it was proving to be extremely difficult. She sighed and turned the page on the medical reports she was going through hoping to shed some light on who their victim might be, whilst rubbing her bump lovingly.

She had finally "popped" last week and she would never forget the look on Nick Vera's face as she'd proudly walked into Homicide with a small, but definitive, baby bump evident underneath her maternity clothes. He'd stood up, pointed at her stomach, dropped his donut and kept exclaiming "you're pregnant ... you ... you're...you're pregnant!".

Will had looked up at her then with a surprised look on his face and asked how far along she was. When she'd replied, she was sure she saw a flicker of recognition as if he'd worked out the night Bean had been conceived, but had done nothing more then give her a bear hug and congratulated her. He'd also asked if the father was around and she'd had to stop herself laughing at that, around he definitely was! She nodded and he'd smiled a genuinely happy smile for her.

Rumours had circulated quickly then that Ice Queen Rush was pregnant, although Scotty and she had still managed to keep the father a secret, they'd figured one rumour at a time was enough. IAB were still tied up with the human trafficking thing in East, much to her relief, so no formal investigation into her and Scotty's relationship had begun yet either.

Lilly concentrated on her files for another 45 minutes until she was disturbed by Scotty and Nick returning from their job of distributing flyers at City Hall.

"Hey guys, you want coffee?" Nick asked as he entered Homicide.

"Usual please" Will replied.

"Fruit smoothie for me" Lilly replied. She'd had the biggest craving for them recently.

"Sure, cappuccino with cinnamon for me. But it's my turn to pay" Scotty said as he tossed his wallet towards Nick.

Nick fumbled with Scotty's wallet and it fell to the floor. Bending down to pick up the discarded receipts that had fallen out, Nick noticed what appeared to be a black and white photo. Squinting he recognised it as a pregnancy scan picture, not dissimilar to the one Lilly had shown him last week when news of her pregnancy had broke.

Was Scotty about to be a daddy? Had he knocked some woman up and not told them about it? Nick thought with a hint of glee. Taking a closer look, he took in the name on the scan.

No, it couldn't be, could it? He read the name again and realised his eyes were not mistaken.

"You...and...You!" he exclaimed, standing up and pointing to both Scotty and Lilly with the scan picture in his hand.

Scotty's blood ran cold and he remembered the picture of the last scan he always kept in his wallet. How could he have been so stupid to just give Nick his wallet like that? Glancing quickly across to Lilly, he saw that she had frozen in her seat, her arm resting protectively across her bump.

Nick voice bellowed through the air again. "You ...and...and You!"

Now the whole department was looking at them and Lilly wished the ground would just open up and swallow her. So much for her and Scotty's secret. She sent Scotty's the iciest look she had ever sent anyone.

"Look man, it's not what you think..." Scotty began stepping towards Nick.

"You...and...You!" Nick exclaimed again in disbelief.

"Nick! My office. Now." Stillman voice bellowed across the office. He had been watching the whole exchange from his office and knew if he didn't step in now, a scuffle would most likely ensue. He was actually surprised that Scotty and Lilly had been able to keep their secret for so long.

"Everyone else, back to work!" John barked at the other detectives that had gathered in the vacinity following Nick's revelation.

Lilly could feel everyone's eyes on her and she could practically feel their judgement and ridicule. She felt mortified and was absolutely livid at her partner. How could he have been so stupid? Now everyone knew that she's slept with her partner and all the respect she'd earned as a detective over the years had vanished in a single second due to Scotty's reckless oversight.

"You ok Lil?" Stillman asked softly once Nick was safely heading towards his office.

Focusing her eyes on Stillman she shook her head. Maybe it was the case they were working on, maybe it was that her and Scotty's secret had just been revealed, but the one thing she knew was that she couldn't be there right now. "I...I think I'm going to take some lost hours" she stated quietly, tears burning behind her eyes, as she started gathering up her things and heading towards the door.

"Take as long as you need, Lil" was Stillman's only response.

XXX

Scotty Valens knocked on the door of Lilly's house apprehensively. It was the evening of their dinner with his parents and he wasn't sure what response he was going to get from Lilly after the day's events. He wasn't even sure if she would still go with him.

Following Nick's announcement to the office that he was the father of Lilly's baby, Will had taken him aside for some more "fatherly advice" and he hadn't had a chance to catch up with Lilly before she'd left the office. He'd tried calling and texting her for the rest of the afternoon but had received no response. He'd thought about cancelling dinner with his parents, but in all honesty, he couldn't face the lecture he knew he would get if he cancelled and just wanted to get the meeting over and done with.

Lilly's door swung open and he was stunned at the sight that greeted him.

"You're wearing a dress!"

Smooth Valens, real smooth he thought to himself. He recognised the dress immediately as the one he had made her try on the day they went shopping after the scan.

"_Come on Lil, I've never seen you in a dress before. Just try it on. I'm carrying all these bags for you, the least you can do is let me see what you look like in a dress" Scotty teased__._

_Huffing, Lilly had reluctantly taken the dress into the changing room to try it on with the other clothes she'd picked up. The dress was knee length, had ¾ length sleeves and was a __deep lavender warp around dress that tied at the side to accommodate a growing bump. When she'd come out and twirled for him, Scotty had been unable to stop the appreciative stare he had given her legs. _

"_Looks good on you, Lil" he'd commented sincerely. He'd been disappointed when she had put it back on the rail._

He was brought out of his reverie now by the sound of Lilly's angry voice.

"Let's just get this over with shall we?" she said exiting her house and slamming the door behind her.

She was wearing the full Ice Queen face, but he didn't care because right now, he just couldn't get over how beautiful she looked in that dress. The dress hugged her small bump making her look even more amazing now than the first time she had tried it on. The deep lavender colour brought out the blue of her eyes and complimented her skintone perfectly. Her shining blonde hair was down too and her skin was glowing with health as only a pregnant woman's can. Kitten heeled shoes adorned her feet and a small diamond necklace and stud earring set completed the outfit.

"Now Valens" Lilly demanded as she reached his car.

He hadn't even realised that he'd been staring at her for that long. "Uh, sure. Sorry Lil. It's just, you look amazing in that dress"

Lilly just continued to fix him her Ice Queen look as they got into his car and headed towards his parents. Unfortunately his mum had not been receptive to meeting in a restaurant so his parents were hosting dinner for him and Lilly.

When he had first mentioned dinner with his parents, Lilly had become obsessed with making a good impression and a dress had seemed an appropriate outfit to wear. She'd remembered their day out shopping and the dress he had begged her to try on – she also remembered the once over he had given her and the disappointment in his eyes when she had insisted on putting it back on the rail – so she had thought she would surprise him by buying the dress to wear to dinner with his parents.

Now though, now she was so mad and hurt by his recklessness that she was surprised she was even in the car with him. If it wasn't for the fact that she thought cancelling with his parents now would make meeting them in the future even worse, she wouldn't even be here. She'd decided this afternoon that she would be the perfect lady in front of his parents, as she really didn't want them to think ill or her or their grandchild, but Valens was going to get the full Ice Queen treatment.

Scotty's nervousness grew as he drove towards his parents and he couldn't take the tension any more.

"Look Lil, I'm really sorry about earlier. I tried to come after you, but Will wanted to congratulate me" she didn't need to know about the little pep talk he had given Scotty. "I know it wasn't how you wanted everyone to find out, but it's not liked I planned it to happen. It was an innocent mistake! Didn't you get my messages?"

Still the Ice Queen look remained.

"Come on Lil, at least everyone knows now, and honestly, after you left, no one said anything more about it. A couple of the guys even congratulated me, us."

Lilly remained silent beside him and Scotty's anger started to rise.

"For god's sake Lil! It was going to come out sooner or later! Or are you that ashamed that I'm the father?"

"Are you kidding me!" Lilly yelled, her anger reaching boiling point. "You just don't get it, Scotty! Of course they'll congratulate you! To them, you're the one who slept with the only girl in the joint, the one who thawed the Ice Queen. Do you really think that I haven't been propositioned by some of them in the past? Do you not see that I've just become the office slut that slept with her partner?"

"Oh, and it's been so easy for me this last week having to hear how you must have gotten artificial insemination to get pregnant because you're such a stuck up bitch, huh Lil?" Scotty yelled back, no longer able to control his temper. "The guys in the locker room, yeah, they've been talking, and I ain't said a word Lil, not one word, because I knew how important keeping this secret was to you! Do you know how hard it was for me not to punch some of those guys in the mouth?"

"See! That just proves my point! All anyone is going to remember me for is this! It doesn't matter that I was the first female homicide detective in Philly, that I've solved hundreds of cases. Now I'm always going to be the first woman to make Homicide, only to have a one night stand with her partner and get herself knocked up. All the respect I had, it's gone Scotty. All because you couldn't just get the money out your wallet and give it to Nick!" Lilly continued yelling angrily. How could he not see the damage that had been done?

Scotty was shocked. He had no idea that Lilly felt that way about herself or the situation "Lil, they don't think that, well maybe some of them do, but they still respect you Lil. You're a great detective and no one can take that away from you" he reassured in a serious tone. "But Lil, I'm not ashamed of what happened and I'm not going to apologise for carrying a picture of Bean around in my wallet. I want to share some of the joy of being an expectant parent as well, is that too much to ask? It is my kid too and I'm proud of that".

When Lilly didn't reply he glanced over at her and saw she had her hands on her bump and was looking down at it with tears in her eyes and a strange look on her face. Panic filled Scotty and he was thankful that he had just arrived at his parent's house.

"What is it Lil? What's wrong?" Panic and terror evident in his voice.

Lilly shook her head. "Nothing Scotty" she choked "I think Bean's just kicked!".

She grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach where he immediately felt a hard round lump hit his fingers.

"There! Did you feel it?" Lilly exclaimed with a huge smile gracing her mouth and an amazed look on her face.

"Yeah Lil, I did" Scotty whispered. He couldn't believe it! He had just felt his child kick for the first time and the feeling was indescribable. "Is this the first time?"

Lilly nodded in the affirmative. "I've been getting some fluttering but I wasn't sure if it was gas or the baby. This is definitely the first time Bean has kicked". Lilly was just so happy that all the anger she had been feeling towards Scotty had faded. The kick from Bean reminding her that no matter how mad she was with Scotty, he was always going to be in her life now because of Bean.

"I'm not ashamed you're the father Scotty" she answered his earlier question honestly, at the same time Bean kicked again, "and it looks like Bean isn't either" she stated with a chuckle. "I know it had to come out sooner or later, but I was hoping that it would just be Nick and Will, you know?"

"I really am sorry Lil" Scotty said with sincerity.

"I know Scotty".

Scotty smiled at Lilly and gestured towards his parent's house "Shall we?"

Lilly looked up at the house and took in a deep breath. It was now or never.


	10. Chapter 10

_So I'm not sure if this is what you were all expecting, but I hope you enjoy it anyway... _

_Just so you know, I have a manic 6 weeks coming up in real life including weekends away, exams, a hellish work schedule and a new computer system coming into effect at work (probably designed by the devil LOL). The reason I'm saying all this, is that updates are going to slow down to once a week for the next 6 weeks as I have enough drafted out to update once a week for that period. Sorry to disappoint but real life has to take precedence I'm afraid. :-(_

**_Disclaimer: _**_The lovely roast dinner that is currently cooking in my oven I own, Cold Case I don't. _

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><p>Lilly was sat in the passenger seat of her partner's car and was exhausted. The revelation that Scotty was the father of Bean, their resulting argument, and Bean's first kick had finally caught up with.<p>

Dinner with Scotty's parents had gone better than she'd expected, although having now met his mother she knew where Scotty got his interrogation skills from. Rosa Valens would make a fine detective.

Upon entering the house Scotty's father, Ramiro, had greeted her warm and had even given her a hug and her bump a rub. Rosa on the other hand had simply nodded to her and had been rather standoffish the whole evening, often excusing herself to the kitchen. Rosa's foods had been delicious and dinner had passed relatively smoothly, with Scotty and his father coming to her rescue on several occasions chastening Rosa in quick fire Spanish when her comments were out of hand. Things with Rosa had been terse, but civil, whereas Ramiro had seemed geniunely excited about his next grandchild.

It appeared that Rosa's main concern was that seeing as neither Scotty nor Lilly wanted to get married, or even live together, that Lilly must be using Scotty to get the baby that apparently every 30+ woman desired. She feared that Lilly would just dump Scotty and the Valens family once she had gotten what she wanted. Despite Lilly's reassurances this was not the case, the fact of the matter was, unless there was a wedding between Scotty and Lilly then Rosa just saw her grandchild being taken away from her once Lilly had given birth. However, there had been no out and out shouting matches and for that she was grateful. It actually comforted Lilly that Rosa cared so much about Bean already, she doubted her mother would even care if she knew she was pregnant. An unwanted grandchild to go along with an unwanted kid.

"Your mother's right you know" Lilly said as she turned towards Scotty who was currently driving in the direction of Lilly's house.

"About what?" Scotty asked confusedly.

"We haven't talked about were Bean is going to live or how this is going to work practically. I mean who is going to look after Bean when we're at work? The hours we pull, getting a sitter is going to be hard, and I don't think any childminder is going to like being woken up at 4am because we have a case."

Scotty had been thinking about these problems from the moment he had found out Lilly was pregnant, but so far, had only been able to come up with limited solutions.

"I signed a new lease on my apartment just a couple of weeks before we found out about Bean so I can' move until next summer at the earliest. It's only a one bedroom apartment so I figured that Bean would live with you, but I would take the baby on my days off and get a travel cot or something. I mean, for the first few months you'll be breast feeding so Bean will have to stay at your house anyway. Once my lease is up, I'll get a 2 bedroom place so that Bean can have his or her's own room."

Lilly thought about his proposal. She did have a second bedroom at her house that she currently used as her office. Realisation dawned that her office was going to have to be cleared out and become Bean's room, another change she was going to have to get used to. She hadn't even thought about breast-feeding, the idea of it unnerved her somewhat. A baby sucking on her breast for food just didn't seem right, but then growing a little person inside her seemed bizarre too, although here she was doing just that she thought with irony. "Guess that makes sense".

Scotty continued "Work wise, I could get my parents and Alegria to help out. As for being on call, I guess we can ask to be put on different rotas so that Bean will always be with one of us if we get that 4am phone call"

"Alegria?" Lilly queried. She'd not heard him mention a sister before and there had been no female baby photos in the Valens' house, although there was a rather cute one of a baby Scotty with a mop of curly black hair. Who knew his hair was naturally curly?

"She's my sister in law, Lil, and she's a stay at home mum to my nephew, Emilio. He's so excited to be having a little cousin by the way that I'm sure she'll be happy to help out, if only to keep Emilio happy." Scotty replied with a warm smile.

Lilly recalled seeing a picture at his parents house of a man a little older than Scotty, a woman about the same age, and a toddler and figured this must have been his brother, Alegria, and Emilio. She wasn't sure if she was happy with having to rely on Scotty's family so much, but what choice did she have? She didn't like the idea of leaving Bean with a stranger, given what she knew people were capable of through her job, and it wasn't like her mother or sister were in the picture to help out. She wouldn't have trusted them to look after Bean even if they were.

"I'm not sure you're mother will like that" Lilly hypothesized. She hadn't exactly been the warmest person at dinner tonight.

"Nah Lil, she's just annoyed at the situation and scared she'll lose her beloved grandchild. As soon as Bean gets here and she realises you're not going to run off with it, she's going to want to spend every minute with the baby. It drove Alegria crazy when Emilio was first born and Mike, my brother, had to have a serious word about boundaries" he replied with mirth in his voice.

Glancing across at Lilly quickly he saw the worry in her eyes and grabbed her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "Hey Lil, it's going to be fine. It'll all work out" the conviction evident in his voice.

Lilly just nodded and stared out the passenger window watching the lights of the city pass by.

The rest of the journey passed in silence and 20 minutes later Scotty pulled up outside Lilly's house however, when Lilly didn't move to get out he realised that she had fallen asleep. With the light from the streetlight casting a soft glow over her face Scotty just sat and watched her sleep for a few moments. She just looked so peaceful and he didn't have the heart to wake her, especially as she had looked so tired earlier on. A part of him felt guilty that it was her body that had to go through all of this and he just got the good part at the end.

Reaching down he grabbed Lilly's bag that had been resting by her feet and quickly found the keys to her house. Getting out of the car and unlocking the door to her house, he returned and gently lifted Lilly out of the car and brought her into her home, carrying her up the stairs and resting her delicately on her bed. He removed her shoes and turned her onto her left side as he remembered reading that was the best side for pregnant woman to sleep on, something about it being good for circulation. He decided against undressing her, granted he had seen her naked before but now it just seemed inappropriate, and instead pulled the blankets up around her, tucking them in tightly around her sleeping form. Lilly's cats appeared then and gave him a death glare before curling themselves around Lilly protectively. He chuckled to himself at that.

He stood and watched her sleep for a few minutes. She just looked so relaxed and peaceful, so different from the Lil he saw everyday at work. He didn't know what happened then or why, but a strong wave of affection came over him. Maybe it was the fact that Bean had kicked for the first time earlier that day, maybe it was the way the moonlight was dancing over Lilly's milky skin and blond hair, but he bent down and brushed his lips gently over Lil's forehead. "Night Lil" he whispered as he caressed her bump lovingly, his hand once again feeling a slight movement under the blankets. "You too Bean".

With that, he left, making sure to lock up as he went.


	11. Chapter 11

_Thanks for the great reviews and all the story alerts, I really appreciate them and they've cheered me up during a horrendous week. :-) _

_Here's this weeks update and unfortunately there won't be another until next weekend as I am off to Belfast tomorrow for the weekend and then return for week 2 of work schedule from hell (how is it I have more work on my desk today than last week eventhough I've been working 10 hour days all week without even getting paid for the extra hours?)_

_Alas, on with the story..._

**_Disclaimer: _**_I am currently own/possess an enormous pile of orange (work) files__, unfortunately none of them contain the ownership papers for Cold Case. _

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><p>Lilly Rush had lost count at the number times she had winced in the last 30 minutes. Scotty and she were at her 20 week scan and things were not going well. Bean had decided it was the perfect time to practice its acrobatics and she could tell that even Dr Jenson was starting to get frustrated. She'd changed positions several times on the table already but nothing had seemed to calm Bean's movements.<p>

"Lilly, I think you're going to have to take a walk, see if we can get the baby to settle down a bit" Dr Jenson said with a sigh. "Take a walk around the hospital, have a drink, try going to the bathroom. I'll meet you back here in half an hour, ok?"

"Everything's ok so far though, right?" Scotty asked anxiously. He'd been staring at the screen intently ever since the scan had begun trying to figure out what all the images meant and reassure himself that everything was fine.

"Yes, Scotty, everything appears to be fine so far" Dr Jenson reassured with a smile "It just seems your baby is a little bit stubborn is all".

Lilly couldn't help the laugh that escaped her "Wonder who Bean gets that off of?" she said looking towards Scotty, a teasing smile playing across her lips.

"Me! Look who's talking Miss Ice Queen!" Scotty exclaimed with a smirk whilst helping Lilly off the bed.

Lilly's elbow promptly connected with Scotty's ribs "Ouch! What was that for?" Scotty grumbled.

"For calling me an Ice Queen. And if you think that hurts, you should try carrying this child around. It must have your athletic gene because I am certainly not this energetic" Lilly replied storming off in the direction of the hospital cafeteria. "Anyway, this is all your fault. You know Bean goes crazy whenever you're around"

"Hey, I can't help it if Bean's a daddy's boy or girl already" Scotty replied ruefully. Truth was he loved feeling Bean moving around. Every week after their cooking session Lilly would let Scotty sit and talk to Bean and feel its movements as much as he wanted. Lilly would just read or listen to music whilst he bonded with Bean. He'd even caught her staring at him with a soft smile on her lips a couple of times, although Lilly had just rolled her eyes and gone back to whatever she had been doing when she'd been caught.

Reaching the cafeteria, Scotty purchased two bottles of water, handing one to Lilly, before they continued their walk of the hospital corridors.

"Besides, with all the moving around it just goes to show that maybe Bean doesn't want us to know whether it's going to be a boy or a girl" Scotty stated hopefully. For the last week Lilly and he had been arguing over whether to find out the sex of Bean. He wanted to keep it a surprise, but Lilly didn't.

"Scotty" Lilly began in frustration "I told you I want to know. Bean's growing inside my body and I want to know if it's a boy or a girl. Plus, practically it will make things easier. We'll know what colour to paint the nursery, what colour clothes to buy, what names to argue over"

"I still like Scott Junior for a boy" Scotty interrupted. That earned him another jab to the ribs.

"Seriously Scotty, you agreed we'd find out. It me that's having to give up my body, my office, hell my life for 9 months, the least you can let me do is let me find out whether I'm carrying our son or daughter" Lilly exclaimed.

"Ok Lil." Scotty agreed with resignation. Why did she always have to pull "it's her body" card, she knew how guilty it made him feel.

Lilly looked over at him and saw how dejected he looked. "I'll let you buy Bean an Eagles outfit" she offered as a way to cheer him up.

"Like Bean won't have one anyway, Lil" Scotty said with a smirk.

"How about you just be quiet so that I can walk Bean to sleep and we can hopefully get this scan finished?" she scolded Scotty teasingly.

"Sure thing, Lil"

Lilly and Scotty continued their walk around the hospital in companionable silence. Without the sound of Scotty's voice, a bottle of water followed by a quick bathroom break, and the gentle movement of Lilly's walking, Bean appeared to be quieten down and they started heading back to the examination room where they were greeted by Dr Jenson.

"How's things feeling?" Dr Jenson greeted them warmly.

"I think Bean's asleep" Lilly whispered, scared to disturb the peace that had finally settled in her abdomen.

Getting up on the examination table, she lifted her shirt and Dr Jenson promptly started the scan again. Lilly's heart melted as she saw the images of Bean appear on the screen, one of which clearly showed Bean sucking its thumb.

Scotty had resumed his place beside Lilly and he stared intently at the screen once again.

Fifteen minutes later and the scan was finally complete. "Well guys, I'm pleased to say that everything is healthy. All organs have formed and are in the proper place, head is the correct size and shape, no evidence of a cleft palate, problem with the spine or other limb disfigurement. Everything is going well" Dr Jenson confirmed happily.

"Can you tell us the sex" Lilly asked hopefully.

Panic shot through Scotty, he really didn't want to know. "Uh, actually, I'm going to wait outside".

"Scotty!" Lilly growled.

"Look Lilly, I just don't want to know alright" Scotty began with annoyance.

"Erm, guys. I hate to break up an argument, but the position the baby is in I can't tell the sex anyway. See its knees are to its chest so it's impossible for me to find out as its feet are in the way" Dr Jenson interrupted, pointing out the image on the screen.

"This is so your kid" Lilly groaned looking towards her partner.

Scotty just shrugged and sat there with a smug expression. She would so have to elbow him later.

XXX

It was early evening on the day of the scan and Lilly was relaxing on her couch after a busy afternoon cooking with Scotty. This time he'd shown her how to make a pot roast and she had to admit, it had turned out pretty tasty.

Scotty was sat on the floor beside her with his hands on her bump talking to Bean. She had been reading some leaflets on yoga and swimming that Dr Jenson had recommended she consider partaking in, but now she was listening to Scotty tell Bean all about his Cuban ancestry and her mind had started to wonder. Had her father ever talked to her when her mother had been pregnant? Did her mother feel excited whenever she'd moved in her uterus? Had either of them ever played with her kicks and punches like Scotty was now? Or was she really that unwanted that even before she was born they couldn't be bothered with her?

Lilly couldn't have asked for a better father to her child. True to his word, Scotty had been there for her and Bean from the night he found out she was pregnant. He'd made lunch for her everyday since and always made sure there was an adequate amount of healthy snacks and drinks for her to have at work. He'd made being on desk duty as comfortable as he could for her too, buying her a special cushion for her seat to help alleviate some of the back pain she was experiencing and getting her a hot water bottle whenever her back ache got too bad and he was in the office.

He also made sure he spent at least one of his days off with her and came round as many times as he could after work, just to spend time with Bean. She was also amazed at the amount of research he was doing into pregnancy, childbirth and parenting and had really turned into a baby guru. It was nice having someone around to refer to as she hadn't really started reading about childbirth yet - the bigger her bump got, the more terrified she was of having to push Bean out, and denial seemed an easier option at the moment.

Cooking with Scotty was so much fun too and they'd had more than one food fight in the kitchen. With his help, she was starting to have more success than failures in the kitchen and she'd even made her own sauce for the lasagne they'd had a couple of weeks ago.

Getting to know Scotty outside of work too was pretty interesting. The passion and determination she saw at work also continued into his life outside work, but he was a lot less serious and she'd discovered they shared a similar sense of humour, often laughing for hours on end.

She was drawn out of her reverie by the realisation that Bean had stopped kicking and Scotty was now staring at her with a questioning look on his face.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Scotty queried.

"Hmmmm? Oh I was just looking through these brochures that Dr Jenson gave me earlier. I thought I might take some swimming lesson and go to a yoga class." She wasn't really lying as she had been reading the leaflets earlier.

"Swimming lessons, Lil?"

"Yeah, I never really learnt how to swim, apart from the few lessons they gave us at school" her mother had considered vodka much more important "And well, Dr Jenson did say that swimming may help with my back ache so I thought I might give it a go. Yoga too, seeing as you and Boss aren't letting me work anything more than my contracted hours now" she replied teasingly.

"Sounds great Lil" Scotty replied softly.

The both just stayed there then, looking into each other's eyes enjoying the moment.

Lilly sighed. "I think you're right, you know"

"About what Lil?"

"I've changed my mind. I don't want to know what sex Bean is, we'll wait". Her musings had made her realise how much Scotty had been doing for her. When she'd told him she was pregnant he hadn't had to stick around, but he had, and he was doing an excellent job of being a father so far, taking care of her as well as Bean. She wanted to do something for him now.

"Really, Lil?" he asked happily, a gentle smile gracing his features.

"Really" Lilly replied with a smile, both of them just staring at each other taking in the moment.

"I should go" Scotty whispered after a minute, getting up to leave.

"OK" she whispered in return. Part of her really wanted him to stay. She liked having him around to share all of Bean's developments with and he was good company too.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Lilly asked from the couch.

"Always, Lil" he replied as he opened the door and left.


	12. Chapter 12

_So it's 0.52 in the morning in the UK and thanks to my neighbours' dog that won't stop barking, I can't sleep. On the plus side for you guys, that means another update! Once again, thanks for all the reviews and story alerts. Hope you enjoy, although this is a feeder into the next 2 chapters so not much happens. I'd originally planned this segment to be one chapter, but they took on a mind of their own and ended up being three!_

**_Disclaimer: _**_I currently own a very irritable mood (thanks to aforementioned dog) which I'm sure would be alleviated if I actually owned Cold Case..._

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><p>"Rush! Valens! My office."<p>

Both Lilly Rush and Scotty Valens were startled at the sound of Lieutenant Stillman calling their names from his office.

"Looks like someone's in trouble..." Nick said in a joking manner.

How could they be in trouble already? They'd just finished their interrogation of Boris Litvak over the manslaughter of Trevor Dawson who'd confessed to the crime he had committed in 1994. It was an unfortunate case of a suicide pact gone wrong. Trevor had found love but Boris had still wanted to jump. Trevor had tried to stop Boris but a scuffle had ensued on the roof of their school building resulting in Boris pushing Trevor off the roof. One shove and Boris was guilty of manslaughter. If Trevor had been facing the other way he would have fell on his butt on the roof and there wouldn't have been a case to solve. Alas, the fates had conspired against Trevor and Boris that day and now Boris was safely in lock up and they were all finishing up their reports and tying up the evidence before packing away yet another CLOSED cold case.

Casting each other a nervous glance they headed towards Stillman's office where they were greeted by their boss and two men, who must have arrived whilst they were interrogating Litvak. Stillman made the necessary introduction.

"Detective Paul Browne, Detective Jimmy Fitzpatrick, this is Detective Lilly Rush and Detective Scotty Valens. Detectives Browne and Fitzpatrick are from IAB and they're here about the report you filed."

Scotty and Lilly shook both detectives' hands. Detective Browne was tall and muscular, clean shaven, with sandy blonde hair, appeared to be in his early-40's and was smartly dressed. Detective Fitzpatrick was the complete opposite. He was short, portly, had curly red hair and a bushy beard, appeared to be in his late-50's and looked rather unkempt.

Lilly's heart sank as she recognised Detective Browne from a Christmas party she'd attended many years ago. She had just passed her Detectives Test and been allocated to North, but was yet to start. The detectives at North had invited her along to the Christmas Party to meet the team and Detective Browne was there.

At first he had seemed friendly, introducing her to all the guys, telling her who to look out for and who she could trust however, after a few drinks he'd ended up almost stalking her all night, asking her if she wanted to dance or if she wanted a drink. When he had finally gotten the message she wasn't interested, after numerous rebukes on Lilly's part, he had gotten rather angry and tried to pin her against a wall. A swift hard knee to his manhood had taken care of the problem, but she had left quickly afterwards and had avoided him ever since.

"They have a few questions they would like to ask you". Stillman continued.

"We'd like to interview you separately, if that's ok?" Detective Fitzpatrick asked, although it was clear from his tone it wasn't really a question. Looking towards John he asked "Lieutenant, I take it your interview room is now free?"

Stillman nodded his confirmation.

"Detective Valens, why don't we start with you?" Detective Fitzpatrick said, gesturing towards the interview room. "Detective Rush, you can continue working until we are finished with Detective Valens as I understand that you are on desk duty?" he continued.

"Yes, that's correct" Lilly answered quietly.

"Good. I'll be seeing you shortly." Detective Fitzpatrick stated.

"Shall we?" he gestured towards the interview room whilst looking at Scotty. All three detectives started to head out of John's office.

Lilly couldn't help noticing the smirk Detective Browne gave her as he left Stillman's office with Scotty and Detective Fitzpatrick in tow. She couldn't help the worried look she cast over her shoulder as Scotty headed off for his interrogation. She had a feeling things weren't going to go well.

"Lilly"

She turned back towards her boss as she heard her name being spoken.

"Yes Boss"

"I just spent half an hour talking to those two Detectives, and although Browne's a slimy SOB's, Fitzpatrick seems pretty reasonable and I think they're just going through the formalities. I can't be sure, but I think it's going to be ok". Stillman tried to reassure her.

"I'm just gonna..." Lilly pointed to her desk and headed towards the office door.

"Lilly"

"Hmmm?" Lilly paused at the door and turned to face her boss.

"You know I'll do all I can" Stillman said with quiet determination.

Lilly just nodded her head and smiled weakly as she went back to her desk. She knew this was going to have to happen eventually, and both Scotty and she had felt the IAB investigation was something hanging over their heads - like a ticking bomb - but now the time was here, she wished she didn't have to go through it.

She stared absently at the file in front of her trying to concentrate. Prior to her pregnancy Scotty had always been rather protective of her, much to her chagrin, and early on in their partnership she'd overheard him a few times defending her when some of the other male cops and detectives tried to make out she'd had an easy ride to Homicide. She was used to the insinuation, but Scotty had taken it upon himself to protect her, as if he was defending her honour. She hadn't made a big deal out of it, him being a rookie to Homicide and to Central, but over the recent months she couldn't deny that Scotty and she were becoming closer because of Bean and if IAB played that same card, she dread to think what would happen.

Scotty had a short fuse and she was sure that was noted in his IAB file. It wouldn't take much to rile him and if either of the IAB detectives started to insult her or Bean, well, it could make Scotty reach his boiling point and lash out, effectively ending his career as a detective and probably with PPD too. Given she knew firsthand how slimy Detective Browne could be, she wouldn't put it past him to try and make Scotty angry.

"Everything ok, Lil?" Nick asked quietly with concern, nodding towards the interrogation room.

"IAB" was Lilly's only reply as she stared once again towards the interrogation room. She desperately wanted to go into Observation, just to see how things were going, to reassure herself that things were going to be ok and Scotty wasn't going to blow it, but with Stillman in his office, there was no way she could.

"You need anything Lil?" Nick asked seriously.

Right then Bean decided to let its presence known and she felt a sharp kick inside her, shortly followed by a sudden craving for a fruit smoothie. Looking down she tried to soothe Bean, rubbing her hand over her now prominent bump, who no doubt had been disturbed by the anxiousness and stress its mother was currently experiencing, and looked up at Nick smiling.

"A fruit smoothie would be nice?" she asked hopefully "IAB have said I can't leave my desk until they've interviewed me so..."

"You'd like me to go get you one? What flavour?" Nick asked kindly.

"Strawberry, papaya and banana, please".

"Sure, no problem Lil. My treat".

She smiled at Nick kindly by way of thanks and he left his desk to head out into the rain and get her one.

Once Nick had gotten over the fact that Scotty and she had slept together and she was pregnant with Scotty's child, Nick had taken on the role of her big brother. If Scotty wasn't there and there was anything she wanted that she couldn't do herself, he did it for her. She'd never thought of Nick as particularly caring before, but it appeared her pregnancy had revealed his softer side, especially when it came to Bean's well being. It appeared that pregnant women were Nick Vera's achilles heel.

Will too had become quietly protective of her for which she was grateful. Following the revelation of Bean's father she had only received congratulations and best wishes from the other detectives and there had been none of the repercussions she had feared. They still respected her and the job she did. She chose to ignore whether that was because the other detectives were genuinely happy for her, or whether it was because they feared the wrath of her fellow cold case colleagues. Either way, she was happy that Scotty, Will, Nick and Boss had her back, although she would never admit it to a living soul.

Bean was really starting to twist and turn inside her and she desperately tried to remember the breathing techniques she had learnt at yoga last week, hoping she could calm herself, and therefore Bean, down. Right now she was so anxious and if she was going to get through this interview she needed to be Lilly Rush, Ice Queen of Homicide, and not Lilly Rush, Mother and ready fight to protect her family.

If only she could get into that Observation Room...


	13. Chapter 13

_So thanks to my annoying neighbour's dog that has pretty much been barking constantly for the last two days (made more annoying by the fact that we're not supposed to have pets in my block of flats), I've managed to get more writing done this weekend than I anticipated so here's the next chapter. There won't be another update until next Friday at the earliest though as I have to start my exam cramming, I mean revision, next weekend and I have to stay focused on that._

_WARNING - There are a few instances of swearing and some unpleasant insinuendos made in this chapter._

_Thank you for all the reviews and alerts etc, it really means a lot. _

**_Disclaimer: _**_I currently own some bright pink nail polish on my fingernails that seems to be immune to nail polish remover. Still don't own Cold Case though... _

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><p>Scotty Valens felt like a caged animal. It wasn't the first time he had been interviewed by IAB, but this time was certainly no better than any of the other times. The problem with being interrogated by fellow detectives was that he knew their tricks, as he used the same ones, and that just made the procedure more frustrating and annoying.<p>

For example, right now Fitzpatrick was playing good cop, sat there in front of him at the table while Browne circled him playing the bad cop.

"So, Detective Valens, it says in your report that you and Detective Rush engaged in intimate relations on 22nd May this year, is that correct?" Detective Fitzpatrick began in a business like voice.

"Yes, that's correct" Scotty replied in the same business like voice.

"That's the same night that she shot and killed George Marks, is it not?"

Really? They couldn't look this stuff up in the case file "Yes that's correct" Scotty replied in the same tone.

"So what were you doing at Detective Rush's house that night?" Fitzpatrick continued conversationally.

"Because she looked like she could do with a ride home and her house is on my way " Scotty replied, just as conversationally. He wasn't going to get Boss in trouble and tell IAB that John had asked him to take Lilly home.

Detective Browne jumped in then, playing the bad cop role "So you got to her house and just decided to fuck each other did you?" the sarcasm evident in his voice.

Scotty felt his annoyance grow but decided to ignore Browne's tone. He'd played this game several times before "No, it had been a rather emotional case so once we got to her house we decided to go for a drink. I guess we had too much, because as the report we filed states, we ended up having intimate relations" using the more appropriate term Fitzpatrick had used earlier.

He didn't think Browne and Fitzpatrick needed to know about the pain, the hollowness – everything - he had seen in Lilly that night, or the desperation he had felt to make her feel better and to make her forget the events of that day at all costs.

"So why that particular night?" Fitzpatrick asked, playing good cop again.

"Pardon?"

"Why that particular night? You've been partners for nearly 2 years, why did you suddenly feel the need to sleep with your partner?" Fitzpatrick continued in a harsher tone.

Scotty was dumbstruck. How could he explain why Lilly and he had slept together without revealing everything about that night? He felt he had no option, he had to lie.

"Look, I was drunk, she was drunk. If it hadn't been Lilly it would have been some other woman from the bar. Just right time, right place I guess. Or wrong time, wrong place, however you want to look at it".

Browne jumped in again "You know what Valens? I don't buy it. Says in your IAB file here that you have anger management issues. I think you got her home and couldn't contain your anger over George Marks. That Detective Rush had violated Lieutenant Stillman's orders to stay in the office and had put herself in danger, so rather than yell at her like a normal person, you fucked her. You fucked a woman who was obviously in emotional turmoil after she'd been given the choice of kill or be killed. Is that how it went down Valens? Huh?"

Scotty's annoyance turned into anger. How dare he think that he'd forced Lilly like that? He would never do that to a woman. Lilly had assured him that she didn't feel like he'd taken advantage of her and they'd both agreed they'd needed that night together.

"No, as I said, we went to a bar, had a few too many to drink and ended up sleeping together. That's it" anger creeping into Scotty's voice.

"You sure, Valens?" Browne sneered "Because from what I've read, you like your woman needy and vulnerable. Wasn't that what your last girlfriend was like? Elisa was it? The one who killed herself?"

"Don't you talk about her!" Scotty shouted standing up and taking a step towards Detective Browne.

"Sit down!" Browne yelled back.

Scotty stared defiantly at Browne, heckles raised.

"Sit down Detective Valens" Fitzpatrick interrupted quietly "or I will have no choice but to end this interview and suspend you for violating orders".

Scotty sat down reluctantly, he felt like a coiled spring ready to pounce.

"So" Detective Browne continued, sitting down and leaning across the table to get into Scotty's face "if it wasn't that Detective Rush was needy and vulnerable, it must have been because she was being the slut she was when she was at North. Acting just like her mother".

Scotty saw red. Browne had near on accused him of raping Lilly, then tried to insult the memory of Elisa, and now he was trying make out that Lilly was a slut!

"That's it Valens" Browne coaxed "Just hit me, you know you want to. Then I can have you fired and this whole mess goes away".

Scotty's temper blew. The blood rushed to his head, he could hear the blood pumping in his ears and he felt his hand curl into a fist. He started to get up in order to punch Browne for all the things he was insinuating, but suddenly the noise in his ears turned to a whoosing, echoy, pumping sound and his fist brushed against his wallet in his trousers pocket and he was reminded of Bean.

If he blew this interview, he would be unemployed and he refused to be a deadbeat Dad. He'd sworn on the day he'd found out that Lilly was pregnant that he would be the best father he could, and right now, he had to control his temper in order to do that. Taking a deep breath and concentrating on the sound of Bean's heartbeat he remembered from the ultrasound and the picture that was in his pocket, he settled himself in the chair once again, turned to Detective Browne and looked him square in the eyes as he answered with a low, steady voice.

"No. As I've said, we had too much to drink and ended up having sex. Nothing more and nothing less. Could have been anyone that night, just happened to be my partner."

The hint of glee that had been evident in Detective Browne's eyes faded and his face scrunched up into a scowl. He backed away from Scotty and started stalking around the room again.

"And by the way, she's not a slut"

Detective Fitzpatrick resumed the interview. "And that night resulted in her pregnancy. How do you feel about that?"

"Being a father? It was daunting at first, but then I saw my baby at Lilly's 12 week scan, heard its heartbeat, I just fell in love. Now everytime I feel it move the feeling is indescribable" Scotty replied, the joy evident in his voice.

"I know the feeling" Fitzpatrick empathised "Got 5 of my own, the first time you see them, man it's the best. Just wait until you hold the baby for the first time". Scotty couldn't help smiling at the thought of holding Bean for the first time.

Browne decided to join back into the investigation then "So, what if Detective Rush wants more? You going to be the sperm donor?" he asked nastily.

Scotty really wanted to roll his eyes, did this guy ever let up?

"That's Detective Rush's decision if she wants more, but I'm not her sperm donor. As I said, it was a one time thing that happened. We've talked about it and we don't plan on it happening again."

"What if she meets someone else, huh? You think you can deal with it Valens, some other guy being with your partner, raising your kid? That temper of yours not going to rile up even a little bit that some other man is fucking her?" Browne tried again.

Scotty concentrated on the picture of Bean that was in his wallet. He'd moved his hand into his pocket and he was now running his thumb along the rim of the picture, that movement in itself calming him.

"It's her life. I will always be there for my kid and my child will always know who its father is" Scotty replied, unable to keep the annoyance from seeping into his voice.

Fitzpatrick interrupted then, glancing a warning look at his Browne "I think what my colleague is trying to say is, will you two be bringing your personal life into the office?"

"No. What we do outside work stays there. In the office we are Detectives Rush and Valens, outside we are just Lilly and Scotty, expectant parents".

"So you see each other outside work" Fitzpatrick asked with surprise.

Scotty grew nervous. Fitzpatrick seemed to accept the fact that what Lilly and he had was a onetime thing, but seeing her outside work was a problem?

"I take her groceries, help her out with a few chores, go to the doctor's appointments with her. She's got cats so I change the litter trays, do some of the heavy lifting and gardening for her. You must remember what your wife was like when she was pregnant? I just try and help her out ."

Detective Fitzpatrick chuckled fondly. "I do"

"And you don't get anything in return, Valens?" Browne said, accusation dripping from his voice.

"Afterwards she lets me sit and talk to the baby, feel it kicking etc. As I said, my kid will always know who I am and I want that to start from before it's born."

Detective Fitzpatrick shot another warning look at his partner "So, what happens if Detective Rush is injured in the field? You've made it clear that you don't intend to take this relationship any further, but how will you react if the mother of your child is shot, for example?"

Scotty was at a loss for words. He'd never thought about Lil being hurt in the line of duty and now that he was being forced to think about it, he really didn't like it, not at all. Again, he lied.

"I guess the same way I would feel if my partner got shot. Detective Rush and I, we're just good friends and partners".

Seemingly satisfied, Detective Fitzpatrick concluded the interview.

"Thank you Detective Valens. Please send in Detective Rush".

Getting up he shook both the detective's hands, making sure to be extra firm with Detective Browne's, and headed out of the interview room.

Scotty breathed a sigh of relief. He'd done it. He'd made it through the interview without punching that bastard Browne and now he just wanted to unleash the fury Browne had just caused on some inanimate object, but he knew he couldn't. He had to reassure Lil, had to let her know that he was ok and that he hadn't blown it.

Putting a smile on his face as he walked towards Lilly's desk "Your turn, Rush" he said with a smirk, hiding the anger that was lurking just underneath the surface.

Lilly's eyes shot up the moment she'd heard the door to the interrogation room open and she watched Scotty like a hawk as he came towards her. There appeared to be no blood and neither Detective Fitzpatrick nor Browne seemed to be following him out, that had to be a good sign right? Was Scotty smiling too?

"Everything go ok?" Lilly asked seriously.

"Piece of cake Lil." Scotty replied, being careful to hide the anger and frustration from his voice. Now was not the time for Lilly to be upset. "Be wary of Browne, but Fitzpatrick, he's a good cop. You're going to be ok. Now go!" he commended with a smile.

Scotty watched Lilly walk into the interview and hoped Browne was nicer to her then he had been to him. He was confident that Fitzpatrick wouldn't let Browne interrogate Lil like that though, not when he saw her bump.

"So what did they say?" Nick asked with intrigue. "Bean's been playing Lilly up and you know what that means."

Scotty let the smile drop from his face and his face immediately filled with concern and anger. "Browne's a bastard. Me and him ever meet outside of work, my fist is going to have a word with his face".

"That bad huh?" Will joined the conversation.

Scotty's expression said it all.

"Look man, you know we've got your backs. He starts on her, we'll all be having a conversation with Browne" Will said menacingly.

Scotty just nodded. Now he had to hope that Lil got through her interview ok. He wished Boss wasn't here so he could get into observation and see how Lil was doing...


	14. Chapter 14

_Thanks for all the reviews and story alerts, now here's Lilly's side..._

**_Disclaimer: _**_In too much pain to attempt a witty-esq disclaimer today. So put simply, I don't own Cold Case. _

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><p>Lilly got up from her desk and moved slowly towards the interrogation room, feeling like a lamb going to the slaughter, her smoothie in hand. She'd discovered one good thing about being pregnant was that no one raised an eyebrow if you brought food or drink into a situation where it was not normally allowed. However, right now, she just wanted something to keep herself and Bean calm, and smoothies for some reason helped calm Bean down. Maybe it was all the fruit that Bean had to digest once she had one?<p>

Reaching the door she made sure to fix her Ice Queen mask in place and entered the room with caution. Detective Fitzpatrick gestured to the chair opposite him and Detective Browne that she gratefully took. She rested her hands on her bump hoping to both soothe and protect Bean during the process.

"Detective Rush" Browne started "Do you remember the evening of the 22nd May?"

"Yes. Kinda hard to forget the night you're held hostage by a serial killer who you end up killing" Lilly replied in a cool tone.

Detective Browne glanced up at her with a hard look on his face "You mean the night you disobeyed a direct order from your superior officer not to leave PPD and went looking for George Marks on your own without any back up?"

Crap, she hadn't been expecting this. "I was simply following up a line of investigation" she replied smoothly "Turns out I was correct"

"I wouldn't sound so smug if I were you Detective, if it hadn't been for your blatant disregard for orders I doubt we would be doing this right now, would we?" Browne stated coldly "Would you mind telling us the events that followed the shooting?"

"My partner, Detective Valens, drove me home as I was a little..." devastated, destroyed, "...shaken up" she eventually finished.

"What happened then?" Browne continued.

"We decided to go for a drink, obviously had one to many, and ended up sleeping with each other".

"You don't think that strange?" Fitzpatrick piped up "Two people that have been partnered together for nearly two years and then you decide to sleep together the night you kill someone?"

Lilly made sure her Ice Queen façade did not alter, now was not the time to crack. At a loss how to answer the question appropriately, she took a sip of her smoothie whilst she thought about what she could say.

She obviously couldn't tell them the truth. What would she say? "Sorry, I needed to sleep with someone to make sure that I was still human, that I wasn't just like the psycho I had just killed, that I was actually capable of feelings?" She was pretty sure that wouldn't go down well and she'd be sent straight to the PPD shrink.

Remembering Scotty's words from earlier, she focused her attention on Fitzpatrick and smiled, making sure she stroked her stomach as she replied "Sorry, babies. You know what they're like, when they want something they want something there and then".

Fitzpatrick smiled at her in a paternal fashion. "I understand Detective Rush, now if you could please answer the question"

"I guess I slept with Detective Valens because he was there" she responded carefully.

That wasn't lying, he had always been there for her emotionally, hell, she'd told him things that she probably wouldn't have told her closest girlfriend (if she had one) and it always irked her that he could make her do that. Although she had rarely taken him up on his offer of support before that night, that night he had been there for her when she'd needed him, not just emotionally, but physically too. The morning after she'd felt embarassed when she'd woken up naked next to her equally naked partner, but the awkwardness had quickly disappeared and they'd actually mananged to talk. It would almost have been _nice_ if the circumstances weren't so dire. For her one and only one night stand, the whole morning after experience had been rather pleasant, given the circumstances.

"And that's it?" Browne replied sarcastically. "You slept with your partner because he was there. Were there no other guys in the bar that night?

Anger started to boil inside Lilly. "Ever shoot someone Detective Browne? Ended their life?" Lilly asked him in her best detective voice.

"This isn't about me Detective R-"

"I'll take that as a no." Lilly interrupted. "Then you don't know how it feels. Strangely the last thing I wanted to do that night was go to a bar and chat up blokes. I'm sure there were other guys there, but I didn't notice. I drank too much, Detective Valens walked me home and then we drunkenly slept together in the heat of the moment".

"So you were so desperate for sex that you had to sleep with him? Doesn't sound like a healthy response to shooting someone Detective Rush" Detective Browne snarled.

"Browne!" Fitzpatrick interrupted "That's enough." Turning towards Lilly, Fitzpatrick took over the interview "I think what my colleague was trying to say is this situation could arise again. Detective Valens, or even yourself, might have to shoot someone - are you going to sleep together every time something happens?"

"Detective Fitzpatrick, I can assure you that what Detective Valens and I did that night was a onetime thing. Yes, I got pregnant, but would we even be having this conversation if I wasn't pregnant?" she replied exasperatedly.

Turning to stare Detective Browne squarely in the face, her eyes as cold as ice "What if I had gotten pregnant from a one night stand with a colleague following an office party? Would we still be having this interrogation then?"

She couldn't be sure but she thought she saw a flash of shame cross Browne's face. Fitzpatrick must have sensed there was a history between them as he quickly replied in a stern voice.

"Detective Rush, I'm sure you can appreciate this is a unique situation and whilst I'm sure two colleagues sleeping together is far more common than IAB is aware of, we must address the situation at hand, and that is, you slept with your partner as an emotional response to shooting someone, someone who had held you hostage for an extended period of time.

Our job is to ensure that what happened between you and Detective Valens was not directly related to that incident and that you are fit to work together for the foreseeable future. Now from what I understand, since that night you have not given PPD any reason not to allow you two to continue working together however, if after the result of our investigation we feel that you two are too emotionally involved to work together, we will split you up.

Now, Detective Rush, please answer the question. If you are involved in an emotionally traumatic experience again, are you likely to sleep with your partner?"

Lilly was glad she had perfected her Ice Queen face a long time ago otherwise her face would show pure shock right now. She felt thoroughly reprimanded by Detective Fitzpatrick.

"No. I will not sleep with him again. I didn't sleep with him because of what happened, I slept with him because I got drunk as a result of what happened. Will I get drunk again if something similar happens in the future? Probably; show me a cop that wouldn't? But seeing as I now have a child to look after, I will not be going out to some random bar and bringing random men, or men then I know for that matter, back to my house. Not that it's any of your business, this was the first, and only, time I have done something like this and it will not be happening again." Lilly replied in her coldest tone.

"What if Detective Valens decides he wants more children? What if he gets married?" Detective Fitzpatrick continued in a gentler tone.

"Scotty and I are not together. He is free to meet and marry whomever he chooses. If he wants more children, they will not be coming from me I can assure you. I will be happy for him because he is my partner" she replied in a level tone, unprepared for the shot of pain that flashed through her as those words left her mouth.

"How would you feel if he was injured in the field? Him being your partner and the father of your child" Detective Fitzpatrick asked in the same gentle tone.

Lilly was momentarily shaken. The thought of anything happening to any of her colleagues was disturbing, but the thought of anything happening to Scotty filled her with terror and dread. She took a moment to really think about how she would cope without Scotty and she was shocked at the depth of her feelings. It really would feel like someone had taken something from her, almost like she was losing a limb. Not to mention that something happening to Scotty would be devastating for Bean, after all she had grown up without a father and knew how tough it was. Working cold cases they were generally lucky when it came to injuries, normally no more than a pulled muscle here and there from having to chase down a witness or a suspect. Not really knowing what to say she said the first thing that popped into her head.

"I would feel the same if any of my colleagues were injured, regardless of whether it was my partner or the father of my child"

"Very well Detective Rush, you have answered all our questions and are free to leave" Fitzpatrick said with finality, concluding the meeting.

Lilly walked out of the interrogation room, closely followed by Fitzpatrick and Browne. She returned to her desk whilst the other two detectives went directly into Stillman's office and closed the door.

"You ok Lil?" Scotty enquired, concern written all over his face.

Lilly glanced at him, a small relieved smile on her face. "Yeah, just glad it's over with".

Sitting down, both Scotty and she resuming closing the Dawson case. Lilly was desperately trying not to think about the maelstrom of feelings her interview had just invoked and was grateful for the distraction closing a case caused.

Ten minutes later she heard the door to their boss' office open and Stillman bidding Detectives Browne and Fitzpatrick goodbye. Stillman promptly came over to both Scotty's and Lilly's desks.

"IAB will be back with the results of their investigation within the next 3 weeks. Now both of you; go home. You both look exhausted."

"But Boss-" Scotty began.

"No arguments. You've both been through the mill today and you both need to rest, especially you Lilly. The Dawson case is closed, so take the time now whilst you have it".

"Ok Boss" Scotty replied. Lilly simply nodded.

"You ok Lil?" Scotty asked with concern.

"Yeah, just tired. Didn't realise how worried I had been about it and now I just feel exhausted".

Scotty cast his eyes over to Nick and Will to make sure they weren't watching before turning to Lilly.

"Hey Lil, you free tonight?" he whispered.

"Was going to go to yoga, but I'm free after that. Why?"

"Wondered if you'd like to come over for dinner seeing the interrogation we've just been through?"

Truth was, he was worried about Lilly. She really did look exhausted and he wanted to do something to cheer her up. Dinner was the only thing he could think of on such short notice.

"Sure sounds great" Lilly replied tiredly "Although I may just fall asleep on your couch afterwards"

"Mi casa es su casa, Lil" he replied with a chuckle. "What time does yoga finish?"

"6.30pm. I can get to yours by 7pm."

"Sounds great, Lil, see you then".

With that they both packed up their belongings and headed off into the night.

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><p><em>So I know I would said I would try and update once a week, but realistically I'm not going to be able to update now until after 4th October due to sucky Real Life commitments. Plus, I have a back injury that has flared up making it difficult to sit and type for long periods (turns out that eventhough I was discharged after 6 months of treatment for the original injury, the daily residual back pain I have been suffering since then that I thought was normal isn't! Looks like I might be having injections put in the actual joints of my spine or surgery). <em>


	15. Chapter 15

_So I know I said there wouldn't be another update until after 4th October, but I seem to be getting on better with revising than I anticipated, which either means:_

_a) I know more than I think I do_

_b) I think I know it but I actually don't and will be sitting there in the exam reading the questions thinking, "Um, was this even in the syllabus?". Guess I'll find out on Tuesday!_

_There is also another reason why I am posting now which is explained at the end of the chapter. _

_Just to warn you there are mentions of (what I consider) slightly more adult themes at the end of the chapter so read at your own discretion. _

_Oh, and thanks for all the reviews and alerts. They have really cheered me up after a challenging (and rather pain filled) week._

**_Disclaimer:_**_ I am currently in possession of a well-earnt hangover (wine is evil and really shouldn't be mixed with Southern Comfort!) which I'm sure I would feel better if I owned Cold Case. Unfortunately I don't and my head really hurts! :-(_

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><p>Lilly Rush was exhausted. She had just completed the yoga and relaxation class that was supposed to make her feel less stressed after today's meeting with IAB, but instead she felt more confused now then she did before she went to the class.<p>

Throughout the class she just kept thinking about what IAB had said. What if Scotty did find someone? For some reason that thought was making her feel uneasy, but at the same time she knew she had no right to feel like that as she and Scotty were not together. Sure, they had fun both at work and outside of work and they got on like a house on fire, he even put up with her mood swings and seemed somewhat immune to her Ice Queen routine, but being good friends and the mother of his child did not give her the right to tell him who he could and could not date. Maybe it was Bean causing her to feel like this, after all 50% of its DNA was Scotty's which meant that part of Scotty was current residing in her womb.

Sighing, Lilly continued her internal debate. Scotty was younger than her, and she had to admit, a good catch, so realistically he probably would find someone else. She'd resigned herself to the fact that once she had Bean her dating days were pretty much over. Who would want a workaholic single mother as a girlfriend, especially when the father of her child was her partner? When would she find time to date as a workaholic single mother anyway? She had experienced her fair share of stepfathers thanks to her mother and she didn't plan or doing the same thing to her child.

But what if she did find someone and they wanted children? Did she want more children after she had Bean? She'd not had the typical sibling relationship with her sister as she'd had to assume the mother role thanks to her own mother's shortcomings and she wouldn't want Bean to have to do that too. The thought of having children with different fathers didn't appeal to her either.

If she was honest with herself she hadn't considered kids since she'd been engaged to Patrick, and then he hadn't seemed keen on the idea. She'd accepted the fact a long time ago that she probably wouldn't have children, which is why she thought Bean was such a blessing now. She didn't have many child rearing years left so Bean probably was going to be it for her, and she was ok with that.

Realisation dawned on her then that the night Bean was conceived was probably going to be the last night of sex she had until Bean was 18. Oh well, at least that night had been some of the best sex of her entire life, even if the circumstances were unfortunate to say the least.

Another thought worked its way into her subconscious. What if Scotty had more kids? Did she want Bean around some evil stepmother? Would Bean feel insecure being shipped from house to house and feel like the odd one out with Scotty and his new wife and kids? She couldn't deny Scotty time with his child, but she didn't like the idea of her child having to compete for Scotty's attention. But she couldn't tell Scotty how to live his life...

Grrrr! Why did things have to be so confusing? She'd just assumed Scotty and she would share custody of Bean and that would be the end of things, but now IAB had raised some good questions, questions that she didn't have the answer too.

Finally reaching what she hoped was Scotty's apartment building, she parked her car and buzzed the entryphone for the number apartment he had given her.

"Hello?" came a crackly voice.

"It's me"

"Oh! Hi Lil, come on up. I'll leave the door open".

Lilly opened the entry door, checked the sign to see what floor Scotty's apartment was on, and promptly caught the lift up to his floor - her legs were just not up to climbing the stairs today.

She had never been to his apartment before and wasn't sure what to expect. Cautiously she opened the door to what she hoped was his apartment and was greeted by an open plan living room, dining room and kitchen. There was a door to her left, which she assumed led to his bedroom and presumably a bathroom, and the kitchen adjoined the bedroom at the rear of the apartment.

The living area was painted an off white colour, and at the front of the apartment there was a couch, a dresser and a TV cabinet with various shelves that were filled with DVD's, photos and other mementos . Opposite the kitchen at the rear of the apartment was a table and chair set which was currently set for dinner. It was masculine, yet homely.

"Hi. Brought you some beer" Lilly said heading back towards the kitchen where she found Scotty cooking over the stove in an old pair of jeans and a tee-shirt.

"Thanks Lil. Beef stir fry and noodles ok for dinner?" he turned to greet her.

"Sounds great. Anything I can do?"

"Nah, Lil. Dinner will be about 2 minutes. Can I get you a drink?"

"Have you got any orange juice?"

"Sure thing Lil. Why don't you make yourself comfortable at the table and I'll bring everything over".

"Um actually, where's your bathroom? Bean is kinda dancing on my bladder at the moment"

Scotty chuckled. "Door on your right facing the front door leads to the bedroom. First door on your left in the bedroom is the bathroom"

"Thanks"

Five minutes later, Scotty had finished cooking and they were sat at his table eating dinner. He'd apologised for what he called a basic dinner, but explained that he had gone to the gym from work to clear his head following his interview with IAB. Lilly didn't care, she was so hungry that it tasted delicious to her, but then Scotty's food always did.

After several minutes of devouring Scotty's wonderful dinner, she paused and looked up at him.

"Scotty?" Lilly asked quietly. She couldn't believe she was going to ask this question but she needed to know how he felt.

"Yeah Lil"

"Did IAB ask you about the future? About what would happen if we met other people?" Lilly began hesitantly.

Scotty paused and looked up at her. "Yeah, why?"

"What did you say?"

Scotty was at a loss for words. How could be tell Lil that the interview made him want to demand she never see any man ever again because he hated the thought of Bean being with anyone but him and Lil, when he planned on seeing other people after Bean was born? Even he realised what a double-standard that was.

"I said it wouldn't bother me, that I planned to be in Bean's life either way" _but it does _he thought silently "What did you say?" Scotty asked with intrigue.

Lilly's cheeks flushed and she cursed her pale skin. "That I'd be ok with it too" she said softly. Truth was, she wasn't, but she had no right to feel that way and Scotty was obviously ok with her dating other people, even if she wasn't ok with him dating other people. Maybe she was getting too hung up on this? After all with a new baby to look after she doubted she would have time to think, let alone worry about the state of Scotty's social life. She'd been stupid enough to let herself get pregnant, and eventhough Scotty was turning out to be an excellent father supporting not just Bean but her too, she couldn't tell him not to date because it made her feel weird. The worse thing was though; she knew if she asked him not to date anyone, he wouldn't.

Lilly sighed and continued. "I also told them that I didn't plan on having anymore children with you or anyone else. I had my share of step-fathers growing up and I don't plan on putting Bean through that. It's just going to be me and Bean from now on." Lilly said with resolution.

"Lil, you're going to be a great Mum. Don't rule out more kids just because we're not together. There are good guys out there and if you find one and you want more kids, then have them, don't deny yourself that opportunity. I'll always be there for Bean, and you too."

Lilly looked up, her eyes locked with Scotty's, and a _moment _passed between them. With each growing second Lilly felt more and more uncomfortable and panicked, she should not be having _moments _with her partner! She needed to get the conversation back on track, to discuss the future with her and Scotty as parents.

"So how about you? Have you been dating anyone?" she croaked "Planning on extending the Valens brood further?" Although her voice had a teasing edge to it, with each question she asked a stab of pain ran through her heart and she hadn't realised how much it would hurt to ask these questions.

Scotty smirked. "Nah Lil, I'm not seeing anyone. Ya see, I got this hot blonde pregnant and I just want to spend all my time with her and my kid nowadays".

Lilly had been concentrating on wrapping some noodles onto her fork, but her eyes shot up to Scotty's once she heard his words and it took all of her willpower not to drop her fork onto her plate. Had her partner just told her he'd gotten someone else pregnant?

Scotty laughed at the shocked murderous expression on Lilly's face. "Relax Lil. You're the only blonde I've knocked up and I do want to spend as much time with you and Bean as possible at the moment. I don't know if I'm going to get this opportunity again so I want to make the most of it. So to answer your question, no, I'm not seeing anyone. As for more children, I don't know. Every good cop I know is a lone wolf and I just figured that after Elisa, well I'd be a lone wolf for the rest of my life too."

_My job never hurt me the way she did_ he thought.

Scotty paused then as realisation hit him that his days of randomly sleeping with women were over, not that they'd ever really begun. He didn't want different women coming and going from his kid's life, he wanted to set a good example.

"If I did have more kids, it would have to be with the right woman though and she'd have to accept Bean as her own. Her and Bean don't get along then it's Adios. I want my kid to have stability and not have to compete with my girlfriend for attention. Kids don't need drama, they need security, to be able to have trust in their parents, to be innocent, carefree." Scotty continued.

The mixture of Lilly's exhaustion and hormones got the better of her and tears appeared in her eyes.

"Hey Lil, what's wrong?" Scotty asked with concern.

"What you said was so sweet! I can't believe you care so much already!" Lilly choked out whilst frantically wiping the tears from her eyes. Although it hurt that he said he was planning on dating in the future, the fact that he already cared about Bean's well being and he was willing to put their child first was just so overwhelming and _new_ to her that she couldn't help but shed a few tears.

"Of course I care, Lil" he said, reaching for her hand and squeezing it reassuringly.

Scotty was confused. His parents had always put his and Mike's needs above their own. They may not have had every material possession, but Scotty knew his parents loved him and he had the security of knowing that no matter how badly he messed up, his parents would support him unconditionally. That's just what parents did.

Another anecdote from his interview popped into her head.

"Did they ask you how would feel if I was injured in the field?" he asked gently.

Lilly paused. They had asked her that question and now that she'd had time to think about it, she wasn't sure she would feel the same way if Scotty was injured in the line of duty as she would for her other colleagues. He was the father of her child and her child would be without one of its parents if anything happened to Scotty.

"Yes. I told them I wouldn't feel any different than if you were a colleague, but I think I was wrong to tell them that. It would be worse, we've shared so much together, and we're going to be sharing so much together in the future, that I think it's natural that I would feel more upset if something happened to you, don't you think?"

Scotty was relieved. "I feel the same Lil. I don't know how I'd tell Bean that something had happened to you, let alone raise Bean by myself." In fact the thought terrified and horrified him. How could he tell his own kid that he'd let it and its mother down?

"Do you think we need to make a will?" Lilly asked suddenly. She didn't have one at the moment mainly because she didn't have anyone to leave her estate to, but now, well now she did.

Scotty was taken aback. "A will? Is that really necessary?" he asked, somewhat panicky.

"I...I don't know. I mean I hate thinking about it, but I suppose it is sensible. At least we'd know that what would happen in the worst case scenario" Lilly said sombrely.

"I suppose. I, um, guess I'll um, make us an appointment then" Scotty said hesitantly.

"Ok" Lilly said softly. She suddenly felt very responsible, very _grown-up_. Sure she was a 36 old woman with a good job, a nice house and two cats, but well, a will was a very mature thing to do.

Scotty was feeling rather freaked out. If he was not mistaken, he had shared a _moment_ with Lil only a few minutes before and now they were talking about making wills. Suddenly the conversation had gotten too serious for him and he searched his brain for a topic to lighten the conversation as they finished their meal. Gratefully, he remembered Lilly picking up some leaflets about adult swimming lessons a few weeks ago.

"So how's the swimming classes going Lil. Will I be seeing you in the next Olympics?" he asked teasingly.

Relief was evident on Lilly's face following the change of subject and they spent the rest of their time over dinner talking about the case they had just solved, Lilly's yoga classes and swimming lessons, Scotty's adventures at the gym (it turned out he still fought in the occassionally boxing match) and his nephew who had turned 3 last week. Lilly even revealed that she'd made a few friends at the classes which Scotty was happy about.

Dinner seemed to settle Bean and after they were finished, Scotty insisted that Lilly lie down while he finished the washing up. She'd tried to argue, but was honestly so tired that she didn't think she could remain standing for much longer. Scotty had sensed that and assured her it was fine, guiding her onto his couch so she could rest.

Scotty busied himself with the washing up and upon exiting his kitchen the sight that greeted him melted his heart. Lilly Rush had fallen asleep on his couch.

Draping a blanket over her sleeping form, he sat on the floor beside her and just stared at Lilly as she slept, resting his hands over her small bump so he could feel connected for Bean. He hated the fact that he couldn't be there all the time to feel Bean move and he relished the time when he could relax and just feel his child, even if Bean was asleep and he couldn't really feel anything. The simply touch of his hands on Lilly bump made him feel connected; like he was part of Bean's life already.

He started to think about the questions IAB had asked him today. He'd thought going to the gym and pounding out his aggression towards Browne would have helped, but it hadn't. He couldn't believe he had lied to IAB. That night hadn't been a drunken mistake. Sure he'd had a lot to drink, but he cared for Lilly and he couldn't stand her being in so much pain. He'd wanted to help her that night, and truth be told, he wouldn't change one thing that had happened. They'd needed each other plain and simple.

But as much as he hated to admit it, that bastard Browne was right: he didn't like the idea of Bean being raised by another man. And although it appeared that Lilly had decided she wouldn't be dating for the foreseeable future, he didn't think he would be able to hold his temper if Lil did decide to date someone he didn't like. On the other hand he couldn't stop Lilly dating whom she pleased as they weren't together.

He knew that she had dated Kite, and he seemed like an ok guy, but her ex-fiancé was obviously a jerk as he had cheated on her and then there was that biker Ray from Lil's teenage years. He didn't want his child around a biker, and although Ray seemed like a good guy, he flittered in and out of Lilly's life and he didn't want that kind of instability for Bean.

But then, what if he met someone? He hadn't been with anyone since Lil, and since finding out about Bean he truly hadn't had the desire to be with another woman. He just didn't feel right about sleeping with someone else whilst Lilly was pregnant, but thinking about it logically, he wasn't planning on never dating ever again once Bean arrived.

What would he do if the woman he met wanted children of her own? How would Bean feel having two separate families?

Sighing in frustration, he looked up to see that Lilly had woken up and was staring at him sleepily.

"Hey" he said softly.

"How long have I been asleep?" she mumbled.

"About an hour and half. I didn't want to wake you as you looked so tired earlier".

"Urg. Have to go home..." Lilly mumbled and closed her eyes again.

Scotty watched as Lilly's breathing evened out and she fell back to sleep. He couldn't let Lilly drive home as exhausted as she was; he didn't want her falling asleep at the wheel. But equally he couldn't leave her on his couch as he knew her back would be killing her in the morning if he did.

Decision made, he opened the door to his bedroom, pulled back the duvet on his bed and quietly got the spare blankets out of his wardrobe, placing them on the floor next to the couch. Next he picked up Lilly and moved her onto his bed. He was secretly pleased that she weighed more now than the last time he had carried her; it worried him that she was still extremely slender given that she was practically 5 months pregnant, although the doctor said her weight was perfectly healthy and he made sure Lilly ate plenty too.

He gently pulled the duvet around her and watched as she snuggled into its warmth. He was unable to resist brushing away the stray lock of hair that had fallen over her face and was again struck by how beautiful she was when she slept. Suddenly he was overcome with the desire to kiss her again and bending down he once again pressed his lips against her forehead.

"Night Lil, night Bean" he whispered.

With that he returned to his living room to settle himself for the night, confused by his suddenly desire for Lilly and the questions that IAB had raised earlier.

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><p>Lilly awoke with a start. Looking around she realised she was not in her bed and she was not in her room. The last thing she remembered was eating dinner at Scotty's. Wait! Was she in Scotty's bed? Why was she in his bed? Glancing at his alarm clock she realised it was 2.28am and that she desperately needed the toilet. She quickly used the bathroom, grateful that she had fallen asleep in her yoga pants and tee-shirt, and went in search of Scotty.<p>

Gently opening the door, she found Scotty asleep on the couch, which apparently turned into a sofabed, and she couldn't help the grin that appeared on her face. Scotty looked adorable! He was laying on his front with one arm hugging a pillow to his side and the other under the pillow upon which his head was resting. His hair was all messed up and he was drooling! The blankets had been kicked down the bed and were now twisted around his legs, leaving Scotty's torso revealed. It appeared that Scotty only slept with pyjama pants on so she had a fantastic view of his sculptured shoulder blades and back. She had forgotten how good he looked naked!

Suddenly she was overcome with a tidal wave of desire and images of that night with Scotty flashed into her head – images that right now she was suddenly desperate to recreate. The longer she stared, the stronger her desire grew and she could feel her skin heating, her nipples tightening and, oh god, she was getting wet!

Gulping she quickly found a piece of paper and pen in her bag and scrawled Scotty a note to thank him and let him know she had gone home. She had to get out of his apartment before she just straddled Scotty and started doing all manner of things to him that she really shouldn't be doing with her partner – things she had just assured IAB she would never be doing with her partner ever again.

It must be pregnancy hormones. If it wasn't pregnancy hormones then it meant she _liked_ Scotty, and well, he was her partner and _liking _her partner would just makes things too complicated and more confusing then they already were. Yes, it must definitely be pregnancy hormones, it had to be.

With one final glance she exited his apartment, desperately trying to remember where her vibrator was in the vain hope that she could take care of the problem herself once she got home.

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><p><em>Ok, so this may be the last update for a while and I wanted to close the whole interrogation part of the story in case I can't update. The problem being that the owner of the block of flats I live in has fallen out with the electric company over the mains supply of electricity to the block of flats i.e. from the electricity sub-station to the actual block. Therefore the electric company are going to be cutting the power supply for the ENTIRE building on Thursday (leaving 80 odd flats without any electricity! Seriously.). Hardly seems fair when all the residents have individual meters in our flats and pay the electric company directly for the electricity WE use (and I'm like to £200 in credit!). Anyway, hopefully it will be resolved by then (the local press is involved), but seeing as neither the residents, nor the residents association nor the press can get hold of the managing agents for my block of flats or the owner of the block of flats directly, things don't look hopeful! I'm never buying a leasehold property again!<em>

_I swear this story is jinxed as 3 days after posting the first chapter my Nan became ill and things have just spiralled since then. My life used to be fairly drama-free and almost boring until I started posting this story! LOL. Oh well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?_

_Rant over! Until next time._


	16. Chapter 16

_So I still have electricity, which means another update! Thank you for your lovely reviews which have really cheered me up during a rather stressful week (which included my laptop and printer crashing the day before my exam, it then taking me 10 hours to get a new laptop and printer, set it all up and recover my revision notes. Then I somehow managed to bulge another disc in my spine an hour before my exam meaning I took the 3.5 hour exam dosed up on painkillers with a completely numb right leg! Yeah, that was fun. On the plus side, the prescription painkillers made all my nerves go away LOL!). See what I mean about this story being jinxed..._

_Anyway, on with the story and I hope you enjoy it. Just to warn you there are a few swear words in this chapter if you are offended by that sort of thing. _

_I've got a busy week coming up so the next update probably won't be until next weekend, unless of course a meteorite decides to land on me and then they'll be no update for the foreseeable future. With my luck at the moment anything could happen..._

**_Disclaimer: _**_Although I got a pretty good deal on my shiny new laptop and printer, unfortunately the ownership papers to Cold Case were not included._

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><p>"So Kat seems nice" Lilly commented to Scotty who was currently helping her clear out her office, soon to be Bean's room.<p>

It had been 2 weeks since their interrogation by IAB and they'd finally come back with their findings. IAB had deemed that Scotty and she could work together, but they had also decided the cold case squad could do with another detective, given Lilly's current restriction to desk duty. Kat Miller had joined them today from Narcotics. She was African-American with short curly hair and was in her early thirties.

"Yeah, I think she's going to give Vera a run for his money though on the snarky comments" Scotty said with a chuckle.

"Really? I thought he was rather cold towards her" Lilly replied with surprise.

"Ya know Vera. It'll take him a while to warm up to her, but as soon as he does I bet our office is going to be full of snarky banter".

"Great" Lilly said sarcastically whilst folding up some old clothes that were at least 15 years out of date. Just what their office needed, more snark.

She was currently stood in the walk in closet in her spare room trying to clear it out. Scotty was in the room itself loading files and books into boxes so they could move her desk, storage cupboard, and bookcase into her bedroom.

Picking up an old shell suit she rolled her eyes and chucked it in the discard pile. Scotty couldn't help but laugh as he walked past Lilly in her closet and noticed the clothes she was throwing away.

"Nice Lil, didn't know luminous green was your colour" Scotty said teasingly.

"Shut it Valens" Lilly snapped in frustration. Why had she kept so many old clothes? Did she really think she was ever going to wear them again? Looking at the discarded pile she wondered why she'd even _bought_ some of them, let alone the fact she actually _wore _them. She was interrupted from the task by Scotty returning from her bedroom.

"I'm just gonna call Vera to help me move this stuff" he said, gesturing to the now empty cupboard, desk and semi-empty bookcase.

"Vera?" Lilly said in surprise.

"Yeah Lil, this stuff is heavy and I can't lift it by myself"

"I can help you Scotty, it's only 3 things and it's like 20 feet into my bedroom"

"Uh-uh, you know you can't lift anything heavy whilst you're pregnant and I'm not letting you hurt yourself or Bean by moving furniture around" Scotty said with finality.

"I'm not helpless, Scotty! I can help you!" Lilly growled at him in frustration. Although she knew that she shouldn't lift anything heavy whilst she was pregnant, she wasn't a complete invalid and she honestly thought between the two of them they could manage her furniture without her hurting herself or Bean. She was starting to get extremely pissed off that everyone was treating her like she was and invalid. At first it had been a novelty, but now it was just annoying. It probably didn't help that right now she was extremely sexual frustrated and therefore irritable thanks to her pregnancy hormones.

"No way Lil! Boss would kill me if I let anything happen to you. I'm calling Vera and that final!" Scotty shouted as he exited the room to make the call.

Ever since that night when she had seen Scotty without his shirt on she had wanted to jump her partner and let him fuck her senseless. Even being in the same room with him was becoming increasingly difficult and her vibrator was getting a good work out on a daily basis. She didn't know why her pregnancy hormones had now decided to kick in, or why they only kicked in around Scotty, but she wished they would just go away. Sighing in frustration she got back to her job of folding clothes and clearing out her closet.

Scotty was feeling on edge as he walked into the hallway to call Nick. Ever since that night he had put Lilly in his bed she had been pissed at him and he didn't know why. In the morning when he's woken up he'd discovered that Lilly had left sometime in the middle of the night. She'd left a note to thank him and they'd discussed it the next day and she had seemed grateful that he had let her sleep, so he really didn't know what he'd done wrong.

Arrangements with Vera made, he returned to Lilly's spare room to finish clearing the last of the books from her bookcase.

"Nick will be in here 20, Lil. I caught him just as he was leaving PPD"

"Great" Lil said moodily. Just what she wanted, Vera being in her bedroom. Scotty was bad enough, although technically he had been there before, but Vera too made her uncomfortable. It was her private lair and she didn't want anyone else in there.

Scotty just sighed and continued packing. He himself was now getting extremely pissed off with the way Lil was treating him, but he had learnt over the weeks that trying to argue with Lil with her pregnancy hormones was impossible. It was like she had lost all sense of reason. On the plus side, he was now attending the gym on a constant basis to relieve his frustration so his fitness level was improving and he'd noticed that he'd amassed a bit more muscle too.

He had just finished moving the last box of books into Lil's bedroom when he heard the doorbell. Hearing Lilly's angry mumblings from the next room, he breathed a sigh of relief that Nick had finally arrived and that he'd be somewhat protected from Lilly's mood with Nick here. Lilly seemed to be able to control her moods better when there other people around her, rather than just him.

"I'll get it Lil."

Heading downstairs he answered the door to reveal a very wet looking Nick Vera standing on Lil's doorstep.

"Let's get this over with" Nick greeted him gruffly whilst making his way into Lilly's house and removing his wet coat.

Scotty just smirked and led the way into Lilly's spare room.

"Nice house Rush" Nick greeted Lilly warmly in her closet.

"Thanks Nick and thanks for doing this. Caveman over there thought I was incapable of lifting a few items" Lilly greeted him friendly, pointing her thumb towards Scotty.

"No worries Lil, and caveman is right, you shouldn't be lifting heavy furniture" Nick scoldered her gently. That earned him an Ice Queen glare, which he simply shrugged off having become used to Lilly's pregnancy moods.

Scotty sighed, "Come on Lil, show us where you want us to put everything"

Lilly went into her bedroom and surveyed her room. It was a mess! Boxes containing all her books and files were strewn all over the floor and her laptop, printer and fax machine were on her bed. She started to envisage where she wanted it all to go.

"Start with the desk. I want it in the corner opposite my bed by the window. Then I want my bookcase opposite my desk, on the same side as my bed."

10 minutes later Scotty and Nick had managed to manoeuvre her desk into position and her bookcase followed shortly thereafter. Her storage cupboard had caused the most problems and the only place she could think to put it was behind the door to her room. However, that had meant having to move her ornament cabinet downstairs and she quickly removed the ornaments and placed them on her bed so that Scotty and Nick could carry the unit downstairs into her living room. Finally the storage cupboard was moved into her room and the furniture move was complete.

Surveying her room she realised that it didn't actually look too bad, a bit more cluttered, but still homely and not cramped. There was still room to put a crib between her bedside cabinet and the wardrobes and the corner desk fit in well. She would now had a nice view of her back yard whenever she needed to do paperwork and the bookcase and storage cabinet didn't look too out of place. She was glad she had decided to buy all the furniture from the same range so it all matched now.

Her eyes finally reached Nick and Scotty and she realised that they were both dripping with sweat.

"I'm going to shoot off now" Nick said, exhaustion evident in his voice as he headed downstairs.

"Thanks Nick. I really appreciate it. Coffee on me tomorrow." Lilly said as she followed him downstairs.

"Ya betcha Rush" Nick said waving as he headed back into the rainy night.

Lilly made her way back into her bedroom and had to bite her lips to stop the moan she wanted to emit coming from her mouth. Scotty had removed his tee-shirt and was currently in the process of setting up her laptop, printer and fax machine on her corner desk. He looked even hotter now standing there in just his jeans, that were hanging low on his hips, then when she had seen him sprawled across his sofabed a couple of weeks ago.

"Hey, just thought I'd get these set up for you" Scotty said as he turned his head to greet her as she entered the room.

"Ok" Lilly choked, mesmerised by the beads of sweat that were currently meandering their way down Scotty chest and back. Heat rushed through her and she panicked. What was wrong with her? This was Scotty, her partner, she wasn't supposed to be feeling like this for him! She had to get out of there before she did something stupid.

"I'm, uh, going to take these ornaments downstairs" she said, hurriedly grabbing some ornaments and running downstairs to start filling the cabinet that was now in her living room.

"Sure thing Lil" she heard him say as she ran out of the room. Maybe a few trips up and down stairs with the ornaments would work off the sexual energy that was now coursing through her blood.

Numerous trips up and down stairs and with one completely filled ornament cabinet, Lilly was feeling just as sexual frustrated as she had been an hour ago. Groaning she collapsed on her couch and wondered just how much longer Scotty was going to be so she could go upstairs and put her vibrator to good use.

Not a minute later Scotty appeared downstairs and was now thankfully fully clothed.

"All sorted, Lil. I've put the boxes with the files next to your storage cabinet and the boxes with your books in next to your bookcase so it should be relatively easy for you to sort out now."

"Thanks Scotty" she said, almost through gritted teeth. She wished she could just ask him to leave, but it would be rude considering all her had just done for her.

"No problem, Lil. Ya know, we really should start thinking about what colour we want to paint Bean's room"

Lilly groaned inwardly. He wanted to talk about this now? "I don't know, Scotty" she began, the exasperation evident in her voice as she rolled her head on the back of the couch to look at him "Seeing as we don't know the sex I was thinking of a neutral colour. Creme or something"

"Well, we need to get some colour charts soon Lil. And we need to start thinking about furniture and..."

"Scotty, seriously! We've got 4 months until Bean is here and right now I'm tired and hungry. Can't we talk about this later?" she snapped.

Scotty was taken aback by Lilly's harsh tone. "Excuse me for caring Lil!" he exclaimed. Seeing the anger that flashed in Lilly's eyes he took a deep breathe and tried to calm himself down, the last thing he wanted right now was to get into a fight with Lilly. "Look, I just want to make sure everything is perfect for Bean, ok?"

Lilly saw the pain in Scotty's eyes and immediately felt guilty. It wasn't his fault that all she could think about right now was tearing his shirt off and licking the salty sweat she had seen earlier from Scotty's chest. She knew that that they did need to talk about decorating the nuresery, but right now she needed him to go home so she could relieve some of the sexual tension that had been building in her all day.

"I know Scotty" she said softly "It's just that it's been a long day and I want to relax right now ok?"

Scotty nodded, relieved that for now Lilly seemed to have calmed down slightly "I'll just go and see if the stew is ready"

Lilly groaned internally. She had forgotten about the stew they had made earlier. She could hardly chuck him out now as it was their routine that on the days he came round and cooked, they always had dinner together whilst watching a movie. Just a few more hours she thought, she just need to make it through a few more hours.

"Sure, sounds great" she said, making her voice as bright as she could muster at that moment.

Scotty busied himself with getting the stew out of the oven and dished a portion up for both of them. She tried to get up to set the table, but her 5 month pregnant body chose that exact moment to remind her of exactly how tired she was. Her back hurt, her feet hurt and her body ached from the exertion of spending nearly the entire day standing sorting out her clothes.

"Uh, Scotty, would you mind if we ate on the couch? I'm too tired to move"

"Sure thing, Lil" he said making his way into the living room with their bowls. "Wanna watch a scary movie seeing as it's Halloween tomorrow?"

Lilly wasn't keen on scary movies, not from what she had been through as a child and witnessed in her job, but she was still feeling incredible horny and at least there would be no romance in a scary movie.

"Ok. You'll have to see what's on On Demand though as I don't have any scary movies on DVD"

"Not keen on scary movies, huh Lil? Not going to send you into labour am I?" Scotty teased whilst scrolling through the choices and finally settling on an appropriate movie.

"Shut up and watch the movie" Lilly snapped back. She just wanted to get through the next couple of hours so he would go home and she could finally relieve some of the sexual frustration she was feeling. Perhaps the scary movie would distract her, there was always hope.


	17. Chapter 17

_Thanks for the lovely reviews, and as always, they are very much appreciated._

_Just to warn you this is definitely an M chapter... Hope you enjoy! P__lease bare in mind this is my first ever FF so consquently this is my first ever attempt at smut._

**_Disclaimer: _**_I currently own a servere dislike for change however, if that change were the ownership papers to Cold Case I might just be persuaded to change my opinion..._

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><p>Lilly Rush was bored and frustrated. She had just finished a particularly rough interview with a potential suspect, one in which Nick had to step in and restrain the <em>lovely<em> gentleman, and she was now stuck in the interview room writing up her notes. Suddenly she became aware of someone walking into the room and she turned around at the sound of the door being closed and locked behind her.

She barely had enough time to register that it was Scotty before his hands were in her hair and his lips were crushed against hers.

"Scotty!" she gasped, allowing his tongue to slip into her mouth and she couldn't stop her eyes from flickering shut or the moan that escaped from her throat. His kiss was so hot, so raw, so passionate, that if she wasn't already sat down she was sure her knees would have buckled. The heat from his lips flowed through her, engulfing her entire body, and she immediately felt her nipples tighten and herself grow wet.

Recovering from the initial shock of her partner kissing her like this, she twinned her tongue with his and started her own battled with Scotty tongue. She heard Scotty groan deep in his throat which only caused the fire within her to burn hotter. Her brain was screaming at her to stop, desperately firing off reason after reason why this was a bad idea, why she shouldn't be kissing her partner in the interrogation room at PPD, where they worked and where they could be caught at any moment, but her body, her traitorous body, had other ideas and she brought her arms up to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer.

Soon her neck began to ache at the odd angle so she tightened her grip around Scotty's neck and stood up just far enough so that she could twist round and perch on the table. Scotty wasted no time in melding their bodies together and the feel of his hard chest against her pebbled nipples caused the throbbing between her legs to intensify.

Lilly shivered as she felt Scotty's hands pull the shirt out from inside her trousers and grip her waist, his fingers caressing her back whilst his thumbs massaged her stomach. Suddenly kissing wasn't enough and she needed to feel Scotty's skin against her. Their location was the last thing on her mind as she frantically loosened his tie and all but ripped it from his neck, causing them to break their kiss.

She was desperate to ask why he was suddenly kissing her like there was no tomorrow. Part of her was scared to know the reason - hell, she was scared at what she was feeling, at how quickly her inhibitions had slipped away as a result of Scotty's fiery assault against her mouth - but the other part of her didn't care and just wanted Scotty to rip the clothes from her body and let him take her there and then on the interview room table. Hesitantly she risked looking into his eyes, eyes that were now ebony with sexual desire and all she could see was desperation, passion, and lust staring back at her, his eyes burning with such intensity that she gulped.

"Scotty?" she whispered, desperate, yet scared to know what was going on between them.

He didn't speak, didn't move, the only sign that he had heard her question was the increased tempo of his breathing as she felt his breath fluttering against her face and the burning passion within his eyes intensified. As she continued to look into his eyes an unspoken conversation took place and before she could stop herself, it was she who attacked his lips this time.

Her fingers yanked his shirt from his trousers and shakily started to unbutton his shirt. Scotty seemed to get the message as his fingers were rapidly undoing her shirt buttons too. He slipped the shirt from her shoulders and undid his cuff links allowing Lilly to push the shirt from his shoulders and all but rip the tee-shirt he wore underneath off.

They took a moment then to stare at each other and Lilly couldn't help but admire the light dusting of hair that graced his chest and the defined ridges of muscle that formed his torso. Scotty's hands reached down and he lifted the vest top she was wearing over her head.

His head came back down towards her then, but this time Scotty started to trail kisses down her neck towards her breasts. His hands were slowly making their way up her back towards her bra and Lilly felt her skin heat as Scotty's hand fiddled with the clasp of her bra. Her arms wrapped themselves around his waist and she massaged his back as best she could. Scotty soon had her bra undone and his fingers were slowly moving the straps down her shoulders. Letting go of his waist she allowed him to remove her bra completely.

Lilly moved to cover herself, suddenly self-conscious in the dim lighting of the interrogation room, but Scotty gently grabbed her hands and smiled at the sight before him. His eyes looked directly into hers as he lowered his mouth to suck on one of her nipples whilst his hand gently caressed the underside of breast. His other hand was gently massaging her other breast and she jerked against him as he pinched her nipple with his thumb and forefinger, causing her to cry out.

"Ah!" she hissed in pleasure.

Scotty simply smirked against her and continued his ministrations.

The force of Scotty's tortuous attention to her breasts caused Lilly to lean back slightly and she had to use one of her arms to support herself against the table as Scotty's assault on her breasts continued. She managed to wrap her other arm around his shoulders and twisted her hand into his hair allowing her to massage his scalp. Gently she brought her knee up to his hard dick and ran it up and down his entire length causing him to shudder.

She heard him groan and his mouth immediately shot up to hers to give her yet another erotic kiss. His hand moved down her leg to unzip the boot she was wearing and he roughly pulled it from her foot.

She smirked and pushed forward melding their now naked chests together, shoving her tongue deep into his mouth and exploring his hot orifice. He tasted like cinnamon and coffee and it was delicious.

Lilly didn't know what had come over her. They could be caught at any moment and there was no doubt that they would both lose their jobs if they were caught, but that just added the extra thrill of danger to something that felt so damn good that she never wanted it to stop, never wanted Scotty's body to leave hers ever again.

Scotty gripped her waist tightly and he groaned into her mouth as she continued to kiss him senseless. At their own accord her hands moved to his belt buckle and quickly undid it along with the hook and fly of his trousers. Her hands slipped inside his boxer briefs and she gripped his long, hard, pulsating cock in her hand, breathing a sigh of relief that Scotty Valens was every bit the blessed man she remembered. She started to move her hands up and down his impressive shaft flicking her thumb over the wet head of his dick occasionally. Scotty thrust himself into her hands and Lilly shuddered at the power she felt. The desire to have him inside her grew, as did the wetness between her thighs.

He stepped back then, whilst still maintaining the kiss, and moved his hands down her other leg to hastily removed her other boot. His hands quickly returned to her waist, this time unhooking and unzipping her trousers. He yanked her up off the table then causing her trousers to pool at her feet.

Not to be outdone, she shoved his underwear and trousers down his legs causing them to fall to the floor as well. He must have removed his shoes too as she felt him lower in the kiss. Their bodies were now almost perfectly aligned and the feeling turned the fire burning inside Lilly into an inferno. When Scotty's hand slipped inside her underwear and two of his fingers shoved their way inside of her, she had to rip her mouth away from his just so she could scream into his neck. It felt so good! At that moment she could've cared less that Scotty was finger fucking her in the interview room at PPD, she never wanted the delicious torture to end. Lilly struggled to keep standing and she had to tighten her grip round Scotty's shoulders to remain upright as her legs were shaking so much that she could barely support her weight.

Chuckling, Scotty used his other hand to divest her of her underwear, all the while thrusting his fingers in and out of her as his thumb gently and tenderly rubbed circles over her enlarged clit. He was being so diligent, so mindful of her needs, that her want for him almost became too much for her to handle.

"Need you!" she gasped desperately into Scotty's ear.

Scotty lips found hers then and his hand left her centre, gripping her waist and pushing her backwards onto the interrogation room table. Lilly arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders holding him close to her as she fell onto the cool, hard surface of the interview room table and her legs wrapped themselves around Scotty's waist immediately. She could feel him against her bare self and instinctively she reached down and grabbed his cock, lining his tip up with her entrance. Scotty's lips ripped from hers and he groaned at her wet heat.

"Now!" she commanded and at her command Scotty finally thrust himself into her.

She couldn't help but cry out at the sensation of Scotty reaching deep within her, filling her completely, and his lips quickly found hers as he silenced her with an erotic kiss once again. He continued thrusting into her hard and fast and she could barely keep up with the sensations she was feeling, it was too much, HE was too much.

Scotty removed her hands from his back and gently brought them above her head, holding them there and leaving her completely powerless against his almighty force. His fingertips grabbed the other side of the table allowing him additional leverage to thrust harder and penetrate her deeper, all the while her hands were gently pinned above her by Scotty's palms. Lilly senses went into overload and she was completely lost in Scotty, his intoxicating sense, his muscles rippling against her stomach each time he moved above her, the taste of his lips, the sound of his desperate moans. She couldn't think, she could only feel as she felt her orgasm approaching faster and faster with each thrust Scotty made inside her...

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><p>Scotty looked across at his partner who had fallen asleep on the couch not long after the movie had started. He had manoeuvred her so she was lying down and he was sat on some cushions on the floor, but now she was wriggling around on the couch and her skin was flushed. Was she having a nightmare?<p>

"Ah!" he heard her mumble and was immediately alert. Something about that tone reminded him of something, but he couldn't recall what. She was still asleep and didn't look distressed so he tried to go back to watching the movie.

Minutes later he heard her mumble again "Need you!" and suddenly his eyes widened as he remembered where he knew that tone from. It was from their night together. His eyes shot to his partner and he took in her flushed skin, the expression on her face, her writhing movements, her rapid breathing and the occasional moans she was emitting. Was Lilly having an erotic dream?

Suddenly he felt himself grow hard and that disturbed him. Here he was accidently intruding on Lilly's private moment and he was getting turned on? Lilly was his partner, he didn't feel that way about her! It was one night which they'd both agreed would never happen again. They had both agreed that, so why with each passing second was the desire for Lilly within him increasing and his cock getting harder and harder?

"Now!" she mumbled.

That's it, he had to leave. He couldn't wake her or carry her to her room in that condition, or his for that matter, and he had to go before he did something that he'd regret, something that could ruin their entire partnership and friendship.

He switched off the TV and just as he reached the door, Lilly screamed.

"Scotty!"

Wait! Her dream had been about him?

Lilly's eyes shot open and she realised she was no longer in the interrogation room, Scotty was not fucking her like she wished he would, and she was fully dressed and very much pregnant as she felt Bean kick her. She was on her couch, in her living room. Breathing a sigh of relief she sat up and her eyes opened wide in horror as she saw Scotty staring at her from her front door.

"Um, you were asleep Lil. I was just leaving." Scotty stated hurriedly.

Panic and embarrassment flooded Lilly. Did he know that she had just had the most fantastic sex dream? A sex dream that he had featured prominently in?

"Ok" she whispered. "See you tomorrow?"

"Sure thing Lil" he stated awkwardly and quickly exited her house, his coat strategically placed to hide the now very prominent bulge in his trousers.

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><p><em>So, this is the result of me being extremely bored in my System From Hell training today (seriously, the new "super-duper, going to make your life so much simpler" system quoted a premium of £67,000 compared to the non-system open market quote of £450. I'm not seeing the "simpler" bit yet...). Well, I lie, the Chapter was actually drafted already as, believe it or not, I have this story planned out on paper(!) but my mind started to wonder and this is the new version of the chapter.<em>

_Hopefully there will be another update at the weekend - you didn't think I'd make it easy for Scotty and Lilly did you? ;-) _


	18. Chapter 18

_As promised, here is the next instalment of Life Unexpected (technically it is still the weekend as there is 53 minutes in the UK until it's Monday, although I appreciate those readers "Down Under" are already living the dreaded Monday morning! LOL)._

_Thank you for the continued story alerts and reviews and I can assure you they really cheer me up. _

**_Disclaimer: _**_5 years ago today I was supposed to be meeting my best friend for lunch but her baby decided that it wanted to be born instead. So my friend bailed on me to go to the hospital and suffered through 7 hours of labour to have her beautiful daughter (needless to say I let her off missing lunch! LOL). __I think this means that her daughter now owes me a lunch however, I will accept the ownership papers for Cold Case in its place. In case you haven't guessed, I don't own Cold Case, although I do own the right to Tickle Torture my mate's daughter and feeding her e-numbers any time I please. That will get my friend back for her and her brothers Tickle Torturing me when I was a kid! :-p _

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><p>Lilly Rush was stood outside Philadelphia's largest baby equipment store waiting for her partner to arrive. She was freezing cold and not happy.<p>

Things had been awkward between Scotty and her ever since the day he had moved the furniture out of her spare room. It was becoming evident that he had witnessed her erotic dream and she may not have been as quiet as she'd hoped. Everytime they were in close proximity of each other he turned slightly red and often found excuses to leave the room. She had tried to talk to him about it, but he kept avoiding her. He had even cancelled their last two cooking lessons and she found that she really missed hanging out with him.

His cancelling on her, avoiding her and her general pent us sexual desire towards Scotty had meant that she had been pissed off with him when she did see him. Admittedly that was now mostly at work, and their poor cold case squad had been witness to more than a few of Scotty and hers verbal spars over the last couple of weeks. Stillman had even called them into his office on one occassion and threatened to trannsfer one of them if they couldn't work together anymore.

That was why she had been so surprised earlier that week when Scotty had suggested they go shopping for some baby furniture seeing as her spare room had now been cleared out. She'd thought it was too early, seeing as she was only 5½ months pregnant, but he had insisting saying that Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years was coming up and life would be getting hectic, so they had to shop now to give him time to decorate the nursery and assemble the furniture in time for Bean's arrival.

Reluctantly she had agreed, but now she wished she had insisted on shopping online instead. Their only day off together this week had been a Saturday which meant the shop was now heaving with people. She glanced around the car park once again and was relieved to see that Scotty had arrived so they could get this over and done with. However, her relief was short lived as walking beside Scotty was Rosa Valens.

Lilly's heart dropped to her stomach. She was almost positive that Scotty hadn't said anything to her about his mother accompanying them on their shopping trip, although much to her chagrin, she was starting to get "baby brain" due to her pregnancy and she was having problems remembering things (she'd even forgotten the name of the new ADA last week). She couldn't be sure he hadn't told her about his mother and that just frustrated her even more. There had been several instances over the past few weeks where Scotty had received a call from his mother whilst he was with her, and from the heated conversation in Spanish that followed, she'd got the distinct impression that his mother was still not happy about the pregnancy and that Scotty was still getting a hard time about it from her. That's why she was so confused to see Rosa here now.

"Hey Lil" Scotty greeted her awkwardly "you remember my Mum don't you?"

"Yes, hello Mrs Valens" Lilly greeted her politely, trying to hide her nervousness and confusion.

"Hello Lilly. Is your mother not joining us?" Rosa queried. "I thought she would have enjoyed shopping for her grandchild?"

"Um, my mother and I aren't close" Lilly replied with a hint of embarrassment and sadness coating her tone. Truth was, she didn't know where her mother was living at the moment, last she heard she'd got married for the fourth time to some guy called Jackie. She hadn't even told her she was pregnant. Even if she had, she doubted her mother would have cared.

"Really?" Rosa said with surprise "well it's tradition in the Valens' household that the grandparents to be buy the pram, so when Scotty mentioned you were coming shopping today I insisted on coming along"

"Ma, that's really not nec-"Scotty tried to argue, but was silenced by a look from Rosa.

"I may not agree with how you and Scotty are planning to raise this child, but it is still my grandchild and your father and I will buy its pram. We're only buying one though, so I assume you two will share it?" Rosa said looking between the two of them.

Scotty and Lilly looked at each other and nodded in response.

"Good, let's get going then" and with the Rosa led the way into the store.

"What's she doing here?" Lilly hissed to Scotty once she was sure Rosa was far enough away that she wouldn't hear their conversation.

"She's been nagging me for weeks about coming shopping Lil" Scotty whispered.

"So you knew she was coming?" Lilly whispered angrily.

The sheepish look on Scotty's face made Lilly even more annoyed.

"So you decided to lie to me? Why didn't you tell me she was coming?" Lilly demanded in a hushed tone.

"I didn't lie, Lil, you never asked if she was coming" Scotty began, receiving a stare so cold he thought it could have melted the ice outside "But would you have come if you'd known she'd be here?"

Lilly's lack of response and sullen look on her face was all the answer he needed.

Scotty sighed, he had a feeling that today was not going to go well.

XXX

Four hours later Lilly Rush and Scotty Valens were stood in the middle of Philadelphia's largest baby store completely overwhelmed. Philadelphia's hardest criminals they could deal with, screaming children running riot, overly chirpy shop assistants and Rosa Valens they could not.

Having browsed the various "travel systems" available to them, Scotty and she had decided they wanted a travel system they could just clip a car seat into, but that also had an attachment to convert it into a pushchair when the baby was older. Rosa Valens had disagreed and insisted that her grandchild was having a proper pram.

Eventually they had all agreed on a travel system that had a carry cot that could be used as a pram, but the travel system could also be used to clip a car seat on and then also converted into a pushchair for when the baby got older, right up into its toddler years. The added advantage of the carry cot was that they could get a stand and double it up as a crib for when the baby was first born.

Next had come the argument over the cot and changing table. Rosa had wanted Scotty and Lilly to get white as it "is most fitting for a baby". Lilly had insisted on oak to match her floors and had won that argument based on the fact it was going in her house and Scotty and she were paying for it. Scotty and she also decided on a cream colour scheme for Bean's room which would match the oak paneling that already covered the bottom half of the walls and floor in Bean's room. They had been lucky enough to find a teddy bear set that had a cream background with cute brown teddies on it and the range had included curtains, bedding and even a matching border they could use on the walls.

Scotty had not fared well though when he had told his mother that he was just going to get a travel cot to put the baby in. An argument had ensued between mother and son, and Scotty had managed to appease his mother by agreeing that she could help decorate the room in his new apartment when he moved next year.

After that Scotty and Lilly had got lost in the amount of baby paraphernalia they apparently needed and were actually quite thankful that Rosa had joined them. It certainly helped to have someone with them who knew what it was like to raise a child and who could give them tips on the quantity of stuff they needed – she'd also stopped them from getting sucked into buying gimmicky items that in practice they probably didn't need and wouldn't use.

Reaching the checkout, Scotty looked over a Lilly and saw just how overwhelmed and tired she looked. He also realised that it was past lunch time and she must be feeling hungry too.

"Hey Lil, how about when all of this is paid for we all grab lunch together? I know a great little bar just round the corner."

Lilly looked up at him. The idea of lunch with Scotty sounded great and she realised that apart from their little tiff when he had first arrived with Rosa, they had not argued with each other once during their shopping trip. She'd enjoyed hanging out with him and sharing this experience and she realised just how nice it was to be in his company again. Her stomach growled loudly and she realised just how hungry she was so lunch together sounded great.

"I'd love to Scotty, but I'm not sure your Mum wants to spend any more time with me. Perhaps we should leave it until another day?"

"Nah Lil. My Mum's in her element, she loves this baby stuff, and she can get to know you over lunch."

Lilly's stomach growled again and Bean started squirming around, reminding her that she did indeed need to eat sooner rather than later.

"Ok, if you're sure?"

"Yeah Lil. Now lets max out our credit cards and get going" Scotty replied with a smile.

He'd missed spending time with Lilly. Shopping with her this morning had reminded him of what a great person she was and he realised how much he'd missed hanging out with her.

The night he'd caught Lilly having a dream about him he had gone home and taken a cold shower in a vain attempt at reducing his hard-on. Unfortunately that hadn't worked as all he could think about was how great it would be if Lilly were with him in the shower, and he'd ended up turning the heat up and relieving himself in the shower whilst picturing Lilly mouth wrapped around his cock. Ever since then he hadn't been able to look at her without picturing her in various erotic positions or having a flash back to the night they had slept together. Everyday after work he had to "relieve" himself - or as he'd come to think of them: "Lilly Sessions" - almost as soon as he'd come through the door to his apartment, not being able to contain the desire he felt for Lilly every day at work a moment longer. He tried to be out of the office as much as possible now, but some days that wasn't possible and there had been a few occassions where he had to have a "Lilly Session" in the bathroom at Central PPD just so that he could get through the rest of the day. Mornings weren't much better as his nights were filled with erotic dreams of Lilly and, more often then not, he awoke with morning wood which he would have to take care of before going into work.

He hadn't masturbated this much since he was a teenager and it scared him somewhat that he could barely contain his desire for Lilly. He'd even cancelled their cooking lessons as he was afraid that he might not be able to control himself around her.

Now though, now he'd proved to himself that he could spend an extended amount of time with Lilly and not picture her naked and that pleased him. It meant that they could go back to normal and start hanging out again. He could even understand why she was bitching at him if her dreams were anything like his, hell, he was acting just as badly as she was if he was being honest with himself. He didn't know why Lilly was suddenly turning him on; maybe it was the fact that she was carrying his child? Some deep rooted caveman thing?

Baby items purchased and delivery date arranged, Scotty asked Rosa to join them for lunch and he was relieved when she agreed. He knew life would be getting harder with a new baby on the scene and he really wanted his family to get on with Lilly. All three of them headed towards the bar that Scotty knew talking about nothing in particular.

The bar wasn't too crowded given that the main lunch rush was over and they headed towards a free table at the back of the bar, that's when Lilly heard it.

"Lilly?" a slurred voice said from behind her.

It couldn't be, could it? Stopping she turned around and for the second time that day her heart dropped into her stomach.

"Lilly!" the woman slurred again and grabbed Lilly into a bear hug.

"Mum? Why are you here? Where's Jackie? I thought you got married again" Lilly said in confusion. Why did this have to be happening now in front of Scotty and his Mum? She thought Rosa was just beginning to warm to her but that was sure to disappear once she met Ellen Rush.

"He left me, Lilly" Ellen Rush said sadly "So I came here, and Edward here, he likes me" Ellen slurred with a smile, gesturing towards the barman.

Edward the barman just rolled his eyes. "I'm cutting you off ma'am" he said to Ellen. Turning towards Lilly "You know her?"

"She's my Mum." Lilly said in a dead tone.

"But don't you think we could be sisters?" Ellen said with a giggle, lunging sideways.

"Mum!" Lilly yelled, catching her before she fell over.

Ellen blinked, as if trying to focus her eyes, and looked at Lilly again.

"Lilly, you're pregnant!"

Lilly concentrated on getting her mother to stand up. "Mum, are you ok?" she queried once she managed to steady Ellen on a stool.

"You're pregnant! Did you get married? Why didn't you tell me you got married?" Ellen asked excitedly.

Lilly crossed her arms protectively across Bean. "No Mum, I'm not married."

Ellen tone changed immediately and she snorted at Lilly "At least I got your father to marry me. Fat lotta good that did though, still ran off and left me." Ellen stopped her tirade long enough to take a swig of her drink. "So what happened Lilly? The father couldn't break through that icy exterior of yours so he ran off? All these years you've judged me and now you're gonna know what it's like. How does that make you feel? Huh? Not so self-righteous now are you?"

Lilly wished the ground would open up and swallow her, never had she been more embarrassed and ashamed in her whole life. She was about to respond when the most unlikeliest person came to her defence.

"Your Lilly's mother?" Rosa Valens came from behind her.

"And you are?" Ellen slurred.

"The only grandmother that Lilly's child will ever know. This is Scotty Valens, my son and the father of that child, and I can assure you that I will makesure Scotty will be in that child's life until my very last breath leaves my body. They may not be married, but my son and our family will never, ever, abandon the child like you have abandoned Lilly. She will not be on her own and that child will be loved more than you can ever imagine. That child is our family and always will be. Now Lilly, Scotty, come on. I'm sure we can find somewhere else to eat. Goodbye Ms Rush, I hope I never have the displeasure of meeting you ever again".

Lilly was paralysed. She literally couldn't move. Rosa Valens, who hated her for bring shame on her family, had just stood up for her?

"Come on, Lil?" Scotty whispered gently, wrapping his arm around her waist.

Slowly Scotty and Lilly headed outside. Lilly turned around once and would never forget the shocked look on her mother's face. "Bye Mum" she whispered with finality, suddenly feeling faint.

Once outside Rosa grabbed Lilly tenderly by her arms to help steady her and looked her directly in the eye.

"I'm going to ask you some questions and I want you to answer them honestly, ok?" Rosa began.

Lilly nodded, she didn't think she was capable of speech at the moment as she was too choked with emotion.

"How long has your mother been like that?"

"For as long as I can remember" Lilly replied in a choked whisper.

"You didn't have an easy childhood did you?"

Lilly shook her head, to emotional to speak.

"Lilly, you didn't plan on getting pregnant did you?"

Again she shook her head.

"Did you want the baby when you found out that you were pregnant?"

Lilly looked directly into Rosa's eyes and shook her head, tears welling in her eyes.

"What changed your mind?"

"At the first scan, I...I...heard the heartbeat and s...s..saw it on the screen and I...I.. immediately fell in love. I c...c...couldn't get rid of Bean even if I had wanted to" Lilly whispered emotionally.

Rosa stared at her and Lilly felt like she was looking into her soul. Gently Rosa Valens pulled Lilly into a hug and she couldn't help the choked sob that escaped her throat.

"Shush, it's ok. That's it cry it all out" Rosa soothed, into Lilly's hair. "You don't need to worry, you and the baby are part of our family now, hush, it's going to be ok".

Lilly had never experienced this kind of love before and it just made her sob harder into Rosa's shoulder. This is what she'd always hoped her mother would be like.

Scotty watched the whole exchange between Lilly and his mother and was shocked. He'd never known that Lilly hadn't wanted Bean originally, and having just witnessed the encounter with her mother, he now realised just how hard Lilly's childhood must have been. She mentioned a few things in their time working together, but he'd always assumed she'd just remembered the worst times. Now though, now he was beginning to realise there may never have been any good times in her childhood. He vowed from now on that Lilly and Bean where never going to experience any bad times.

"Scotty, how about you get Lilly's car and drive her back to our house and I'll fix us a late lunch? I'm starved and I'm sure Lilly must be too, especially carrying _mi nieto. _I'll drive your car back, ok?"

"I don't want to put you out" Lilly choked out.

"Don't be silly, child. You're one of us now and you're always welcome, ok." Rosa said with a tender smile, gently cupping Lilly's cheek and wiping the tears away.

Lilly nodded, a watery smile appearing on her face. She was still so overwhelmed by the day's events.

"Come on, Lil." Scotty said, gently grabbing her round the waist again and guiding her back towards the store and their cars. She just looked so pale and fragile, like a china doll, that he thought she might break.

"Thanks" she whispered to Scotty and Rosa.

"Anytime Lil" Scotty whispered in reply, brushing his lips against her temple.

Rosa walked behind them as they headed back to their cars, a knowingly smile on her face. The way Scotty was looking at Lilly and the way Lilly let her son care for her, well, there may be hope for them yet.

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><p><em>Ok, so I know it's out of character for Lilly to cry so much, but I figure pregnancy hormones mixed with tiredness, hunger and 36 years of built up emotions has got to come out eventually right?<em>


	19. Chapter 19

_Wow! I can't believe the story has received over 100 reviews already! Thank you for all your support and it has really cheered me up over the past few weeks which have been tough. I've just read them all through again and I can't believe how nice some of them are, or how I missed their tone on the first read through, and apologies for not responding individually but life has been mainc. Please keep them coming though!_

_Anyway, on with the story. I'll warn you now that this chapter is pretty angsty and very long, but I couldn't find a suitable place to split it so I decided to just post it all in one go. Happy reading! Oh, and you might want to make yourself a cuppa before you settle down to read this..._

**_Disclaimer: _**_Well, thanks to the MD of the company I work for I now own a self-help book, unfortunately the ownership papers to Cold Case were not included._

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><p>Not for the first time since she found out she was pregnant, Lilly Rush could not believe the situation she was currently in. She was lying on her partner's childhood bed with his nephew curled up beside her as he played a game of "poke and kick" with Bean. Despite the discomfort Bean's kicks were causing her, she couldn't help but run her fingers through his hair and smile down affectionately at Emilio Valens as he poked her bump and giggled every time that Bean kicked his hand in response. It really was one of the most adorable things she had ever seen and heard.<p>

Ever since the Rush-Valens shopping excursion 2 weeks ago, Rosa Valens had done everything in her power to ensure that Lilly had well and truly been adopted into the Valens family, and that included spending Thanksgiving with them. Despite Lilly's protests that she was happy to spend Thanksgiving working, Rosa Valens would not hear of it and had gone so far as to speak with Stillman directly after returning with Scotty one lunchtime in order to make sure she had the time off work. Stillman was more than happy to sign off some of her lost hours, despite Lilly's protests, so here she was, spending the day with the Valens'.

Scotty and she had arrived at 10am and had been greeted by Scotty's brother Mike, his wife Alegria and their son Emilio. Scotty had warned her that Emilio was excited about his new cousin, but she'd had no idea at just _how _excited he would be. At first he had been confused when he couldn't find his cousin, but when Alegria had explained that his cousin was still in "Aunty" Lilly's belly, Emilio had promptly thrown himself at her bump and started talking animatedly about all the things they could do together when Bean was no longer in Aunty Lilly's tummy. She had been both overwhelmed at just how cute Scotty's nephew was and how much he cared, but also un-nerved that she was suddenly an Aunty. She's always known that Bean would be part of Scotty's family, but she'd never in a million years thought she would be too, and it had taken all her self-control to stop herself from panicking at the thought.

She'd never experienced family like this and it was kind of a novelty; it was also overwhelming. Rosa was calling her daily, much to Scotty's chagrin, and Ramiro and Rosa had already popped over twice with food since the fateful shopping trip and encounter with her mother. She was touched that they cared so much about her eventhough they barely knew her, even 3-year old Emilio was happy about the new addition to the Valens clan, it's just that it was a lot to take on board when she had not really had any family involvement for the past 20 years of her life. Overall though it made her more appreciative that Scotty was Bean's father and that at least he was going to be able to give Bean the type of family setting she would never be able to.

As she lay there running her hand through Emilio's hair, listening to his childish giggles and trying not to wince at Bean's movements, she revelled in the innocence of the moment and her mind began to wonder back to her own childhood and the events of the past year. She was startled out of her reverie when she heard Scotty's voice coming from the doorway.

"Hey Em, why don't you let Aunty Lilly and Bean rest, huh? It's a long day and you don't want to tire Aunty Lilly and your cousin out before dinner"

"But Uncle Scotty I'm playing with my cousin!" Emilio began to whine.

"I know, but I hear that Abuelo has some sweets downstairs..."

"Yeeeeeeey!"

And with that, 3-year old Emilio Valens disappeared downstairs.

"Hey" Scotty greeted her quietly, a soft smile still evident on his face from the scene he had just witnessed between Lilly and Emilio.

Scotty came and sat down on the edge of the bed, handing Lilly a hot water bottle and absently beginning to rub Lilly distended abdomen gently "You ok? Ma said your back and feet were hurting? Thought this might help" he said, nodding to the hot water bottle.

"Thanks" Lilly said gratefully placing the hot water bottle on her lower back. "I'm fine really, your Mum worries too much" Lilly replied softly with a smile. "She saw me rubbing my back whilst yawning as I was cutting some vegetables and ordered me up here to sleep".

"You're sure that's all it is?" Scotty asked, concern written all over his face.

"I'm sure" Lilly replied with a tired smile "Don't you have a football game to get back to?" Lilly teased.

"Nah, it's half time" Scotty replied with a smirk "Thought I'd come up here and rescue you from Emilio. I did warn you he was excited about having a cousin! You're his new favourite Aunty by the way."

A yawn overcame Lilly and Scotty took a moment then to really look at her. He noticed the dark circles that had formed under her eyes, circles she had obviously hidden well with make-up. Now that he was really looking at her, he realised that Bean must also have had a growth spurt as Lilly's bump had gotten a lot larger. Although he thought Lilly still looked amazingly svelte given that she was nearly 29 weeks pregnant, he knew she was gaining weight healthily from the doctor's appointments he'd attended with her, so that meant her bump was definitely bigger because Bean had grown. On her small frame her bump did look large and he made a mental note to ask the doctor how big Bean was at their next appointment. He realised then that it was less than 2 weeks until she hit her third trimester and it wouldn't be long until Bean made its appearance. The pregnancy was obviously started to take a toll on Lilly and he felt even guiltier that she was the one having to go through this.

"I'm sorry, Lil" he stated apologetically.

"For what?" Lilly asked confused.

"That you're the one that has to go through this" he replied, his guilt ridden eyes meeting Lilly.

Lilly couldn't help but roll her eyes at his statement. His ridiculously _Scotty _statement.

"I'll let you in on a secret, Valens. I actually quite like this whole pregnancy thing" she replied conspiratorially.

"Yeah?" Scotty asked hopefully.

"Yeah. I don't know, it makes me feel like I have a purpose in life, like my body is doing what it's supposed to do or something. I don't know, it's hard to explain. Stupid huh?"

"Nah Lil, that's great" Scotty replied, somewhat reassured that she didn't blame him for the current discomfort she was feeling.

An idea popped into Scotty's head. He may not be able to cure her tiredness or the aches and pains of pregnancy, but there was one thing he could do. Decision made, he scooted down to the end of the bed and moved so that his back was against the wall and his legs were spread out across the bed.

"Scotty?" Lilly asked quizzically whilst trying to turn round and look at Scotty.

"Relax Lil" and with that he gently lifted Lilly legs into his lap and started to massage her feet. He couldn't help the small smile that appeared on his face when he heard Lilly groan.

"Oh! That feels so good!" Lilly moaned.

"Least I can do Lil" Scotty replied, feeling slightly less guilty that at least he could help Lilly a little bit as he felt her start to relax.

He lost track of time as he massaged Lilly's feet and was startled when he heard Lilly's voice.

"Do you think I'll make a good mother, Scotty?"

Scotty was baffled. Lilly was going to be a great mother, how could she think she would be anything less?

"'Course Lil. Look how great you've been with Emilio today. I don't know where you get your patience" he reassured "Why do you ask?"

He was alarmed when he heard a sob come from the other end of the bed and his head whipped round to find Lilly's arms covering her head, as if she was embarrassed to be crying in front of him. Swiftly but gently he placed Lilly's legs on the bed and came to sit in front of her on the floor. Tenderly he grabbed one of her arms in his hand and prised it away from her head. The sight that greeted him broke his heart, Lilly's perfect make up was smudged and her mascara had run all down her face from the tears she had already shed.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Scotty asked concernedly, whilst his other hand wiped the tears off her checks and out of her eyes. "Shhhh, it's ok, whatever it is we can work it out"

Lilly just started to cry harder and panic started to rise within him. Was she in pain? Was there something wrong with Bean?

"Lil...?" he tried again.

Lilly's sobbing intensified and he really started to worry that she was going to trigger premature labour if she didn't calm down soon.

"Hey Lil, you have to calm down, ok? Tell me what's wrong. Is it your back?"

Lilly shook her head vigorously. "N ...n...no. I...I...I don't want...to be... like... him!"

Scotty was confused "Who Lil? Who don't you want to be like?"

"George!" Lilly chocked out. The volume of her voice was barely above a whisper, but to him the word sounded like it had been screamed from the top of a Swiss mountain, reverberating around and around his head like an echo in a mountain range.

Scotty's confusion intensified. "Lil, you're nothing like him"

Lilly's sobs started again, raking her body with each gasp of air she took. Scotty hand started to rub her back in desperate attempt to get her to calm down whilst his other hand rested on top of her head, his thumb desperately trying to stem the flow of tears coming from her eyes.

"You...you don't understand! He...he said I...I was just like...like him! In the attic. He...he said if I pulled the trigger...I was just like him!"

Scotty felt sick to his stomach. How could Lil think she was anything like George? The serial killer that had hunted down and murdered women for fun. What had he said to her to make her think that? They'd never discussed what had happened in that attic. When she'd come down it was evident that something had happened and she'd changed, but they were cops, and cops didn't talk about things like that. Maybe that's why he'd slept with her? To try and revive the part of Lilly that had so obviously been lost that night.

"Lil, you're nothing like him, I promise."

Scotty's words of reassurance only caused Lilly to cry even harder and the panic and worry inside Scotty to intensify.

"Lilly, hey, please calm down. For Bean. For me, please?" Scotty pleaded with her.

Lilly's eyes met his and he saw her try and take a few deeper breaths in an attempt to calm down.

"That's it Lil, just breathe. Just a few more breaths" Scotty encouraged her gently.

10 minutes later and Lilly's breathing was under control, although she was still trembling uncontrollably. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to know why she thought she was like George and why she thought she would make a bad mother, but on the other hand, he didn't want to upset her again. Finally gaining courage, he asked the question he had been dreading.

"Lil, what happened with you and George in the attic? 'Cos if there's one thing I'm certain of Lil, it's that you are nothing like George."

Tears started to form in Lilly's eyes again and Scotty wondered if he had made the right decision.

Lilly's eyes met his as she took a deep breath and started to speak "I am Scotty. We're both fighters".

Scotty was confused. George had not fought any of the women he had murdered, on the contrary, he had hunted them.

"No Lil, he was a hunter. His victims were the fighters"

Lilly closed her eyes and took another deep breath. "In the attic. It wasn't his mother that was raped, it was him. His mother told Jacob where he was hiding and Jacob raped him. George fought though" she whispered "Just like I did. We were both fighters and he said if I shot him first, then I was just like him".

Scotty was shocked and appalled. How dare George think it was ok to murder innocent people because of what had happened to him? How dare he think it was ok to murder those women, those women who had already fought their attackers? How dare he make Lilly think he was like him? How could Lilly even think she was remotely like George?

Wait! Fighters? Lil had just said she fought back? Fought back against who? He knew she'd had a bad childhood, but who had she fought? His mind jumped back to the interrogation room when they had first tried to get George to confess. It couldn't be, could it?

"Lil, what did he read in your 49 report?" Scotty asked, concern evident in his voice.

Lilly took a deep breath and opened her eyes and Scotty saw the uncertainty in her face. He tenderly stroked a hand along her jaw, and that's when he felt it. I slight bump in her jaw bone. Anger boiled inside him. What had happened to Lilly for her to have a bump in her jaw bone?

"Lil, I don't want to make you tell me what happened to you, but I'd like to know. Is it anything I need to worry about?" he asked hesitantly.

Lilly's mind was in turmoil. Being with the Valens' had stirred up all sorts of emotions. Truth be told, this was her first proper Thanksgiving in her 36 years of existence. Her mother had never bothered with the holiday, preferring to spend money on booze rather than food to celebrate it with. Her memories of Thanksgiving were either being stuck in some bar whilst her mother searched for a new man, or being left at home alone to look after her sister.

Spending time with Emilio today had made her think of her own mother, and that had led her to think about George. Suddenly she had been filled with a bone-chilling fear that she was like George and her mother, and that somewhere down the line she was going to sell Bean out just like her mother had sold her out for a drink. Scotty deserved to know what a screw-up she was going to be as a mother surely?

Taking a deep breath, she realised she was going to have to do something she had never done before. She was going to have to trust Scotty with her story. Out of all of her previous boyfriends, only one had known about the attack and that had been Ray, mainly because he had lived through it with her. Scotty wasn't her boyfriend though, he was her partner, and the cop inside her said her partner didn't need to know what had happened to her. However, her mothering instincts were screaming at her to tell Scotty as he was the father of her child.

She looked Scotty directly in the eye as she told him her story "I was attacked. When I was 10. It was late, dark outside, and my mother needed a drink, so she told me to go get it for her. The local store knew my Mum and her...situation... and would let me buy alcohol. On the way there, a guy started to follow me. I ran and he ran after me, forced me into an alley and demanded my money. I gave him all I had, but it turns out that wasn't enough" Lilly let out a humourless chuckle before continuing "He started to hit me. Over and over again he beat me, laughing the whole time, until I couldn't see anymore. I didn't want to die, so I fought with everything I had. I don't remember much after the first few punches, but I remember feeling my jaw and teeth break, the blood filling my mouth and not being able to scream after that. Hell, I could barely breathe as I was choking on my own blood! Some homeless guy disturbed him and he ran off."

Lilly had to stop then as another wave of emotion washed over her and she closed her eyes and started sobbing again.

"Don't you see?" she choked out "I _am_ like him. His mother sold him out and my mother did the same to me! I'm going to sell Bean out somewhere along the line and Bean will end up like George. I'm going to be a terrible mother! You can't deny I'm a workaholic, Scotty. I'm going to end forgetting about Bean and selling my child out for work, just like my mother did to me for booze. What was I thinking? I can't do this! I can't be a mother!" Lilly was becoming more and more hysterical with passing second and her sobs were getting closer and closer together, until she just couldn't speak anymore.

Scotty became more and more horrified as he listened to Lilly's story. How could anyone put a child through that, let alone their own daughter? He wanted to find Ellen Rush and inflict the same pain on her that Lilly had suffered. He wanted to dig up George's grave just so he could tear apart what was left of him. He wanted to hit something, wanted to make Lilly's pain go away. However, he was more worried about Lilly's emotional state at the moment and the effect it might be having on Bean. He was deperate for her to calm down and he sought to comfort her.

"Breathe Lil, come on Lil, just breathe" he soothed.

After a few minutes he was relieved to see that Lilly's breathing seemed to be under control once again. "Lilly, look at me" he commanded gently as he continued to wipe the tears off her face. "Come on, Lil. Just open your eyes and look at me".

Another minute passed and Lilly's eyelids fluttered open. The pain and fear he saw in her eyes took Scotty's breath away.

"Lilly, I promise you I will shoot you before you become anything like George" Scotty began seriously.

A choked laugh escaped Lilly and he took that as a sign to continue.

"And as for selling Bean out, I don't think you're capable of it. You went on desk duty as soon as you could Lil. Voluntarily! In case you haven't noticed, you've let people help you. You don't carry heavy boxes, you've stopped drinking coffee, you've learnt to cook, you're eating more, and you're exercising like the doctor told you. You've even made some friends at yoga and swimming, right?" Lilly nodded. "No one had to force you to do any of this stuff Lil; you did it because you already love Bean more than you love your job. So, do I worry about you being a good mother? No Lil, because you already are"

Lilly was taken aback by Scotty's words. She wanted to thank him, wanted to tell him how much his words meant to her, but she was just too overcome with emotion to speak. She let her eyes bore into his, trying to convey her message and she grabbed his wrist, as if that gesture alone would show him he had just saved her from an abyss from which she doubted she would recover.

Scotty watched as Lilly continued to cry, feeling completely helpless. What more could he do to show Lilly how great a mother she already was, how great a _person_ she was? Suddenly her hand came up and grabbed his wrist voraciously and he saw the desperation, the despair and fear in her eyes. Slowly he got off the floor and slid onto the bed. Lilly moved over to make room for him and he gathered her into his arms, rubbing his hands up and down her back to help calm her, whilst she held onto him like there was no tomorrow, all the time literally crying onto the shoulder of his navy blue shirt.

After what seemed like an eternity he felt her breathing even out and her grip on him loosen. He was relieved to find that she had fallen asleep and Scotty rolled onto his back, whilst maintaining his firm grip on Lilly and holding her against his side. Lilly's leg slid over both of his and she shifted closer to him, her arm draped across his broad chest and her head pillowed on his shoulder allowing Bean to rest against his abdomen.

Downstairs he could hear that the football game had resumed and with any other woman, even Elisa, he would have left and returned to watch the end of the game. However, after what Lilly had just revealed the last thing he wanted to do was watch the TV. He wanted, no he needed, to hold her, to reassure himself that she was ok and that she wasn't as broken as he feared she was. Lilly wasn't going to wake up on her own, he was going to stay here and tell her again and again how great she was, how she was nothing like George and how he was grateful she was the mother of his child until she finally believed in herself again.

He couldn't comprehend what she had been through as a child and what George had done to her in that attic. Sure, she was alive physically, but mentally she had been suffering and he had no idea. Anger boiled inside him, he was mad at Ellen Rush, he was mad at George Marks, he was mad at himself and part of him was even mad at Lilly for not trusting him before now. He thought about all the things his parents had done for him, and still did for him without a second thought, and he thought about how much Lilly had missed out on. He vowed to himself that neither Lilly nor Bean would ever miss out on any family celebration ever again, whether Lilly liked it or not, she was now part of his family. He couldn't change her past, but he could sure as hell makesure her future would be better than her past, and that's exactly what he planned to do.

Scotty was pulled out of his thoughts by the feeling of a small punch to his stomach and a wave of joy rushed through him as he realised that it was Bean moving against him. He realised that he'd never held Lilly like this since she'd become pregnant and his hands were the only part of him that had felt Bean move. Feeling it with his stomach was a completely different sensation and a small smile appeared on his face as he realised this was probably the closest he was ever going to come to feeling "pregnant". Lilly was right, the feeling was amazing and he once again was thankful that he had helped create another human being.

As he felt Bean's movement intensify against him he knew it wouldn't be long before Lilly would be stirred from her sleep. Soon enough he felt her begin to stir and he tilted his head down to greet her as she awoke.

Lilly groaned as she felt Bean squirming around inside her. She was so tired, why did Bean have to wake up now when it felt like she had just gone to sleep? She moved to turn and change position in the hope that Bean would go back to sleep, when she became aware that someone's arm was around her and she wasn't hugging her pile of pillows like she normally did. Her eyes shot open and she realised that she was literally lying on top of someone's body. Panic flooded her and she started to pull away, but she was held in place by the stranger's arm. Her head shot up to meet the kind eyes of her partner and she instantly relaxed.

"Hey Lil, it's just me. It's ok" Scotty soothed.

She knew she should roll away, but Scotty was holding her firmly against him and he really was a very comfortable pillow. She lowered her head back down and started to relax again when the events of earlier that day hit her and she once again tried to squirm away. Scotty just held her in place.

"Shhhh Lil, just relax"

"Scotty..." she began, horror and embarrassment flooding through her "I'm sorry..."

"Shhhh, you ain't got nothing to be sorry about you hear." Scotty emphasized as he rolled onto his side and tilted her chin so he was starring straight into her eyes. "Listen to me Lil. You're nothing like George ok? You've got one of the biggest hearts I know, you care about so many people Lil, seriously Lil, I don't know how you do it. I'm proud that you are the mother of my child and I meant what I said earlier, you're already a great mother. You've made so many sacrifices and not moaned about them once. You gotta know Lil I wouldn't change anything that's happened between us, not one thing, ok?".

Lilly simply nodded and swallowed thickly, once again overcome with gratitude towards Scotty and the kindness of his words.

"Thanks" she whispered "for everything".

"No problem, Lil." he whispered right back.

"I do feel better Scotty" she whispered, and she really did. She felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She had told Scotty her story and he didn't blame her, didn't judge her, he just...reassured and supported her.

"Sleep Lil" he commanded softly.

"I'm not sure if..." she tried to protest weakly.

"No Lil. Let me do this for you. For once, let someone do something for you."

Lilly knew she should insist he leave, knew she should roll away - after all she was Lilly Rush, she didn't _need _anyone - but she was so tired and it was so nice resting against Scotty's warm body and for once having someone to just hold her. She moved closer to him and started to curl herself around him. As if knowing its father was near, Bean started to settle and a wave of happiness washed over her as she felt Bean move itself in her uterus so that its head was resting against Scotty's stomach, almost as if Bean was pillowing its head against its father.

Scotty let go of the breath he didn't know he'd been holding when he felt Lilly once again start to relax against him. A small smile crept on his face as he felt Bean move and it felt like Bean had moved to rest its head against his stomach. Scotty heard Lilly's breathing even out and he was relieved that she had fallen asleep again.

He didn't know how long he lay there holding Lilly as she slept, processing all the things she had just revealed, but the serenity in his old room was disturbed when the door flew open and Emilio Valens came running in.

"Uncle Scotty, Aunty Lilly! Dinner's ready! Yeeeeey!" he yelled.

Scotty felt Lilly and Bean jolt awake against him and he turned his head fully intent on giving Emilio the most fierce glare he had given anyone. However, he was surprised to see that Mike had quickly followed Emilio into the room.

"Emilio! I told you to be quiet!" he chastised his son. "Sorry guys. Dinner's ready and Emilio was desperate to come and get you. You've been up here for hours and I didn't know what we'd find" Mike said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Scotty was about to get up and punch his brother for his inuendo when he felt Lilly raise her head off his shoulder.

"It's my fault Mike" she began sleepily. "Scotty was giving me a back massage and I fell asleep on him".

"Is that what they're calling it nowadays" Mike replied suggestively with a teasing smile on his face. "Come on Em" he said turning to his son "let's go tell Abuela that Uncle Scotty and Aunty Lilly will be down soon".

"Yeeeeeey!" Emilio screeched as he headed back out of the room, Mike quickly running after him.

"Sorry 'bout that. You ok?" Scotty queried, looking down at Lilly.

"Yeah, but you need to move or my bladder is going to burst" Lilly replied with urgency. She hadn't realised quite how desperate she was for the toilet until now, and with Bean currently kicking her bladder, she just hoped she could make it to the bathroom in time.

Like a flash of lightning, Scotty was out of the bed in seconds and had Lilly's hand in his before she had time to blink. He gently helped her off the bed and guided her to the bathroom as quickly as her body would allow her.

"I'll see you downstairs?"

"I'll be there in 2 minutes Scotty" she replied. "Oh and Scotty?"

"Yeah Lil"

"Save me a leg, I'm starving!"

Scotty chuckled, "Sure thing Lil" he replied as he headed downstairs to his first Thanksgiving with his family, because although Bean may not be there yet, Lilly and Bean were already his family and he vowed never to let anything bad happen to them ever again.

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><p><em>Well I hope you guys are still awake LOL! <em>

_BTW we don't have Thanksgiving in the UK so I've had to write thisthis based on the information gained from American TV sitcoms that feature Thanksgiving. From what I can make out, there is a turkey dinner, an American football game and people spend time with their friends and families. If I've got it wrong, blame the American TV industry LOL! _

_Oh, and __I promise the next chapter is a lot more light hearted!_


	20. Chapter 20

_Apologies for the delay in updating but one of my relatives died last Friday so I didn't get any writing done last weekend. The other reason for the delay is that this isn't the original Chapter 20! I wasn't going to write an actual Thanksgiving Day scene, but your reviews inspired me and thanks to Ebony10's help, I hope I've got it about right. _

_Enjoy reading, although you may want to make yourself comfortable before you start as its another long chapter (I could have split it but seeing as I haven't updated for 2 weeks I thought I would leave it as one)._

**_Disclaimer: _**_I don't own Cold Case but I do own a disfunctional family if anyone would like one?_

* * *

><p>Scotty Valens took a deep breath as he headed downstairs for Thanksgiving Dinner, Lilly's recent admissions still weighing heavily on soul. He couldn't worry about that now though. No, now he had think of a way of getting either his father or brother to surrender a turkey leg. It was tradition in the Valens household that his father always got one leg and Mike or Scotty would have the other leg on alternate Thanksgivings. Unfortunately for him, last year had been his year for the turkey leg which now meant he had some serious bribing to do in order that Lilly could have her turkey leg, because this was her first proper Thanksgiving and he was going to do everything in his power to make sure it was the best one she could possibly have. And if she wanted the turkey leg, well, she was going to have the turkey leg.<p>

Upon entering the living room he was immediately tackled by the whirlwind that was Emilio Valens.

"Uncle Scotty! Uncle Scotty! Guess what I did?" Emilio shouted.

"I don't know Em, what did you do?" Scotty asked, hoping that maybe it would give him some ammunition against Mike.

"I caught the ball all by myself!" Emilio shouted proudly.

"Wow Em that's great!" Scotty replied happily, although slightly saddened that he had missed the important milestone in his young nephew's life.

"Tell Uncle Scotty what else you did Em" Alegria prompted her son, joining them from the kitchen.

Confusion clouded Emilio's eyes and a slight frown creased his forehead as he thought about what his mother could be eluding to. His eyes brightened as he obviously remembered what his mother was talking about.

"I got a touchdown and beat Daddy!" Emilio cried joyously.

It was only then that Scotty saw his brother sat dejectedly on the couch. It was tradition that after the Thanksgiving football game had finished the Valens men would go outside and play a game of tag football before dinner. Last year Mike had played with Emilio on his shoulders, but this year Emilio had obviously decided he was old enough to play on his own - and had apparently beaten his father in the process.

Scotty couldn't help but burst out laughing when he saw his pouting brother on the couch.

"I slipped on the leaves, alright" Mike mumbled, shooting his brother a death glare.

"Come on guys, time to take you seats at the table" Alegria ordered, ushering everyone into the dining room.

"Hey Mike, a quick word" Scotty called after his brother quietly, nodding back him back inside the living room.

"What Scotty? Want to tease me that my 3 year old son beat me? Go ahead! Pa's already done a good job at that even though **I**beat him" Mike exclaimed angrily.

"Not exactly" Scotty began awkwardly.

"Then what?" Mike asked puzzled.

"It's just that, well, Lilly asked for the leg of the turkey..." Scotty continued.

"No!" Mike shouted with finality, turning and storming towards the dining room "No, she cannot have my leg! Just because you got some woman pregnant, does not mean she gets to have my leg! You had yours last year and I want mine this year!"

"Come on Mike! Scotty shouted after Mike, following him towards the dining room "It's one year and you can have my leg next year. I would do the same for Alegria" Scotty pleaded, desperate to make this meal perfect for Lilly.

"Well I was considerate enough to knock Alegria up so that she wasn't pregnant at Thanksgiving!" Mike shouted back. "Think about that next time you have a one night stand!" Mike yelled as they entered the dining room.

Scotty followed Mike into the dining room and was met by deathly silence. You could have heard a pin drop. At the sound of Mike's words his Mum had stopped dead in her tracks as she was headed back towards the kitchen, his Dad stared at him with wide eyes and Alegria had stopped her struggle at getting Emilio to sit in his boaster seat so he could reach the large table. That wasn't the worst thing though, Lilly, who had already been seated at the table, had turned bright red, her posture was as stiff as a board and she was staring intently at the plate in front of her, her hands twisting nervously in her lap. Scotty wished he could see her eyes but her hair had fallen in front of her tilted head masking her expression from his sight. All he couldn't see was her silky blonde hair.

Mike Valens would never know just how lucky he was that his son was in the room right then, because if it hadn't been for Emilio Valens, Scotty would have beaten his brother to a pulp at that very moment. Here he was trying to give Lilly the perfect Thanksgiving and he had totally ruined it by announcing their very intimate secret, a secret that he had told his brother in utmost confidence.

Time stood still in the Valens dining room until the sound of an innocent 3-year olds voice was heard.

"What's a one night stand?" Emilio asked confusedly.

All of a sudden everything was brought to life again.

"Nothing you need to worry about" Alegria answered her son, quickly grabbing a toy car in an attempt to distract Emilio.

"God, Scotty, I'm sorry..." Mike began running a nervous had through his hair, the shame and regret evident in his voice.

"I should go..." Lilly began as she tried to move away from the table.

"No!" Scotty stated adamantly. He came to kneel in front of Lilly and was dismayed to see tears in her eyes again. After everything she had been through today, now their secret had been revealed to his family.

"Please stay Lil. I want you here, both of you" he pleaded as his hand came up to stroke her bump lovingly.

"I don't think..." Lilly began, but was immediately cut off by Rosa Valens.

"Is that what happened?" Rosa asked in a low tone, the disappointment evident in her voice.

Scotty's eyes flicked up to his mothers "Ma, not ..."

"Is that what happened?" Rosa asked again, her voice leaving no room for argument.

Lilly took a deep breath and turned towards Rosa meeting her eyes square on.

"Yes" she whispered, the shame written across her face.

"When?" Rosa demanded.

"At the end of May" Lilly answered quietly.

The room remained silent except for the sound of Emilio's car for several seconds.

"Wait!" Ramiro exclaimed joining the conversation "the end of May? Wasn't it the end of May when you turned up here unannounced?" Seeing the flash of panic in his son's eyes he knew he had remembered correctly "Yes, you said that you'd had a bad night at work, that your colleague had been held hostage and that your partner had ended up shooting the suspect?"

Scotty felt Lilly shudder involuntarily beside him.

"Dad, please" Scotty pleaded, desperate not to upset Lilly again.

"That was me, I'm Scotty's partner and I was the hostage, I was the one who shot George Marks" Lilly whispered, her head bowed. She heard Mike, Alegria, Rosa and Ramiro gasp and could feel all their eyes on her. The George Marks story had dominated the headlines for weeks after he was shot and she knew that by saying his name the Valens' would know exactly who she was talking about.

Raising her head she looked between Rosa and Ramiro and was shocked to find the anger and disappointment that had been evident in their eyes only moments before had been replaced with a mixture of horror, sadness, understanding and an almost parental concern. Rosa and Ramiro glanced between each other, appearing to have an unspoken conversation, before Rosa came over to Lilly and rested one hand on her shoulder and the other on her bump.

"Well, at least something good came out of all the badness" she said sincerely, receiving a sharp kick from Bean that immediately brought a smile to Rosa's face.

"Anything happens like that to you again - either of you - and you come here, you understand?" Ramiro stated looking between Lilly and Scotty, his tone leaving no room for argument.

"There's no ne..." Lilly tried to protest but was cut off by Ramiro.

"No arguments Lilly. Rosa told me about the encounter with your mother, and whilst I understand you have not had the easiest of life's, that changes now. You and my nieto are part of our family, whether you and Scotty are married or not, and in the Valens family we stick together, no matter what happens. You understand?"

Lilly's eyes flicked between Rosa and Ramiro and saw the genuine compassion in their eyes. At a complete loss at what to say, she simply gulped and nodded her response.

"Good. Now Rosa, get the rest of the food and let's get Thanksgiving underway!" Ramiro declared.

Lilly's eyes widened at the thought of more food. The table was already covered with a variety of dishes and she didn't know where they would put more food. There was sweet potato with marshmallows, corn on the cob, green bean salad, carrots, roast potatoes, peas, stuffing and a variety of other dishes she couldn't name, but looked delicious.

Seeing the look on Lilly's face, Scotty couldn't help but chuckle.

"Did I forget to mention Ma makes enough food to feed an army on Thanksgiving?" he stated jovially.

"What were you two arguing about anyway" Rosa asked heading back in from the kitchen with what looked like pigs in blankets and gravy.

"Scotty wanted to have my turkey leg" Mike said sheepishly.

"This whole thing started over a turkey leg!" Alegria exclaimed.

"Hey! It's my year!" Mike retorted.

"Mike's right" Ramiro said "You know the rules".

"It's not for me! It's for Lilly! And I told Mike that" Scotty defended himself.

"Scotty, I was only joking about the leg!" Lilly exclaimed wide eyed, touched that Scotty cared about what she wanted so much.

"I just wanted your first Thanksgiving to be perfect, Lil" Scotty replied woefully.

"What do you mean, first Thanksgiving?" Rosa turned to Lilly and asked, confusion written across her face.

Lilly felt the heat rise in her cheeks again, her lack of a proper Thanksgiving something she really didn't want to share with the Valens'.

"My Mum didn't celebrate Thanksgiving and I tend to work on Thanksgiving" Lilly mumbled.

Looking round the table Lilly noted the entire Valens family looked shocked.

Rosa turned her attention back to Mike. "Is Scotty right, Mike?" Rosa demanded.

"Yeah, but Ma..." Mike whined.

"No buts, Lilly gets the turkey leg."

"Ma!" Mike exclaimed.

"I said no buts! Lilly needs the protein as she's growing the future Valens generation. As soon as you can do that, you can have the turkey leg". Rosa stated with finality. "Now everyone take your seats, the turkey is next".

"I'm sorry Lilly" Mike whispered sincerely as he sat down opposite Lilly and next to Alegria.

Lilly knew she should be giving Mike the Ice Queen treatment, but quite frankly, she liked the Valens' and they had fully embraced her into their family. From the little she knew of Mike Valens, his accidental admission had really been just that - an accident.

"It's ok Mike" Lilly whispered back, partly glad that the truth was finally out and shocked that Scotty's parents still accepted her.

Scotty took his seat to the right of Lilly and squeezed her hand. "You really ok?" he queried, his eyes full of concern.

Lilly squeezed Scotty's hand in response and gave him a small smile to reassure him. "Yeah, I guess today is confession day. At least it's all out in the open now".

Scotty looked relieved. "I promise the rest of the day will go better".

Lilly turned to look at Scotty "It's been perfect so far" Lilly whispered earnestly, starting directly into his deep, dark eyes.

Rosa appeared then with the biggest turkey Lilly had ever seen and placed it in front of Ramiro who was at the head of the table. Rosa took her place to the left of Ramiro so she was sitting next to Scotty. Grace was said and then Ramiro started to carve the turkey. As was tradition in the Valens household, as the turkey was being carved people went round the table and stated what they were thankful for.

"I am thankful for my wonderful husband and family. I am grateful that God gave us the blessing of a new grandchild to look forward to in the new year and that Lilly has been brought into our family. I am thankful that both my sons and their families are with us on this special day" Rosa stated then looked at Scotty signalling that he was to continue.

Scotty looked at Lilly tenderly "I'm thankful that Lilly is my partner and for my healthy child. I am thankful for my friends and family, for their love, support and their constant acceptance."

Sensing that Scotty had finished his sentiment Lilly started hers, "I'm thankful to all of you for welcoming me into your family and helping us with the baby items- I had no idea babies needed so much! I'm thankful that I work with Nick, Will, John and Kat..." at the hurt look on Scotty's face she quickly added "Oh! and of course I'm glad that Scotty is my partner. I'm thankful for my cats..."

"Kitty! Kitty! Kitty!" Emilio Valens shouted out, bouncing up and down in his chair.

Mike and Alegria Valens groaned and the rest of the family turned to look at them, each wearing a puzzled expression.

Alegria spoke first "Emilio has been asking for a cat for the last 6 months, he loves them" she informed the rest of the table.

"Kitty!" Emilio shouted again.

"Emilio! Manners!" Mike scolded gently and Emilio immediately quietened down, pouting at the rebuke.

"I have two cats - Tripod and Olivia" Lilly informed the table "And Emilio is welcome to come and play with them whenever he likes. If that's ok with you guys?"

"Yeeeey!" Emilio shouted, earning him a rebuke from his mother this time.

"Um, I'm not so sure that's a good idea. Lil's cats are...unique" Scotty informed his family.

"There's nothing wrong with my cats!" Lilly replied indignantly

"Tripod is missing a leg and Olivia an eye, don't you think that might be a little disturbing to a 3 year old?" Scotty replied, somewhat aggressively.

Sensing that an argument between the expectant parents was imminent Mike quickly interrupted.

"How about I say what I am thankful for?" the attention of the table quickly shifting to Mike. "I am thankful to my wonderful wife for giving us our son and her continued love and support. I am thankful for my parents for providing this amazing feast that we are about to consume. Seriously, I am thankful for their love and guidance and the everlasting support they provide both myself and the family. I suppose I am even thankful to have Scotty as my brother" the comment earning a chuckle from the table. "Alegria, how about you?" Mike asked as he turned to his left to face Alegria.

"Well, I'm thankful for my amazing husband and wonderful son - and the fact that Emilio is now potty trained and Mike knows where the laundry basket is!" another group laugh echoed around the table "And I am thankful to Mike for providing us with a warm and loving home and his continued love and support. I love you Mike" she said, Mike and Alegria kissing at the sentiment.

"My go! My go!" Emilio shouted from his chair between his mother and grandfather.

"Em, what are you thankful for?" Mike asked his young son.

"I am thankful for Mummy and Daddy and Abuelo and Abuela and Uncle Scotty and Aunty Lilly and Bean and my cars and my colouring book and my trampoline and my football and for my train set and my night light and my building blocks and my..."

"Wow Em, you have lots to be thankful for!" Alegria interrupted her son, sensing they could be here a while if she did not "Why don't we let Abuelo go seeing as the turkey is carved?"

Both legs of the turkey had now been severed from the bird and sat on plates in front of Lilly and Ramiro. The remainder of the plates had been filled with a mixture of white and brown meat and passed around the table. Barely a third of the bird had been touched and Lilly wondered what would happen to the rest of the meat. Poor Ramiro would be eating turkey for weeks!

Ramiro paused and considered his response. "I am thankful for my wife and the 50 years we have been together. They haven't always been easy but I love her more now than the day we met and my love for her grows everyday" he paused to kiss the back of Rosa's hand and squeezed it gently "And I am thankful that we are receiving two new members to our family - a new grandchild and Lilly."

Lilly's eyes watered at Ramiro's sentiment and she had to wipe the tears from her eyes. Scotty squeezed her hand under the table to reassure her that he was there if she needed him.

"I am thankful that our boys are fine outstanding men" Ramiro continued "And I am thankful that for another year Scotty has been kept out of harm's way on the dangerous streets of Philadelphia. I hope next year to be celebrating with all of you, and our new addition too. I am thankful for our health and for our home. So I think we should all raise our glasses and toast to friends, family and love. May they continue to grow and prosper in the Valens family"

Glasses were raised and clinked together.

"Now lets eat!" Ramiro exclaimed, prompting everyone to hurriedly reach for bowls of the delicious food as the Valens family started their Thanksgiving Day feast.

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><p>It was several hours later that Lilly finally managed to sneak outside onto the veranda of Rosa and Ramiro's house. Scotty had failed to mention that after the traditional Valens Thanksgiving Dinner, all the extended family came to his parents house for a party. In the space of 2 hours she had met most of Scotty's aunts and uncles, his cousins, and even his second cousins, and she had lost count of how many times she had been kissed, hugged and had her bump stroked.<p>

At least she had managed to establish why Rosa had made so much food - and why it was unlikely that there would be any left tomorrow. The Valens' certainly had appetites and she was pretty sure Bean had inherited the Valens stomach given the amount of food she was currently having to consume to keep her child happy.

Finally after much small talk with Scotty's family she had managed to sneak away without being noticed. She needed to get away from everyone before she screamed. For someone who liked their personal space and who wasn't a touchy-feely type person, Rosa and Ramiro's house was coming close to Lilly's version of a nightmare at the moment. She was pretty sure that if anyone else touched her bump she may very well commit murder - 28 1/2 weeks pregnant or not. Why was it that as soon as someone saw her bump they assumed her stomach was public property and took it upon themselves to rub it? She wasn't an exhibition or a circus freak, she was pregnant, not dissimilar to the other 3,302,684 women who were currently pregnant in the US at this current moment.

Lilly sunk down into the rocking chair that was positioned in the corner of the porch, grateful to take the weight of her tired and aching feet. She had been stupid to think she could still wear heels at this late stage in her pregnancy, but her knee high boots really went well with the brown and white tweet skirt and brown high neck jumper that she was currently wearing.

Feeling the cool, crisp air against her heated skin - hot flashes being another perk of pregnancy she had recently discovered - she took a deep breath of the fresh night air as she gently began rocking backwards and forwards in the rocking chair. Relief flooded through her as she realized the motion was calming Bean down as ever since Emilio had been playing poke and kick with her bump this morning, Bean had not settled down and she was starting to feel even more exhausted than normal. Of course, Bean constant moving could be due to the fact that the Valens' house was extremely noisy at the moment, or it may have something to do with its mother's current emotional state, either way, Lilly was pretty sure her internal organs were covered in bruises.

Lilly's mood grew contemplative as she rocked back and forth, unconsciously stroking her extended abdomen lovingly, looking up at the twinkling stars in the clear night sky. She recalled the last time she had sat outside and simply watched the stars had been the night she had told Scotty he was going to be a father only 4 short months ago.

The next thing Lilly was aware of was of something being draped over her and she sat up with a start, instinctively reaching for where her gun was usually stationed on her work belt.

"Hey Lil, it's just me. Ma saw you out here and thought you might be getting cold so I brought you a blanket" Scotty said gently, annoyed with himself that he had woken Lilly up from some much needed sleep.

Lilly relaxed immediately at the sound of her partner's voice and arranged the blanket around herself, wanting as little of it to cover her as possible.

"You forget that I've got an alien growing inside me that is keeping me nice and warm, not to mention the lovely hot flashes I keep getting and the extra 20lbs of fat I'm currently carrying" Lilly replied sleepily, almost grouchily.

"I'm sorry Lil, did you want a cool cloth instead?" Scotty asked. He'd noticed that Lilly had been fanning herself a lot more recently and could often be seen wearing a tee-shirt in the office, as opposed to her usual thick jumpers and suit jackets, but he had no idea she had been suffering with hot flashes.

Hearing the almost regret in Scotty's voice Lilly sought to reassure him "It's okay, the cool night air is doing the job nicely at the moment" she replied with a small smile.

"Guess Ma and Pa's house isn't exactly the best for those hot flashes at the moment huh?" Scotty stated sarcastically, leaning against the veranda railing opposite Lilly.

"You ain't wrong there Valens" Lilly replied jokingly, resuming her rocking in the chair and star gazing. "Exactly how many cousins have you got anyway?"

"I lost count a long time ago" Scotty replied shrugging. "You doing okay? It must be a lot for you to handle, hell, they're my family and I find them overbearing at times."

"It was a little overwhelming but you have a nice family, Scotty" Lilly replied tiredly.

Scotty studied his partner as she stared up at the sky and was relieved to see that she looked relaxed and happy, almost serene, a complete contradiction to what he had witnessed earlier today.

"You know you've mellowed"

"Huh?" Lilly replied, never taking her eyes off the sky.

"This time last year there was no way you would have let Mike off for the comment he made today. Etiquette or not, you would have frozen him out with that Ice Queen routine of yours, but today you let it slide"

"A year ago I wasn't pregnant and I wouldn't have been having the conversation with Mike" Lilly replied ruefully. "Seriously, today has made me think back over the last year and I can't believe how much has changed. I've faced death at the hands of Philadelphia's most prolific serial killer and survived. I've taken someone's life and I've had a one night stand with my partner, something I never, ever, thought I would do - no offence"

"None taken" Scotty replied, keen to hear the rest of what Lilly had to say.

"And I'm pregnant. This time last year I had no one to celebrate the holiday with. Now, for some reason that I still cannot fathom, your parents and your family have welcomed me and Bean into the fold and I suddenly have this chance to be a mother, something that I had resigned myself to that would probably never happen. I'm about to raise a family, albeit an unconventional one, with my partner and well, I guess it kind of puts things in perspective. Mike didn't mean to let our secret slip and I've had enough of my own family drama in my life that I really don't want to cause anymore. You have a nice family Scotty, you should be thankful for it." Lilly finished, turning to look at Scotty.

Scotty took a moment to consider what Lilly had just said and how much he had learnt about her today as he considered his own confession. He looked up at the sky, as Lilly had been doing, and realised just how peaceful the night was, not dissimilar from the night she told him she was pregnant. Colder definitely, but the same clear dark blue sky full of stars. It was tranquil and still and it made him feel at ease.

"You know, this time last year Elisa was still alive and I was still hoping she would get better, that the doctors would find the perfect drug combination and we could have the life we had been planning together since we were 14." Scotty paused and swallowed thickly. "Now I know that's never going to happen"

The look of pain and confusion currently on Scotty's face reminded Lilly of just how destroyed Scotty still was over the suicide of his fiancée, a pain that she didn't think he would ever recover from fully.

"I never thought I would be the type of guy to sleep around. Elisa, she was my first everything Lil. That was how it was supposed to be for us. I fell in love with her at first sight and we were each other's first love, she was the only girl I had ever made love with, hell kissed, until this year. We were going to get married, buy a house, have 8 children" he paused to chuckle at the shocked expression on his partner's face, "Yep Lil, she wanted 8 kids and I was going to give it to her, all of it. That was one of the reasons I was so desperate to make Homicide as the pay would mean I could give everything to her. But then it all went wrong..."

Scotty let his sentence hang and Lilly reminded silent in her seat, intrigued by this part of Scotty that she had never seen before.

Gulping back the emotion he could feel rising in his throat, Scotty continued "When she...died...it was like part of me died too and this darkness engulfed me. Gone were the dreams of the house and family and I had nothing Lil, nothing. The cocktail waitress came along and I thought that maybe a girlfriend would make me feel whole again, but it didn't"

"That night with George, Boss figured out a way to get into the house but I couldn't go with him Lil. I couldn't face the responsibility of getting you killed, because I knew George would do it, he would pull the trigger. Then when those shots rang out, I'd thought he'd got you too, that you were dead. I couldn't fail both you and Elisa within months of each other, I just couldn't".

"Didn't Boss radio down to you?" Lilly queried. She'd never talked to Boss or Scotty about what had happened with George and was shocked at Scotty's revelation.

"Yeah Lil, but it seemed to take forever and for those few seconds the darkness I felt after Elisa engulfed me again and I couldn't breathe, I was paralysed Lil. Then Boss radioed down to say that George was down and I thought everything would be okay again because if you were alive then it meant I hadn't failed. But when you came down I knew you weren't okay but I didn't know how to fix it. When we got back from the bar and we kissed and I saw the old you trying to fight through, suddenly a night of sex didn't seem like such a bad idea. Stupid huh?"

"No Scotty, I needed that night. It made me feel human again, it helped" Lilly reassured, still shocked by Scotty's confession.

Scotty turned to look at Lilly and paused, unsure as to whether he should continue with his thoughts. Lilly continued rocking in the chair and offered a small smile to Scotty, hoping it would encourage him to continue.

"Do you believe in God, Lil?"

Lilly was taken aback by his question, unsure as how to answer it given that Scotty's family was obviously religious.

"I don't know. My family never went to church, well except for the free food and the second hand clothes sales, so I don't really think about God. I guess you could say I'm open minded." Lilly replied, hoping that Scotty wouldn't be dissuaded from what he was about to say.

"Even after all the shit I've been through this last year, I still believe in God. Part of me thinks that Bean is Elisa's way of saying she's sorry, of making sure I don't let the darkness engulf me. She would have been so ashamed of how I acted with the cocktail waitress- I owed her memory more that that - and she knows that a kid would save me, give me the responsibility I need to keep me on the straight and narrow."

Scotty walked over and knelt down in front of Lilly, taking her hands in his own. "I guess what I'm trying to say is thanks. Thank you for giving me a family, for letting me be involved, for allowing me to come to your doctors' appointments, for letting me into your life. Thank you letting me have time to bond with Bean, for letting me help raise my child, Lil, for giving me the opportunity to be a father."

Lilly swallowed thickly, overcome with emotion at the gratitude she could hear from Scotty.

"No Scotty, you've got it wrong. It's me that should be thankful. You've given me a chance at a family, Scotty, and I'm so thankful that you want to be involved, that you do all those things for me because you want to, not because I make you. I'm thankful that you _want_ to bond with Bean and raise this child with me Scotty, I'm thankful that you want to be a father when you could have taken the easy route and walked away. I'm thankful that you put up with my mood swings, my Ice Queen routine and goodness knows what else. I'm thankful that you've taught me how to cook, because at least I know that our child will be fed edible food now. I'm just so thankful to you Scotty, you have no idea how thankful I am"

"Ditto, Lil" he whispered in a choked voice.

Lilly and Scotty stayed in their positions starting into each other's eyes intently, the tension between then growing with each passing second. Suddenly Lilly moved her hands out of Scotty's and onto the lower part of her abdomen, looking down as she did so.

"What's the matter, Lil" Scotty asked alarmed, his hands coming to rest on the top of her stomach and was relieved when he felt a punch from Bean.

"I think I've just felt my first Braxton Hicks" Lilly stated in awe, grabbing Scotty's hands and resting them low down on her bump.

Sure enough Lilly's lower abdominal muscles were rock hard before they relaxed about 15 seconds later.

"Does it hurt?" Scotty asked.

"Not really, it's just a tightening, almost cramp-like, sensation" Lilly reassured quietly, still amazed by the feeling of her solid muscles.

About half a minute later the expectant parents felt the muscles contract in Lilly's abdomen again and a smile graced both their features.

"This is really happening, isn't it?" Lilly asked, as if they realisation that she was having a baby had finally dawned on her.

"Yeah Lil, it is" Scotty stated in wonder as he realised that in less than 3 months they would both be parents.

Looking up he noticed that Lilly was stifling a yawn. "Come on Lil, lets get you home. It's been a long day"

"Okay" Lilly agreed softly, the sound of her bed suddenly very appealing.

Scotty helped Lilly to her feet and began to move towards the back door of his parents house, one of Lilly's hand still held in his own, when he felt his arm being tugged backwards.

"Everything ok Lil?" he asked with concern as he stopped and faced Lilly. He was shocked by what happened next.

Lilly lips brushed his cheek in a gentle kiss, causing his cheek to burn pleasantly.

"Thank you Scotty for making my first Thanksgiving perfect" Lilly stated with a shy smile.

"Anytime, Lil. Anytime" Scotty replied with the same shy smile, before the two partners turned and headed towards the house to say their goodbyes and return to their homes after their first Thanksgiving together.


	21. Chapter 21

_So this is the original Chapter 20 that (hopefully!) provides the lightheartedness I referred to in Chapter 19! Hope you enjoy it as things are going to get a bit angsty from now on..._

_**Disclaimer: **As of Tuesday I do own a shiny new I-Phone courtesy of my employers (because apparently working 13 hours days just isn't enough!), unfortunately Cold Case was not included in the deal. _

* * *

><p>"It's not right! It's just not right!" Scotty exclaimed. "You...you can't go through that! It's just not natural!"<p>

Lilly Rush was standing in the corridor of the maternity department at Pennsylvania Hospital watching her partner pace up and down. Lilly was now officially in her third trimester and they had just completed their day of Lamaze classes where it had become apparent that Scotty was completely freaked out by the whole birthing process. Lilly was trying her very best not to laugh at her partner, but the expression on his face and the way his hands were pulling at the hair on his head was just so comical.

"It's ok Scotty, I already knew Bean was going to come out of...there. It's kinda drilled into us at a young age" she reassured ruefully.

If she was being honest with herself, the thought of going through childbirth did scare her but she felt much more prepared having been to the class and witnessed what she would be going through. She knew that Scotty would be there by her side – she'd have Boss, Nick and Will hunt him down if he wasn't- and he'd made an excellent birthing coach during the class, counting to 10 as she'd practiced breathing, supporting her in the various positioned they'd tried and asking the teacher so many questions she was sure that _Scotty _could deliver Bean if needed. He'd only started to freak out when they'd watched the "educational" video – even that had freaked her out and she'd known what to expect.

"But...but...it's just wrong!" he exclaimed again.

Lilly knew Scotty had gone to Catholic school so his sex education lessons must have been limited, but she was seriously beginning to wonder exactly what the nuns had taught him about childbirth. Did he honestly still think that a stork delivered the baby?

"How did you think Bean was going to come out of me?" Lilly couldn't help but ask Scotty curiously.

Scotty stopped pacing and turned towards her, his eyes wide with horror. He was saved from answering her question when Lilly became aware of someone approaching her from behind and felt someone tap her on the shoulder. Turning around she was greeted by Sarah, a women who went to the same yoga class as her and with who she had become friendly. Ironically Sarah had just completed the same Lamaze class and her husband, Andrew, didn't seem to be faring much better than Scotty judging by the parlour of his complexion.

"Hey Lilly" Sarah greeted her "Scotty's not doing much better than Andrew then?" she asked with amusement.

"I'm starting to wonder where he thought he baby would come from actually" Lilly replied. "What's up?"

"Oh, I just wondered if you and Scotty fancied meeting up one day? Scotty and Andrew seem to get on and it might be good for them if they could freak out together." Sarah asked with a chuckle.

Lilly didn't know what to say. Neither Scotty nor she had explained their situation to the class, both silently agreeing that it was easier for people to think they were a couple, rather than work colleagues who'd had a one night stand.

Toying with the idea, she thought it might be good for her and Scotty to have someone to talk to who was going through the same experience as them. Sarah was pregnant with her first child too and they were expecting a boy. She knew Scotty had his family to lean on but she really didn't have many friends, really only the guys and Kat on the team, and Sarah and she had hit it off straight away at yoga. Liking the idea of having a pregnant friend to go through the experience with she gratefully accepted Sarah's offer.

"Sounds great. Here's my card, I'll just write my home number on the back".

"Great!" Sarah exclaimed. "Here's mine. I'll see you at yoga on Tuesday?"

"Definitely." Turning to look at Scotty who had resumed his pacing and was now chewing his finger nails, she rolled her eyes and turned to Sarah and said her goodbye "I think Scotty and I had better get going before Scotty wears a hole in the floor"

"Yeah" Sarah said with a chuckle glancing towards her husband "me too" and with that Sarah and Andrew headed out of the hospital.

"Come on Scotty" she said grabbing his arm and guiding him towards the exit. "I'm starving and I have the biggest craving for a burger and fries. You can buy me dinner"

"You can't have fried food Lil! You know it's bad for Bean!" Scotty exclaimed with horror.

"Don't blame me, it's you kid that wants it!" Lilly exclaimed jokingly. Seeing the horrified expression had still not left her partners face, she rolled her eyes and sought to reassure him "It's one burger and fries in 7 months Scotty, it will be fine. Besides, Doctor Jenson said that Bean needs to gain body fat now and I think a burger and fries will be perfect for that. Come on, we can try that diner we saw on the way in".

It was a little over two weeks since Thanksgiving and ever since her revelation Scotty's protectiveness of her and Bean had kicked up a notch. At work, he'd managed to convince Boss that she was no longer fit to do interrogations which meant she was literally stuck at her desk all day, the highlight of her day now being a trip to the kitchen, the printer or the fax machine. She was actually looking forward to her maternity leave starting in 6 weeks so that she could actually _do_ something rather than be stuck behind a desk.

Scotty was also constantly getting her to drink water as he'd read that in the third trimester pregnant women had to stay hydrated. As soon as her glass was empty, another one appeared before her. He'd even roped the guys on the team into helping him with his mission when he wasn't in the office. She'd found that Kat had been a great resource though, as she had a young daughter herself and had reassured her that it was better to drink too much then not enough, even if it did mean she was in the bathroom every 5 minutes thanks to Bean's frequent movements.

After work Scotty had taken to coming over nearly every day and cooking dinner whilst he insisted she relax and rest. He also insisted on giving her a foot or back massage after dinner. Prior to her pregnancy she would have refused profusely, but as much as she loved being pregnant, it was getting harder and harder as the weeks went by and her back and feet were aching more each day. She was actually starting to enjoy Scotty being around so much, her house just seemed more homely and alive when he was there. She was genuinely sad when he left each evening.

She was sure the extra weight she had gained wasn't helping either and she couldn't believe how fat she was, although Doctor Jenson had assured her her weight gain was perfectly healthy and exactly what he wanted at this stage in her pregnancy. Most of the time though she just felt like a beached whale. Scotty's massages did help, so she let him do them -secretly she thought he liked doing them.

Silently they arrived at the diner together and she looked over at Scotty only to find his expression had intensified and he still looked completely shell-shocked. Rolling her eyes she dragged him into the diner and pushed him down into one of the booths. Reaching for the menus, she shoved one in his hands whilst she perused the various burgers they had, her mouth salivating as she read the delicious ingredients.

"Can I take your order?" the young waitress asked as she approached the table.

"Hmmmm, I'll have a double bacon cheeseburger with extra cheese and fries, and an orange juice, please." Looking up at Scotty she noticed he was still staring vacantly into space "And he'll have the same, but with coffee rather than orange juice" Lilly responded looking up at the waitress and grabbing the menu out of Scotty's hand.

"No problem. Food with be about 15 minutes".

Lilly looked at Scotty and once again had to refrain from laughing. She couldn't believe how much the video had shocked him, sure it had been graphic and the thought of going through labour was daunting, but as a police officer she had seen much more horrendous things and she was going to be giving birth in a hospital surrounded by doctors and nurses and plenty of drugs. She was sure she could get through it, she was Lilly Rush, she could get through anything- ultimately she didn't have a choice.

Deciding that Scotty needed to be distracted, she frantically thought of a subject they could talk about. A smile lit up her face as she thought of the perfect topic just as their drinks arrived.

"Scotty" his eyes flicked to hers and she was glad she had his attention "what do you want?"

"Huh?" he replied blankly.

"Would you like a boy or a girl?"

"What?" he asked with confusion.

"Bean. Would you like it to be your son or daughter"

She looked into his eyes and saw his mind start to process the words she had just spoken.

"I...I don't really mind, I just want Bean to be healthy" he replied "although everyone at Thanksgiving was sure Bean is a boy".

"Really?" Lilly asked surprised.

"Yeah, apparently your carrying low which is a sure sign the baby is a boy and with the hard kicks and thumps Bean was giving everyone at the party the general Valens consensus is that Bean's a boy. Plus, there hasn't been a girl born into the family for something like 4 generations. It would be nice to have a boy to keep the Valens name going."

Lilly was taken aback, but not at the thought of having a son. No, it was the comment about the surname that had really bothered her.

"Oh" she said, hostility evident in her voice.

Scotty picked up on her tone and frowned "What's the matter Lil? Do you want a girl? I'd be happy with a daughter too, I just thought it would be nice to have someone carry on my family name"

"Why do you assume Bean is getting your name?" she replied icily.

This time it was Scotty who was taken aback. One minute they'd been having a nice conversation about Bean, the next she was fixing him with the Ice Queen glare.

"Cos I'm the father Lil and the baby usually takes the father's name" he replied with confusion, still amazed at how quickly Lilly's pregnancy moods could change. He was pretty sure that was the case, unless the father was a complete deadbeat.

"Well don't you think I might want _my_ name in there somewhere? You know, I'm the one carrying Bean, getting stretch marks, putting on weight, re-arranging my house. Don't you think I might want my name carried on too? We're not married, we're not even together and Bean is going to be spending most of its time with me."

Scotty was hurt. Did Lilly really think that he was that much of a deadbeat that Bean didn't deserve his name? He'd really been trying these last 5 months to prove himself and he thought he'd done a good job, but now Lilly had just told him his name wasn't worth anything to her.

"Come on Lil" he replied angrily "You know I'm going to have Bean as much as I can once he or she is weaned and I have a bigger place. Sure, the first few months Bean will be with you a lot more, but afterwards I want us to share custody equally. Bean's part of me too and my name should be part of its life"

"Well, what do you suggest?" Lilly replied just as angrily.

The waitress appeared then with their food and Scotty took a moment to glance up and thank her. Something on her chest caught his eye and a smile appeared on his face as he read her name badge: Donna Williams-Smith. An idea popped into his head.

"Why don't we hyphenate our names?"

"Huh?" Lilly replied with confusion.

"We could hyphenate our names. Ya know, Valens-Rush or Rush-Valens?"

Lilly thought about his proposal. It did make sense to hyphenate their names as that way they both got what they wanted.

"I like Rush-Valens" she said sullenly as she took a massive bite out of her burger.

Scotty smiled. "Rush-Valens it is then. Now we just have to come up with a first name. Have you thought of anything yet?"

Lilly brightened instantly. "Not really, but I want a definite boy or girl name. Nothing like Leslie or Jamie that could be either a boy or girl. How about you?"

"I think my Dad would quite like it if we named a boy after him"

"Ramiro Rush-Valens? That's a bit of a mouthful" Lilly stated.

"Ok, well I've always liked Georgia for a girl's name"

"NO!" Lilly practically shouted. Scotty looked over at her perturbed.

"Nothing with George in" Lilly said quietly.

Catching the meaning behind her words, "Ok" he said quietly "How about Isabella?"

Lilly wrinkled her nose. "How about James for a boy?"

"Maybe, but wasn't that the name of the guy who hid his grandmother's body in the basement and semi-stalked you from prison?

"Good point" Lilly conceded. "Daniel?"

"That's ok. Mia?"

And on and on the conversation went, with them bouncing names around trying to find the perfect one for Bean. By the end of their dinner they still weren't any closer to finding a name they both liked, that went with the surname, and that had an appropriate nickname.

"God, I had no idea this would be so hard!" Scotty exclaimed "Maybe we should just wait until Bean's here and we can see what he or she looks like?"

Lilly paused. After her conversation with Scotty at Thanksgiving there was one name she had been thinking of, but she wasn't sure how Scotty would react.

"What about Elisa for a girl?"

"Pardon?"

"If we have a girl, would you like to name her after Elisa?"

Scotty was taken aback by Lilly's offer to name their child after his departed girlfriend. Most women would have hated the idea of naming their child after his deceased fiancée, but here Lilly was, putting the name on the table.

"That's kind of you Lil" he began hesitantly "but are you sure you want to name our child after...her...after what happened?"

Lilly lent forward to look Scotty in the eye and took his hand in her own "Scotty, I know I only met Elisa a few times, but she was one of the kindest, sweetest people I have ever met. I can tell how much you loved her, and still do. It would be an honour to name our child after her."

He was touched by her words and he thought long and hard about her proposition, finally coming to a conclusion.

"It hurts to think about her Lil. It hurts whenever I hear that name called in the street. I don't think I could say that name everyday" he whispered.

Lilly saw the raw pain in his eyes and felt guilty at unintentionally causing him to momentarily relive that pain when it had taken him so long to come to terms with what Elisa had done.

"Ok, but if you change your mind, or you want it as a middle name..."

"That would be nice" he interrupted "Elisa. As a middle name". He thought he could cope with that, he could honour the memory of his first love but not have the pain of having to say her name everyday.

"Well it's sorted then, if we have a girl her middle name is Elisa" Lilly said with a smile.

"Thanks Lil" he said, squeezing her hand as a gesture of his gratitude.

"I do like the idea of waiting to see what Bean looks like though before deciding on the first name, although I feel bad about not having a boy's middle name picked out." Lilly said.

Glancing up from her burger she noticed that Scotty suddenly looked rather uncomfortable, almost guilty.

"Scotty, what's the matter?" she asked in her best detective voice.

The awkwardness on Scotty's face just intensified as he replied.

"I was thinking of Scott, as a middle name"

"What?" Lilly replied stonily.

"Well, uh, you see there's a tradition in the Valens family that the first born son gets its father's forename. It's been going on for generations. Mike's middle name is Ramiro, and Emilo's is Micheal so I was kinda hoping for Scott as the middle name if it's a boy" Scotty replied in a rush, promptly taking a bite of his burger to avoid the Ice Queen glare that Lilly was no doubt giving him.

Lilly sighed. It wasn't that she personally had anything against Scott as a name, it's just that she didn't like the idea of their child being named after either one of them. However, the Valens' had been so good to her and she knew it would mean a lot to Scotty, and to Rosa and Ramiro too, if they continued with the tradition.

"Okay" Lilly replied "But on one condition"

Scotty brightened immediately, the prospect of being able to carry on the family tradition bringing a warmth inside his chest "Anything Lil?"

"What's your middle name?" Lilly asked inquisitively.

Scotty gulped. It wasn't that he was ashamed of his middle name, after all his parents had followed Valens' family tradition and as the second son he had received his maternal grandfather's name, it's just that it wasn't exactly common and it was a very Puerto Rican name.

"It's Eulogio"

For several moments there was silence until he heard what sounded like a giggle coming from the other side of the table. He looked up fully intent on giving Lilly the harshest glare he had ever given anyone, but as soon as her eyes met his Lilly Rush did something he had never heard before. She laughed. Full on gutch wrenching laughed - and it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. He realised that out of all the years they had worked together, and all the things they had experienced in the last 5 months, and he could not recall ever hearing her laugh.

"I'm sorry" she hiccupped, tears now forming in her eyes from where she had been laughing "It's just that I can't imagine _you _with a name like Eulogio! It's just so...so...geeky!"

The anger Scotty had been feeling immediately receded as he took in Lilly's flushed face and vibrant laugh. She just looked so happy.

"Scott doesn't seem so bad now, does it?" he replied jokingly.

"No, no it doesn't" she stated as she started to calm down.

"So I shared mine, what's your middle name?" Scotty asked Lilly.

"I don't have one" she replied smugly.

"What? Everyone has a middle name, I bet yours is even worse than mine. Hmmm, let's see Mildred, Gertrude? Come on Lil, what is it?"

Lilly giggled again and Scotty was quickly starting to realise how much he loved that sound.

"Seriously, I don't have one. I think my parents had enough of a problem coming up with one name, let alone two" she replied.

"I don't believe you Rush. Prove it." Scotty demanded jovially.

Lilly rolled her eyes, retrieved her driving licence from her wallet, and handed it to Scotty. Sure enough only one name was present: Lillian.

"Looks like you win _Lillian_" he replied, mirth evident in his voice. "So, I think we've just agreed on the middle names then. Elisa for a girl and Scott for a boy"

"Yeah, I guess we have" she replied softly, a slightly puzzled, wondrous look on her face that did nothing to hide the intensity of the smile that lit up Lilly's face. Seeing Lilly so happy made Scotty happy and he couldn't help smiling in return.

"Come on Lil, let me take you home. It's getting late and it's been a long day" Scotty stated as he signalled the waitress for the bill.

"You know, we haven't had dessert? Did you want to pick up some ice cream and come round mine to watch a movie?" Lilly asked, almost shyly.

"Sounds great Lil" Scotty replied softly, and it really did.

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><p><em>If anyone reading this has the same names as those mentioned above, please do not take offence. The Pueto Rican name came from a website so I hope it's accurate and I chose it as it seemed the least suitable for the Scotty character. <em>


	22. Chapter 22

_Thanks for the reviews, they are very much appreciated when I've had a very long and stressful week at work. _

_Here's the next chapter that__ I hope you enjoy. Part of it relates back to something that was mentioned in a conversation that Scotty and Lilly had in Chapter 15, but you don't need to read that chapter again in order to understand this chapter. It's more me being a perfectionist and wanting everything mentioned in the story to be concluded at some point..._

_**Disclaimer: **Runny nose (but no other cold symptoms?) is currently mine, but still not the ownership papers to Cold Case. _

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><p>Lilly Rush had never had a manicure or pedicure before, not really having to worry about such things as a Homicide Detective, but now that she was sat in a spa in Philly about to have her first manicure and pedicure, she had to admit it was pretty nice.<p>

After Scotty and she had discussed making wills following their interrogation by IAB, she had mentioned their conversation to Sarah who had promptly offered Andrew's services as he was a probate attorney. Seeing as both Scotty and Lilly were "Philly's finest", Sarah had insisted that Andrew would do Lilly and Scotty's wills for free, they would only have to pay the court fees etc. Andrew had very kindly agreed to meet with them this morning, a Saturday no less, and they had just drafted their wills. It was a rather simple agreement, in the event of something happening to Lilly or Scotty everything each partner owned would be put into trust for Bean until he or she reached 18 and full custody of Bean would go to the surviving partner, with Power of Attorney going to the surviving partner as well as Andrew. If something happened to both of them, their estates would be put in trust until Bean reached 18 and Mike and Alegria had very kindly agreed to become the guardians of Bean in the worst case scenario, with Andrew and Mike acting as Power of Attorney over both Scotty and Lilly's estates. Although they felt awkward about doing it, knowing there was a chance their wills would be invoked sooner rather than later given the job they did, both Scotty and Lilly were relieved there was a plan in force for Bean if something happened to either one of them.

Sarah had joined them for lunch shortly after their appointment and now Lilly and she were having a manicure and pedicure, having just had their hair dyed and styled, whilst Scotty and Andrew were off watching some sports game at a bar. Normally she would not have bothered with such luxuries, but tonight was the night of Philadelphia Police Department's Christmas Ball and she really needed her toenails painted so that she could wear her strappy kitten heeled sandals. Unfortunately, Bean was so big now that reaching her toenails was impossible so a pedicure had been her only option. Seeing as her hair had experienced a growth spurt due to her pregnancy, which coincided with the fact that she hadn't had her hair highlighted for several months and she was feeling more like a beached whale every day, she'd decided to treat herself to a pamper session in the hope that it would make her feel more attractive. Sarah had jumped at the chance at the idea of an afternoon at the spa and had been fortunate enough to get a last minute cancellation so that she could accompany Lilly.

Lilly had never really understood the point of a spa before, just sitting round doing nothing whilst someone pampered you, but now that she was here with Sarah, her _friend_, she was starting the see the appeal of a spa. Her hair had been styled and her make-up applied and she already felt better about herself. Not to mention the fact that her feet were currently dangling in a foot bath being massaged by the warm water jets which felt heavenly on her tired, arching feet. She and Sarah were just chatting about all things pregnancy related and Lilly was relishing in having a pregnant woman to discuss all the aspects of pregnancy with, emotional as well as physical. For a first time in a very long time, Lilly felt herself relax.

"So, have you and Scotty acted out any of your dreams yet?" Sarah whispered conspiratorially to Lilly.

Lilly's head whipped round so fast she was surprised she hadn't given herself whiplash.

"Dreams?" Lilly queried in a choked whisper. Although the number of dreams she had including Scotty had diminished, she had at least three sex dream involving him a week and her vibrator was still getting a good workout. Had Sarah been having the same dream_s_ she had? Where her erotic dreams about Scotty purely as a result of her pregnancy?

"You know, the dreams that belong in a porn movie" Sarah replied in a whisper. "Since I've become pregnant all I've wanted to do is have sex with Andrew as often as possible. I think we've written our own Karma Sutra!"

Lilly's eyes widened. "N...No! We haven't slept together since...since..."

This time it was Sarah's eyes that widened "Not once? How have you managed not to sleep together since you found out you were pregnant?" she asked in amazement

For the first time since she met Sarah, she felt uncomfortable in her presence. "We just haven't ok?" Lilly snapped.

"But you've had dreams, right?" Sarah demanded.

Lilly felt her face flush immediately and cursed her pale skin. Sarah was a school teacher and she pitied the children in her class who misbehaved or lied. Hell, she was Lilly Rush, one of the finest detectives in Philadelphia, and here was Sarah getting her to talk about things she had not told _anyone_, and really didn't want to discuss with anyone.

"You have, haven't you!" Sarah exclaimed with glee.

Lilly gave Sarah her patented Ice Queen glare, hoping that in itself would be enough to prevent Sarah from asking her anymore questions. Unfortunately for Lilly, it appeared that years spent as a school teacher in the public school system had made Sarah immune to her glare.

"Is it Scotty?" Sarah queried with concern "Andrew wasn't keen on sleeping with me at first when I got my bump, but he got over it and now it's like the sex you have when you first get together, ya know? Hot, passionate, almost carnal. God, I'm surprised you both haven't killed each other by now! If Andrew and I didn't...you know...I'm sure we would be divorced by now"

"We're not together ok! Scotty and I were a onetime thing and we're not together now, so even I wanted to act out my dreams I couldn't!" Lilly snapped, the mixture of pent up sexual frustration and annoyance at her friend's inquisitive questions finally getting the better of Lilly.

"Huh? I thought you said Scotty was your partner?" Sarah queried with confusion, a puzzled expression on her face.

Lilly closed her eyes and bowed her head, rubbing her temples with her fingers hoping to ease the headache that was forming in forehead. Why did Sarah and she have to be having this conversation now when her feet were dangling in a foot spa and she couldn't get out of the chair she was sat in even if her life had depended on it? Lilly's heart sank as she realised that she had no option but to tell Sarah the truth about her and Scotty. As Lilly's friend, the first one she'd had in a long time, she deserved the truth.

"Scotty is my work partner, has been for just over 2 years. There was this one case last May, it was...horrifying... and I ended up shooting the perpetrator. Afterwards, Scotty and I got drunk and ...spent the night together...and I got pregnant, ok?" Lilly explained in a dead voice.

"So it was you..." Sarah mused distractedly.

Lilly's eyes shot open and she turned to look at Sarah once again.

"Andrew and I have been decorating the nursery and there was all this newspaper on the floor whilst Andrew painted. He finally finished the painting this week and I was gathering up all the newspapers to throw away when I thought I saw a picture of you with a headline saying you had shot a serial killer. I didn't think it was you though, I mean, you're so nice! I can't imagine you killing anyone."

"Yeah, well I had no choice." Lilly mumbled bitterly, her head and eyes downcast again.

Turning to study her new friend, Sarah had to fight the urge to gasp. Lilly looked thoroughly broken and dejected and Sarah instinctively rested her hand on Lilly's arm to comfort her.

"Hey, I'm sure you did what you had to do and one less serial killer off the streets is always a good thing, right?" she reassured gently. "It just you and Scotty have such good chemistry - how can you not be together?"

Lilly sighed and rested her head back against the cushioned headrest of her chair, staring blankly out into the salon. "It was just one night and that case was just so...intense. We just don't feel that way about each other." Lilly replied glumly. Why did the fact that Scotty and she had only been together one night suddenly make her feel so down? They had discussed things the morning after and she'd been relieved when she realised he felt the same way she did, that it was a one time thing. She hadn't felt down then, so why nearly 7 months later did she feel so upset about the fact it _had _only been one night?

"But you dream about him, right?" Sarah asked softly.

Lilly felt embarrassed and simply nodded her answer, turning her head away from Sarah.

"So maybe you do feel something more for him?" Sarah pushed gently "An experience like the one you and Scotty shared with that serial killer, that brings feelings to the surface, feelings you might not even be aware of that you had before. I work with a bunch of teenagers and the one thing I've learnt, all the outburst of emotions they have, the fights, the tears, it's all because they _feel _something and their hormones just exacerbate their feelings. If you and Scotty shared a night of passion together, then you must feel something for each other, even if it is buried deep within you."

Lilly turned to Sarah "You're wrong!" she insisted desperately "it was just one night because of the case, because we were drunk. Scotty doesn't like me, and I don't like Scotty more than a friend."

"But you've had dreams" Sarah reminded Lilly again gently.

"You've had dreams about Andrew! It's just the pregnancy hormones!" Lilly exclaimed. "It has to be" she added softly, almost as an afterthought.

"Lilly, I've had erotic dreams about my _husband,_ you could have had erotic dreams about anyone, but your sub-conscious chose Scotty, what do you think that means?"

Lilly's heart leapt into her throat at Sarah's insinuation, but was saved from answering her by the emergence of their nail technicians.

"Lilly? Sarah? I'm Karen and this is Tracy, we're you're nail technicians today!" Karen introduced brightly.

Lilly turned to the Karen and Tracy and greeted them both, never more relieved to see a nail technician then she was at that very moment. Karen was assigned to Sarah and Tracy to Lilly. Sarah and Lilly's hands were placed in warm water to soak whilst Karen and Tracy started Sarah and Lilly's pedicures. Lilly was very thankful that their conversation returned to a more benign subject as all four of them started to talk about how fast Christmas was approaching, Lilly suddenly realising that for the first time in a long time she actually had people to buy Christmas presents for - other than the detective she would draw in the office Secret Santa. She would definitely buy something for Rosa and Ramiro - how could she not after everything they had done for her so far - and for Emilio as he would be delighted to have a present from "Aunty" Lilly and Bean. But should she buy one for Scotty? They had never exchanged gifts before but seeing as he was the father of Bean, should she get him something? If so, should it be from her or from Bean? She had no idea what the correct etiquette was in her current predicament, she very much doubted one existed.

Lilly mind drifted back to what Sarah had said earlier. Did Scotty and her sleeping together after George actually _mean_ something? Did she have feelings for him more than was partnerly? Why was her sub-conscious choosing to have Scotty feature in her erotic dreams? Sarah was right, her brain could have chosen anyone, but it had chosen Scotty, _many, many, _times.

Scotty and she had been hanging out everyday lately and she missed him when he wasn't there. The house was just so quiet and cold without him around and even Olivia and Tripod were starting to pine for Scotty. She sometimes had to refrain herself from asking him to stay or from calling him and asking him to come over when he wasn't there as she genuinely enjoyed his company.

She'd assumed it was because of Bean, but was that all it was? Was her longing for Scotty something more than just wanting the father of her child around to experience the same things she was during her pregnancy? She couldn't deny they had fun together and she even had to admit that she completely trusted him, more than she had trusted anyone for a long time. She'd even told him about her attack, something that she had never told anyone before, not even Patrick. The only boyfriend that did know was Ray and that was only because he had been there for her throughout the whole ordeal.

Then there was his family. After they had bumped into Ellen Rush, the Valens' had completely embraced her in their family and she was starting to feel like she _belonged _somewhere, like someone actually cared about her. Rosa and Ramiro popped over often to see her and Rosa was calling her now almost as much as she was calling Scotty. Was she really so desperate to belong to a family that she would force herself upon Scotty?

Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions as her toes and finger nails were painted, never focusing on one thought long enough to come up with an adequate answer. By the end of her spa session there was one thing Lilly Rush was certain of:

Lilly Rush hated the spa.

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><p><em>Ok, so I've just realised I've named Lilly's friends after the Duke and (ex) Duchess of York LOL! Call it sub-conscious patriotism! <em>

_Just to warn you, updates might be slightly delayed as I have a lot of family, friends and work committments coming up in the next few weeks, as well as more exams. I'll do my best to keep the updates weekly, but I can't promise anything. _

_All reviews very much appreciated. _


	23. Chapter 23

_Thank you for the reviews and I can't believe the story is now up to 125! That's amazing, so that you for all your support and long may it continue. _

_Just to warn you, this is probably a "high T" rating rather than a "T" rating. It's definitely not a M rating but there isn't an inbetween one from what I've read. _

_**Disclaimer: **I'm currently in the possession of two examination permits and two text books for said examinations, neither of which has been read and the first exam is on Friday! (Winging it springs to mind...) Unfortunately the ownership papers relating to Cold Case were not included with the text books - they might have actually inspired me to do some work if they had been LOL! _

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><p>Scotty Valens glanced at the clock and couldn't help cursing as he rushed through the front door of his apartment. It was already 6.30pm and Lilly was picking him up in 30 minutes to go to the annual PPD Christmas Ball. He wasn't showered and he couldn't remember where his tuxedo was. Damn black tie events.<p>

He'd assumed this morning that he would have plenty of time to find his stupid tuxedo before tonight - his only plans for the day being to make a will and have the lunch that Lilly was insisting on them having with her friend from yoga Sarah, and her husband, Andrew, who just happened to be their probate lawyer as of today. He'd then planned on coming home, finding his tux, and watching the baseball game until Lilly picked him up as she had plans this afternoon.

The one thing he had not planned on was actually hitting it off with Andrew, after all the guy was a lawyer, and watching the game at a bar with him. It seemed they were both huge sports fans and the fact they were both about to become father's for the first time meant they had a lot to talk about. He also had not planned on the game going into extra time and the Phillies actually winning making it almost impossible to leave the bar they were in.

Now he had just 30 minutes to get ready. Frantically he jumped into the shower and started to wash the stench of beer and sweat off his body. Next he quickly splashed some cologne on, grateful that he had at least shaved this morning, applied some gel to his wet hair and then sprayed on some anti-perspirant. Checking his clock as he pulled on a clean pair of boxer-briefs in his bedroom he cursed again as he realised he had just 15 minutes left to find his tuxedo and bow tie.

He grew more and more agitated as he flicked through his wardrobe in search of the illusive tuxedo. He found black suit after black suit, but he could not find his black _tuxedo_. Just as he was about to give up and throw on a black suit in the hope it would pass as a tuxedo, his fingers brushed against something plastic at the very back of his closet. He was pretty sure the only item of clothing he owned that was wrapped in plastic was his tuxedo as it had to be dry-cleaned after the last time he had worn it - thanks to his nephew vomitting all over him and his tuxedo. Levering his body into the wardrobe so that he could use both hands to get the offending item off the rail, he breathed a sigh of relief as the item came into view and he saw that it was in fact his tuxedo. Breathing another sigh of relief when he saw he had 10 minutes until Lilly picked him up, he hurriedly put on the suit and pulled his formal shoes out of his wardrobe - those being easy to find as weddings, funerals and christening were a fairly regular occurrence in the Valens family.

Next came his bow tie and after the fifth attempt at trying to tie it he growled in frustration. How could a little strip of fabric be so frustrating? Just as he was about to try for the sixth time, he was relieved to hear the buzzer of his entryphone sound.

"Hello?" he answered

"It's me" came Lilly's voice "Let me in, it's freezing out here!" she demanded grumpily.

Noting Lilly's demeanour, Scotty dutifully pressed the button to let Lilly into his building and tried to reign in the annoyance he was feeling from running late and the frustration over his lack of ability to tie a simple bow tie - making a mental note that he really should just buy a pre-made one for the future. The last thing he wanted was to upset Lilly as he knew that she was just as "thrilled" to be attending this event as he was. Normally she, well both of them, got out of going to the event by volunteering to work overtime. However, this year Stillman had refused her overtime request on account of her pregnancy and insisted she go to represent the Cold Case Unit. That apparently meant he had to accompany her as "you got me pregnant so you're suffering through this thing with me". He had little defence to that, and frankly the fact that she still carried a gun with her 7 months pregnant mood swings scared him.

Hearing a knock at his door he opened it and was stunned by what he saw, the frustration and anger that he had been feeling only moments before immediately drained away - only to be replaced with something more disturbing.

Lilly Rush was wearing a long, gun metal grey, satin strapless gown complete with bolero jacket. The bust was fitted and accentuated her pregnancy enlarged breasts perfectly. The front of the dress was divided into three panels, the left and right were smooth satin and rested gently against Lilly's curves, but the panel that ran down the centre of her dress covering the majority of her bump had layers and layers of gathered silk chiffon that started at the bust and draped all the way down to her ankles. The chiffon gently fell over her bump in vertical waves giving an almost waterfall type effect. Directly under her bust was a delicately embroided silver sash which only served to enhance Lilly's full, pert, breasts further. Her hair had been curled and fell across her shoulders and back in waves and her eyes had been made up in smoky grey and silver tones to match the colour of her dress perfectly, the smoky tones also serving to highlight her blue eyes. Lilly's skin glowed with vitality and Scotty was lost for words at the sight before him. Lilly was quite simply the most beautiful woman he had ever seen at that moment and he was dismayed when he felt a familiar stirring in his loins.

"Are you going to let me in?" Lilly asked angrily.

"Huh?" Scotty said, still shell-shocked by Lilly's beauty and using all of his restraint to stop himself from becoming hard.

Lilly nodded inside his apartment "Can I come in? I need your help with these shoes. Your child is so big now that I can't reach the buckles to do them up" she replied grouchily, a frown creasing her forehead.

It was only then that he became aware that Lilly was holding matching grey stappy sandals in her hands and she was wearing trainers on her feet. Standing back he opened the door wide and he could have sworn that Lilly floated past him to sit on the arm of his couch.

"Hurry up Valens! We haven't got much time, we have to be there by 8pm and I see you still haven't tied your bow tie" Lilly said as she shucked off her trainers and slipped her feet into her heeled sandals.

Scotty quickly shut the door to his apartment and bent down in front of Lilly to fastened the buckle on her sandals, a wave of concern washing over him when he saw there was a small heel. He gently grasped her ankle and held it delicately in one hand as the other buckled up her shoe. He noticed Lilly's toenails had been painted a pale pink to match her lipstick and combined with the feeling of Lilly's smooth skin against his hands and fingertips, it was pure torture to Scotty's heightened senses. Now he was not only fighting an erection, but the urge to kiss Lilly's silky smooth legs as well. As fast as he could, whilst trying not to raise suspicion as to his current predicament, he switched legs and fastened the buckle on the other shoe quickly before pausing and looking up at Lilly. He was dismayed when he saw tears in her eyes.

"Hey, what's up?" he asked with alarm, raising his hands up to cup her face and to catch the teardrops from Lilly's eyes with his thumbs before they could slide down her glowing checks and smudge her make-up.

"I'm so fat Scotty! I can't even do up my own shoes and now I have to go and make small talk with a bunch of people I barely know looking like a...a...a...hippopotamus or something" she choked out.

"Shhh, Lilly. You don't look fat, I promise. I'm proud to be your date this evening" he replied earnestly, desperate to stop Lilly looking so heartbroken. He'd always assumed she liked having her bump, she was always stroking it tenderly at work when she thought no one was looking, and during the early stages of her pregnancy she had been annoyed that it took slightly longer for her bump to appear. Seeing her so upset about her enlarged abdomen only made him feel more guilty about his part in their current situation and the toll it was taking on Lilly, both emotionally and physically.

Lilly looked him square in the eyes "Really?" she whispered.

"Really. You look beautiful Lil, and don't think anything less than that, ok?" he replied, the earnestness practically dripping from his words.

Lilly sapphire blue eyes met Scotty's chocolate brown ones and she nodded her head imperceptibly. Scotty could not move his eyes away from Lilly and the swirling emotions he could see deep within her eyes. Gone was the despair that he had seen only a moment before, now it had been replaced with confusion and with something else that he could not identify. It was that unidentifiable emotion that was keeping him routed to the spot. Everything else seemed to fade away as he stared into her eyes, all he could see was Lilly, her beauty and that emotion. He realised that his breathing had become shallow and was startled when he realised that the tempo of Lilly's breathing matched his own. His hands were still cupping her face tenderly and he felt her skin heat as her face flushed the longer they continued to stare at each other. Every nerve in his body was telling him to kiss her and the tension between them was growing by the second. After a minute Scotty was no longer able to control himself anymore and he felt himself become erect. His body's reaction to Lilly spurred him into action and he quickly got up and turned away from Lilly as fast as he could.

"I'm just going to do my bow tie" he mumbled as he practically sprinted into his bedroom and shut his door forcefully.

Scotty started to pace around his bedroom frantically hoping the movement would lessen the tent that currently resided in his trousers. What the hell was going on with him? Not 5 minutes ago he had been angry and annoyed at himself, now he was hot and horny and ready to beg Lilly to let him fuck her anyway she wanted just so that he could find release and get her out of his system. Since Thanksgiving he'd not had one "Lilly Session" and he thought his body was over...whatever the hell it was his body reacted to about her. But now it was evident that it had returned, and it had returned full force.

Glancing at the clock on the wall he silently cursed himself when he saw that it was now 7.10pm. Drinks were being served from 7.30pm and they had to be there for 8pm otherwise they wouldn't be seated, which meant that he needed to get rid of his erection and do up his bow tie in the next 15 minutes otherwise they would barely make it there in time to be seated for dinner.

Scotty grabbed his bow tie and came to a stop in front of his mirror, He agitatedly began to tie the damn thing again in the vain hope that the distraction would make the tent in his pants disappear. Three attempts later and he had somehow managed to tie the blasted thing into something resembling a bow, it wasn't perfect but it would pass for tonight. However, the tent in his trousers was still there, if not worse, thanks to the knowledge that Lilly was currently sat in his living room in that beautiful dress looking like a goddess. A dress that he could remove with one simple slide of the zip. He growled in frustration when he realised he had 7 minutes left. The only way he knew for definite to get rid of his problem in 7 minutes was to have a Lilly Session.

Sighing, he quickly reached for the lube he kept in his bedside table and hurried into the bathroom, being careful to shut and lock the door quietly as the last thing he wanted was for Lilly to find out what he was currently doing - and who he was fantasising about doing it with.

He dropped his trousers and pants to the ground and somehow managed to get his shirt off without undoing his bowtie, hanging it on the back of his bathroom door. The last thing he needed right now was any of _him _on his clothes. Quietly he grabbed some toilet roll and squirted the lube on his hand, leaning the other hand on his sink cabinet and his head on his bathroom cabinet as he started to rub his already hard and throbbing cock up and down as images of Lilly began to run through his head.

Lilly meanwhile was sat in stunned confusion in Scotty's living room, not quite understanding what had taken place just a few short minutes ago. One minute she had been crying about how fat she was and how she couldn't even do up her own shoes, the next Scotty had been comforting her, telling her how beautiful she was - and then their eyes had met. His eyes had been filled with such worry to begin with that she couldn't help thinking how stupid she had been to get worked up over her bump. It was obvious she was pregnant and she was sure that even the arrogant asses that tended to go to these types of events would appreciate her condition.

That wasn't the only emotion she had seen in his eyes though. She was sure there had been a hint of guilt, and although she wasn't sure, she suspected it was because he felt guilty for her mini-meltdown.

However, there was another emotion in his eyes that she just could not identify. His gaze had been so soft, so warm, so tender, that she hadn't been able to look anywhere but his eyes. In that moment she had felt completely protected by his gaze and a warm, contented feeling had spread throughout her body. Her heart had quicked and she'd felt her skin flush the longer they had stared at each other, a part of her had wanted to stay that way forever, just so that warm feeling would flow through her blood. The other part of her had just wanted to kiss him senseless.

Before she knew it, he was gone and she was left sitting in his living room, alone and suddenly cold from the loss of contact. He'd sprinted into his bedroom like he'd just been set on fire mumbling something about tying his bow tie. She didn't know what she had done wrong, was it because she was now one of those emotional, hormonal, pregnant woman? She'd tried her best not to turn into a stereotypical pregnant lady, but there were times when she just could not control her emotions, and tonight had been one of those times. Or was it because she was now helpless to a certain extent? She hated asking him to help her buckle her shoes, but what choice did she have? He was partly responsible for her condition and normally Scotty _wanted_ her to ask him for his help, so why was he now being pissed off about it? Why would Scotty storm into his bedroom because she'd asked him to help her?

After the _moment_ she had just shared with Scotty - she wasn't going to lie to herself, she had shared a _moment _with Scotty even if he didn't feel the same way - and the questions Sarah had raised at the spa earlier that day, Lilly was simply too tired to ponder what had happened between her and Scotty and his behaviour anymore tonight. Sighing she got up and walked into his kitchen to find a bag to put her trainers in. Finally finding one in the cupboard under the sink she returned to his living room and started the process of trying to pick her trainers up off the floor, which was not helped by the fact that Bean was currently using her kidney as football and her long gown was getting in the way.

She knew she already loved Bean and she still appreciated the chance she had been given, but she was becoming more and more resentful of the havoc Bean was playing on her body and the limited mobility she was currently experiencing as the weeks went on. At first she had really enjoyed her pregnancy, but now a part of her just wanted it to be over with. She was getting fed up with the constant bathroom breaks, the tiredness and general aches and pains of pregnancy. Finally she managed to grab her shoes and she shoved them in the bag as Bean let its presence known once again on her poor kidney.

Noticing that it was now 7.18pm she glanced towards Scotty's bedroom door and realised that she had not heard from him for a while. Approaching his door she tapped on it lightly, and not getting any response, she opened his door.

Lilly could not see Scotty anywhere in the room and she frowned. Had he climbed out of the window to get out of going tonight? She knew he hadn't been thrilled about going, but she didn't actually think he'd abandon her. Looking behind the bedroom door, she saw another closed door and a wave of relief washed over her as she remembered that Scotty's bathroom was attached to his bedroom. She could hear what sounded like soft moans and groans coming from within the room and she was immediately concerned. Was Scotty ill?

Scotty's eyes were closed, his body was trembling and his hand was moving with fast, strong, hard strokes up and down his penis as in his mind he pictured Lilly on top of him riding him hard and fast. He was so close, he just needed...needed...

"Scotty? Are you ok"

At the sweet sound of Lilly's muffled voice through the door, Scotty immediately started to spill himself into the strategically placed tissue in his hand and he bit his lip so hard to stop himself from shouting out in absolute pleasure that he was surprised that his teeth hadn't gone through the soft tissue of his lip.

"Coming Lil!" he managed to ground out as wave after wave of cum shot into his tissue filled hand. Fuck it felt so good! "Won't be a minute!"

On the other side of the door Lilly shrugged and returned to the living room.

Scotty breathed a sigh of relief as he heard Lilly's retreating footsteps and he allowed himself to collapse against his sink cabinet, his now flaccid cock still held in his hand, as the relief of his recent exertion washed over him. That had been close, but it had been one of the best Lilly Session's he had ever had! Knowing that she was in the next room and could catch him at any time had been thrilling. Slowly Scotty raised himself to a standing position and was pleased to find his legs were somewhat steady. He quickly disposed of the tissue down the toilet and rapidly re-dressed, making sure not to fiddle with his bow tie too much.

He was immediately greeted by Lilly's Ice Queen mask when he returned to the living room and he gulped.

"What?" he demanded angrily.

"Are you ill?" Lilly asked him coldly, her arms crossed across her chest, causing her breasts to be pushed together. Scotty felt blood rush to a certain area of his body again and had to fight the urge to stare down at his crouch in distain.

"What?" he asked with confusion, trying his very best to look her in the eye and not stare at her breasts.

"I heard you groaning in the bathroom and you look flushed, so are you ill? Is that why you ran out of here before?" Lilly asked coldly.

Damn! She'd heard him moaning, he thought he'd been quiet but obviously not.

"I had some tortillas at the bar with Andrew, guess the guacamole was off" he replied, that part about the food at least being correct.

Lilly's Ice Queen mask immediately dropped and she walked over to Scotty as quickly as she could, placing her hand on his forehead as soon as she reached him . Scotty groaned inwardly at the feeling of her soft skin as he felt the tell tale fire start to burn in the pit of his stomach once again.

"You do feel a little warm" Lilly said with concern "Are you sure you'll be ok tonight?"

"Yeah, Lil. Now come on otherwise we'll be late" Scotty stated as he brushed past her, grabbed the keys to his apartment and held the door open for her.

Noticing the time, Lilly quickly grabbed her trainers and walked out of her partner's apartment.

Scotty swallowed thickly as Lilly floated by. She just looked so damn beautiful and sexy in that dress that he knew he would have to stay away from her tonight or he may just end up doing something he'd regret.

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><p><em>So I know the fact that a grown man can't control himself is a little unrealistic, but let's just go with it for the purposes of the story. Call it artistic licence.<em>

_I hope I got the team name/season/day/time right for baseball? Having a) absolutely no interest in sport whatsoever and b) not living in the USA I had to do some research on the internet and kinda established that it appears baseball is played on a Saturday afternoon/evening in December. If it's not, please accept my apologies and once again put it down to artistic licence. The only time I've seen a baseball game is one that was on TV in the background at JFK airport 9 years ago, but thinking about it, that was a Saturday night albeit about 10pm. However, at the time my friends and I were more worried about the heavy presence of armed police that were patrolling our gate (but not the others), the fact that our plane was parked at the complete opposite end of the terminal than the other gates that were being used to board the overnight flights and the two guys that were arrested under suspicion of being terrorists as we were boarding the plane! (Seriously, not lying! And if that wasn't bad enough, on an otherwise full flight there were two seats directly in front of the row my friends and I were sitting in that were vacant...Needless to say we didn't sleep the whole way back!)_

_Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the Chapter and I'll try and update next weekend, although just to warn you, it is rather hectic._


	24. Chapter 24

_So, if you look back at my previous status' you will see I mentionned I was taking an exam back in October, and I found out today that I passed! I also passed the exam I sat today too! :-) (Both exams count towards the same qualification but the one I took in October was degree level, so I had to wait 2 months for the results, and the one I took today was GCSE level and online so I got the result straight away. Overall the qualification will be the equivilant of a degree once I get enough points. Confused yet?) _

_Anyway, to celebrate I thought I would publish this chapter a bit earlier than normal, so enjoy! Oh! It's another very loooooong chapter, so make yourself comfortable. _

_**Warning! There is an instance of violence, some swear words and mention of some other adult activities in this chapter. Read at your own discretion. **_

_**Disclaimer: **I own two pieces of paper to confirm two exam passes and a big smile. Unfortunately I still don't own Cold Case. _

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><p>Lilly Rush was seated between Scotty Valens and John Stillman in one of the plushest ballrooms of one of Philadelphia's finest hotels listening to the Police Commissioner's annual address to his staff. They had a bet going on their table as to how long the speech would last, and it was just approaching the 26 minute mark. Her bet was for 29 minutes and 27 seconds and she'd be darned if John or Scotty beat her, the former betting 27 minutes 10 seconds and the later 31 minutes 46 seconds.<p>

She couldn't help smirking at her boss as the 27 minute mark was passed.

"Looks like it's not your year Boss" she whispered teasingly in his ear when the Commissioner showed no sign of closing his speech in the next 10 seconds.

"Don't be so cocky Rush, Commissioner's not done yet" John replied, giving her a mild glare.

Lilly glanced to her other side and noticed that Scotty was staring intently at his watch.

"Not worried are you Valens" she teased lightly. Scotty simply glared at her and returned to staring at his watch, as if that would somehow make the seconds tick by faster.

Lilly returned her attention back to the Police Commissioner. All in all, the ball hadn't been as bad she had been expecting and she was fortunate that the other officers on her table had been welcoming and friendly. They'd passed the time over dinner swapping stories about various cases, plus she'd been lucky enough to be placed between Scotty and John so she at least had two of her closest work colleagues by her side. Her pregnant state had come in useful as well as she had been allowed to leave the ballroom between courses to attend the bathroom, whereas everyone else had had to remain seated.

Sensing the Commissioners speech was coming to an end, she peered over Scotty's shoulder and noticed that 29 minutes and 2 seconds had passed. Suddenly her interest in the commissioner's speech grew and she couldn't help staring at Scotty's watch as the seconds ticked by.

"...And now Officers, Sergeants, Detectives and Lieutenants, I would ask you to please raise your glasses and joint me in a toast to a New Year filled with prosperity and good will for all who work for Philadelphia Police Department. "

Lilly and Scotty's eyes remained glued to his watch face as they raised their glasses and sipped champagne (water in Lilly's case) along with the Commissioner.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy the rest of the Ball and drive safely. I bid you all farewell and wish you a Happy and Safe 2006!"

At 30 minutes and 29 seconds exactly, the Commissioner's speech finally ended.

"Yes!" Lilly cried, a smile lighting up her face.

"Looks like it is your year after all Rush" John said as he handed her the money with a smile.

Lilly reply was cut off as she heard her partner's chair fall backwards and a rush of wind blew past her arm as he stood up.

"Son of a..."

"Scotty!" John barked "Aren't you happy for Lilly?" the look in his eyes clearly showing that he better start acting like he was shortly or risk the wrath of Stillman.

Scotty's eyes were ebony as he looked at Lilly.

"Congratulations, Lil" he said coldly, almost sarcastically, before skulking off towards the bar.

Lilly sighed as her eyes followed Scotty towards the bar. She was used to Scotty's sulks, having been his partner for 2 years, but even after all this time she still found it difficult to comprehend how bad a loser Scotty was. His and Vera's losing strops were the reason she didn't play poker with the guys and it was one of the few traits she hoped Bean hadn't inherited from its father.

But tonight though, she sensed there was more towards Scotty's bad mood than just losing the bet to her. Ever since they had left his apartment he had been cool with her, telling her she was taking the wrong route, diving too slowly, _walking _too slowly, eating too quickly. She'd initially put it down to him feeling unwell, but he had eaten all 4 courses of his dinner without so much as blinking an eye and he had been drinking scotch all evening so whatever had been making him feel ill earlier had now passed. Scotty acting cold was just so unusual. Normally she was the cold one and he was the fiery one, but now the tables had apparently turned and it made her uneasy. She wanted to call him out and ask him why he was being so off with her, because to everyone else he was being the regular cocky Scotty Valens, but she didn't want to cause a seen in front of their superiors. Whatever it was she hoped it would pass, although the fact she had won the bet was probably not going to help matters.

Hearing her sigh beside him John sought to cheer her up. "Don't worry about him Rush, you know what a sore loser he is. Give him a few minutes and he'll calm down"

"I know. It's just...it was a stupid bet worth $20!" she replied throwing her hands up with frustration. "He is so dealing with this kid if it inherits his competitive streak" she muttered, almost as an afterthought.

Beside her John couldn't help but chuckle as he took a sip of his Scotch.

"What?" she snapped at her Lieutenant, her cold eyes turning to him immediately.

"Nothing" he replied with a tender smile "Just the thought of you and Scotty as parents. It's definitely going to lighten things up around the squad"

Before Lilly could reply she was once again reminded of her current state as Bean kicked her bladder, hard, causing her to suck in her breath loudly.

Concern immediately clouded Stillman's eyes as he heard Lilly's gasp and he watched her immediatly start rubbing the bottom of her bump "You ok, Lil?"

"Yeah, Bean's just decided to use my bladder as a football. Please excuse me, I need to use the bathroom again" she stated with resignation.

Stillman stood up and helped Lilly out of her chair and she smiled gratefully at her boss. As quickly as she could with 200 people in the ballroom and a 7 month pregnant baby bump, she made her way towards the bathroom and was grateful when she discovered, as if by some miracle, there wasn't a queue for the woman's bathroom.

Bladder emptied and Bean somewhat settled, she decided that she should go and at least try and talk to Scotty. She headed back towards the ballroom and that's when she saw him. Scotty was leant up against the wall in the far corner of the ballroom talking to some red-head. A tall, slender, attractive redhead who was wearing a dress so tight that practically nothing was left to the imagination. Scotty and the red head were stood so close together and they appeared to be whispering, yes they were indeed whispering, into each other's ears. Between sentences he was looking intently at the red head with those dark brown eyes that she liked so much.

A soon as she saw Scotty a wave of jealousy hit her so hard that it took every ounce of self-control she had not to walk over there and tear Scotty away from the red-head. That wasn't the worse thing though. The worst thing was that she felt like her heart was breaking into millions of little pieces as she watched Scotty interact with the red-head. Hadn't he told her not 2 months ago that he wasn't seeing anyone? That he would always be there for her and Bean and he would never expose his child to random woman? Now here he was blatantly flirting with some trashy woman in front of their fellow work colleagues, some of whom were their superiors. She'd thought he'd learnt his lesson with the cocktail waitress but evidently not.

Turning quickly she headed towards the bar, cursing the fact that she couldn't drink alcohol, because right now she needed to get drunk. She needed to forget what she had just witnessed, she needed to forget that the father of her child was some bastard that would sleep with any slut that threw herself at him. She needed to forget that one night only 7 short months ago she had been the woman that had thrown herself at her partner.

Finally gaining the attention of the barman she ordered a non-alcoholic white wine. Hell, if she couldn't drink the alcohol she was sure as hell going to have the _taste_ of it. Maybe her brain would be fooled into thinking she was drunk by the taste of the wine.

Just as she picked up her glass and brought it to her lips, a hand clamped around her wrist.

"Do you really think you should be drinking that right now?" a voice whispered from behind her.

Lilly's eyes widened as she turned around to greet the owner of mysterious voice. "Kite?" she whispered.

"Rush" he greeted her softly "Good to see you. It's been a while."

Jason Kite was stood directly in front of her, a soft, tender smile on his face. Lilly was momentarily thrown by the appearance of her ex-boyfriend as he was the last person she expected to see tonight.

"Yeah, it has" she replied softly, her eyes meeting his in the dim lighting of the ballroom.

"Now I'm no expert, Rush, but I don't think pregnant woman are supposed to drink" he continued whilst lifting the glass from her hands.

Lilly rolled her eyes "Relax Kite, it's non-alcoholic".

"Is it now?" he queried, taking a sniff at the light coloured liquid. "Well I guess I owe you an apology then" he said handing the glass back to Lilly, seemingly satisfied that the liquid was in fact alcohol free.

"What are you doing here, Kite?" she asked

"Well, the DA thought it would be an excellent idea if us ADA's bonded with Philadelphia's Finest at their annual Christmas Ball" Kite answered with sarcasm.

"How's that going?" Lilly asked, the mirth evident in her voice.

"Great" Kite replied sarcastically "You're the only one who hasn't bitten my head off about a case yet".

"I wouldn't be so sure, Kite. I'm sure I can think of something" Lilly replied teasingly, taking a sip of her non-alcoholic wine and wincing at the bitter taste. Non-alcoholic wine was nothing compared to the real stuff and she quickly discarded the glass on the bar.

An awkward silence descended on them then and Lilly couldn't help but notice as Kite's eyes flicked to her bump.

"So, I heard you were pregnant" he began.

"Yeah, I...um...I...er...guess I should have called you" Lilly began, the awkwardness becoming more palpable by the second. She had been meaning to call Kite, she really had, but what was she supposed to say? "_I'm sorry we broke up because I couldn't give you the white picket fence life that you wanted. Oh! By the way, I'm pregnant"._ She was no expert on the matter, but she was pretty sure that wouldn't have gone down well and as the months had worn on and news of her pregnancy had spread, she was sure it had reached the DA's office and then she just felt more and more awkward about telling Kite.

"I heard on the grapevine that Scotty's the father?"

Lilly felt her skin flush with embarrassment as it became obvious her ex-boyfriend knew more about her current predicament that she would have wished and she couldn't help but look away from Kite's inquisitive eyes.

"Em, yeah..." she began, but was cut off by ex-boyfriend.

"Were you and he...whilst we were together?" he asked awkwardly.

Lilly's eyes flicked back to his "NO! It was just one time" she hissed angrily "after the George Marks case" she added as an afterthought.

"Sorry, I...I just had to ask" he apologised with sincerity "I heard it was Scotty's and it made me wonder..."

Lilly breathed out slowly. She couldn't blame him for asking the question, if that tables had been turned she probably would have too.

"I could never..." she began, leaving her answer to trail off.

Kite nodded his acceptance. "I heard about the George Marks case, Lilly. You know, you could have called me that night? I would have been there for you" he stated earnestly

"I know" she replied with sorrow. She realised then that her life would have been so much easier if she'd have reached out to Kite that night instead of Scotty. No IAD investigation, no risk of losing her job, no smutty looks from the other detectives. Kite would have been there for her and Bean - he wanted the house, the dog, the white picket fence and the family. It had been the reason they had broken up because she couldn't give him what he wanted, her workaholic outlook on life had gotten in the way. The irony of their current situation wasn't lost on her.

She couldn't fault Scotty, he had been there for her as much as he could, but there were times when he wasn't there and she felt like she was all alone. Like tonight, there had been no-one to help her do up her dress, no-one to fasten her shoes, no-one to help her get into the car with her long skirt. She hadn't been in love with Kite, but they'd had a relationship and she'd had feelings for him. She could have made it work with him, even if it was only for the baby's sake, and she wouldn't have been all alone. Suddenly she felt saddened by her situation, but was interrupted from her depressing thoughts by the sound of Kite's voice.

"Would you like to dance?" he asked "For old times sake"

Lilly looked around and realised that the tables had been cleared from the centre of the ballroom and the temporary carpeting pulled back to reveal a wooden dance floor.

"Are you kidding me Kite?" Lilly replied incredulously "I'm 7 months pregnant!"

"You telling me you can't move those feet Rush?" he teased.

"Won't your date get jealous?" Lilly queried and was taken aback by the sadness that entered Kite's eyes.

"There hasn't been anyone since you Rush" he answered quietly, hesitantly.

Lilly felt guilty. Here she was, about to have the one thing that he had always wanted, the one thing that out of both of them, he was probably the more deserving of, dancing with him seemed like the least she could do.

"Ok Kite, but I'm warning you there better be no disco dancing involved like there was last time" she replied with a teasing warning tone to her voice and was pleased to see Kite's face light up.

"Oh, now come on Rush, you know there was some good moves there..." he replied as he took her hand and led her to the dance floor.

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><p>Scotty hated formal balls, particularly this one. Not for the first time this evening, he was reminded why he <em>always<em> volunteered for the night shift on the night of the Annual PPD Christmas Ball. He seriously couldn't believe his luck tonight. First he'd been running late, then there had been the impromptu "Lilly Session", then he'd lost the speech bet they had going on their table to _Rush,_ and now he was stuck talking to the new ADA, Alexandra Thomas, or Alex as she insisted on being called. He supposed it served him right for storming off in a huff. Now here he was, cornered in the back of the ballroom with this redhead ADA who was obviously after more than information on a case, if the way she kept caressing his biceps or the way she was pressing her chest into his was any indication.

He didn't know how long he had been stuck there in the dingy back corner of the damn ballroom, could have been 5 minutes, could have been 5 hours, all he knew was that he needed to get away. Somehow they were stood directly underneath a speaker and they had to shout into each other's ears in order to have a conversation, even then he had no idea what Alex was saying as the speaker was so damn loud. He caught a wiff of her perfume as she lent in to shout something in his ear yet again, and he had to fight the urge to gag, the scent of her perfume was so strong it was making him feel sick. Sighing in frustration he glanced around the room desperately looking for someone he could excuse himself from Alex and go and talk to.

It was on his third scan of the room that he saw her.

Lilly.

Lilly in that beautiful dress that made her look like a goddess.

Lilly whose head was thrown back in laughter at something whoever she was dancing with had just said.

Lilly who was now smiling so brightly that all he could see was _her_ in the dim lighting of the ballroom.

Lilly, who was currently dancing with..._Kite_! Her ex-boyfriend KITE!

Scotty didn't even bother to excuse himself as he pushed past Alex Thomas and headed directly for Jason Kite and Lilly Rush. His body was propelled forward purely by the jealousy, the rage, the indignation he felt as his partner danced with her _ex-boyfriend_ whilst pregnant with _his_ _kid._ He was practically walking _through _people to get to her and he had reached out, grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the ballroom and into another conference room before Kite, or anyone else for that matter, could react.

It took Lilly a good 10 seconds to regain her balance and her bearings. One minute she had been dancing with Jason, reminiscing about their first date at that awful disco club, the next someone had a vice like grip on her arm and she was half tossed into an empty conference room, one that appeared to have been used for the reception drinks they'd missed earlier if the discarded champagne glassed were any indication.

Scotty was pacing back and forth in front of her, his face contorted into a look of pure rage.

"What the hell Scotty?" she yelled, her own rage boiling inside her.

Scotty stopped pacing and turned to look at Lilly. He was livid, absolutely livid.

"How dare you start flirting with your ex Lil when you're carrying my kid! Couldn't you at least wait another 2 months until you've had the baby before you start shacking up with your ex-boyfriend again?" he yelled.

Lilly couldn't believe what she was hearing and Scotty's accusation only caused the rage inside her to grow. This was why he was so mad at her, because she had danced with Kite?

"Me! What about you? Snuggled into the back corner of the ballroom with that slutty red-head. I'm surprised you didn't just start doing her against the wall you two were so close." Lilly yelled back. "Heard you liked the public thing" she added snidely

The rage continued to boil inside Scotty. "I was talking to the new ADA. About work. What were you two talking about, huh? How you could sneak out and get a room without anyone knowing? Looks to me like it was you who was planning on getting laid tonight Rush, not me,"

Before Lilly could stop herself she walked up to Scotty and slapped him in the face, hard.

Scotty's brain registered the movement of something out of the corner of his eye, and it registered the sound of skin hitting skin before his cheek started to sting. Instinctively he reached out and grabbed the person who had just harmed him, holding that person firmly in their place.

Lilly gasped and looked down as Scotty's hand grabbed her arm with a bruising force. She looked up and saw that his eyes had darkened to onyx and she gulped audibly.

His face lowered to hers until their faces were only inches apart. Scotty didn't know what had come over him. All the anger, the jealousy and the indignation he had felt moments before had mingled with the lust that had flooded back from earlier that evening. He didn't know if it was because Lilly's warm body was now only inches away from his, or because he could see her heaving chest in his peripheral vision, or because her own normally icy blue eyes had darkened to sapphire and were now burning with the same anger, indignation, and if he was not mistaken, jealousy, as his. All he knew was that right now he wanted Lilly Rush more than he had wanted any woman in his entire life. He wanted to do _her_ against the wall of this damn room, not that stupid red-head.

"I don't like it when other men touch you" he snarled, his other hand coming up to grip her other arm with the same bruising force so he was holding her firmly in place.

Lilly thought she had seen Scotty's dangerous side before, but that was nothing compared with what she was experiencing now. She knew she should try and calm him down, try to reason with him so she could get away, but she was just so damn angry that he thought he could treat her like this, so jealous of the way she had seen him flirting with the redhead, and so damn indignant that he thought she couldn't speak to another man without his permission.

"Yeah, well what's it to you?" she snarled back.

Scotty couldn't contain himself anymore, he growled low in his throat as his head lowered the last few inches towards Lilly and his lips collided with hers.

Lilly couldn't help but gasp as Scotty's lips met hers and his tongue immediately thrust itself into her mouth. The moment their lips met the lust for Scotty she had been burying for the last 6 weeks erupted. Seconds later her mouth was dualling with his in one of the most erotic kisses she had ever experienced in her life, and as Scotty's grip on her arms loosened, her arms and hands immediately snaked around his neck and shoulders and up into his hair so she could pull Scotty as close to her as possible. Scotty immediately placed his hands on Lilly waist and he held her as tightly and as closely as he could.

Together they stumbled backwards until Lilly felt her back connect with the wall, but neither one of them broke their kiss. Scotty's lips moved along her jawline and down her neck where he began to suck on the tender flesh, causing a strangled moan to be emitted from her throat. Spurred on by her breathy moans, one of Scotty's hands slid from her waist, down her leg all the way to her knee. Gently he lifted her leg over his hip as he continued his tortuous exploration of her neck, shoulders and chest. Lilly let out a groan as he inched closer and she felt his hard erect cock against her throbbing pussy.

Scotty couldn't believe that Lilly was letting him touch her like this. He fully intended on showing her that _he_ was the only one that could touch her like this, _he _was the only one that could turn her on like this, _he _was the only one allowed to do this to her. Scotty used his body to pin Lilly against the wall as one of his hands slowly started to massage Lilly's upper thigh that was resting against his hip, whilst his other hand slide up her side and he grabbed her full breast - pregnancy had definitely proved favourably for Lilly in this department - and she let out a sharp gasp as he massaged her breast through the thick boned material of her dress.

Lilly was starting to wonder if in fact this was another one of her sex dreams, but she knew it wasn't. She could hear people in the corridor outside, she could feel Scotty's heated skin through the fabric of his tuxedo - her skin no doubt matching his - and she could smell his uniquely masculine scent. Somehow she managed to work a hand between their bodies and she started to stroke Scotty's length through the material of his tuxedo trousers. She couldn't help groaning as she felt Scotty jerk against her, she had forgotten just how powerful a lover he was - not to mention how big he was too. At that very moment she didn't care how wrong it was that she was making out with her partner at the PPD Ball, all she wanted was to let Scotty do her against the wall, consequences be damned. He just felt so _good _against her that she wanted more. Maybe if she fucked him here it would finally get him out of her system.

Scotty could take no more of Lilly's breathy moans and he quickly shoved his mouth back against her, groaning deep in his throat as he tasted her again. The combination of her taste and the way she was stroking his cock was enough to make him want to cum. But he couldn't do that. If him and Lilly were about to do what he thought they were, he wanted to hold on, he wanted to come deep inside her as her walls clamped around him.

Lilly's hands were already in the process of unbuckling his trousers and he quickly raised his hands to the zip of her dress before the couple were rudely interrupted by a ringing sound. He immediately felt Lilly stiffen against him and her leg dropped from his hip.

Reluctantly he stilled his hands in the search for Lilly's zip and they broke their kiss as he moved away slightly to search for his mobile phone. Lilly too started to search her handbag for her elusive phone, both partners unable to look at each other as the realisation of what had just occurred between thtem started to crash down on them.

"It's mine" she said breathlessly, quickly looking at Scotty.

"Rush" she greeted the caller.

"Yes...Uh-huh...OK...Where?" Scotty heard her ask the caller as she pushed him away and start to walk slowly around the room, no doubt as shaken as he was by their recent encounter.

Scotty was confused. Who was she talking to? His phone hadn't rung so it couldn't be a case and a feeling of foreboding overcame him as he saw a look of resignation appear on her face and her eyes harden.

"Thank you, bye" he heard her end the call and move towards the exit door.

"Lilly?" Scotty called after her with concern as she moved to push the door open.

"I've got to go" she said hurriedly.

"Lilly?" he tried again, striding towards her. What exactly had that call been about?

"I can't do this right now, Scotty!" she exclaimed as she rushed out of the conference room leaving the door to slam in Scotty's face.

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><p><em>So I'm not sure if you guys are going to love me or hate me after this. :- If you decide to review (which would be gratefully received as always), please be gentle! Did I mention I have another exam next Friday and I'm feeling really nervous about it..._

_Re: the game at the beginning of this Chapter, it is a game I've played at the formal dinners I've had to attend (due to work committments, not by choice!) and there is a name for it, but I can't remember it! Apparently it's a regular thing to do in the UK, I have no idea if it is in the USA or not, but it worked for the purposes of the story so I used it. If it's not a regular thing in the USA and you ever have to go to a formal dinner, try it. It makes the time pass slightly more quickly as you spend your time looking at the clock/your watch to see who is and isn't left in the game and it can be adapted to be used at weddings etc _

_As for the rest of it, I hope you enjoyed it!_


	25. Chapter 25

_So, I'm sorry that I'm slightly later in updating than usual but it was my own Christmas party on Friday and I fully intented on updated yesterday however, I may have had a little too much to drink on Friday night/Saturday morning. I may not have joined the land of consciousness until 3pm yesterday, my head may not have stopped spinning until 5pm and I may not have been able to walk in a straight line until 6pm! Needless to say trying to get my eyes to focus on a computer screen was completely out of the question, hence the slightly delayed update! In my defence, I passed my exam on Friday and everyone kept buying me drinks, plus there was a bottle of wine per person on my table, and well, it would have been rude not to drink them! LOL. At least I have tomorrow off. _

_Hope the chapter was worth the wait. Oh, there are some naughty words and another mildly violent scenes in this chapter in case those things offend you. At least you've been warned! _

_**Disclaimer: **After my Christmas party I am the owner of stolen goods - 3 cocktail stirers from the bar to be precise (which I apparently needed at 3am and shoved in my clutch bag whilst drinking sambuca shots!) Unfortunately the ownership papers to Cold Case were not available to steal...I'm not sure they would have made my hangover any better yesterday even if they were! LOL_

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><p>Scotty stood in the conference room stock still. What the hell had just happened? One minute they had been making out, the next Lilly had received a phone call and had pretty much sprinted out of the conference room like it had been on fire. What on earth would make Lilly act like that? It couldn't be a case, or an incident with one of their colleagues, as he hadn't received a call. So who exactly had called Lilly?<p>

More importantly, how had they got to the point that he had her pressed up against a wall with his dick so fucking hard, her leg over his hip, his hand squeezing her breast, and his mouth sucking on the smooth skin of her neck in the first place? The state he was in now there was no way he could chase her out of the conference room without raising some serious eyebrows.

Breathing out heavily in frustration, Scotty began to pace around the abandoned conference room in an effort to burn off some of the unsatisfied lust that was still coursing through his veins, his hand quite literally scratching his head as he thought back over the evenings events with Lilly.

First he had been so turned on by her appearance this evening that he'd had to have a Lilly Session before he had even left his apartment. Next, she had beaten him on the speech bet that had only served to piss him off even more, and then he had seen her talking and laughing and look so _fucking happy _with Kite that he couldn't help but drag her away. Lilly was pregnant with his kid, it should be _him _making her laugh like that, _him _bringing that megawatt smile to her face, _him _dancing with her. _HIM _not Kite.

Up until tonight he realised, it _had_ been him that had been making her laugh and smile like that. Whenever they were together, whether it was for a doctor appointment, at work, or just hanging out in one of their homes, they always had fun and he really enjoyed their banter. They teased each other, but knew each other's boundaries, they actually talked about stuff too, not just about cases, and he could relax around her and just really be himself. He knew that Lilly wouldn't judge him, she would just listen and offer her own views on his problems. Likewise, he would listen to her share her problems (not that she did often seeing as she was Lilly Rush) and he liked the fact that she took his opinions on board. He liked that he was the only one who could calm her down when she got upset, like she had been when they told Boss about the pregnancy, like she had been when they bumped into her mother, like she had been when she had told him about her attack, like this very evening when she couldn't get her shoes fastened.

He thought back on all the things they had experienced together over the past 7 months. The night Bean had been conceived, the night she had told him about Bean, how he had walked out and how she had let him come back into her life, and therefore Bean's. How she had kept her word and trusted him - how he would be more grateful than she could ever imagine that she had allowed herself to do that.

He reminisced about the first scan, telling Boss and their first proper outing together when Lilly went shopping for maternity clothes. How she'd sacrificed her independence to go on desk duty, by only working her contracted hours, by letting people, including himself, do things for her which he knew she hated. How she had changed her lifestyle to make sure she ate regularly and healthily, how she swam and practiced yoga to make sure she gave Bean the best start in life. How she forced herself to take pre-natal vitamins everyday even though he knew swallowing tablets made her gag.

He thought about how she hadn't made him beg her to meet his parents, and how she had really made the effort to let his overbearing parents and family into her and Bean's life. He knew his parents were calling her regularly and showing up unannounced, but not once had she complained.

He remembered the first time Bean had kicked and how she let him touch her bump whenever he wanted, how she gave him time to bond with his child and had not complained once about it. How she'd agreed to wait and find out the sex because that's what he wanted.

He thought back to the day they had cleared out her spare room, how she'd given up her own office so that Bean could have its own room. Their shopping trip together and their encounter with her mother which had made him realise just how hard her childhood had been - and why to the world she was this tough Ice Queen, but underneath it all she was just like any other woman with her own fears and insecurities.

He couldn't help shuddering as he recalled Thanksgiving, when she had told him about what happened to her with George in the attic, about her 49 report and her own fears about parenting. He thought about Thanksgiving dinner when they had been giving thanks and how she had thanked his family for accepting Bean, and how in private she had thanked him for being involved in Bean's life.

He remembered the somewhat horrifying lamaze class and how she had distracted him afterwards and made _him _feel better even though it was her who would be going through all that...stuff.

He thought about their cooking lessons and how he'd taught her how to cook; she'd taught him how to look after cats, and he had grown rather fond of Tripod and Olivia he thought with a rueful smile.

It dawned on him then that the time Lilly and he spent just hanging out and bonding with Bean had been some of the happiest times of his life, alongside those memories he had of Elisa from when they were kids - happy, carefree and looking forward to the future. With a start he realised that's exactly what Lilly had given him for the future: hope. For the first time in a long time he was actually looking forward to the future.

But was that all it was? Hope sure as hell didn't have you lusting over your partner to the point that she was all you could think about. Hope didn't have you wanking yourself off minutes before you were supposed to be going out with your partner, just so you could get through the evening without embarrassing yourself. Hope didn't have you dragging your partner across a crowded dance floor just because your partner was having fun with another man.

A wave of fear washed over Scotty as he realised that indeed it wasn't just hope if felt, there was lust and desire for Lilly too. Lilly and him had always had good chemistry together, but he couldn't deny they had grown closer over the past few months; from the moment he had kissed her hand at the 12 week scan until tonight. As he'd got to know Lilly as a _woman _rather than the detective he worked with, he found himself caring about her more, wanting to protect her at all costs, and just wanting to be around her. When she wasn't around he missed her and wished that he could just go and see her, but he was scared that she would find him overbearing and push him away so he never plucked up the courage to go unless they had already made plans.

But if he wasn't mistaken, he wasn't the only one lusting over someone in their current situation. He had caught Lilly having an erotic dream about him and she had been more than a willing participant tonight, that had to mean something, right?

Scotty was interrupted from his internal battle by the conference room door bursting open. Silently saying a pray of thanks as he realised the tent in his pants had subsided dramatically, he turned around and was surprised to see that Kite had entered the room.

"What did you do to Lilly?" Kite demanded angrily, walking over and standing directly in front of Scotty.

"Nothing!" Scotty defended himself immediately.

"That's not what it looked like to me! I just saw her practically running out of here with her face all red. She didn't even turn around when I called her name! Now what did you do?" Kite demanded again, Scotty suddenly realising why he had such a good reputation as a prosecutor.

"Look Kite, we were...talking, her phone rang and she left abruptly. I don't know where she went ok?" Scotty responded, his voice raising at the accusations "And I'd NEVER hurt her".

"Oh, is that why you dragged her across the dance floor, cos you'd never hurt her? Sure as hell didn't look like it to me Valens!" Kite continued to yell, edging closer and closer to Scotty.

Scotty felt so ashamed. He'd been so consumed by his anger and jealousy when he saw Lilly and Kite together that he'd just acted in the heat of the moment. He hadn't meant to hurt Lilly, but he suddenly realised with horror that he'd dragged a 7 month pregnant woman around a hotel by her arm, and that had to have hurt.

"So Valens, if all you were doing was talking, then why was her face so red and why was she leaving in such a hurry? I swear to God, Valens, if you've hurt her it will be the last thing you'll ever do!" Kite snarled into Scotty face, leaning even closer into him.

"I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE WENT AND I DIDN'T HURT HER" Scotty yelled, shoving Kite away. The anger he had been feeling earlier flooding back. "Why don't you call her? Oh, that's right you broke up! Didn't want to have anything to do with your Ivy League arse!"

Scotty saw the anger flash in Kite's eyes, and for the second time that evening, his eyes glimpsed a flash of human flesh as Kite's fist headed toward Scotty. Years of boxing training kicked in and he grabbed Kite's arm and threw a defensive jab before Kite's fist could connect with Scotty's flesh.

Kite stumbled backwards but recovered quickly and he tackled Scotty. A scuffle ensured between the detective and the ADA, and at that moment Scotty couldn't think of a better way to work off some of the unsatisfied lust than fighting with the former lover of his partner, the mother of his child. Both men were startled from their fight upon hearing the sound of smashing glass. Looking down they realised they had barrelled into one of the tables and knocked a stack of champagne glasses to the floor, causing some of them to smash.

The ADA and detective stared at each other, each breathing heavily following the recent exertion of their fight.

"Look Kite" Scotty began in between gulps of air "I didn't hurt her and I'm sorry for what happened on the dance floor. I just...don't know what came over me. We came in here, argued, then she got a phone call and left. She wouldn't tell me who it was from and I don't know where she went". Only a deaf man would have missed the remorse in Scotty's voice.

Kite glanced across at Scotty briefly. "You know, when Rush and I were together I always wondered if there was something going on between you two" he stated matter of factly.

"There wasn't" Scotty confirmed immediately.

"I know, Lilly already told me this evening and I believe her" Kite said quietly.

He paused then and looked at Scotty, as if he was trying to decide whether to tell Scotty something or not. Finally Kite sighed heavily and looked over at Scotty.

"Look Valens, I don't know what's going on between you and Lilly"

Scotty opened up his mouth to deny what Kite was implying but was stopped when Kite held up his hand.

"Just hear me out ok? Lilly and I, we broke up because I wanted the white picket fence life. The wife, the dog, the kids - but Lilly, she couldn't give it to me. I loved her, but we wanted different things. Talking to her tonight while we were dancing, she seemed happy, really, really happy, so whatever is going on between you two Valens, don't blow it." Kite said sincerely.

"There's nothing going on between us, Kite" Scotty denied.

"So you make a habit of dragging your partner across the dance floor in front of all her work colleagues when there's nothing going on do you?" Kite replied pointedly.

For once Scotty was at a loss for words.

Sensing that he may have got through to the detective, the ADA headed towards the door.

"I'll pay for the glasses, Scotty" he said quietly. "And Valens..."

Scotty turned to look at Kite who was now standing by the door looking directly at him.

"Look after her".

And with that Kite left the conference room.

Scotty picked himself off the floor and started pacing again. Kite had a point, partners didn't drag each other across the room without a reason. But the way he had been acting, well it had been more like a jealous boyfriend than Lilly's partner this evening. But he wasn't her boyfriend, he was her partner. The father of her child. That's all he had been doing tonight, looking out for the interests of his unborn child. He had a right to look after his unborn child because there was no way he had...

_SHIT!_

He did.

A wave of realisation so strong hit Scotty that he felt like his legs were going to collapse beneath him as the reason for recent behaviour became clear. His constant thinking of Lilly, the sadness and loneliness he felt whenever she wasn't near, his constant desire for her, it all lead to one thing...

He _liked _Lilly Rush.

Scotty gulped in shock at the realisation and searched for his mobile phone. He had to find Lilly before it was too late.

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><p><em>Just to clarify, wanking is a British slang word for masturbation as I'm not sure if it's used outside the UK or not. <em>

_Oh, and how ironic is this? I had a similar situation with my strappy sandals on Friday as I couldn't lean, bend and twist my back/legs to do up the stupid buckles (due to a back problem rather than pregnancy I hasten to add!). My poor Dad (who was taxi driver for the night) ended up lying on the floor of my apartment doing them up! However, one of the good things about being drunk: you can always get your shoes off without having to undo the buckles! Weird thing is, these chapters are written in advance so there is no way I would have known I couldn't do up the buckles up on my shoes when I wrote the scene with Lilly. _

_Hope you enjoyed and I will endeavour to update soon. However, I have another party to go to next weekend and although I intend not to drink too much, that's what I said about Friday..._


	26. Chapter 26

_Thanks for the reviews...now for Lilly's part. Hope you enjoy, I promise it is building up to...something! Although how that "something" is revealed is giving me a headache at the moment... _

_**Disclaimer: **Don't own Cold Case, but as of today I own a huge amount of embarrassment as I got locked in the gym and had to run into the foyer, shouting, wrapped in only a towel when the lights went out! Not sure if I'm going to be able look the gym manager in the eye from now on..._

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><p>Lilly Rush didn't have much to thank her mother for. There had been the time they had played in the snow together before Christina was born and her father was still around, the times when her mother had read The Velveteen Rabbit to her, and the red bike that had mysteriously appeared on their porch one Christmas Day morning, but she had never been more grateful to her mother than she was at this precise moment.<p>

Granted a phone call from the hospital informing Lilly that her mother had been admitted to the hospital, unconscious no less, should not be a reason for her to be grateful. But it meant that she didn't have to deal with... whatever the hell had just happened in the conference room between her and Scotty. Right now, all she had to do was get to the hospital, speak to the doctor and get the usual spiel about what to expect after someone has had their stomach pumped, wait for her mother to wake up, then make sure she was discharged and put safely in a taxis to whenever the hell it was her mother was currently living. For that distraction Lilly would be forever grateful.

So frantic was she to get away from Scotty, to get away from that conference and to get away from the damn hotel, that even in her 7 month pregnant state she managed to run out of the hotel all the way to her car, completely oblivious to the strange looks she was getting and the festivities going on around her.

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><p>Lilly Rush was stunned. Upon arriving at the hospital she had promptly been shown into a secluded waiting area to wait for the doctor. Lilly knew what the secluded waiting area meant, she had been a cop for 15 years after all, and she started to pace frantically wondering exactly what had happpened to her mother. The secluded waiting areas were always used to deliver bad news, and strangely the thought that her mother was seriously ill, or even dead, did not sit well with her. She had been practically estranged from her mother since she was 19 years old, ever since she had rode off with her first boyfriend, Ray, on his motorcycle. But she always knew her mother was, well, <em>there. <em> The thought that she might not be made Lilly feel uneasy. However much she hated her mother for putting her through what she did when she was a kid, however much she blamed her for stealing her childhood and for her attack, at the end of the day, she was still her mother, the only parent she had really known, and a tiny part of Lilly loved her. Maybe it was because she was about to have a child, maybe it was because her pregnancy meant all her hormones were out of sync, all Lilly knew was that at that moment she just really wanted her Mum to be ok.

Not ten minutes later Doctor Patel arrived and delivered some news that she never expected to receive. This was not a normal hospital visit for her mother, no, this time her mother had gone and got herself in serious trouble. The years of drinking had finally taken their toll on her body and she had been diagnosed with end-stage cirrhosis of the liver. If her mother drank again she would die.

So here she sat in her mother's hospital room waiting for Ellen Rush to wake up so that she could deliver the earth-shattering news to her mother, news Doctor Patel had said would be better delivered by someone close to his patient. News that she was 99% sure her mother would completely ignore. She supposed she made quite a funny sight, sat in a hospital room at 3am at 7 months pregnant in her long ball gown glaring at the woman who had given her life like a moody teenager. At least one of the nurses had been kind enough to find her a padded chair, although she could hardly say it was comfortable especially given the restricted clothing she was currently wearing.

Lilly looked over at her mother and wondered if there really was anything wrong with her. From where she sat her mother looked like she normally did - same pale complexion, same deep lines caused by her alcoholism, same peacefully expression she had whenever she passed out after drinking the pain she evidently felt into oblivion. However, she had seen the blood test results and the ultrasound and she knew that if she turned on the lights her mother's pale skin would have a yellow tinge. Whether she liked it or not, her mother was in fact dying.

After all these years without her mother in her life, having lived a childhood full of neglect at her mother's hands, the news that her mother's life was coming to an end still shocked her and she was filled her with sadness and a nagging sense of responsibility as it became evident that Ellen Rush could no longer look after herself, and as the only daughter around, Lilly was going to have to take on the responsibility of looking after her mother in her final days.

Ever since Lilly had turned 18 she had been self-sufficient, sometimes working 3 jobs just to get by before she got accepted at the Police Academy, so having her mother live with her, having to suffer through the endless battle of trying to get her to stop drinking, of trying to find all the hiding places her mother would use to hide the alcohol she would no doubt smuggle into her house, filled Lilly with dread. She was 7 months pregnant! She was supposed to be relaxing, nesting, decorating her baby's room, enjoying the last few weeks before Bean came into her life. Now though, now she was going to be worrying about her mother, nursing her and making sure the end of her life was comfortable, because no matter how badly Ellen Rush had screwed up as a mother, there was no way Lilly Rush was going to let her mother suffer the way she had. She had too much pride for that.

Reaching into her bag to see if she had any change for the vending machine, she automatically checked her phone and was disturbed to see she had 7 missed calls. Quickly flipping open her phone, her heart fell into her stomach as she realised they were all from Scotty. With all that had been going on she had managed to put the incident in the conference room into the back of her mind, instead focusing her attention on her mother's current state.

Part of her wished Scotty was here, he always made things seem...better...somehow. She let her mind drift back over the past 7 months, from their night of passion, to the night she had told him she was pregnant. She remembered how he had come back after initially running away and refused to leave her doorstep until she let him in. She would never forget the speech that followed and he had stuck to his word, exceeded it really. He'd made lunch for her everyday and taught her how to cook, been at every doctor's appointment and become a walking fountain of knowledge on anything pregnancy related. He'd cleaned her house to _her_ specification, done some gardening, brought her food, changed the litter trays and somewhat bonded with Olivia and Tripod. Hell, he had helped her more in the last 5 months than any of her previous fiancé/boyfriends in the past 20+ years of her life!

She remembered how he'd cared for her in her week of morning sickness and put up with her frequent mood swings, mood swings that prior to her pregnancy she thought were just excuses pregnant women made up. She fondly recalled her 12 week scan and the tears she had seen in Scotty's eyes at his first glimpse of Bean. Afterwards he had insisted on being in Stillman's office with her as she'd told Boss about their situation, and even though she suspected that Boss, Will and Nick, had all had "words" with Scotty, he never let her know what was said or the pressure he was under.

She remembered their first shopping trip together to buy maternity clothes and how she had been surprised at his eye for fashion, getting her to try on things she never normally would have. He had insisted on carrying every bag that day and she was sure he wouldn't be able to move his arms for a week afterwards, not once had he complained though.

He had comforted her through her bump envy when it took her a long time to "pop". He'd done his best to handle his parents disapproval when they had first met and she loved how involved he wanted to be in Bean's life already, making sure he spent every moment that he could talking to Bean or rubbing her stomach so that the baby would get to know his touch. He'd insisted on paying half of everything for Bean too.

She could see the positive effect that Bean was having on Scotty's life already. When they had been interviewed by IAB she was sure that Scotty would end up punching Browne once he found out their history, but somehow he had refrained from doing so because he already loved Bean so much and that touched her deeply.

She remembered how she had told him about her attack at Thanksgiving and how he had simply listened to her and reassured her when her self-doubt had gotten the better of her. When they were giving thanks during dinner she would never forget Scotty saying how thankful he was that Bean was in his life and how thankful he was to now have a family of his own. In private he had told her how grateful he was that she let him be involved as much as he was and how Bean had helped heal some of the pain Elisa had caused. That admission along with the pain in his eyes had melted her heart.

She thought back to the day the team had received the invitation to the Christmas Ball and how he had agreed to be her date, no questions asked. Granted, she had pretty much demanded that he come, but he hadn't complained once. She recalled tonight itself and how he had helped her with her shoes even though he still had to finish tying his bow tie.

Then her mind drifted to the spa and her conversation with Sarah. Erotic dreams were apparently a part of pregnancy, but why _did_ her dreams always feature Scotty? Was tonight purely as a result of the pent up sexual frustration she had been experiencing?

She couldn't deny that her and Scotty's relationship had grown over the recent months. She could talk to him and she knew it wouldn't be repeated, he wouldn't judge or ridicule her, he would just try and help her. She loved the banter they had and she missed him when he wasn't around, she missed his laugh, his smile, his masculine scent. The house was just so quiet and empty without him around and she often thought about calling him and inviting him over, but she didn't want to impose on his life more than she already was.

Being grateful to her partner for having her back and being there for her was one thing, but there was no excuse for the way she had acted tonight. She couldn't believe she had hit Scotty, but what he had said had hurt her deeply. She would never cheat on anyone.

WHOA! Where had that come from? Her and Scotty weren't together, she hadn't cheated on him. She had every right to dance with Kite and not be dragged across the ballroom just because her _work_ partner was jealous. Hell, she had could have kissed Kite on the dance floor and it shouldn't have bothered Scotty in the slightest because he was just her partner, her friend. Well, maybe her best friend of recent, but she and Scotty weren't together and she didn't...

CRAP!

She did.

She _liked_ Scotty Valens.

Reluctantly she had to admit, that no, tonight's make out session had not occurred purely due to her pregnancy hormones. She had wanted Scotty to kiss her, part of her had been thrilled by his possessiveness, his anger, his jealousy. The intensity hadn't scared her like it normally did because she trusted Scotty, she knew he would never intentionally hurt her, either physically or emotionally, and she knew that if he saw the bruises that had started to form on her arms he would never forgive himself. He had more than proved that he was going to stick around for her and Bean in the past few months and for once that didn't scare her.

How had this happened?

But if she was not mistaken, it was Scotty that had initiated the kiss, Scotty who had lifted her leg onto his waist, Scotty who had pushed his hips forward into her pelvis making her wetter than she ever thought possible. What did that mean? Why had he acted in such a carnal way tonight? Did he feel the same way she did?

Lilly nearly jumped out of her skin as the phone in her hand stated to vibrate again. Checking the caller ID she realised it was Scotty and a wave of panic washed over her.

She couldn't speak to him now! Not with the way her mind was whirling and the direction her thoughts were going in!

Breathing a sigh of relief as her phoned stopped vibrating, she thought about what she could do. She couldn't face Scotty, not yet. Next weekend was Christmas and she knew that Scotty was off the week between Christmas and New Years, if she could somehow manage to avoid him this week then maybe it would give her enough time to figure out _exactly_ what she felt for Scotty Valens.

Glancing over at her mother a plan formed in her head. It did mean she would have to do something that she never thought she would have to do, but given the circumstances she was willing to do it. Flipping over her mobile phone once again she typed in the familiar number and waited for the recipient to pick up.

"Hi Boss, it's Lilly"...

"Lilly! Is everything ok? Is Bean alright?" John asked sleepily, although panic was evident in his voice. It was only then that Lilly realised that she was calling her boss at 3am on a Sunday morning.

"Yes, Bean and I are fine. It's my Mum, she's...in the hospital. She's sick."

"Is there anything I can do?" John replied with concern, the sleepiness having completely disappeared from his voice.

"Boss, I need to take some lost hours..."

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><p><em>Will try and update before Christmas, but if there's nothing posted on here by Friday there probably won't be another update until after Christmas as I'm stuck at my parents house until Boxing Day. :-( So, in case I don't get chance, Happy Christmas everyone! Hope you all have a great long weekend. I have Friday off too so no work for me for 5 days! Whoop whoop! Although I do have my appraisal on Tuesday so there could be no work for me after Tuesday depending on how things go...<em>


	27. Chapter 27

_So I should be wrapping presents and getting ready to go to my parents for Christmas, but I decided to post this chapter instead. I'm sure I'll get the ususal clothes and underwear for Christmas anyway LOL! _

_Anyway, Merry Christmas once again and I hope you all have a great time. _

_**Disclaimer:** Don't own Cold Case, but who knows what's under the Christmas tree this year..._

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><p>It had been a whole week since Scotty Valens had seen or heard from Lilly Rush. A week that he had spent agonising over his feelings, asking himself how this had happened and what would happen in the future.<p>

7 days of hurt, confusion, anger and worry and it was driving him crazy.

When he hadn't been able to contact Lilly on the Saturday night after he had near enough assaulted her, he worried that he really had hurt her and Bean and he was consumed with guilt. Originally after their make-out session he had been sure that Lilly had responded to his kisses with as much enthusiasm as him, but as he calmed down he realised that he had forced her up against a wall, hitched her leg over his hip and practically pinned her to the wall so she wouldn't have been able to escape even if she had wanted to. Had her groans of passion actually been groans of pain? He had been so overcome with jealousy and rage he doubted he would be able to tell the difference.

His worry and guilt only intensified on Sunday when he'd gone to her house and was dismayed when she hadn't been home. He waited in his car until darkness had set in, ignoring the inquisitive stares of her neighbours, as the panic and fear that something serious had happened to Lilly and Bean built within him as the hours passed and she still hadn't returned home. He'd even gone so far as to call hospitals in the area, but no one matching Lilly's description had been admitted.

It wasn't until the Monday morning when he'd frantically gone into Boss' office to see if he had heard from Lilly that Stillman had calmly informed him of the situation with Lilly's mother and that she would be taking the week off.

Scotty had been angry at Lilly then. Angry that she hadn't called him back to let him know she was ok and for making him worry, angry that she'd not turned to him for his help with her mother, and angry at himself that after his actions at the PPD Ball she obviously no longer trusted him. That had hurt the most. The fact that he had lost her trust was devastating to him as it had taken him so long to gain it again after his thing with the cocktail waitress and after he had walked out on her when she had first told him about Bean. He'd thought at Thanksgiving when she had told him about her attack and about what had happened in the attic with George that she finally trusted him again, but he had broken that trust in one stupid moment as he let his lust for her consume him.

He'd spent the past week worrying that after his actions Lilly wouldn't trust him to look after Bean and that he couldn't be the father he so desperately wanted to be. He couldn't stand the thought of not seeing Bean and had already looked into anger management classes and parenting classes to prove to Lilly that he was serious about being a good father. He would do anything she wanted to let him be involved in Bean's life again, and if that meant therapy, then therapy it was.

The most confusing thing of all though had been his feelings for Lilly. The longing to see her again, the way his heart skipped a beat when he heard Boss talking to her on the phone, Lilly no doubt giving him an update on her mother's condition. The way the sadness overcame him whenever he looked over at his partner's empty desk and the emptiness he felt in the pit of his stomach when he realised there was nothing she would let him do to help her. Things weren't as bad as they had been after Elisa, but they were close, the only ray of hope being that Lilly was still alive and there was at least a chance he could make it up to her again.

Going home in the evening was no better. Without Lilly around his evenings just seemed to drag on. Cooking for himself seemed pointless, watching TV without anyone to snark with was boring and his apartment just seemed so cold and empty compared to warmth and homeliness of Lilly's house.

Lilly has a cabinet in the corner of her lounge that was full of various figurines and he would often stare at them out of the corner of his eye trying to figure out what they all menat. He'd not thought of her as a figurine collector before, he doubted anyone would have guessed that Lilly Rush was a figurine collector, but he found he missed looking at the delicate statues as each of them seemed to reveal a part of Lilly's past that she kept hidden from most of the world. There was one of a woman petting a cat, obviously depicting Lilly's love towards Tripod and Olivia. There was another of a young woman protecting a smaller child which he thought might relate to the troublemaker sister he'd heard on the grapevine at PPD that she had. There was also another one of a solitary figure carrying a suitcase whilst looking back over its shoulder, he wasn't sure what this one meant but he was sure it related to an event in Lilly's life. The one that struck him the most though was one that he had only recently been able to place after she'd told him of her attack. There was a figure of a child curled into a ball with its face buried into its knees and he was sure this related to how Lilly felt after her attack - afraid and alone. The figurines weren't overt or in your face and were kept in the ornament cabinet that Nick and he had moved downstairs when they had moved Lilly's office into her bedroom, but they were there and they made her house seem homely somehow.

He felt the same about the pictures on her walls. They were just generic and non-descript, but they made her house so much more welcoming, unlike his plain white walls. Even Tripod and Olivia had welcomed him into their lives and he had grown quite fond of snuggling up with the cats on the couch in the evenings. Tripod in particular made him laugh as the cat had taken it upon himself to protect Lilly's bump at all costs and would stand guard in front of it whenever it could, often glaring or pawing at him whenever he bonded with Bean. He'd learnt that a quick rub behind the ears quickly got the cat on board and it reassured him somewhat that when he wasn't there that at least Tripod would try and defend Lilly and Bean if needed - because he was witness to the fact that the cat's paws and teeth were sharp.

After much soul searching during the long sleepless nights this past week he was pretty sure he didn't love Lilly, but he definitely had feelings for her and he was fairly confident that given the chance it could develop into something more. What he was feeling was so different from what he'd felt with Elisa, with her it had been instantaneous. As a teenager he didn't know what the feeling was the first time he saw her, but as an adult he recognised he'd fallen in love with Elisa at first sight.

With Lilly things had developed slowly. He had been taken aback his first day in Homicide when he'd met his new partner and realised she was a woman. Of course he'd noticed she was attractive, but he hadn't felt attracted to her. Maybe it was because he was still with Elisa, or maybe it was because he felt slightly intimidated by her. After all, she was the Ice Queen of Homicide, the first female Homicide detective in Philadelphia and he had been the rookie again, the virgin of Homicide.

He was man enough to admit that at first he'd felt unsure of himself around her, not quite sure how to act around the Ice Queen and he was pretty sure he'd driven her crazy at first. Challenging her and not backing down when she froze him out, but equally she'd kept his cocky attitude in check. After a few months though they had settled into their partnership nicely and they'd become friends of sorts. He treated her as he would any other partner - well there hadn't been the normal talk about women, sex and sport, but he had her back and she had his and he had even teased her a few times about her relationship with Kite. They brought each other coffee and time passed amicably between them as they conducted interview after interview, interrogation after interrogation and made arrest after arrest.

Lilly had even welcomed Elisa into the group the one time she had been well enough for him to bring her to First Thursday's. Lilly had never teased him either about the comments Elisa had made about her being beautiful after they had bumped into Lilly at the convenience store, unlike she did when his informants contacted him and he had to flirt to get their "goodwill" on board. He was also pretty sure she had never shared those comments with the team and for that he would be forever grateful.

Things had changed though after the death of Elisa. The first time he had returned to work they had driven to a prison to interview Maurice Warfield, the suspected leader of a cult they thought was responsible for the death of Matthew Adams who had died from cyanide poisoning in 1978, and she had his back after he had broken the guys nose after his comments about suicide. But then he'd rejected her. She'd reached out to him in her own way by calling and texting him but he'd ignored her preferring to take refuge in alcohol, loneliness, and a slutty woman. She'd never be as overt as Will and Nick, but in her own subtle way she had tried to get him to lean on her as a partner should. He'd repaid her by adding salt to her already open wounds by unknowingly sleeping with the woman that had broken up her relationship 9 years previously.

He'd had serious fears then that their relationship would never recover and eventually Stillman would assign him elsewhere, because he knew it would definitely be his sloppy ass that would be transferred rather than hard-working, dedicated Lilly Rush's. That thought had scared him and he'd pulled himself together, gradually earning Lilly's trust and respect back, and it had been the very morning of the day both of their lives would irrevocably be changed because of George that Lilly had forgiven him for his actions. He realised then that in a strange way George had helped them both by restoring their partnership and if he should ever meet George in the afterlife he probably owed him a thank you.

That night with Lilly had been emotionally charged but the feelings he'd felt had disappeared almost as quickly as they had appeared. However, over the last 5 months he couldn't deny that Lilly and him had become closer and without him realising it, his feelings for her had grown. So yes, he _liked _Lilly, he had feelings for her, but he wasn't quite in love with her. Not yet anyway.

Their relationship was just so different than the one he had with Elisa. To Elisa, he had been her knight in shining armour and she had been his sweet innocent princess. With him and Lilly things were more...grown up. There was respect and friendship, the need for independence as well as companionship, trust and reliability. She didn't _need _him but he'd like for her to _want_ him in her life - and that of Bean's.

Maybe that's why he found himself on the afternoon of Christmas Eve stood outside Lilly Rush's house with a Christmas Tree, a pile of food his mother had prepared for Lilly, and Christmas presents for her and Bean. A wave of déja-vu washed over Scotty then as he realised he'd stood in this position only 5 short months ago. Then he had been hoping Lilly would let him into her life and give him a chance at being a father, now he realised he was hoping for the exact same thing, and that thought alone scared him.

Taking a deep breath he reached up and tentatively knocked on her front door hoping that things this time went as well as they did previously.

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><p><em>BTW it's purely coincidental that this is set on Christmas Eve and posted on Christmas Eve. I wish there was more activity in the chapter for you guys, but I promise this is the last of the pure angsty type chapters and things start to get a lot sweeter from now on. Depending on how much I can escape from my family and how much writing I get done during the next few days (because writing is a good distraction from eating and I have a bet with my Dad that I will lose weight over Christmas! Stupid I know!), there may be another update this week - seeing as it's Christmas and all...<em>


	28. Chapter 28

_Hope you guys all had a good Christmas and enjoyed your time off work. As promised, second update for the week - next one is likely to be next year (i.e the weekend)!_

_Someone mentioned in a review that it was Lilly's sister who slept with Lilly's fiancé however, I did mention in my Chapter 3 A/N that I was changing that part of the Lilly/Scotty storyline and although someone slept with Lilly's financé, it wasn't Christina. In my version Scotty still slept with a cocktail waitress, who unbeknowst to him turned out to be the same woman who had broken up Lilly and Patrick's relationship, but again it wasn't Christina. Thought I would mention it again now as Lilly's fiancé is mentionned in this chapter and the original A/N was posted back in August!_

_Oh, and it's another long chapter so you better make yourself comfortable..._

_Happy new year and best wishes for 2012 everyone! _

_**Disclaimer**: Unfortunately the ownership papers to Cold Case were not included within my Christmas presents however, I now own a new appreciation of my flat, in particular, my bed and power shower!_

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><p>Lilly sighed as she collapsed onto her emperor size bed, relishing the squishiness of the soft mattress and cushions against her tired, aching body. It was Christmas Eve and she had spent the morning sorting out her mother's affairs, putting her possessions in storage and washing and laundering her clothes. She may be 33 weeks pregnant but her nesting instinct was still strong and it was currently paying off, as quite frankly her mother had left her previous apartment in complete disarray. Thankfully her mother's landlord had agreed earlier in the week to release Ellen Rush from her rental agreement, seeing as she only had a few weeks to live at best, and he had only made Lilly pay the arrears her mother owed. He had even boxed up her mother's possessions and arranged for them to be transported to the storage unit Lilly had arranged once he had seen how heavily pregnant she was.<p>

As expected Ellen Rush hadn't taken the news of her condition well, passing the diagnosis off as codswallop. However, over the successive days in the hospital Ellen Rush had indeed accepted that despite the fact she _needed_ to give up drinking, she just couldn't and she was therefore going to die - sooner rather than later if the doctors were correct. She'd also accepted the fact that she actually needed her daughter's help in the final days of her life and had reluctantly agreed to stay at Lilly's.

The blow of being told she was in the final stages of her life had been somewhat cushioned by the news that her eldest daughter was pregnant. Lilly had not been surprised that her mother had no recollection of their previous meeting a mere few weeks ago, and had to endure the torture of telling her mother that she was unmarried and pregnant as a result of a one night stand. What had surprised her though was that her mother had not gloated like she had in the bar, on the contrary she had almost empathised with her. Whilst sober in the hospital she had been concerned that Lilly would have to struggle like she had with her two girls , and surprisingly, she didn't want that for her daughter or grandchild. Lilly had managed to convince her mother that Bean's father was supporting her and that he was going to continue to be there for as long as she needed him to be. Ellen had looked sceptical and Lilly had wished that both Scotty and Rosa, hell the whole entire Valens clan, were there to show just how true her statement was, as although things had started off rocky between her and the Valens', they had now welcomed her into their family and she didn't think they would ever know just how thankful she was for that. It was one of the few mother/daughter conversations she had ever had with her mother and it made her sad that they couldn't have had this type of relationship previously, because when Ellen Rush put her mind to it, she could straightened out real good and could actually be a good mother. Unfortunately for Lilly and her sister, Christina, her mother preferred booze over family time and the good times had been fleeting in their lives, although Lilly had never truly stopped trying to get her mother to be the best that she could be. Part of her felt like a failure that even with the prospect of a new grandchild, her mother still chose drink over her family.

Ellen had been discharged from the hospital yesterday and had promptly taken up residence on Lilly's couch. Lilly had offered her the day bed but for some reason her mother preferred the couch and she quite frankly could not be bothered to argue with her. If she wanted to die on her couch rather than the day bed, so be it.

Since returning home from the storage unit (purchasing vodka for her mother along the way and earning herself some very disapproving look from her fellow store goers) she had washed and ironed her mother clothes, made room in her chest of drawers for her mother's clothes, cleaned her entire kitchen and lounge, including washing the kitchen cupboards and ornaments, and re-arranged Bean's walk in closet _again_ because she just couldn't seem to get it right. Seeing as Scotty had yet to paint the nursery or build the furniture there was little else she could do in there yet, so she was obsessing over getting the closet perfect instead.

Now though her energy spurt had ended and she felt completely and utterly exhausted. Almost fearfully she closed her eyes hoping that her mind would not start thinking about the thing she had been trying to avoid thinking about all week.

Scotty.

More specifically, what had happened at the PPD Ball and the feelings she'd realised she had for him. Despite how exhausted she currently felt, her mind decided that now was precisely the right time to start thinking about her partner.

She cringed as she thought back to last Saturday night and how she had let her lust for Scotty get the better of her in the conference room. One minute she had been jealous that he would happily flirt with some slutty ADA and angry that he would insinuate she would sleep with Kite whilst she was pregnant with his child, the next his lips were on her and a volcano of desire erupted within her. The way he had been so domineering, yet gentle, had just intensified what she was feeling and she had melted into his arms.

That wasn't the most terrifying thing though. The thing that had scared her the most had been when she realised she _liked _Scotty Valens, and that in itself meant that their partnership was essentially doomed going forward. Feelings just complicated things and the last thing that either of them needed right now were more complications.

She'd hoped taking the week off work, getting some distance from the situation, and well, just getting everything in perspective would make her realise that she didn't in fact like her partner. Unfortunately the opposite had happened, as the more she tried _not_ to think of Scotty, the more she found herself craving Scotty's comfort again and again. She'd thought busying herself sorting out her mother's affairs would keep her mind off of him, but she had found herself wanting him to be there when she went to see her mother's sleeze of a landlord, wanting him to be there when she signed the lease for the storage unit and wanting him there in the evenings so she could talk to him. That was one thing she had realised over the past week, she could talk to Scotty. She had told him about her attack, about what had happened with George and he had simply listened and supported her, and right now, she really missed that support.

So it was with great regret when she realised that whatever the hell was going on between them, because after the PPD Ball it was evident that _something _was happening between then, they just couldn't be together and risk hurting their child if things didn't work out. Staying friends was for the best. Staying friends and raising a child together would mean that nobody would get hurt. She would get over her crush, or whatever the hell she was feeling - she always did. If she could get over her Dad walking out on her when she was 6 years old and her former fiancé cheating on her, then she could get over not being able to be with her partner.

She had to.

It was for the best.

Sighing, she wriggled further into the comfort of her bed, immediately turning to pet Tripod and Olivia as they joined her. Tripod took up his usual position in front of her bump, having received a rub behind the ears first, and she had to roll her eyes at just how protective her cat was over Bean. Olivia meanwhile just viewed Tripod with distain and continued to enjoy Lilly's attention.

Lilly didn't know how long she stayed that way, resigned to the fact that she could never have the one person she actually wanted in her life, but she had just managed to get her mind to switch off and was just starting to dose off when she heard a knock at the front door. Immediately her brow creased at the sound and she let out an irritated sigh as she began the process of heaving her body out of the security of the warm cocoon she had created and started to waddle towards the front door. Much to her annoyance she had reached the waddling stage of her pregnancy now, thanks to the fact that Bean had already "dropped", and she just hoped she would reach the front door before the caller decided to knock again - and that the first knock on the door hadn't woken her mother who was asleep on her couch.

Upon reaching the living room Lilly was relieved to see that her mother was still asleep and she yanked open her front door as fiercely as she dared given her mother's current sleeping state.

The sight that greeted her made Lilly's heart drop into her stomach, the moment she had been avoiding and dreading for the last week had finally arrived.

Scotty Valens was stood on her doorstep with a Christmas tree and several bags.

Panic immediately filled Lilly. Every second since she had realised her feelings for Scotty she had been trying to avoid this moment - she had even taking lost hours in order to avoid seeing him - and now here it was, quite literally standing on her doorstep.

Several moments passed in silence before Scotty found his voice.

"Hi" he croaked.

"Hi" she managed in return using the exact same tone as Scotty and desperately fighting to contain the feelings that were threatening to break through the carefully constructed walls she had built up this week. Seeing him again was much harder than she had anticipated.

Scotty nodded inside of her house "May I come in?" he asked nervously.

Lilly's mind flashed back to that night at the end of July when he had come back after walking out on her after she had broken the news of her pregnancy. Things had turned out okay then and she hoped they would now as she stepped back to allow him entry to her house, pointing to her mother on the couch with one hand whilst using the other to place her fingers against her lips to indicate he should be quiet.

Scotty lugged the tree into her house, laying it on the floor of her dining room, and then busied himself in the kitchen putting away the food that had been in the bags. Lilly thought it was a miracle her mother hadn't woken up, but realised with a heavy heart that it was probably just a further indication of just how sick her mother really was.

Lilly stood in the doorway to her kitchen and could do nothing but stare at Scotty as he moved around her kitchen. She wanted to pretend her heart wasn't racing, she wanted to pretend her knees hadn't gone week at the sight of him, she wanted to pretend the warm feeling that she had experienced in Scotty's apartment the night of the PPD Ball hadn't come back and was currently flooding through her body bringing with it an almost serene feeling, she wanted to pretend that relief wasn't flooding through her because someone was finally here that she could talk to. Most importantly, she wanted to pretend that she didn't want him to kiss her senseless like he had in the conference room the night of the PPD Ball.

The only problem was, she couldn't and that scared her. The walls she had tried to create where nothing compared to the tidal wave of emotion that overtook her as soon as Scotty entered her house. All she could do was stand there and watch him as he moved around her kitchen wondering how he had come to know her house as well as he knew his own.

Scotty said a silent pray of thanks as he moved the tree into Lilly's dining room and started to unpack the numerous dishes his mother had prepared for Lilly and had insisted he bring over. Once all the ingredients and dishes were carefully stowed in the relevant cupboards and fridge, he turned to leave the kitchen only to find Lilly standing there looking at him with fear in her eyes. Scotty gulped as his feelings of guilt intensified. He didn't want Lilly to be afraid of him, on the contrary, he wanted her to trust him, to want a future with him. He wanted for them to try being more than just friends.

His eyes darted across her body as a nervous energy developed between them. She looked beautiful, radiant even, despite the dark bags under her eyes that had no doubt formed as a result of the week spent going back and forth to the hospital to visit her mother. He wondered how he had worked with her for nearly 2 years and never noticed it before now. He was amazed to find that even in the short week that he had not been around her, her abdomen had swelled even more and he longed to reach out and touch it, to feel his child moving beneath the thin layer of Lilly's milky white skin because he missed being able to touch her, but he knew he couldn't, not when Lilly was afraid of him for what he had done.

Eventually Scotty's eyes drifted past Lilly's arms that were crossed across the top of her bump, and that's when he saw them. 4 long bruises on each forearm where he had grabbed her and forced her up against the wall.

If Scotty thought he had felt guilty when he saw the fear in Lilly's eyes, that was nothing compared to what he felt now. A dark cloud of pure self-hatred filled him. He hated those bruises, he hated the look of fear in Lilly's eyes, and most of all he hated himself for putting them there.

"I'm sorry." Scotty blurted out, overcome by the self-loathing.

The look in Lilly's eyes changed from fear, to puzzled, to guarded quicker than Scotty could ever have imagined.

"For what?" Lilly asked cautiously.

"For hurting you Lil! You must hate me! I promise I never meant to do that, I never meant to put those bruises on you. I just...God! I don't know! It all happened so fast" Scotty said in a rushed tone, his hand running though his hair and the disgust he felt for himself evident.

Lilly looked at Scotty and saw the depth of his despair in his eyes. He'd said he was sorry for hurting her, for her bruises, but he never said he was sorry about happened. Lilly's mind began to spin at the insinuation that he didn't regret what had happened in that conference room 7 short days ago.

"Scotty, it's nothing. I've always bruised easily, my skin is like a peach's!" Lilly reassured him in a gently tone.

"But Lil..."

"Seriously, Scotty it's nothing. I promise I don't hate you" _quite __the __opposite __actually _Lilly's traitorous mind thought.

"I'll take anger management classes Lil. See here..." Scotty held out some leaflets towards Lilly "I have the leaflets and everything. I'll be a good Dad, Lil, just let me be there for Bean...for you." Scotty pleaded.

Lilly was baffled. Scotty wanted to take anger management courses so she would let him see Bean? She was the one who had assaulted him!

"Scotty, I was the one who hit you! As you said, things just happened so quickly. One minute we were yelling the next we were..."

"Kissing" Scotty supplied.

"Yeah" Lilly whispered.

"Lil, about that..." Scotty began his voice quiet, hesitant, his eyes boring into hers.

Lilly couldn't move, she was paralysed. Her brain was screaming at her to run, to get Scotty out of her house, to protect herself from the inevitable unhappy ending that would follow if she let him see the real Lilly Rush, but her heart, it kept beating so fast, pumping the warm feeling around her body making her feel safe and secure in Scotty's presence. Just when her brain decided it couldn't cope with Scotty any more and the problems his presence presented, and at the moment when she decided that she was going to make a run for it to her bedroom, she heard one of the best sounds of her life.

"Lilly?" Ellen called softly, confusion evident in her voice.

For the second time in a week, Lilly was never more grateful to her mother than she was right now.

"Yes Mum, I'm here" Lilly spoke clearly but softly, with a hint of tenderness in her voice, as she quickly broke eye contact with Scotty and waddled into her living room.

Scotty let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. She'd let him into her house and it appeared that Lilly didn't hate him, in fact, she didn't even blame him for the bruises but he could tell she was scared of something. Seeing her again made him want to take her in his arms, to hold her and take all the pain and fear out of her eyes. He wanted to kiss her full lips and caress her smooth skin until their bodies melded into one. He wanted to hold her in his arms after they had climaxed and tell her how much he cared for her and how he thought he might be falling in love with her.

Hearing the hushed whispers coming from the next room, Scotty's attention was quickly drawn to Lilly's living room and he was certain that he'd heard his name mentioned more than once. Tentatively he walked into the living room and quickly observed that now might not have been the best time for him to turn up unannounced as it looked like Lilly and her mother were having a heated debate over something, and his money was on the bottle of vodka that was currently in Lilly's hands. Now was obviously not a good time and part of him just wanted to get out of there so he could get his laboured breathing under control and his heart beat to slow down. Christ! It had been so long since he felt anything like this, probably when he was first with Elisa and he just didn't know how to handle it.

"Uh, Lil?" he interrupted awkwardly.

Lilly jumped at the sound of his voice and promptly turned round, placing the bottle of liquor on the coffee table.

"Yes?" she answered, her voice strained.

"It's obviously a bad time, I'm just going..." Scotty began, his hands indicating towards the door. However, his stomach plummeted when he noticed the disappointment that flickered into Lilly's eyes.

"Who are you?" Ellen's hoarse voice interrupted him.

"Hi. I'm Scotty Valens - Lilly's partner. We met a few weeks ago in the bar?" he replied his confused eyes flicking to Lilly's.

Lilly wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. Scotty didn't know her mother didn't remember their previous meeting and she hadn't disclosed to her mother that her partner was the father of her child. She had simply said that it was someone she worked with, not wanted her mother to know the true extent of the mistake she had made by sleeping with her partner.

"So you know that guy that knocked up my daughter?" Ellen's hoarse voice asked before Lilly could speak.

Scotty was completely baffled at Ellen's question until it occurred to him that maybe Ellen Rush didn't remember their previous meeting. From what he could recall she could barely stand, let alone know who she was talking to the previous time they had met. Remembering how vindictive her mother had been at the bar he was willing to bet that if Ellen Rush could not remember who he was, then Lilly hadn't told her who the father of her child was.

He saw the panic in Lilly's eyes and he knew he couldn't stand there and let Lilly take Ellen's verbal tirade on her own. Last time his mother had stood up for him, them, now it was his turn to stand up for Lilly.

"Yes I do" he began calmly "that would be me".

Ellen's surprised eyes flicked between them before they settled on Lilly.

"I know you said you slept with a work colleague, but your partner?" Ellen asked almost condescendingly . "You really thought that was a good idea?"

Lilly simply bowed her head and stared at the floor wondering why her mother was suddenly so concerned with her love life. Hell, the woman had let Ray sleep in Lilly's room since she was 14 years old! Ellen Rush had not said or done anything then to stop her sleeping with Ray when she was an impressionable teenager, but now that she was a grown woman with a good job and her own home, she suddenly wanted to act like a mother?

Anger flashed inside Scotty at Ellen Rush's insinuation. That night they had both made an error in judgement and it was as much his fault that Lilly was pregnant as it was hers - more so as he'd been the one who'd been unable to wait a moment longer to find a condom before he'd sheathed himself inside her unprotected.

"Look, Ms Rush, whatever happened that night is between Lilly and I. We've talked about it and we're going to raise this baby together" Scotty began.

"That's what they all say..." Ellen stated sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Yes, well I mean it." Scotty snapped back "I have no intention of leaving Lilly or Bean. Ever. Unlike you, can you even remember the last time you saw your daughter?"

Silence filled the air and he could have sworn a flash of guilt wash though Ellen Rush's eyes.

"I didn't think so" he stated snidely.

"Enough!" Lilly snapped and the room immediately fell into silence. She didn't want Scotty and her mother to argue. She just wanted to get through the next month, because from what the doctor had said Ellen Rush would be lucky to make it that long, without Scotty and her mother arguing with each other. Then it would almost be time for Bean to be born and Scotty and she would be able to get on with raising their child. Because _she_ knew nothing would stop Scotty from seeing his child, regardless of what her mother said. Plus, she was sure a new born baby would be a good distraction from whatever she was feeling for Bean's father right now.

Taking a deep breath she raised her head and turned to look at Scotty.

"Scotty, what are you doing here?" she asked, desperately trying to keep it together.

Scotty was startled at Lilly's question and didn't know what to say. He'd not really had anything planned bar getting into Lilly's house and pleading for her to forgive him.

"Boss said that your Mum was is hospital and then Ma told me you weren't coming for Christmas and insisted I bring you some food for tomorrow. I figured you wouldn't have time to get a tree, seeing as your mother is ill, so I thought I would get you one" Scotty stated, emphasising that it was it was Stillman and his mother that had informed him on Ellen Rush's condition. "So I guess I'll be going now".

At Scotty's pointed words Lilly knew that he knew that she had been avoiding him and a wave of shame passed over her face. However, as Scotty made to leave she panicked. She had been without him all week, and as much as her head protested that it was a bad idea for him to stay, her heart wanted him there. Just for a little bit.

"Scotty wait!"

Scotty had just reached the door when he heard Lilly call after him and he couldn't help but notice the desperation in her voice. He turned to look at her, careful to hide the indignation and anger that he had been burying since he found out she had told Stillman and his mother about Ellen, but not him, and noted her flustered appearance.

"I...um...I need you help with the tree. Bean's kinda in the way" she shrugged ruefully. "And I haven't got any decorations for the tree so I need to go and get some" she added quietly, not wanting to admit she didn't normally celebrate Christmas. Being on her own she never really saw the point of bothering with a tree, it was just a painful reminder of just how alone she really was in this world.

Scotty took in her dejected body language and sighed. He'd come to make up with Lilly, not argue, and helping her with the Christmas tree seemed like something that would assist him with his mission.

"It's ok, I picked up some decorations and a stand at the tree lot as I wasn't sure if you'd have any. They're in my car, I'll just go and get them now" Scotty replied, almost embarrassed.

"Thanks Scotty" Lilly replied softly, glad that some of the tension had dispersed from the room.

As the door to her house closed behind Scotty, she looked down at her mother who had a almost gleeful smile on her face.

"What?" Lilly demanded.

"Nothing...nothing. It's none of my business apparently." Ellen replied casually, almost too casually.

Lilly continued to stare at her mother, who simply rolled her eyes.

"You like him" Ellen stated simply.

"I do not!" Lilly replied hurriedly.

"Yes you do. I haven't seen you go that red since I caught you and what's his name...Ray... in bed together when you were a teenager" Ellen stated knowingly.

Lilly cursed her pale skin and turned her full Ice Queen stare on her mother.

"Glare at me all you want Lilly, but you like him and he likes you. He wouldn't have been so offended by what I said if he didn't."

"You don't know what you're talking about. He's just upset that you think he's going to leave his child" Lilly replied exasperatedly. "Which he won't by the way" she added pointedly.

"Lilly, I've been married 4 times. I know what love looks like"

"Yeah, because they worked out so well" Lilly snapped back coldly " And I don't..." Lilly began.

"Save it Lilly. I'm your mother, believe it or not, I do know when you're lying to me"

Lilly closed her eyes sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose with her forefinger and thumb. "It's too complicated. If it doesn't work, too many people will get hurt. I don't want Bean to be hurt like..."

"Like you and your sister were? Lilly, it hurts when a relationship breaks up, but do you remember when your Dad and I were together? There were some good times Lilly, even if you don't remember them. There's always good times Lilly and at least I tried to be happy. You... you always look at the bad rather than the good. That job of yours, all you see is badness, but there is goodness out there too. You won't know unless you try Lilly. Unless you're happy being like this" Ellen stated, waving her hand around from the couch.

Lilly flashed her mother the coldest Ice Queen look she could, not wanting her to know just how deeply her mother's words had cut her and wondering once again why her mother was trying to give her some motherly advice after all this time.

Ellen sighed dejectedly. "Look Lilly, all I'm trying to say is that sometimes all there is, is hope."

The mother/daughter moment was ended abruptly as Scotty came back into the house carrying the aforementioned tree stand and decorations. Lilly took a moment to look at him, to let her heart race, to let the warmth she felt whenever he was near spread through her, and her mother's words ran through her head:

Sometimes all there is, is hope.

Was she, Lilly Rush, Ice Queen of Homicide, brave enough to do that? Was she brave enough to hope for a future where she and Scotty were together and they would raise their child as a unit, as a family?

She wasn't sure she was.


	29. Chapter 29

_Happy New Year everyone! Hope you all enjoyed the first day of 2012. It tipped it down with rain here but still managed to get out with friends and family and have some fun at a charity bath tub boat race - twas very amusing and a great way to start the new year! _

_Thank you for all the lovely reviews in respect of Chapter 28. I actually had to write the thing about 4 times and it was so hard to get "right" - at one point I just got so demotivated I though about just quitting, so your comments really meant a lot to me. Hope you all enjoy this Chapter as much, but just to warn you, it is another long one so get comfy now!_

**_Disclaimer: _**_I do own some new living room furniture and various coloured paint as I decided to redecorate my lounge and kitchen on a whim on Friday. However, Cold Case was not in the furniture/hardware store sale unfortunately, although I did get my furniture at 20% off so can't complain too much! _

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><p>"Uncle Scotty! Uncle Scotty!" Emilio Valens whisper screamed from his bed above Scotty Valens.<p>

"Yes Em?" Scotty groaned, already knowing the question his young nephew was going to ask.

"Has Santa Claus been yet?" Emilio asked in an excited whisper.

Scotty looked at his watch. 3.30am. Only one and half hours since the last time Emilio had asked the exact same question.

"Not yet Em, go back to sleep. The sooner you go to sleep the sooner Santa Clause will come" Scotty replied, praying that Emilio wouldn't want to get up and check_._ Scotty had it on good authority that Santa Claus would not be coming to the Valens household until at least 6.30am.

Hearing Emilio huff and feel the beds shake as Emilio settled down for the second time that night, Scotty couldn't help but wonder how he had gotten himself into this predicament. Here he was, a grown man sleeping in his old childhood bed with his 3 year old nephew in the bunk above him. He had his own apartment for goodness sake! However, this was the first time in a long time that he'd had the entire Christmas period off and his parents had wanted the whole family together over the holidays, especially as this was the first Christmas Emilio really understood about Santa Claus.

Unfortunately for Scotty, that meant having to share his old room with his nephew as Mike and Alegria were in the guest bedroom. Mike had come up with the bright idea that Emilio could sleep in his old bed and Emilio had readily agreed, only too happy to follow in his father's footsteps and wanting to emulate him in any way possible. The added bonus was that seeing as Emilio couldn't get up and down the ladder of the bunk beds by himself, it would also give Mike and Alegria plenty of time to arrange Santa Claus' presents in his parents living room. It also meant that everyone else in the house would get a good nights sleep, apart from Scotty, as Emilio wouldn't be able to disturb them until it was the right time - his family deciding it would be good practice for when Bean arrived. Scotty had been told the right time was no earlier than 6.30am and he wondered just how he was supposed to keep Emilio in bed until then. The kid was so excitable that not even Midnight Mass had calmed him down.

Realising that if he wanted to get any sleep tonight at all it was probably best to try and sleep when Emilio did he tried to get comfortable in the tiny bed without disturbing the bunks too much and he allowed his mind to drift back to a few hours before and a gentle smile came across his face.

Trying to get the tree up in Lilly's living room had been no simple task but eventually he had done it and it had been just the thing they needed to break the tension from earlier on. Their easy banter quickly resumed as they wrapped the tree in lights, tinsel and babuls and he realised that this time next year they would be doing the exact same thing with Bean, causing his heart to fill with joy. Even Ellen Rush had joined in on the action whilst he fixed dinner for them and all too soon it was time for him to leave to go to Midnight Mass with his family. He'd been careful to place the presents he'd brought with him - one for Lilly and one for Bean and one present each for Tripod and Olivia from him, one for Lilly from his parents, one for Bean from his parents, one for Lilly from Mike and Alegria and a special present for Bean from Emilio - under the tree before he left. Lilly had seemed genuinely surprised to see the gifts under her tree and he vowed to never forget the excited look in her eyes when she realised she would have actual presents to open on Christmas Day. He had made her promise though not to open them until the morning, and judging by her exhausted expression, he predicted she would go straight to bed as soon as he left.

It was with the picture of Lilly's excited face in his mind's eye that he fell asleep to, a contented smile on his peaceful face...

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><p>Lilly Rush awoke with a start as Bean placed a swift kick to her kidney and immediately realised she needed to use the bathroom. As quickly as she could, which was very quick given that she could literally feel her uterus pressing against her bladder, she waddled to her bathroom. At her last doctor's appointment Dr Jenson had advised her that Bean was now in a head down position and she had definitely been feeling the added pressure her uterus was placing on her bladder.<p>

Glancing at the clock in her bathroom, she smiled as she realised that it was 6.30am and she could officially unwrap her and Bean's presents. Finally, Lilly Rush was going to get to open presents on Christmas Day morning and she couldn't help the flutter of excitement that ran through her and the happy smile that appeared on her face. Quickly, but quietly, she walked downstairs hoping that her mother was awake, but was disappointed to find her still asleep. It still didn't stop another wave of excitement from flooding through her as she saw the tree in front of the window with presents all around its' base that herself, Scotty and her mother had decorated with gold and chocolate brown tinsels and baubels. It still amazed her that Scotty knew her well enough to get decorations that colour co-ordinated with her living room and she thought back fondly to yesterday when they had all decorated the tree together. The Rush's didn't have many happy family moments together, but yesterday was definitely one of the happiest Christmas experience she had ever had, even if it had gotten off to a rocky start between the three of them. It seemed the magic of having a Christmas tree had made her forget her inner turmoil and she had loved having Scotty around again, her house once again seeming alive. She also found herself thinking positively about the future when she realised that next year Scotty and she would be doing the exact same thing with Bean. Maybe her mother was right, maybe all she needed to do was hope.

Walking back upstairs she decided to take a shower to pass the time - a small part of her hoping the movement upstairs would cause her mother to wake up, not caring how childish that thought was.

* * *

><p>Scotty Valens looked at the scene before him as Emilio excitedly tore the wrapping paper off the last Christmas present Santa had left for him, a warmth spreading through him when he realised that next year it would be Emilio AND Bean that would be tearing the paper off their presents. Well, maybe not Bean as he or she would only be 10 months old, but Lilly and he would be helping their child unwrap presents and that thought amazed him.<p>

By some miracle Emilio had slept through until 7.30am and the Valens clan were now busy unwrapping their Christmas presents. Well, more specifically Emilio was unwrapping his presents while the rest of them looked on. However, now that the last present from Santa had been unwrapped, the presents from underneath the tree could be allocated to the appropriate person and unwrapped before one of the adults - most likely him, Mike or his father - would get the arduous task of trying to get Emilio's presents to work. He just hoped that someone had thought to buy batteries.

He watched as Alegria handed present after present to Emilio who hastily delivered each present to his relative and he was surprised at the number of presents he had accumulated at his feet. He wondered why his family had brought him so many gifts this year as he usually got the obligatory socks, ties and cuff links from his parents and a joke present from his brother, but this year there appeared to be a lot more.

Deciding he would just be grateful for what he had received, he sat back and took a sip of his _strong_ coffee as he watched his mother unwrap her first present.

* * *

><p>Showered and dressed, Lilly Rush sneaked downstairs and was relieved to see her mother sitting up on the couch, choosing to ignore the glass of vodka that was already in her hand.<p>

"Merry Christmas, Mum" Lilly greeted her mother happily.

Ellen turned to her daughter and gave a weak smile. "Merry Christmas to you too".

Lilly walked over to the tree and couldn't help but start fidgeting with the cuffs of her top. She was just so excited and couldn't wait to open the presents, but didn't know how to go about it with her mother in the room. She felt like a little child again waiting for her parent's permission before she could touch her presents. Her eyes flicked up to her mother and she could see the mirth playing in her mother's eyes.

"You can open them you know?" her mother stated teasingly.

Lilly couldn't help the smile that appeared on her face as she leant down and grabbed the presents from underneath the tree, moving them over to the armchair so she could sit down as she unwrapped the gifts. There was one present in particular though that caught her eye. It wasn't in a gift bag like the other presents - Scotty knowing that she wouldn't be able to fully reach down under the tree to retrieve the gifts - this one had been placed on top of one of the gift bags and was in different wrapping paper than the others. She looked at the gift curiously as she carried the final bag over to the armchair. It couldn't be, could it?

"Mum?" she asked hesitantly.

Ellen nodded her head in confirmation and appeared to be leaning forward slightly in anticipation. "Go on Lilly, open it..."

Lilly was taken aback and had to fight the tears that were threatening to fall over her eyelids at the realisation that her mother had finally brought her a Christmas present. Carefully she tore open the gift but she lost the battle with her tears as she looked at the item in her hands.

"The Velveteen Rabbit?" she whispered.

Ellen shrugged. "I saw it in the hospital gift shop and I thought you might like it for your daughter. Remember Lilly? Remember when I used to read it to you? You made me read it to you over and over again?" she explained, the plea for her daughter to remember evident in her voice.

"Yeah Mum, I remember." Lilly whispered. And she did, she really did. When she had been small and there had been a thunder storm and she was scared, or when she'd had a nightmare and had been upset or when she hadn't been feeling well, she remembered how she used to sit on her mother's lap and how her mother would read the story to her over and over again until she fell asleep. There hadn't been many good times in Lilly Rush's life, but the time spent with her mother reading The Velveteen Rabbit had been some of them.

It was then that Lilly remembered the first part of her mother's explanation.

"Wait! Daughter? Scotty and I don't know what sex Bean is" Lilly replied, confused.

"Trust me Lilly, you're having a girl. There hasn't been a boy in the Rush blood line for I don't know how long" Ellen stated matter of factly. "That baby, it's a girl for sure" she stated with finality, pointing her index-finger at Lilly's bump.

"The Valens' think it's a boy and apparently there hasn't been a girl in their family for 5 generations or something. They say I'm carrying low which is a sure sign it's a boy" Lilly stated.

"Us Rush's, we always carry low. Don't you remember when I was pregnant with your sister? Everyone was convinced it was a boy. Maybe your father would have stuck around if it was..." Ellen stated comtemplatively, shaking her head as if to clear some unpleasant memories before continuing "I was exactly the same with both you and Christina. My bet. That baby is a girl" Ellen stated confidently.

Lilly looked down at her bump curiously, wondering how so many people thought they could tell the sex her child purely by looking at her "Well, I guess we'll find out in 7 weeks..." Lilly replied.

"It's a shame I won't be here then" Ellen stated sadly.

"Mum, don't sa-" Lilly began, suddenly wanting her mother to be there when Bean was born.

"It's ok Lilly. You and I both know I won't be around when you have the baby. I guess I just wanted my grandchild to have something from me" Ellen stated wistfully.

Lilly looked at her mother then and saw the sorrow, regret and resignation in her eyes.

"Do you want to read the story to Bean?" Lilly heard herself asking her mother, the years of hurt and anger towards her mother draining away when she realised this was going to be the last Christmas she ever got to spend with her mother. Like it or not, this time next year her only family was going to be Christina, wherever the hell she was, and Bean and suddenly she wanted to have one last, hopefully happy, holiday memory with her mother

"What?" Ellen queried confused.

"Well, the baby can hear voices inside my womb and Scotty talks to my belly all the time. Do you want to read your grandchild The Velveteen Rabbit?"

Ellen looked hopefully up at Lilly "Really?"

"Uh-huh" Lilly nodded, sitting down beside her mother and handing her the book.

Ellen lay back against the couch, joining her daughter, and started to read.

"There once was a velveteen rabbit, and in the beginning..."

* * *

><p>Scotty looked down at the presents he had so far and was confused. He's opened his socks, tie and cuff-links from his parents, and his joke present from Mike - this year it had been a singing Mexican Christmas Tree - but he still had two more presents left.<p>

He was disturbed from the present conundrum by the ringing of the front door bell, the sound startling the entire Valens clan.

"I'll get it" he stated, instinctively reaching for the place he usually kept his gun on his belt. However, he was at his parent's house, in his pyjamas, wearing a dressing gown, and his gun was safely locked in the safe at his apartment as there was no way he wanted his nephew to find it. Looking through the peep hole he was surprised by the person who was stood on his doorstep.

"Lilly?" he exclaimed as he threw open the door. "What are you doing here?"

Lilly nodded inside. "Can I come in? It's freezing out here!"

It was only then that Scotty realised the ground was covered in ice and he quickly stood back to let Lilly into the house, noting that she was carrying the presents he had left at her house.

"Don't you like them?" he asked, pointing to the presents, the hurt clearly visible on his face as he helped Lilly off with her coat.

"No, no! I mean, I'm sure I'll love them...It's just that, well, my mother, she brought me The Velveteen Rabbit and she made me realise something" Lilly rambled hurriedly.

Scotty stood there, completely baffled by Lilly's statement. What did a children's book have to do with her turning up at his parent's house?

"You see, she made me realise that you and Bean, you're my future and I just couldn't open these presents without you there. I mean, she brought me one present, your family brought me" Lilly paused as she took a moment to count all the bags, her eyes widening as she realised just how many presents she had "8! I don't think my family has ever brought me that many presents in my entire life and I wanted to open them with you all, if that's ok?" she asked shyly, suddenly realising she had burst in on the Valens' Christmas Day celebration, and from the looks of things, they were still all in their pyjamas.

After her mother had finished reading The Velveteen Rabbit to Bean, Lilly had fully intended on opening the other gifts she had received, but it just didn't feel right without Scotty there. Her mother had sensed her hesitation and told her to go to Scotty. Told her to have hope for the future and not let her past get in the way. She had resisted at first, but her stubborn mother had insisted she go and Lilly had agreed, promising to be back in time for lunch - which required very little preparation and cooking time thanks to Rosa Valens.

"Of course it's ok Lilly" Scotty reassured, not realising until that very moment just how much he had missed Lilly not being here with him on this special day. "Come on, everyone will be so happy to see you"

Picking the presents up off the floor where Lilly had placed them when he had helped her out of her coat, he gently guided Lilly into the living room with the rest of his family.

"Looks who's come to say hello" Scotty introduced.

"AUNTY LILLY!" Emilio screamed, promptly running over and throwing his arms around her legs. "I knew you'd come! I asked Santa Claus!"

"Hi, Emilio. Were you a good boy this year? Did you get lots of presents?" she asked, tenderly running her hand through the little boys hair.

Emilio peered up from Lilly legs. "Uh-huh! I got a train set and a colouring book and some cars and a football..."

"Em, why don't you let Aunty Lilly sit down? Then you can show her one of your presents" Alegria interrupted her son.

Emilio promptly let go of her legs and Lilly greeted the rest of the room.

"Hi guys. Um, I hope you don't mind me popping in like this..." she greeted the Valens' awkwardly, noting that they were all indeed in their pyjamas still.

"Don't be silly!" Rosa greeted her, coming over to hug Lilly. "You know us, the more the merrier. How is mi nieto doing?" she queried, patting Lilly's stomach and receiving a punch in greeting.

"Bean's ok, I'm not so sure my kidney's and bladder are though! The baby sure likes to move around. A lot."

"Those two were just the same" Rosa commented pointing to Mike and Scotty. "How are you holding up, with your mother?" she continued, her voice now full of concern.

"Ok. She seems comfortable as long as she has her vodka" Lilly replied, a hint of sadness in her voice.

Rosa sensed her sadness and immediately sought to lift her spirits. "Well, I see you're here to open you presents, so let's get started!"

Rosa guided Lilly over to the armchair where Scotty had been sitting and Lilly found her presents neatly lined up at the base of the chair. Scotty was sat on the floor beside the chair with a small pile of presents that she immediately recognised.

"So whose turn was it?" Mike queried.

"I think it was Scotty's" Alegria replied. "But why doesn't Lilly go first seeing as she has some lost time to make up for"

Lilly looked up to see all the Valens' looking at her expectantly and she immediately picked up a gift bag and removed the present, noting the gift she had chosen was from Scotty. It was obviously something boxed and it didn't rattle so she quickly tore off the paper. The sight that greeted her once again made her eyes water.

"Scotty? How did you...?"

Scotty immediately felt his cheeks redden and he self-consciously ran a hand through his hair. It had taken him weeks to think of the perfect gift for Lilly, after all, she was the mother of his child and he had to get her _something_ - more importantly he _wanted_ to get her something. Then one day he had been walking behind Kat's desk and noticed that she had the internet open. Displayed on the web page was row after row of the figurines he recognised from Lilly's house and he when he asked Kat about them, she explained they were all part of a collection and that there were various different figurines to collect. She herself was looking for one for her mother for Christmas as her mother was a collector. She had allowed Scotty to flick through the pages and he had found the perfect one for Lilly. A figurine that depicted a pregnant woman looking down at her stomach, her hands tenderly holding her bump, which had reminded him of how Lilly was always subconsciously rubbing her own bump. In that moment he knew it was the perfect gift for Lilly and he had brought it without a moment's thought.

"I've noticed them in your cabinet over the last few months and this one reminded me of you" he mumbled and he could swear he heard his sister-in-law coo.

"But I don't rub my stomach like that, do I?" Lilly asked curiously. She had tried so hard not to be one of those typical pregnant woman who constantly rubbed their stomach by way of excuse for not pulling their weight.

Scotty just raised his eyebrows and stared pointedly at her hand. Sure enough the hand that was not holding the boxed figurine was gently resting on her bump and her thumb was tenderly rubbing her extended abdomen.

"You do it all the time at work" Scotty replied simply. _It's one of the things I like most about you _he had to fight himself from saying.

"Uncle Scotty! Your turn!" Emilio's excited voice filled the air, breaking the moment that was forming between the two detectives.

Picking up one of his presents, he read the label and was surprised by what he read: "_To Daddy, Merry Christmas, Love Bean"_

"Lilly? When did...?" Scotty asked surprised.

"She dropped them round earlier this week whilst you were at work" his father replied warmly.

"Open it!" Lilly exclaimed excitedly.

Scotty carefully opened the small box and was baffled by the small silver pendant that was inside.

"It a St Joseph. He's the patron saint of fathers, and well, you've just been so good to Bean and I that I thought that someone should protect you" Lilly explained, suddenly feeling embarrassed. At the time it had seemed like a good idea, but now she wasn't so sure. "I thought you could put it on that chain you always wear but if you don't like it..."

"No! Lil, it's perfect" Scotty reassured, finally finding his voice having been overcome by the thoughtfulness of Lilly's gift. "I love it"

Scotty quickly undid his chain, added the pendent, and replaced the chain around his neck, immediately finding comfort in the slightly heavier weight around his neck. He knew that he would never forget this moment and that the chain holding the pendant would never leave his neck.

Lilly's hands came down to finger the pendent and he couldn't help but grab her hand. "I feel safer already" he said tenderly whilst looking into her eyes.

"A-hum" he heard his brother clear his voice, breaking the quiet stillness that had settled on the room, even Emilio sensing something had...shifted... in the last few moments.

"Perhaps Lilly would like to open a few more gifts seeing as she has more left than the rest of us?" Mike questioned.

Lilly felt herself blush and looked around the room. Sure enough, the Valens' only had one more present each left to open, and if she was not mistaken, they were all gifts she had brought for them.

"Come on Aunty Lilly..." Emilio whined, his excitement suddenly rising to the surface.

Reaching down she picked up the next bag and continued unwrapping her gifts. 6 more gifts later and she had received two catnip surprises for Olivia and Tripod, a scarf and gloves set from Rosa and Ramiro, a TENS machine from Mike and Alegria (which Alegria swore got her through the final stages of her pregnancy and even helped with the labour pains) and Bean had received a teddy bear from Emilio and an adorable cream snow suit from Rosa and Ramiro. Now she had just one more present left to open.

"Looks like you're even with us now Lil" Scotty noted.

"Does that mean I get to open my present?" Emilio asked excitedly, the 3 year old being exceptionally patient whilst Lilly had opened her gifts.

"Go on Em" Lilly encouraged, impressed with how well behaved he was being, but also slightly nervous about the present she had got him. Shopping for 3-year olds wasn't exactly her forté.

Immediately Emilio tore off the wrapping paper and squealed as the gift was revealed: a pretend policeman's outfit.

"Look Mummy! Look Daddy! I can be just like Uncle Scotty and Aunty Lilly now!" he screamed in delight.

"Yes you can" Alegria encouraged her son whilst Mike mouthed a thank you to her.

"Can I put it on now, Mummy? Please?" Emilio begged.

"In a little bit" Alegria told her son firmly.

Lilly had to refrain from laughing at the pout that appeared on his face and she wondered how she would ever discipline Bean if it ended up with Scotty's genes.

"How about you help me open mine?" Alegria offered as a way of a peace offering.

Emilio seemingly appeased at the thought of opening another gift, was soon tearing at the wrapping paper of Alegria's present. Within the space of the next 10 minutes all the remaining gifts had been opened by the Valens' and Lilly and Scotty had one gift left to open.

"Your turn Scotty" Lilly stated.

Scotty hesitantly picked up the last gift. It was a rectangular cube shape and he wondered what it could be. He could feel Lilly staring at him nervously and he slowly tore at the paper. The gift that awaited him took his breath away.

It was a signed Philadelphia Eagles football.

"Oh my god! Lil, how did you get this?" Scotty exclaimed in surprise. He had wanted this signed football for years and he had never been able to find one before.

"Will has a guy..." Lilly answered nonchantly, relieved that she appeared to have got the correct year.

"But how did you..." Scotty stated, still awestruck by the gift.

"Know? Nick told me" Lilly replied smugly.

"But it must have cost..."

"Will's guy got me a deal. Don't worry" Lilly replied tenderly, noticing that concern was creeping into Scotty's eyes.

"Your turn Aunty Lilly!" Emilio shouted excitedly.

Lilly picked up her final gift _"To Bean, Merry Christmas, Love Daddy". _Lilly's eyes glanced up at Scotty's as she took in the rectangular shaped box. Gently she unwrapped it, curious as to what Scotty had got his child.

Underneath the wrapping there was a cream coloured box. Carefully Lilly removed the lid and the tissue paper and stared at the gift, tears filling her eyes.

_My first year_.

"You got Bean a baby book?" Lilly queried tearfully.

"Yeah, I, um, thought it would be nice for Bean to have something to look back on" Scotty leaned forward and opened the book "See, I've put in the pictures of the scans and filled in some of the sections with my memories. I thought it would be something for you to do when you were on maternity leave" Scotty mumbled awkwardly "Cos I'm not letting you work on any cases" Scotty stated adamently.

"It's great. I'd been thinking about getting one, but hadn't had the chance" Lilly whispered, still fighting back tears and choosing to ignore his comment about _not letting _her work.

A tender silence descended over the room as the Valens' took in the sight before them. The silence was broken by the small voice of a young boy.

"Mummy" Emilio whispered "are all the presents open now?"

"Yes sweetie" Alegria answered.

"Yeeeeeeeey" Emilio screeched "Daddy, can you put my Scalextric together pleeeease?"

All three men in the room groaned.

* * *

><p>Lilly wondered back downstairs from the Valens' bathrom for what must have been the sixth time that morning. Entering the living room she could see that Mike, Scotty, Ramiro and Emilio were still all on the floor trying to assemble Emilio's Scalextric, although at least all three man, and child, were now dressed. Lilly picked up the assembly instructions and was just about to take up her position on the armchair again when she noticed that it was 11.30am.<p>

"Um, Scotty?"

"What?" Scotty snapped, starring in frustration at two portions of track that apparently went together.

"I've got to go. I'd promised my Mum I'd be back to cook lunch" Lilly stated with a hint of sadness. She had really been enjoying her time with the Valens' watching the guys trying to assemble Emilio's toys, Emilio teasing them whenever one of them said a bad word, the aromas coming from the kitchen from the feast that Rosa and Alegria were preparing. She had offered to help, but instead had been given the task of "translating" the instructions for the Valens' men and keeping Emilio occupied, which was fairly easy for her as she just let him play with Bean - hence the six trips to the Valens bathroom.

"Oh." Scotty replied, saddened that he wouldn't get to spend anymore of the holiday with Lilly. "I'll help you out with the presents".

Together Scotty and Lilly headed towards the hallway when they were stopped by the sound of Emilio's voice.

"Uncle Scotty! You're standing under the mistletoe! You have to kiss Aunty Lilly!" Emilio shouted with delight.

At Emilio's words, work on the Scalextric immediately stopped and Ramiro's and Mike's heads turned to the doorway. Scotty winced as he heard utensils drop in the kitchen and heard his mother's and sister-in-law's encroaching footsteps until he saw them appear in the hallway.

Lilly felt her skin heat at the sound of Emilio's voice and looked up immediately. Sure enough she and Scotty were standing under the mistletoe.

She felt her heart rate quicken and her palms begin to moisten as she looked up at Scotty and noticed that he had turned as red as she felt and he was looking at her nervously.

"Em, I don't think..." Scotty began as he turned to stare at his young nephew.

"It's ok." Lilly stated quietly, hesitantly.

Scotty's gaze returned to Lilly's in disbelief and he saw his own nervousness reflected in her eyes. Underneath the nervousness though, her eyes sparkled with something that he could not identify and his heart sped up at the sight of that strange emotion. For some reason he knew it was a good emotion and he felt sweat bead on his brow as his nervousness grew. Was Lilly asking him to kiss her? In front of his family? They still hadn't talked about what had happened at the PPD Ball, and as much as he wanted to try being more than friends with Lilly, he had no idea how she felt. By her giving him permission to kiss her, was that Lilly's way of saying she felt something for him too?

"Lil?" he queried, his hand reaching to grasp one of hers in his hand and was surprised to find it as clammy as his.

Lilly nodded her head imperceptibly, squeezing his hand for reassurance.

Scotty's eyes met with Lilly's and he held her gaze as he slowly lowered his head, his breathing coming in shorter and shorter bursts the nearer he came to Lilly's lips.

Lilly's stared into Scotty's eyes wondering what exactly she was doing. Had she really said it was ok for him to kiss her in front of his entire family? The way his eyes shone so brightly right now, she would have let him kiss her anywhere. She watched as his head slowly lowered towards hers feeling his short breaths fanning her face, her own becoming almost non existant the closer Scotty came. Her eyes flickered shut and she tilted her chin up fractionally, silently letting him know she was ready.

Scotty's head lowered further and he could almost feel the outline of her lips with his. Slowly he closed his eyes and lowered his head the last few millimetres until his lips lined up with hers perfectly.

The moment Scotty's lips met hers Lilly felt a burst of heat swirl throughout her body and her legs turned to jelly as her head began to swirl. This kiss was so different from the others they had shared. It was sweet, tender, full of hope, and it only caused Lilly's resolve to crumble further.

As soon as Scotty's lips met Lilly's his heart leapt with joy and his nervousness disappeared. He kissed her softly, tenderly, he wanted her to know just how much he cared about her with this one kiss. He held her lips with his for as long as he thought he could without his family getting suspicious. With great reluctance he pulled away and noticed that Lilly's skin was flushed and her eyes were still closed. He watched as her eyelids fluttered open and saw the warmth, and fear, that emanated from them.

"Merry Christmas, Lil" he murmured.

"Merry Christmas, Scotty" she whispered, fighting with all she had to stop the paralysing fear she felt from winning.

Both detectives chose to ignore Emilio's and Mike's teasing cheers and the knowing look that Rosa and Alegria gave each other as they absorbed the emotions playing out in each other's eyes, both detectives realising in that moment that something had definintely shifted in their relationship.

* * *

><p><em>Ok, so having just edited this chapter I've realised that I've written Christmas from an AmericanBritish custom perspective rather that a Puerto Rican/Cuban perspective. Please just go with it as it works with the story, artistic license and all that..._


	30. Chapter 30

_Thank you for your lovely reviews and I'm glad you are all enjoying the story. Pressures on for me I think LOL! Hope you enjoy the next instalment. _

_**Disclaimer:** Currently own a severe hatred of the NHS, fortunately Cold Case is not owned by the NHS, or me unfortunately. :-(_

* * *

><p>Scotty blinked and blinked again. He just couldn't believe the hand he had been dealt - a Royal Flush! It was 9pm on New Years Eve and he was playing poke with Mike and their cousins at the annual Valens Family New Years Eve Reunion. Despite the snow, there was a pig roasting in the garden to which the elder Valens' men were tending, the elder Valens' women were in the kitchen adding the finishing touches to what would no doubt be a mega feast, and the younger woman were hanging out in the lounge engaging in some much needed girl talk after the Christmas holidays. Children were running and playing all over the house, barely able to contain their excitement that they were being allowed to stay up so late.<p>

Surreptitiously, Scotty glanced around the table at his fellow poker players, sure that his cousins were playing a joke on him, and was surprised to find that it appeared they weren't if his detective skills were anything to go by.

Using all the acting skills he possessed, he fought to contain the smile that so desperately wanted to appear on his face, mentally spending the fortune he was about to acquire at the game. He was going to rob his brother and cousins blind! Just as he was about to place his first bet, his phone started to vibrate in his pocket and he really couldn't help the fond smile that appeared on his face as he saw the caller ID.

Lil.

He hadn't seen Lilly since their kiss under the mistletoe on Christmas Day and they were still yet to talk about what had happened at the PPD Ball as everytime they tried to, life got in the way. Things had further been hindered by the fact that he was on holiday and attending numerous family functions before Bean arrived. However, he had spoken to her everyday and Lilly had told him that her mother and she were getting on much better - Ellen had even been telling Lilly stories each evening about when she was a baby. He'd never ask her, and he was sure that she would never tell him, but he suspected that Lilly Rush was enjoying getting to know her mother in the final few days of her life, and as much as he wanted to see Lilly and talk about what was happening between them, he would never impose on the last precious few weeks that Lilly had with her mother.

So it was with great happiness that Scotty picked up the phone.

"Hey Lil. Happy New Year!" he greeted his partner jovially, ignoring his relatives exasperated expressions that he was holding up the game.

"I can't find her!" Lilly exclaimed in a frantic voice.

"Who Lil?" Scotty asked, puzzled at what he thought sounded like clinging glasses in the background.

"My Mum! I forgot the vodka at lunchtime and we had an argued about my job again, but I promised, I PROMISED, I'd get her some on the way home from work but I got here and she's gone and I can't find her" Lilly explained sounding panicked.

"What do you mean you can't find her?" he queried, still confused by the background noise. Was that cheering in the background?

"I've been everywhere, Scotty! All her favourite places and no one's seen her. No one!" Lilly continued in the same rushed voice.

Scotty's confusion grew. Lilly had text him at 6pm as she was leaving work to say she would call him later, but 3 hours had since passed since her text. Where had she been all this time if her mother had been missing since this afternoon?

"What do you mean you've been everywhere? Lil, where are you?" he asked. His stomach filling with worry and anger as he started to put the pieces together. The clinking glasses, the cheers...

Scotty was met with silence until he heard Lilly's soft, tired voice at the end of the phone.

"Outside Jones'"

"Lil, you're almost 8 months pregnant! It's snowing! It's New Years Eve! You can't be going out to bars..." Scotty started to yell angrily turning away from the poker table and heading towards the hall for a bit more privacy, leaving his cousins looking around the table in confusion.

"Don't you think I know that!" Lilly snapped. "But I have to find her Scotty!" she stated with quiet resignation. " I'm just so tired though. Scotty, I...I..."

Scotty knew his partner was trying to ask for his help, but he also knew Lilly well enough to know that her pride was stopping her from asking the question. Taking a deep breath to calm down and releasing it in one go, his next statement came easily.

"Lilly, wait there. I'll come and get you and we can go from there"

"Thanks Scotty" Lilly replied softly, and he could hear the complete and utter gratitude in her worn out voice.

"Anytime, Lil. I'll be there in 30 minutes, ok?" Scotty stated reassuringly.

"Uh-huh, I'll be outside" Lilly confirmed.

Hanging up the phone Scotty returned to the poker table, picked up his cards and promptly threw them on the table, gaining a small sense of satisfaction when he heard the disbelieving gasps of his relatives as they saw the hand he had been dealt. After all, what good was money when Lilly and Bean needed him?

"Looks like you guys owe Lilly a drink otherwise I'd be taking all your money tonight" he stated teasingly.

"Everything ok, Scotty?" Mike asked with concern noting that Scotty wasn't sitting down, but was instead pulling on his coat.

"Yeah, Lil's got a situation with her Mum and I gotta go help her out with it" he explained with a hint of frustration. "Say Happy New Year to everyone will ya?"

"Sure Scotty, let me know how you get on. Take care, ok? All of you." Mike replied seriously.

Scotty simply nodded and turned to head out of his relative's house, there was just one more call he needed to make...

* * *

><p>Lilly Rush couldn't believe she had just phoned her partner and asked him to help her with her mother. Her mother was her domain only and she would never normally impose on anyone, but she was just so tired, and hungry, and her feet hurt, and she was freezing cold as it had just started snowing and ...<p>

"Detective Rush?"

Lilly's hand immediately went to the place where she kept her gun - having to have borrowed one of Nick Vera's gun belts to accommodate her growing bump - and turned to meet the owner of the voice.

"Whoa! Don't shoot, it's only me...Rick...the barman?" he stated nervously, his hands held up in a surrender pose.

"Oh! Sorry, hi" Lilly greeted him apologetically, curious as to why Rick wanted to speak to her.

"Hi! Um...er...Detective Valens just called and said I had to bring you inside until he got here." Rick continued hesitantly.

"He did, did he?" Lilly responded icily, giving Rick one of her Ice Queen looks.

"Yeah...er...he...he said that you were...er...waiting for him...and that I had to...um...make sure you were ok. He...he made me promise that I'd make you wait somewhere safe" Rick stuttered upon seeing Lilly's face.

"I'm perfectly fine here thank you" she replied as civilly as possible, after all it wasn't his fault that her partner was acting like a overprotective buffoon. How dare Scotty think she was incapable of looking after herself? She knew she should never have asked for his help. It wasn't that she couldn't find her mother by herself, it was just that she was exhausted having worked all day and she was fed up with getting derogatory looks from all the people in the bars she had checked so far. It was apparent that people did not approve of 8 month pregnant woman partying - as if she would do that!

"Um...actually you'll have to come with me. Detective Valens said that if I didn't get you to come inside then he has a cousin who works in the Department of Licenses and Inspections who he would get to inspect us, and frankly we don't need the hassle" Rick stated hurriedly, almost pleadingly. "We have a nice staff room you could use"

Mentally rolling her eyes at Scotty's veiled threat Lilly reluctantly moved towards the door of the bar and almost laughed at the look of relief that appeared on Rick's face.

Ten minutes later Lilly was settled on the couch of Jones' Tavern's Staff Room and was feeling much less grouchy having used the rest room and consumed a mug of hot chocolate as well as two toasted bagel with cream cheese courtesy of Joe Jones, the owner of Jones', who was horrified when he discovered that the "Pregnant Detective" had not had dinner yet. As much as she hated to admit it, being sat in the warm staff room rather than in the crowded bar or out in the cold weather was nice and she felt her eyes start to droop. She couldn't fall asleep though, she had to keep going, she had to find her mother, she had to...

The next thing Lilly Rush was aware of was something warm and soft caressing her cheek.

"Lil?" a voice called from the distant.

"Lil? Come on it's time to wake up?" the voice called again, this time it wasn't so far away.

Groggily Lilly opened her eyes and was confused by what she saw. She was on a couch, but she wasn't in her living room. Glancing around she saw a kitchenette, a small square table and some plastic chairs. It was almost like the break room at work, except it wasn't_. _Where was she? As her senses began to wake up, she realised there was something on her face and that something was gently caressing her cheek again. Realising that there was someone else sat beside her on the couch, she sleepily turned her head and was greeted by the concerned gaze of Scotty Valens.

"I'm mad at you, ya know?" she croaked out.

"And why's that?" Scotty whispered, still concerned that he had found his partner sat up, asleep, on the couch of Jones' Tavern.

"Cos you made Rick come get me and wait in here" she replied drowsily, still not fully awake.

"Can't help it if I'm worried about you Lil and I ain't going to apologise for it either. I couldn't stand the thought of you waiting outside with all those drunks so I phoned Joe" Scotty replied softly, still caressing Lilly's cheek and marvelling at how soft the skin beneath his palm was.

Lilly eyes suddenly opened wide and her body jerked awake "My mum!" she exclaimed.

"Shhh Lil, it's ok. We'll find her" Scotty reassured, still continuing to stroke her cheek reassuringly.

Lilly's body sagged immediately and she looked Scotty in the eye.

"But I've looked everywhere Scotty! And I've phoned the hospitals, but nothing! I don't know what to do?" she stated dejectedly.

Getting up from the couch, Scotty offered his hand to Lilly and gently pulled her up off the couch and embraced her in a hug, a wave of relief and happiness washing over him when she didn't push him away.

"Come on, I know a few more...less reputable...places in the vicinity. We'll check those out and then go from there, ok?" Scotty stated with quiet conviction.

Lilly simply nodded her head against his collarbone, her arms sneaking around his waist and her breath warming his pectorals.

"Don't worry Lilly, we'll find her. I promise" Scotty stated with determination, breaking the embrace and taking her hand as he lead her towards the exit and his car.

Not ten minutes later Scotty and Lilly pulled up outside another bar in a more seedy area of town and was surprised when he looked over at Lilly to find her fast asleep yet again. Taking in her appearance in the orange glow of the street lighting, he saw how exhausted she looked and decided that he would leave her to sleep in the car, he would only be 5 minutes anyway and Lilly obviously needed the sleep.

Five minutes later he returned to the car empty handed and headed towards yet another bar. Two hours later and with his knowledge of seedy bars exhausted, he decided to head towards Lilly's house on the off-chance that Ellen Rush had returned there. Lilly had been asleep the entire time and the protector in him just wanted to get her home and into her bed so that she and Bean were safe. Personally, he could care less about Ellen Rush considering how much pain she had inflicted on Lilly's life, but he would do anything to make Lilly happy and if that meant finding her mother, then so be it. He would search all night if he had to, just as long as Lilly and Bean were safe.

Parking the car outside Lilly's house, he wondered how he would get her into her bed as she just looked so peaceful that he really didn't want to wake her. Remembering the night he had carried Lilly into her house after she had met his parents, he quickly exited the car, opened the passenger door and took Lilly in his arms in a bridal style lift, reassured that she was much heavier then she had been a few months ago. Upon reaching her door he realised that he'd forgotten to get they keys out of her coat and panicked. How was he supposed to get her into the house? On the off chance he tried the knob and was surprised to find the front door unlocked. He knew that Lilly had been suffering with "pregnancy brain" in the past couple of months, but he never thought she would forget to lock her own front door. Cautiously he entered the house with Lilly still in his arms and flicked on the light with his elbow. Soft lighting filled the room and he felt Lilly stir in his arms.

"Scotty?" Lilly mumbled raising her head from Scotty's shoulder where it has been resting, aware that she was moving, but that it was not her limbs that were transporting her.

"Shhh Lil. You're home now. You just looked so peaceful that I didn't want to wake you" Scotty stated softly, disappointed by the loss of Lilly's head from his shoulder.

"Scotty, put me down. I can walk, honestly" Lilly requested gently, squirming in his arms.

Reluctantly, Scotty lowered Lilly to the floor and helped steady her as she found her centre of gravity again. Her eyes met his and Lilly smiled shyly up at Scotty, his hands still resting gently against her waist.

"Lilly?" a drunken, slurred, voice called into the dim lighting of the room.

Immediately Lilly's body left Scotty's grasp and headed towards the couch where Ellen Rush lay.

"Mum" she said in disbelief. "Where have you been?" she asked desperately, quiet anger seeping into her voice as she sat on the coffee table in front of her mother.

"Needed a drink" Ellen slurred and it was only then that Lilly noticed the empty vodka bottle in her mother's hand.

Lilly reached over and gently took the bottle from her mother's grasp. Shakily Ellen's hand raised itself to Lilly's cheek and she caressed it tenderly, just like she had when Lilly was a child.

"You're a good girl Lilly" Ellen slurred, gently resting her hand against her daughter's cheek.

Lilly lent into her mother's touch and closed her eyes for a split to memorise the feeling, knowing that the carress was her mother's way of saying she loved her and still relished the feeling of pleasing her mother after all these years. All too soon Ellen's hand flopped to the floor and she fell back into a deep sleep. Dutifully, Lilly placed her mother's arm back onto the couch and reached over to pull the blanket up around her. She took a minute to look at her mother's peaceful expression as she slept, touching the cheek her mother had just caressed as she did.

Scotty observed the scene between mother and daughter with interest. Everyday he got to see Lilly the Cop, with the tough as nails exterior and emotionless expression. Over the last few months he had gotten to know - and like - Lilly the Woman, but this was the first time he had seen Lilly the Daughter, the person who still wanted her parent's approval at all costs and it astounded him that no matter how confident Lilly appeared to be as an adult, a part of her would forever be the child that wanted her parent's love and approval at all costs.

Suddenly Lilly rose from the couch and seemed startled to see Scotty still standing at her doorway.

"Scotty! Um...did you want a coffee? It's the least I can do after everything you've done tonight" Lilly asked awkwardly.

"Sure Lil, coffee sounds great" Scotty confirmed tenderly, every fibre in his body telling him not to leave Lilly alone tonight after everything she had been through this evening.

He followed her into the kitchen and watched from the doorway as she pulled out the relevant cups and sachets and filled the kettle with water. He moved to stand next to her as she finished making the drinks and she handed him a cup of steaming hot coffee, surprising him when he realised she had made his favourite flavour coffee.

"This is cinnamon!" Scotty exclaimed quietly, not wanting to wake the occupant of the next room.

"It's your favourite, right?" Lilly asked nervously.

"Yeah, but how did you...?" Scotty asked with awe, taking another sip of the delicious coffee

"Know? We've spent practically every spare moment together since we found out I was pregnant. I picked up a thing or two?" Lilly replied with teasing glint in her eye.

"I guess we have" Scotty replied carefully, nervousness suddenly descending over him.

"Lil"

"Scot..."

Both partners began at the same time, smiling at each other when they realised what had happened.

"You first, Lil" Scotty indicated, taking a sip of his coffee as the nervousness in his stomach grew.

Beside him Lilly took a deep breath and set her mug of decaffeinated coffee on the counter before turning to face him. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest that she was surprised that Scotty couldn't hear it and she couldn't believe what she was about to ask. She wanted to ask something that could potentially change the course of her and Scotty's relationship for good and she was desperately fighting the fear she felt as she began to feel more and more nervous.

"Scotty, what...what do you think is happening between us? I mean, I...I...think things have been changing between us recently. There was the PPD Ball thing and then Christmas Day...?" She trailed off, her eyes tentatively glancing up at Scotty's.

Scotty took in Lilly's slightly flushed cheeks and shy expression and heard the nervousness in her voice as the feeling in his stomach receded at her statement, instantly turning to tentative hope. She had felt the shift in their relationship too, and if she was asking him what he thought was happening between them then maybe that meant...

"I don't think it's a bad thing, whatever it is" Scotty replied with quiet conviction " I mean, I'm not going to lie Lil, my feelings for you over the last few months have grown and um...I...um...would like us to maybe...um...try being more than friends?" he replied nervously.

"Really?" Lilly queried hopefully.

"Yeah. I mean, I don't want to go through my life thinking, what could have been, ya know?" Scotty replied awkwardly, not used to discussing his feeling with anyone other than Elyssa and occasionally Mike. "I'd like to at least say to be Bean, we tried to be together. I mean, we get on well, we have fun together, right?"

A gentle smile lit up Lilly's face as she nodded, however, the smile was short lived as a nagging thought appeared from the dark recesses of her brain.

"But what if he doesn't work out?" she asked fearfully "Would you still be there for Bean? Because if it doesn't, you have to promise me Scotty, you'll still be there."

Anger shot through Scotty. He'd thought he'd proven to Lilly over the past few months that he could be trusted, he thought she did trust him, but here she was asking her not to leave Bean when they haven't even been out on a date yet. He would never, ever, leave Bean, or Lil, if things didn't work out. What kind of man did that?

Realisation hit him then like a freight train. Lilly's father had been that man. He had left her and her sister to be raised by an alcoholic mother and had never looked back. Lilly was just scared that Bean would have to go through the same experience she went through as a child.

"Lil, I could never...Lillian Rush, I promise you with everything I have that whatever happens between us, whether we work out as a couple or not, I would never leave Bean. I just couldn't" Scotty replied, the truthfulness of his words ringing through loud and clear.

Lilly looked up into Scotty earnest brown eyes and felt a strange peaceful feeling settle across her being. Staring into Scotty's eyes she knew he had never spoken more true words then the ones that had just passed through his lips.

"Lilly Rush, will you go on a date with me?" Scotty asked nervously.

Looking up at Scotty redden cheeks and awkward expression and hearing his sweetly innocent words, Lilly didn't think she had seen or heard anything more adorable in her entire life and she couldn't help the giggle that escaped her throat.

"Yes, Scotty, I'd like to go on a date with you" she replied gleefully.

Scotty let go of a breath he didn't know he'd been holding as he heard Lilly Rush, Ice Queen of Homicide, giggle and confirm she would go on a date with him.

"Did you just giggle?" he asked incredulously, a whole, relieved smile appearing on his face.

"Uh-huh. I think I just did" Lilly replied playfully.

"Well I think you need to do that more often" Scotty replied teasingly, raising his hands to tickle her waist earning him a glare. "It's the most beautiful sound I've heard and I can't wait to hear it when we go out on our date"

Lilly breath caught in her throat at Scotty last statement. She was going on a date. A date with her _partner?_

"Scotty, I want to take things slow though ok? There's so much at risk and I don't want to mess up" Lilly stated seriously.

Scotty considered Lilly's statement. She was right, there was a lot to lose.

Slow.

He could do slow if it meant possibly forming a real family for his child.

"Ok Lil. Slow it is" he confirmed just as seriously.

Both detectives stood in the kitchen of Lilly Rush's kitchen staring at each other in wonder as the realisation of what they had just agreed to dawned on them. They were going to _date_. They were really going to try and make a relationship work, not because they were having a baby together, but because they liked each other.

As the bells of Lilly's clock chimed, Scotty realised it was midnight and therefore the start of a new year.

"Happy 2006, Lil" he whispered, his hand coming up to rest on Lilly's neck and his thumb tracing her delicate lips carefully as his head descended towards Lilly's.

"Happy 2006 to you too Scotty" Lilly replied, one of her hands coming to rest on Scotty's cheek as she stared intently into his eyes, watching as his lips descended towards her.

Scotty's lips had seemed to be travelling so slowly, but suddenly his lips were on hers and he gave her the most gentle, tender kiss she had ever received, leaving her lips burning and desperate for more.

As soon as Scotty's lips touched Lilly's, a contented feeling overcame Scotty, almost as if everything was right in the universe and he was finally where he was supposed to be. The kiss was only supposed to be one to seal their potential new relationship, to welcome in the new year but Scotty knew that one kiss would not be enough for him tonight. Before he could stop himself his lips were on Lilly's again. He teased her lips with his and soon they were fused together, his tongue requesting entrance into her mouth.

Lilly sighed in contentment at the feeling of Scotty's tongue against her lips, she willing opened her mouth and let Scotty invade her. Her hand moved to his head and she was overcome by the touch, smell and feel of him against her. It was so much better then she remembered and she could already feel herself becoming addicted to his kisses. She felt Scotty's hand slide from her throat, over the already peaked nipple of her breast and down to her backside which he started to knead gently with both his hands causing Lilly to moan in pleasure, her desire for him rising quickly.

Scotty groaned as Lilly's hands massaged his scalp and her lips played with his. She tasted better than he remember and he was consumed by her touch, taste and smell. What she was doing right now was better than any Lilly Session he could have ever have imagined and he skimmed his hand over her body wishing more than anything that it was her skin he was feeling rather than the soft fabric of her clothing. His hands settled on her rear and he started to knead the soft, supple skin. Before he knew what was happening his hands clasped around her backside and he lifted her onto the kitchen counter as his blood ran south and he felt himself become unbearable hard.

Lilly gasped as Scotty rested her on top of her worktop and she couldn't stop her legs from spreading as he pulled her as close to him as possible. She _wanted_ him as close to her throbbing aching centre as possible but her bump was making the task challenging. Shifting around on the countertop she was relieved when she felt the proof of Scotty's desire against herself and started to rub against him.

Scotty couldn't help the strangled groan that escaped from deep within him as Lilly started to rub against him. He knew that under her thick trousers and underwear lay her slick, tight channel that had brought him such pleasure last time and he desperately wanted to be inside her again. He slide his lips from her mouth across her jaw line and down to her neck where he started to nip, suck and kiss the sensitive skin, determined to give her as much pleasure as she was currently given. His hands moved further up her back so he could caress her engorged breasts with his thumbs, his fingers continuing to hold her at the almost 45 degree angle they had settled on.

Lilly grabbed Scotty's bulging biceps as his lips worked their magic from her lips along her jaw and all over her neck. It just so good and every part of her being wanted more. Slowly she slide her hands up to his shoulders, then down over his pectorals and then lower still to the waist band of his trousers. She had just slipped one of her slender hands inside the waistband, caressed the sensitive skin of his lower abdomen along the way, delighted by the jerk of Scotty's hips at her gentle touch, when suddenly he pulled away and walked to the other side of her kitchen. Lilly quickly had to grab the edge of the counter to stop herself from falling backwards.

"God Lil, I'm so sorry" he gasped running a hand through his hair, guilt clouding every feature of his face.

"Huh?" Lilly responded confused, fear creeping into her stomach. She thought he had been enjoying their make-out session as much as she had. Was he now having second thoughts?

"You wanted to take things slow and I'm groping you on your kitchen counter" he stated with self-disgust.

Taking in a deep breath Lilly tentatively slide off the counter and walked over to Scotty on her shaky legs. Reaching up she gently held his face in her hands and moved his head so that he was looking directly at her.

"Scotty, you may not have noticed, but I was a willing participant" she reassured softly, a gentle smile gracing her lips "Do you know how long I've wanted to feel you against me? Do you have any idea how bad it is being horny and pregnant and knowing you can't be with the one person who could resolve all your...frustration?" she asked.

Scotty looked at Lilly shocked. She'd been lusting after him too all this time?

"How long?" Scotty asked desperately.

"What?" Lilly queried, confused.

"How long have you been lusting after me?" Scotty clarified.

Lilly's cheeks turned an even deeper red as she admitted the truth.

"Ever since the day we had our interviews with IAB" she admitted.

"Huh. I've wanted to be _together_ again since the day we cleared out your old office" Scotty informed her matter of factly.

Lilly looked at him stunned "You mean we've been wanting to be with each other again for the last 3 months and both of us have been too chicken to do anything about it?"

"Uh huh" Scotty replied with a cocky smirk, his arms raising to Lilly's hips and gently stroking them again, causing Lilly to move in closer to him.

Lilly looked at him coyly, lust burning in her eyes, as she raised herself up so her lips were almost touching his "So maybe we should do something about that?" she whispered, her hot breath caressing Scotty's skin.

"I would, but _you_ wanted to go slow" he whispered.

Lilly rose up the last few centimetres and gave Scotty the most passion filled kiss she had ever given anyone, and was thrilled when she felt Scotty desperately pull her closer then growl when he couldn't feel the part of her he wanted to feel the most due to her rounded abdomen. Breaking the kiss she pulled his head down and slide her tongue over the shell of Scotty's ear.

"Maybe tonight could just be an extension of the last time we were together? Then tomorrow we go on a date and take it from there" she whispered hotly in his ear.

Scotty's eyes met hers and she gulped at the feral look she saw.

"What about your mother?" he demanded.

"She'll be passed out well into tomorrow afternoon" Lilly reassured. "Don't you want me to take care of this for you?" Lilly whispered seductively, her hand running up the front of Scotty's trousers along his _extremely_ enlarged cock whilst her _extremely_ sensitive breasts pressed against his chest.

Scotty's gulp was audible and she felt his finger squeeze her hips even tighter as his head dropped to her shoulder.

"You have no idea, Lil" he whispered desperately.

"Then what are we waiting for" Lilly replied just as desperately as she took one of Scotty's hands in hers and lead him upstairs towards her bedroom.

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><p><em>So I don't normally ask for reviews because I feel it's every readers personal choice whether they want to leave one or not (not that I don't love and appreciate them!), but I've just had a rather crappy hospital appointment and could do with some nice words to cheer me up. If you wouldn't mind leaving some kind words this week that would be great. <em>


	31. Chapter 31

_Thank you for everyone who reviewed last week. They really did cheer me up and I am feeling much better now. Sorry I did not get a chance to respond to you, but I have been staying with my parents all week as my flat was being decorated however, as of this afternoon everything has been painted, new furniture is in place and everything unpacked so I once again have my home (and therefore internet) back! Woohoo!_

_In case you haven't guessed, this changed is **rated M** so read at your own discretion. I hope you enjoy it! Oh, and it's the longest chapter to date so make yourself comfortable before embarking on reading it (it was 13 pages long on Word on font 11 Calibri!)_

_ I own lots of new furniture however, the ownership papers for Cold Case were not included within any of the flat back furniture I brought. Oh well, maybe next time..._

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><p>Lilly Rush walked towards her bedroom, the skin of her partner's hand burning against hers. She wasn't sure she was quite able to comprehend what had just happened over the last few minutes. Scotty had admitted that he wanted to try being more than just friends and she had finally admitted to herself, and Scotty, that she wanted to try too. She had no idea how the future would turn out and that terrified her, but right now she quashed the fear deep down inside her as the desire she felt for Scotty coursed through her veins.<p>

She and Scotty were going to be together again - and not because of a crazed psychopath or because they were drunk - no, this time they were going to be together simply because she was a woman who liked a man and he was a man who liked a woman - her. She knew he was still going to be there in the morning and they were going to date, but first they both needed to resolve their sexual frustration.

Lilly's brain knew all this, yet with each step that brought her closer to her bedroom she couldn't stop the nervousness building. She wanted to be with Scotty, he was following her willingly and if what had just occurred in her kitchen was anything to go by he was just as desperate for her as she was for him, but she'd never had sex whilst pregnant before. Would he like her rounded abdomen? Would it feel different? Would her heavier frame hurt him?

Scotty watched Lilly like a hawk as she moved towards her bedroom, mesmerised by the feeling of her hand in his and the gentle swing of her hips, knowing that soon her hands would be running over his skin and their hips would be rocking in unison and he would finally be with the woman he'd wanted to be with for so long.

Right now, he just felt so happy and relieved. She hadn't rejected him liked he'd feared, instead she had embraced his suggestion of dating eventhough he could see in her eyes just how much it terrified her. He felt honoured that she had opened her fragile, guarded heart to him and he was going to do everything in his power to makesure her heart never got hurt again. Lilly and he were going to date and hopefully raise a family together - just as soon as they relieved each other's sexual frustration.

As they ascended the stairs together he started to grow nervous. He wanted to be with Lilly again, and although he knew it was safe for Bean for Lilly to be sleeping with him, he had never been with a pregnant woman and he was worried about hurting both Lilly and the baby. Normally he liked to be on top and to go deep inside a woman, to plant his seed so deeply inside her that he felt like he owned her completely and his mark had been on her left permanently. It may be chauvinistic, but he loved the feeling of power and control that it gave him. However, he knew that Lilly couldn't lay on her back so that pretty much ruled out missionary and he didn't know how hard and deep he would be able to go inside her without hurting her or the baby. With each step he took he started to feel nervous that he wouldn't be able to control himself because at this moment his libido was firmly in the driving seat.

Reaching the threshold of Lilly's bedroom, he followed her inside and immediately felt lost as her hand slipped from his to close the door of her room. The room was immediately engulfed in a murky darkness and he heard Lilly move across her room before he heard a click and the room was lit by the soft glow of a bedside lamp. She stood a mere few feet from him, but it could have been an ocean as he felt the nervousness grow in the room.

The heat and the passion of the kitchen had gone and he stood near the door of Lilly's room whilst she stood beside her bed, both detectives apparently paralysed with the enormity of what they were about to do.

Slowly he removed his jacket and draped it over the end of her bed before he moved towards her. He noticed the weak nervous smile she gave him as he approached and took her hand in his. Delicately he kissed her fingers...wrist...arms...shoulder...collar bone... neck...jaw, his nervousness rescinding and his confidence growing with each kiss as he heard Lilly's breath hitch each time he pressed his lips against her soft flesh. Finally he reached her lips and he glanced into her eyes momentarily and was relieved to see the nervousness had disappeared and had been replaced by pure unadulterated lust. Instantly he moved his mouth to hers and was consumed by the smell, taste and touch that was Lilly Rush. Hot desire coursed through him and he held her head in his hands as he kissed her slowing, wantonly, reverently, yet with a hint of desperation.

He didn't know how long they just stood and kissed each other, exploring each other's mouths and enjoying the freedom to do so after all this time, but suddenly he was desperate to feel her skin against his. Slowly he skimmed his hands from her head down her sides lower, making sure he caressed the sensitive area at the sides of her breasts and smiling as he felt her jerk against him, to the edge of her top and slipped his hands under the thin cotton material, a groan escaping his mouth as his fingers finally made contact with Lilly's smooth skin.

Lilly watched as Scotty edged towards her, evidently as nervous as she was in her bedroom. Slowly he took her hand in his and kissed his way from her hand to her lips, each time her breath hitched at his tender caress of her skin with his lips and his mouth left a trail of goosebumps wherever it touched. She was desperate to feel his lips against hers once again and when he stopped to look into her eyes the moment before he kissed her again she had to fight not to just yank his head against hers. But seconds later he was kissing her and it was different from the previous times they had kissed. He probed her tender mouth and she explored his just as tenderly, consumed by all that was Scotty Valens. She couldn't stop her hands as they roamed across all the areas they had access to - up and down his back, in his hair, massaging his neck - and she loved how his skin heated wherever she touched.

Then Scotty's hands were under her top and she froze, a strong wave of insecurity passing over her as he caressed her large stomach. She'd never really had any insecurities about her body before, she was conscious of her small bust but it was in proportion to the rest of her physique and none of her previous boyfriends had seemed to mind their size, but she suddenly didn't want Scotty to see her huge ugly belly and she pushed him away, his confused and hurt explosion feeling like a knife in her heart.

"Lil?" he queried.

"I...I'm...my...my" she stuttered not sure how to explain to Scotty how she was feeling.

"What is it Lil?" he queried again with concern, slowly edging towards her.

She placed her hand out to stop his encroaching form and again felt a stab of pain in her heart at the hurt and concern that appeared on his face. Lilly gulped and turned her head to the side, staring at the floor, not able to stand Scotty's expression for a moment longer.

"I...I...I don't look the same as before, Scotty" she muttered with embarrassment, feeling the tears well in her eyes. Scotty touching her bump when she was fully clothed was one thing, but as soon as he removed her top he would see the ugly elastic of her maternity trousers and see the stretch marks on her breasts and stomach. Who was she kidding? She was nearly 8 months pregnant, she wasn't sexy! She didn't hold him off this time as he moved towards her and took her cheek in one of his hands.

"Look at me Lil" he commanded softly.

After a minute she closed her eyes and turned her head towards Scotty. Slowly she opened her eyes and was not met by the disgusted look she thought she would be, instead he wore a gentle smile and mirth was playing in his eyes.

Scotty looked at Lilly and saw the shame and embarrassment on her face and couldn't help the gentle smile that appeared on his face. She just looked so adorable!

"Lil, I helped make this bump" he reassured her softly as he raised his other hand to rest on the top of her stomach "I love it and you look beautiful with it"

"But..." she tried to protest but Scotty simply raised his finger to her lips to silence her.

"No buts, Lil" he whispered. "I love your new breasts" he breathed into her skin as he moved both his hands to the aforementioned area "and this" he continued as his hands moved down and around her bump "and this" he whispered again as his hands wandered lower to her widen hips "and I want to see you naked, to be as close to you and what I helped create as possible" he whispered again as his hands slipped up her sides, slowly moving her cotton maternity top up as he went.

Lilly almost swooned at Scotty's words and dutifully raised her arms so that he could remove her top. She felt her cheeks flush red with embarrassment as she stood semi-naked in front of Scotty Valens, sure that at any moment he would reject her and tell her she looked elephant and that he no longer wanted to be with her. She felt his hands wandered to her waist and lower the elastic panel of her trousers to fully reveal her bump.

He stepped back slightly then to appreciate the expanse of skin that he had revealed and Lilly felt completely exposed under his intense stare. His hands continued to roam over her body and she fought the desire his hands caused as her nervousness started to grow again the longer Scotty stood there, staring at her, touching her but not saying anything.

Scotty slowly removed Lilly's top not wanting to scare her as he revealed her "new" body. He didn't understand how she couldn't find her new curves and enlarged breasts beautiful and sexy. He had no complaints over Lilly's "old" body, but knowing that he was the one that had "shot and scored", albeit unintentionally, into her uterus and was therefore partly responsible for those changes thrilled him. She looked more womanly pregnant and he loved every part of her body that he revealed. He couldn't help himself as he lifted his hand and caressed each one of the angry red marks that lined her breasts and abdomen from where her skin had stretched to accommodate their growing child. He'd touched her bump hundreds, if not thousands, of times over the past 6 months but touching it skin on skin was a completely different experience. Each one of Bean's limbs was more defined against his fingertips and he felt closer to Lilly and Bean. Everything felt more _real _ somehow. Once every angry red line had been traced he simply stared at her and took in her amazing figure.

He raised his eyes to her face and wanted to chuckle at the red blush that covered her face and the nervousness that shone from her eyes. She really had no idea! He stepped toward her again and placed his hands on the back of her neck so his thumbs could caress the heated skin of her cheeks as he spoke to her.

"You're beautiful Lillian Rush" he whispered softly before his lips engulfed hers again.

Lilly gulped as she stared into Scotty's eyes and saw nothing but honesty, desire and adoration reflecting back, but then his lips were on hers and she was lost in the all that was Scotty Valens once again. She clung to him desperately as emotions she did not want to identify flooded through her as they kissed each other, the passion growing between the two detectives with each passing moment.

Unable to contain herself any longer she ran her hands up Scotty's spine, earning her a shiver from him, and then around his shoulders and neck until she reached the buttons of his stripped dress shirt. Frantically she threaded the small buttons through the eyelets, a task that was made harder when Scotty moved his mouth to feast on her neck. God he was good with his mouth!

Finally the contraption was undone and she growled in frustration when she realised he had a wifebeater on underneath his shirt. She ran her nails down the front on the soft cotton, grabbed the edge and all but ripped the tee-shirt off his body, causing Scotty's lips to leave her neck. She would have groaned at the loss of contact if the break in their action had not meant she could appraise his physique, it being as good - if not better - than she remembered. The raven chest hair that tapered into a strip which she knew ran all the way down to his genital area, the defined and toned muscles of his chest and abdomen, his dark red nipples that if she remembered correctly were extremely sensitive under her touch. She couldn't prevent her fingers from tracing the defined outlines of each one of his chest and abdominal muscles as her eyes drank him in.

Scotty watched Lilly as she trailed her hands over his chest and abdomen and tried not to shiver under her light touch. He'd been so lost in kissing her before she had yanked his wifebeater away and now he was simply mesmerised by the intense look that was in her eyes and the way she bit the corner of her bottom lip with her mouth. She looked so god damn sexy and he wanted to feel and touch more of her. Softly he grabbed her hips and pulled her closer to him, loving the way his skin burned as it touched hers and the way she lent closer towards him automatically. He skimmed his hands up her back feeling the goosebumps appear on her skin underneath his fingertips and deftly unhooked the back of her plain maternity bra. He pulled back slightly to look into her eyes, to makesure he had the permission he so desperately wanted , and was relieved when she nodded her head ever so slightly. His hands moved higher and he slowly lowered the straps from her shoulders before releasing the garment and letting it fall to the floor revealing Lilly's full pregnancy enhanced bust. He ran his thumbs over her nipples in wonder and his fingers caressed the soft mounds, a shot of pride running through him as a moan of pleasure escaped her mouth.

He sat down heavily on her bed and brought her to stand in front of him, desperately trying not to become too excited with what he was about to do to her - after all it had been 8 months since he had had proper sex. But there was something he had to do first.

Gently he lowered his mouth to Lilly's bump and spoke to his child softly.

"Hey Bean, it's Daddy. I know you're asleep right now but there's just one thing I want you to do for the next few hours, ok?" Not feeling any movement he continued "Daddy loves playing with you but right now Mummy and Daddy need to have some adult fun so you need to stay asleep just for a few hours so Daddy can make Mummy happy. If you do wake up I want you to forget whatever you hear and feel, because as much as Mummy and Daddy love you, and we really do, we need a night of adult fun, ok?" not feeling any movement again he looked up at Lilly and smiled "I think we're good" he said tenderly.

Lilly was confused. One minute she had been enjoying Scotty exploration of her breasts - one area of her she had discovered to her delight that was definitely more sensitive now that she was pregnant - the next she was standing in front of him and he was talking to her bump. It was only then that she realised that he wanted to makesure Bean was not a witness to what was about to happen and she couldn't help the soft smile that appeared on her face at Scotty's concern for their child. Tenderly she brought her hand out to run through his short dark hair and as soon as her hand touched his skin, his look once again turned feral and she swallowed hard. Excitement ran through her at the look on his face and her centre began to throb more insistently. Ever so slowly Scotty lowered her maternity trousers until they fell to the floor and she gulped. Now all she had on to protect her modesty were her knickers.

Scotty's breath hitch as he revealed what was beneath Lilly's clothing. Lilly was not wearing granny knickers like he had expected, on the contrary she was wearing what appeared to be a pair of satin french knickers. Eventhough the throbbing in his penis was becoming unbearable, he continued with his mission and slide his hands around her hips only to discover that the underwear didn't appear to have a back. Sliding his hands further around he found that there was a thin strip of material at the back holding the underwear together. He looked up at her in amazement as he realised that the serious Lilly Rush was wearing a sexy maternity thong and his lust went into overdrive. Before he could stop himself he all but ripped the garment from her body and enveloped one of her nipples in his mouth whilst one of his hands came up to attend to her other breast, the other massaged the supple skin of her butt cheek holding her close to him. He was desperate to be inside her but he knew he had to makesure she was ready before his cock penetrated her.

A conversation he'd had with his brother Mike flashed into his head, a conversation that at the time had grossed him out, but was actually proving to be quite useful. Apparently sex was a good way to bring on labour and as Alegria had progressed into her 42nd week of pregnancy, she had practically thrown Mike on the bed and begged him to have sex with her - anything to get the baby out of her. Mike had agreed, the almost maniacal glint in Alegria's eyes leaving no room for argument, but he'd ended up having to go and purchase lubricant as Alegria had been so dry that everytime he tried to penetrate her it was too painful for Alegria to continue. So he knew he had to get Lilly ready to take him in no matter how desperate he was to be inside her.

Lilly stood in front of Scotty as he massaged her backside, her breath quickening with each touch and her desire growing by the second. She could feel the wetness pooling at her centre and her head spun as Scotty looked up at her as he removed the last of her clothing. Her heart rate sped up at the unheeded desire, lust and passion that his eyes contained, but he was being so gently, so careful with her that it was making the fire within her burn hotter.

"Scotty!" she cried out in delight as he took one of her nipples into his mouth and gently massaged and nipped at the bud with his tongue and teeth. Her other breast was not neglected though as Scotty massaged it tenderly with his other hand, the other still firmly massaging her backside.

She moaned and grabbed his shoulders with her hands to stop herself from falling onto him as wave after wave of pleasure coursed through her. Scotty simply chuckled, the vibration causing her nipple to harden further in his mouth, and slipped his hand from her buttock to her centre. Almost instantaneously he found her clit and started to massage it with his thumb whilst his fingers massaged her core, preparing her, readying her, for what was about to happen.

Suddenly Scotty ripped his mouth and hand away from her breasts and grabbed her head, forcing her lips against his. She wanted to duel with Scotty, to fight his tongue with her own, to taste him, to _own _him with the kiss just like he was possessing her with his touch, but what he was doing at her core was too much and she could only moan into his mouth as he massaged her centre with his fingers and ravaged her mouth with his tongue.

Scotty groaned as he moved his hand towards Lilly's centre and like a homing pigeon returning home, his thumb automatically seemed to know where to go to find her clit as his fingers massaged her lips. He captured her mouth in an erotic kiss and gently his fingers worked deeper and deeper inside her until he was moving two of his fingers in and out of her with ease. A surge of pride ran through him as he felt how wet Lilly already was and her juices continued to leak out of her body as he fingered her. There would be no need for lubricant for them tonight.

"Scotty!" she cried again in pleasure as he inserted a third finger into her. She was so wet and so supple that he knew she could take it, her body was practically sucking his fingers into her body and he instantly reclaimed her mouth with his to resume their erotic kiss.

Lilly world was spinning at an alarming pace and she was having trouble keeping up with what was going on. All she could focus on was Scotty. His mouth against hers, his solid frame beneath her hands, his fingers ravaging her centre. Her hips moved in time with his fingers and her legs shook dangerously. It all just felt so damn good! All too soon she felt her insides start to quiver and she fought to hold off her orgasm as long as she could.

Scotty continued to ravage Lilly's mouth as he curled his fingers inside her, desperately searching for her G spot. Almost instantaneous she groaned into their kiss and started to jerk more furiously against his fingers. Relief flooded through him as he realised he had reached the perfect spot inside her and he moved his digits in out and out of her as fast as he could, making sure to hit that spot every time as his thumb continued to rub her clitoris frantically.

Lilly didn't know how much longer she could last. Scotty had not only found her clit, but her G spot too, and with the heighten sensations she was experiencing due to her pregnancy, all she could do was dig her nails into Scotty's shoulders, move up and down on his fingers as best she could in her shaky state and try to breathe as the white hot wave of pleasure started its decent through her body. She ripped her mouth from Scotty's as she started to come, screaming in pure pleasure.

Scotty felt the tell tale signs of Lilly's orgasm and suddenly she wrenched her mouth from his, threw her had back screamed so loudly that he wondered whether her mother might wake up from her drunken stupor. Lilly trembled and clenched around him so tightly that he couldn't help but groan at the thought that the next time she came it would be around his cock, because her passage was more than adequately lubricated - his fingers were a testament to that.

Lilly collapsed against him as she finished and he hissed in pleasured pain as she landed in his lap, rubbing against his cock as she did so. He held her tenderly, rubbing her back softly as she recovered. He breathed in her scent and whispered words of comfort into her neck as she curled around him tightly. Her chest rubbed against his already sensitive skin and her centre rubbed against his engorged cock and he desperately wanted to reach down, push his trousers and boxer briefs aside, and push into Lilly. But he held back wanting Lilly to be ready and with him when they finally connected as one.

The next thing Lilly Rush became aware of was Scotty's hands massaging her back and she realised that the force of her orgasm had taken the power out of her legs and she'd fallen into Scotty's lap. Despite the pleasure that had coursed through her body mere minutes ago, another more pressing matter was now at hand. Tentatively she moved her head off Scotty's shoulder and looked into his eyes. What she saw made the fire ignite within her once again as his eyes contained nothing more that sheer desperation and want. Her centre started to throb almost instantly - unfortunately that made her other problem even more unbearable.

"God Scotty, that was amazing" she stated softly, her fingers massaging the taunt muscles of his neck and shoulders.

"All in a day's work Rush" he informed her cockily.

Lilly slapped him gently on the shoulder, but couldn't help the dirty grin that appeared on her face. "If that's what you call a day's work then you should have been doing that to me a long time ago" she replied flirtatiously, desire coursing through her as she saw Scotty's cheeks redden and a feral glint appear in his eye.

"It can be arranged Rush" he whispered dangerously in her ear as he started to trail kisses along her neck, not sure how long he would be able to stop himself from simply throwing her on the bed and ravaging her, pregnancy be damned.

"Stop Scotty, Stop!" Lilly called urgently and immediately he raised his head from her neck.

"Are you ok, Lil? You're not hurt are you?" he asked her with desperate concern, realising that he had not felt Bean kick against him the whole time Lilly had been resting against him. "Bean's ok, right?"

Lilly nodded frantically. "Yes, Bean is sleeping and I'm fine, well almost, I...um...I...um...I need to use the bathroom" she stated with embarrassment.

It was only then that Scotty realised he had just spent goodness knows how long ravaged her centre, her centre that was very close to her bladder, her bladder that she had been relieving every 1-2 hours for the last few weeks.

"Lilly, I'm so sorry" he replied sincerely as he slowly slid Lilly off his lap and helped steady her on his still shaky legs. "You ok?" he asked.

Lilly smiled weakly and nodded her head. "I'll be right back"

As much as he hated not having Lilly in his arms, relief flooded through him as he realised the break from Lilly would allow him to calm down and to do something that he hadn't dared do in front of her. As soon as she exited the room he brought the fingers that had been inside her up to his face and was relieved to see they were still covered in her slick juices. Tentatively he flicked his tongue out to taste her and as soon as her unique juices made contact with his tongue, he thought he was in heaven and he couldn't help groaning at her delicious taste. He quickly sucked the rest of her juices off his fingers, taking deep pleasure in swirling his tongue around his digits to ensure he tasted all of her that he could.

He heard the toilet flush next door and he realised that he was still in jeans and underwear. In record time he threw off the remainder of his clothes and took up residence on Lilly's bed, resting on his side so he could greet her as she entered the room. His heart skipped a beat as Lilly entered the room with that sexy lip between her teeth look and he felt more blood flow into his already swollen cock. He honestly didn't think he'd ever been this hard before.

Lilly regained her strength as she relieved herself in the bathroom, smiling as she thought back over what had just happened. She couldn't believe she had been so nervous and self-conscious about her body as Scotty had seemed to love her bump and fuller figure. After the way he had just worked her body into a frenzy until she reached one of the most intense orgasm she had ever experienced - a thousand times better than she could have accomplished with her vibrator- she just felt so confident and sexy. He had given her what she needed and now it was her turn to return the favour.

Quickly she slipped back into her room intent on stripping Scotty of all his clothing and riding him hard in whatever position they could get into with her now extended abdomen. However, the sight that greeted her when she entered the room made her heart leap into her throat. In the time she had been in the bathroom he had removed the rest of his clothing and was laying on his side, a wolfish grin on his face and desire written in his eyes as he stared at her. Although Scotty had brought her to completion mere minutes beforehand, the sight of his fully erect cock and passion filled eyes made the fire burn within her once again and she quickly joined him on the bed capturing his lips in an erotic kiss. She wanted to give Scotty the same pleasure she had just experienced and she quickly grabbed his cock, saying a silent prayer of thanks that Scotty Valens was indeed a well-endowed man, and started to run her hand up and down his steely heat, feeling the pre-cum that had already leaked from the head of his cock at the first touch of his manhood by her cool hand. She swirled her thumb around the top of his penis and up and down the shaft again and again as her tongue plundered his mouth tasting the manliness of Scotty Valens. Beneath her Scotty simply groaned in pleasure and she used the opportunity to push him onto his back and straddle him. She placed kisses all over his torso and couldn't help smiling as she gently bit his sensitive nipples that earned her another cry of pleasure.

Scotty watched as Lilly entered the room and confidently walked over to him, climbed onto the bed and immediately gave him one of the hottest kisses he had ever received. He didn't know how much longer he would be able to control himself when Lilly stroked him for the first time and he wanted nothing more to just throw her on the bed and fuck her 6 ways from Sunday. However, he cared about her and Bean too much and he wanted their first time as a semi-dating couple to be more than just fucking. His hips jerked on the bed as she continued to stroke him and he could do nothing but groan at his partners ministrations.

Lilly worked her mouth lower down Scotty's body, remembering to swirl her tongue and kiss around his sensitive bellybutton, until she reached the part of him she wanted the most.

His penis.

She moved down lower to crouch between his legs and ran her tongue along the underside of his erect cock, relishing the salty twang of his pre-cum as she worked her tongue over the head of his cock before she enveloped him. She took delight in the jerk of Scotty's hips and the sounds of his hisses, moans and grunts as her mouth sucked his cock like it was an ice lolly on a summers day, her teeth occasionally running up the length of him for added pleasure. She massaged his balls with one hand whilst the other stroked the sensitive skin of his hip.

Lilly worked her mouth lower and lower onto Scotty and relaxed her throat muscles as best she could to take as much of him into her mouth as possible, after all it had been years since she had last done this. He practically screamed as the head of his cock reached the top of her throat and she tried to keep him there as long as possible before the gag reflex became too much for her to resist and she had to move her head again before plunging back down.

Scotty could not believe what Lilly was doing to him. Never in a million years would he have his partner pegged for sexy thongs and blow jobs, but here she was practically deep throating him and giving him the best blow job of his life rendering him completely helpless beneath her. He needed her to stop though, he needed to stop this delicious torture so he could slip himself inside her and release himself deep within her vagina. At least they wouldn't have to worry about condoms this time he thought ruefully.

"Lilly!" he gasped urgently as the head of his cock hit the back of her mouth again.

She ignored him though and slowly ran her teeth up his cock before plunging down again.

"Fuck! Lilly!" he cried again, his cry sounding more of pleasure than desperation.

As she moved her head moved up again he took in a deep breath and tried yet again.

"Lilly!" he hissed

So engrossed was Lilly in pleasuring her partner that she barely heard Scotty call her name. She stopped what she was doing to look up at him, his cock never leaving her mouth, and a wave of pride washed over her as she took in his bright red face, his closed eyes, his gasping mouth, his stomach that was rising and falling so quickly she was surprised he hadn't passed out and the tight grip he had on her bed sheets.

"Lilly" he gasped again "I..I...don't want...don't want to come inside your mouth" he stated breathlessly "I...I want...to come...to come inside you!" he hissed in pleasure as her mouth constricted around him as she swallowed more of his pre-cum.

She quickly released his cock from her mouth and slinked her way back up his body and his legs until her core was straddling above him She was hot, she was wet and she was ready for him. Slowly she lowered herself onto Scotty's fully erect and throbbing cock as far as she could take him and lost her pregnancy "virginity".

Both detective released a cry of pleasure as they became one and Lilly stayed as she was on top of Scotty relishing the feeling of him stretching her, filling her, completing her, wanting to etch this moment into her memory forever. It was so much better than she remembered and his hot throbbing cock felt so good inside her.

As Lilly lowered herself onto him it took all off Scotty's power not to grab her hips and pull her down onto him with all his might, but he was desperate not to hurt her. He'd expected her to feel different around him seeing as she was pregnant, but apart from feeling tighter than he remembered, she felt the same - like warm, wet, silk.

"God Lil, you feel so tight! So good!" Scotty groaned "Just give me a minute, just a minute" he pleaded.

He needed that minute to adjust to her heat, to her throbbing centre, to just being inside her otherwise he would come too soon and he didn't want that. He wanted them to come together in pure bliss. However, he'd never been particularly fond of the cowgirl position, instead preferring positions where he was in control, but as his brain fired pleasure neuron after pleasure neuron off in his head he couldn't think of a position where he would be in control. The best he could think of was to sit up so that he could at least feel equal to Lilly as they came so he pushed himself up and captured her lips in another erotic kiss as he slowly and gently thrust his penis inside her, relishing her slickness and her warmth against his manhood.

Lilly moaned into Scotty as he kissed her deeply and she explored his mouth just has wantonly. His hands explored every inch of her skin and she clung to his neck as they rocked their hips in unison. Her breasts were pressed against his chest and every movement caused her sensitive nipples to rub against Scotty's hard chest. It was all too much, HE was too much.

They rocked their hips together and explored each other's bodies for the longest time, their kiss never breaking, and the desperation to reach completion growing between them by the second. She felt Scotty thrusts become more erratic and desperate inside her and she knew he was close, but she wasn't quite there yet. Part of her wondered how he still managed to keep going as she had already been pleasured once and he was yet to have one orgasm, but here she was on the cusp of number two.

One of her hands left his neck and slide down her body so she could give herself the final tweek and come with her partner. All of a sudden Scotty ripped his mouth from hers, grabbed her hand and growled into the dim lighting of her room.

"That's my job" he said in a dangerous tone, immediately lowering his hand and ravaging her clit once again causing her to cry out in pleasure.

With Scotty's erratic thrusts and his fingers ravaging her clit, Lilly's world was once again spinning at an alarming rate. Now their lips were no longer conjoined she heard his gasping breaths and short shouts of pleasure each time she moved down on him. Somehow she managed to shift her hips to take him more deeply into her and they both groaned in pleasure at the intense feeling. She felt herself start to shake and within seconds her insides crashed around Scotty gripping him tightly as she cried out in pleasure into his shoulder as she reached completion.

Scotty was lost in all that was Lilly, there was simply no other way to describe it. She was wrapped around him so tightly that he was sure every available expanse of skin was touching his, and most importantly, he was inside _her_. Finally he was making love to the woman he had fantasised about for the last three month and it was better than any Lilly Session he could imagine.

He became aware that his shoulder was suddenly cold and he opened his eyes long enough to realise that Lilly's hand was heading south, towards the area where they were joined. Indignation rushed through him. How dare she pleasure herself when she was riding him like this! He knew he was close and he thought Lilly was too, but if she wasn't then it was his job to makesure she got what she needed.

Roughly he grabbed her hand and conveyed his thoughts to her gruffly. If she need more, then he was going to give her more. He moved his hand down and quickly found her clit once more. He rubbed it voraciously and took pride in the scream that emanated from her mouth. Blood was roaring in his ears but he could still hear Lilly's desperate pants and not more than a minute later her tight slick passage clamped around him so tightly that he thought he had died and gone to heaven the pleasure was so intense and he followed her into euphoric completion.

Lilly felt Scotty release himself inside her almost simultaneously and the feeling was indescribable as he pulsed inside her, his hot seed filling her to the brim. Finally he stopped thrusting into her and then she was falling forward as Scotty fell back against the bed. He caught her just before her body flopped onto his and he gently removed himself from her body and manoeuvred her to his side, her leg still draped across his thighs as she literally did not have the energy to move it. Scotty didn't seem to mind though as he reached down and grabbed her thigh holding it in place.

She lay against Scotty's side listening to his calming heartbeat and feeling completely at home in his warm embrace. She wondered if this is what Bean felt like at the moment, curled up in the warmth of her uterus listening to her heartbeat. Absently she traced patterns on Scotty's chest as she recovered. She just felt at home somehow and she never wanted the feeling to end.

Scotty lay in Lilly's bed holding her as close to him as he could. The air was filled with their panting breath as they tried to recover from what had just occurred between them. As the stars cleared from behind his eyes he became aware that Lilly was tracing patterns on his chest and he began to rub his hand up and down her thigh slowly. Hearing a soft moan beside him he slowly turned onto his side to face Lilly and brought her leg further up his body to rest on his hip.

"Mmmm Scotty, that was..." Lilly trailed off into the dim lighting of the room.

"Amazing" he supplied with a soft smile.

"Amazing" Lilly agreed returning his smile, knowing that it was not an adequate enough word to describe what had just occurred between them, but not being able to think of another word in her current state.

"I know" Scotty whispered leaning forward to capture her lips in a tender kiss.

As he pulled back he stared into her eyes and couldn't help the soft smile that appeared on his face as he took in Lilly's eyes. They were full of warmth and happiness, and if he was not mistaken, she looked content and relaxed in his arms. He moved forward again to place a soft kiss against her lips as he lost himself in her gaze.

Lilly stared into Scotty's eyes and saw pure happiness and tenderness reflected back from their chocolaty depths. He leaned forward and kissed her lovingly and as his lips left her she suddenly felt the intense urge to kiss him again so she leant forward and captured his lips, loving the freedom that after so long so could kiss her partner whenever she felt like it.

The two detectives lay together on the bed side by side kissing, but gone was the urgency and passion of earlier, this time they kissed each other softly, reverently, lovingly, the intimacy growing between them the longer they kissed and caressed each other's bodies.

Lilly kissed Scotty with all she had. She wanted to be lost in the solidness that was Scotty Valens. She wanted to drink in his strength, his security, his tenderness - everything - she wanted it all and for the first time she let herself go, she let herself offer everything she had to a man. A thrill ran through her as Scotty consumed her, taking all of her that she had to offer the closer and closer they became. She was overcome by so many emotions, but she didn't care, right here, right now, all that mattered was Scotty and the way he made her feel. She never wanted it to end.

Scotty could feel himself getting lost in Lilly the longer and longer they kissed. This kiss wasn't about sex, it was about closeness, intimacy, security and he never wanted it to end. Lilly was giving herself to him and he was taking all she had to offer, offering himself up in return. He wanted her, all of her, and he pulled her body closer to him, surprised when his once again hardened cock brushed against Lilly's centre. Almost instantaneous he wanted to be inside her again, to feel connected again, to be as one with her. He heard Lilly moan as he rubbed against her so softly and slowly he withdrew his lips from hers.

Lilly couldn't help but moan as Scotty rubbed himself against her. She hadn't meant for the kiss to lead to another round of sex, but as he brushed against her she knew that she needed him inside her again to complete her, to make her feel safe and wanted and cared for and desired once again. She needed to be one with him again.

"Lil?" he whispered desperately, never feeling quite so vulnerable with a woman before, but needing to know that she felt the same way he did. Lilly eyes fluttered open and it was like he was looking into a window to his own soul and he knew she was feeling the same way he was.

"Scotty" she whispered simply, his name being the only word in her mind at that moment.

That was all that Scotty needed to hear and he edged forward inch by inch as he pushed into her once again.

Both detectives released a sigh full of contentment, happiness, fulfilment as they connected as one before resuming their emotion filled kiss. Their bodies rocked together as arms and legs entwined and tongues swirled as each detective clung to the other wanting to be as close to each other as possible.

Lilly had never felt more whole than she did at this moment with Scotty. He was with her, both physically and emotionally, and she just felt so connected to him at this moment. Her core will still sensitive from their previous time and every thrust Scotty made rubbed against her clit sending a delicious feeling throughout her. All too soon she could feel her body start to shake and she knew she was not far off. Although Scotty was still being undeniably tender, she knew that he was not far off either as he started to move a little faster within her and she felt him start to throb more insistently.

Scotty had never kissed a woman more openly before and it scared him. As his sweat covered body collided with Lilly's again and again a warmth spread over him and he felt whole again for the first time in a long time. He was with Lilly, she was with him and that was all that mattered right now. They were in their own world and nothing could touch the bliss they were experiencing. He felt her body start to shake against him and thanked God that she was as close as he was. He kept going for as long as he could but all too soon he felt his balls tightening and the pressure build in his cock before he could take it no more and he released himself inside her, the pleasure he felt was mind blowing.

Heat spiralled around Lilly as she felt Scotty's pace quicken and she knew it wouldn't be long until they both reached completion. The pleasure built as her clit was stimulated more and more as Scotty moved inside her and then he came, triggering her own orgasm. The feeling of Scotty moving inside her as she gripped him was indescribable and she'd never felt so close to anyone as she did at that moment as wave after wave of pure bliss washed over her.

She lay against Scotty once they had both finished feeling completed content and protected in his arms , their bodies still connected. Exhaustion washed over her and she felt her eyes droop as she listened to Scotty's heartbeat.

Scotty relished the feeling of Lilly's body against his own and held her closer to him, never wanting their connection to break. Slowly he opened his eyes and was met by the beautiful face of Lilly Rush. Her skin was flushed red and she was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, a small content smile was evident on her face and for the first time ever, she looked completed relaxed - although exhausted. Her eyes were still closed and he could tell she was fighting sleep. He didn't want her to resist sleeping because of him.

"It's ok Lil, you can sleep" he reassured her.

"So tired" she murmured, her eyes still closed as she snuggled even closer to Scotty.

Scotty hissed as Lilly moved closer to him, his still sensitive semi-erect cock once again moving inside her. "I know, Lil. Just sleep, I'm here" he reassured still not ready to break their intimate connection.

Within minutes he heard Lilly's breathing even out and slowly he removed himself from her body before reaching over to turn off the bedside lamp and reaching down to retrieve the duvet from the bottom of the bed, securing it around them to protect them from the early morning cool air.

"Night Lil" he whispered as he took Lilly in his arms once again before falling into a deep sleep feeling complete content with Lilly securely in his arms.

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><p><em>Ok, so I've never been pregnant and have no idea what it would be like to have sex whilst pregnant so I had to do a lot of research on the internet to try and figure would what it would feel like for Lilly and Scotty and what positions they would be able to get into. If you looked at my "Favourites" right now you would think I'm either pregnant and horny or have a serious obsession with pregnancy sex LOL! Hope it turned out somewhat realistic. <em>


	32. Chapter 32

_Thank you as always for the lovely reviews you have left and they have really cheered me up._

_Seeing as you guys seem to like the smuttiness between two of our favourite detectives, you will be pleased to hear that this chapter is also **RATED M** as there is yet more smut! After all, it has been 6 months and they need to let their frustration out. Hope you enjoy and you have been warned! _

_**Disclaimer:** No attempt at a witty disclaimer today (reason explained at the end of this chapter) so put simply, I don't own Cold Case. Although right now, I just don't care about that. _

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><p>Lilly Rush opened her heavy eyes slowly and blinked into the inky darkness of her bedroom. Every muscle in her body was telling her to stay where she was, nestled into the warm embrace of Scotty Valens, her bladder however, had other ideas.<p>

Holding back a groan as muscles she'd forgotten she had protested at being moved after Scotty and she had _celebrated_ the new year, she started to wriggle out from underneath Scotty's arm and the bedclothes he had apparently arranged around them after their last _celebration_. Shivering as the cool air of the room hit the naked skin of her body she quietly made her way towards the bathroom, smiling as she noticed the clothing strewn all around the room.

Last night - well actually just 4 short hours ago if her bathroom clock was correct - she had had sex with Scotty. Fantastic, mindblowing sex with Scotty actually - Sarah had been right, pregnancy sex was just so passionate, yet intimate, given the limited positions they could get into. She was amazed that Scotty had remembered all the erogenous spots on her body, and at how much more sensitive they had been. She didn't know whether it was due to her pregnancy, Scotty, or purely the fact she had not had proper sex for nearly 8 months, but she had had 3 orgasms in their few hours of lovemaking and he had made her come so easily.

Bladder emptied, she stood naked in her bathroom reminiscing about her night with Scotty whilst wiping the residue from between her legs, trying not to cry out in pleasure whenever the flannel she was using rubbed against her sensitive core. She wondered why she was not freaking out, after all she had just slept with her partner and didn't have a psychopath or alcohol to blame this time. Plus they had agreed to date, but she didn't feel uneasy or panicky like she normally did, instead she felt excited about the prospect, yet quite calm at the same time. Maybe it was the security of knowing that whatever happen Scotty would not leave Bean and they were always going to have a connection together? 5am on New Years Day was not the time to ponder such questions she decided, especially when she could barely keep her eyes open so tired was she from her recent activity with Scotty.

Scotty Valens woke with a start, already hard from an extremely naughty dream he'd been having featuring Lilly, stiletto heels and his handcuffs. Immediately he felt cool air against the bare skin of his arm and quickly looked around the room in search of his partner, catching a glimpse of Lilly's naked rear as she disappeared out of the room. Concern flooded him immediately that she was having second thoughts about their _dating_, but seconds later relief flooded through him as he heard movement in her bathroom and the toilet flush. However, 10 minutes later Lilly had still not returned from her bathroom and he grew concerned. He'd tried to be considerate when they'd had sex and Lilly hadn't intimated that she'd been in pain, but had he inadvertently hurt her?

Disregarding the fact that his penis was still rock hard, he walked towards Lilly's bathroom, reassured they had not disturbed Ellen Rush during the night when he heard the heavy snoring coming from downstairs.

"Lilly?" He called into the dark night air, twisting the doorknob, and relieved to find that it was unlocked.

Scotty entered the small bathroom to find Lilly cleaning the mixture of her fluids and his semen off of her legs and womanhood. The sight of her glistening vagina in the moonlight was too much for him to bear and passion rushed through him as he felt even more of his blood run south once more. There was no doubt in his mind that he had to have her again...NOW

Lilly jumped when she heard a male voice call her name softly from the other side of the bathroom door, but immediately relaxed when she realised it was Scotty. She heard the doorknob turn and her breath caught in her throat as her partner entered her bathroom completely naked - and hard yet again - the moonlight highlighting the defined ridges of his torso.

"Everything ok?" he asked quietly, his eyebrows fussed with concern. "You're not hurt are you?"

Lilly had to take a deep breath to calm her racing heart as a shot of desire ran through her entire body at the sight of her partner.

"Yeah. Everything's fine, bathroom break" Lilly replied, embarrassed by the current state of her weak bladder. "Just getting cleaned up now" she reassured him.

Scotty came up behind her then and wrapped his hands around her waist, his hands once again moving all over her bump which she'd noticed was one of his favourite things to do when they were having sex.

"I was getting worried. You've been in here 10 minutes" Scotty whispered into her ear, starting to place kisses down her neck.

Lilly took in a deep breath trying to fight the wave of passion that was threatening to consume her. Christ! She'd had 3 orgasms already tonight, how many more could her body take?

"I was...was...j..just...thinking about...t..tonight" she replied breathlessly as Scotty's tongue trailed over the sensitive spot on her collar bone.

Scotty raised his head then and rested his chin on her shoulder, their eyes locking in the mirror of Lilly's bathroom cabinet.

"Pretty amazing huh?" he replied in awe, a smile gracing his features.

"Yeah" Lilly replied breathlessly, feeling Scotty's throbbing cock against her back.

Scotty resumed his trail of kisses around her neck and collar bones and Lilly could only sigh in contented pleasure as her centre began to throb pleasantly once again. Perhaps it wasn't too soon for orgasm number 4? Scotty really was one of the best lovers she had ever had and she was seriously reconsidering her suggestions of taking things slow. After all, they had known each other over 2 years, been to hell and back thanks to the cocktail waitress, and conceived a child together on the night she had killed a serial killer and still survived - if anything everything they had been through had brought them closer together.

All thoughts in Lilly's head stopped then when she felt one of Scotty's hands slip from her bump up to her chest, whilst the other moved lower towards her core and his digits once again started to fondle her most sensitive areas.

"Scotty!" she gasped.

"Shhhh Lil! Do you want your mother to hear you?" Scotty whispered teasingly in her ear.

Lilly's legs immediately turned to gelatine and she leant forward to rest her head against the cabinet using her arms to steady herself against the counter, as Scotty rubbed her already overstimulated clit gently, yet urgently, his mouth ravaged her neck and his fingers worked magic on her breasts. She felt him grow even harder behind her - if that was even possible - and groaned.

"Already?" she gasped.

"What can I say?" Scotty ground out "I slept with this hot blonde tonight and she's making me rock hard. See..."

Lilly cried out in pleasure as she felt Scotty slip between her legs and enter her slick passage from behind in one slick movement.

"God Lil" he gasped as he thrust into her as hard and as fast as he dared, loving the feeling of power and control this position gave him, "how are you always so wet?"

"You...it's all you Scotty" Lilly moaned, enjoying the feeling of Scotty pummelling into her, his hands wrapped possessively around her and his mouth nipping and sucking and kissing her neck and shoulders. This was the roughest he had been with her tonight and it thrilled her to her very core. She could tell he was still restraining himself though, not wanting to pound too deeply lest he hurt her, and that sent a warmth flooding through her that he cared so much about her needs.

"Scotty, so close!" she gasped as his cock rubbed against the most sensitive spot inside her with each thrust he made and his hand continued to ravage her clit.

"Look in the mirror!" Scotty growled, his thrusts now becoming erratic and she knew he was close too "I want to see you as you come"

Lilly groaned. Her nerves were in complete disarray with what Scotty was currently doing to her and all her strength was being used just to stand upright, the power of Scotty's thrusts lifting her onto her toes each time.

"Look at me!" he growled again hotly into her ear. Using the last bit of strength she possessed, Lilly raised her head and threw it back to rest on Scotty's shoulder so she could watch herself and Scotty as they came.

Seeing him in the mirror, the passion, lust and desire flashing through is eyes giving him a wild feral look on his face was the final straw for Lilly and she came hard around Scotty's cock her scream of pleasure resonating around her small bathroom. Scotty continued to thrust into her clenched opening, once, twice, thrice more until he groaned and spilled himself inside her once again.

Both detectives leant against the bathroom cabinet on shaky legs desperately trying to catch their breaths and gather some energy and it was a good five minutes before either of them could gather enough energy to move.

"You ok Lil?" Scotty asked softly as he slowly withdrew himself from Lilly.

"Yeah, I think so" Lilly replied, trying not to wince as he removed himself from inside her. "God Scotty, that was just..." Lilly stated in wonder.

"I know..." Scotty confirmed, still dazed by what had just happened and the strength and wealth of emotions he had just experienced.

Their eyes met in the mirror of the bathroom cabinet yet again and they smiled at each other.

"Think you're ready for some sleep?" Lilly asked Scotty tiredly, a small smile gracing her features.

"I think so" Scotty replied with a chuckle, picking up the wash cloth and gently wiping away the residue he had left on - and in - Lilly, delighting in the hiss of pleasure she released "As long as the hot blonde is with me"

"I think that can be arranged" Lilly replied flirtatiously, taking his hand and leading Scotty into her bedroom for the second time on New Years Day.

* * *

><p>Scotty Valens looked down at his sleeping blonde partner who was currently glued to his side and let a small sigh of contentment slip from his throat. Lilly just looked so peaceful, almost angelic, with her pale complexion and mussed up blonde hair and a warmth flooded through him.<p>

Last night with Lilly had been amazing and part of him was saddened that they would not be able to re-live it until they had dated for a while. He knew it was the sensible thing to do with a child on the way in 6 weeks, but part of him reasoned that they had known each other for over 2 years so it wasn't like they were starting from scratch in their relationship. Plus, he doubted they would have any time to be intimate once Bean arrived, so why not make the most of it now?

Clutching Lilly closer to his side and gently resting his hand on the soft flesh that was currently housing his child inside Lilly, his mind wondered back to the previous night. After their session in Lilly's bathroom they had shakily returned to Lilly's bed, both completely spent from their exertions of the day. He'd made sure Lilly was safely in bed before he took the empty spot beside her. She had quickly snuggled up against him and almost immediately they had both fallen into a deeply sated sleep.

He didn't know what had woken him, but he lay in Lilly's bed next to her completed mesmerised by Lilly as she slept. She was still pressed against him and he reminisced about one of the best nights of his life, his lover (or was it girlfriend now?) stuck to his side. With time in such short supply before the arrival of their child, he planned to start their dating immediately and as soon as Lilly was awake he was going to take her to breakfast on their first official date, as today was his last day of holiday and Lilly's day off. Then he was going to be a gentleman, drop her home, maybe kiss her, and then return to his own home to no doubt have a Lilly Session before their next date. She may want to go slow, and he could see the benefits of taking things slowly, but they were kinda on a tight time frame and he wanted to get as many dates in with Lilly before Bean arrived.

This of course all depended on whether Ellen Rush was ok and still sleeping off her bender from the previous night.

Looking down and seeing that Lilly was still fast asleep, a small smile on her lips, he closed his eyes intent on getting a few more hours sleep. After all, they'd had a busy night and they deserved to relax a bit. Maybe their first date would be brunch or maybe even lunch.

Just as he was starting to doze off, he heard a soft vibrating noise evidently coming from the floor of Lilly's bedroom. Raising his head to look around the room curiously, he couldn't see where the noise was coming from and less than half a minute later it stopped. He rested his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes once again, but not 20 seconds later he realised what the vibrating sound must have been as the ringtone of his mobile phone started to play.

Looking down he saw that the sound had started to rouse Lilly from the sleep she so desperately needed, and as fast as he could without disturbing her further, he exited the bed, grabbed his pants and found his phone however, the caller had rung off.

Glancing back at Lilly he was relieved to see that she had snuggled back into the soft blankets of her bed and fallen back to sleep. Looking down at the caller ID he was initially surprised to see that the call had been from Stillman. The surprise was quickly replaced with dread as he realised that if Stillman was calling him and Lilly on their day off, it meant they must have got a case. Sighing as he realised that his date, and therefore sex life with Lilly would have to wait, he walked into Lilly's bathroom and returned Stillman's call.

Just as he feared they'd caught a case and they were being called into work. Boss had asked him to check on Lilly as he had not been able to contact her and he almost blew their secret when he'd said that Lilly was still asleep. He could practically feel Stillman's eyebrows raise after he had made that statement but had quantified it by saying that Lilly had called him late last night to say that she was having a problem with her mother, so he assumed she was still asleep - that part at least being partially true. He had agreed that he would check on Lilly before heading to PPD which had seemed to alleviate some of Stillman's fears - and hopefully suspicions.

Returning to the room he took in Lilly's peacefully sleeping form before heading over to the bed, laying down beside her and pressing gentle kisses to her face in an aid to wake her up.

"Lilly" he called softly, pressing a kiss to her eyelid.

Lilly simply grumbled in her sleep.

"Come on, Lil. Time to wake up" he continued, kissing the other eyelid.

This time a frown graced her features and she wiggled further under the covers. He couldn't help the grin that formed on his face. Lilly Rush was definitely not a morning person without her coffee.

"Lil. You have to wake up, we have a case"

Lilly eyes flicked open and she looked around the room groaning.

"So tired" she grumbled.

"I know, Lil" Scotty agreed "But Stillman's called and we've both gotta go in"

Lilly's mouth formed a pout and Scotty could not resist pressing his lips against hers. Lilly immediately responded to the kiss and he pulled her closer to him again, wishing with every fibre of his being that his cock would stop hardening which would make the task of leaving so much more simple.

"Can't we just stay here?" Lilly asked as they broke apart.

"I wish, Lil" Scotty said with a chuckle "You've got no idea how badly I want to take you on a date so that I can sleep with you again"

"I think I do" Lilly replied huskily, capturing his lips in a hungry kiss and moving her hand southwards.

"Uh-uh, Lil. We've got to get to work." Scotty said as he caught Lilly wrist, seriously having no idea where his restraint was coming from. Every part of him was telling him to be with Lilly again, however, for once he was going to listen to his brain and do the sensible thing by getting them to work.

Lilly pouted again, before her lips formed a devilish smile and what could only be described as a sinful expression appeared on her face.

"You know" she said taking his hand in hers "You have this problem" she said, running their conjoined hands along his enlarged penis causing Scotty to groan "And I have this problem" she continued, this time running their hands along her already slick passage earning a hiss from her mouth "And we both need to shower" she whispered in his ear, nibbling on his earlobe, "So why don't we combine the two?" she whispered seductively in his ear.

Looking into her eyes he could see nothing but pure desire and he returned her devilish smile.

"You're on" he stated, getting out of bed and pulling Lilly towards the door, Lilly giggling as she waddled behind Scotty.

* * *

><p><em>Ok, so I've had a really sucky day. My Nan was admitted to hospital last night and seems worse tonight when I visited her. I also apparently missed the memo about it being "National Have A Go At Ditzie Blonde Day" today. Seriously, I've been yelled at by a nun (I'm pretty sure there's something in their vows about them having to be nice, right?), then yelled at by the guy I took a message for from the nun about the message I had taken from the nun as he had already done what she asked (oh, apparently I should be a mind reader too!). Then I've had two arguments with the CEO of one of my clients as they don't want to comply with a legal requirement. <em>

_Anyway, the reason for the pity party? I would really appreciate some reviews to cheer me up and I'm happy to beg. Please review! Pretty please?_

_Thanking you in advance._


	33. Chapter 33

_Thank you for the reviews and for cheering me up. My Nan is out of the hospital now but it appears that her stay made her Alzheimer's worse (not the reason she was admitted in the first place) and it's quite funny hearing my 84 year old Nan tell me about her day at school and how pretty the roses are when we're driving past a bay! You have to laugh or you'd cry._

_Anyway, here's the next instalment of Life Unexpected. The next part probably won't be up until next weekend I'm afraid as I'm pretty much away all week for work :-( _

_Oh, and I've just realised that this is now over 100,000 words long! I can't believe I have written this much, especially as it's my first story._

_**Disclaimer: **I own one doolaly Nan and one less pint of blood (gave blood this morning so bare that in mind if none of this makes sense!), unfortunately I do not own Cold Case. In fact due to SOPA I feel I should put a much heavier disclaimer in than normal. In no way shape or form do I own Cold Case or anything remotely connected to Cold Case. However, for the purposes of creative licence, free speech and enjoyment I have borrowed some of the lines from one of the episodes to which I am eternally grateful and forever indebted to CBS and/or whoever owns Cold Case either partially or in its entirety (including any songs, lyrics, other copyrighted images or brand names contained within the actual episode of Cold Case that the dialogue is quoted from). I of course give all credit to the writers of Cold Case for those lines and do not make claim to them in anyway shape or form. I have purely used these lines to tie the story in with the show so that fans of Cold Case can relate to something. If you do decide to sue me, bare in mind that a weeks' salary of one of the corporate attorneys that CBS etc no doubt employs is probably more than the total value of my assets so it would cost you money to sue me. Also there would be that whole extradition thing which again would cost the US government money, and the last time I checked, the US credit rating had been downgraded and the US debt deficit is atrocious, so do you really want to spend more money on extraditing one person to the US?_

_Apologies if I have offended anyone, the US government and the large entertainment companies have just annoyed me this week. Not annoyed at Americans in general, just their government! _

* * *

><p>Lilly Rush entered her house after a long day at work and quietly shut the door behind her, not wanting to disturb her mother. Since receiving the call almost a week ago the squad had worked non-stop on their new case and they had been working all hours of the day to try and find the killer. Stillman had even allowed her to do some extra hours as they were desperate to find the murderer, especially as he seemed to know the surviving victim was still alive. Scotty and she had not had a chance to be <em>together<em> again since the shower they had taken the day they had received the call from Boss and they had both been so exhausted in the evening that they had retired to their own houses simply to sleep.

Her mother had also taken a turn for the worse since her mammoth drinking binge on New Years Eve and in her heart of hearts Lilly knew her mother did not have much longer left to live. She'd popped home from work at lunchtime today to give her mother a sandwich that she had picked up for her and she'd seen the deterioration in her condition in the few short hours she'd been away.

But it had been their parting conversation that had been nagging her all day. There had been something different about it, as for the first time Lilly could remember, her mother had been supportive of her job and had told her to "leave before they fire you" and to "go get 'em" something she had never done before. They'd also reminisced about The Velveteen Rabbit again and her mother had seemed reluctant to let go of her hand as she'd left. Part of her had just wanted to stay with her mother, but with her maternity leave so close she didn't feel like she could take any time off. She'd made sure her mother had her mobile number though and made her promise to call her on it if she had any problems. She'd not heard from her mother for the rest of the day so she assumed that everything was ok.

However, as she turned round to face her mother she realised immediately that something was seriously wrong as the moonlight highlighted the eerie paleness of her mother's skin. She quickly turned on the lights and rushed to her mother's side, reaching down to check her mother's pulse only to have her fears confirmed.

Ellen Rush had died whilst she was at work.

She sat for the longest time with her mother's cold hand wrapped in hers as waves of grief and sorrow washed over her as she realised that her mother would never get to see her grandchild or read Bean The Velveteen Rabbit. They had spent years fighting each other, but over these last few weeks they had formed a truce and they had grown closer, only to have their newly formed relationship severed by death. She felt angry and guilty too as she checked her home phone and realised her mother had called the office rather than her mobile. In her time of need Lilly had not been there for her mother and she knew that part of her would feel forever guilty for that.

Eventually she called her mother's physician to pronounce the death and then everything had seemed to pass in a blur. The doctor had come, as had the undertakers to take her mother's body away, and now she was left sat on her couch feeling empty and desolate. Reluctantly she had eaten dinner, Scotty's nagging voice in her head telling her she needed to nourish Bean rather than from hunger, and then curled up on her couch and fallen asleep, desperate to be as close to her mother as she could.

* * *

><p>Scotty Valens scowled as he walked towards PPD. He'd not heard from Lilly all night or this morning and he was worried.<p>

The case they were currently working on was intense, but ever since they had slept together they'd made sure to speak to each other at least once in the evening after work no matter how tired they were, so it concerned him that he'd been unable to contact her. He'd thought about popping over before work to check on her, but he knew that Ellen and Lilly were gradually mending their broken relationship and he wanted to give Lilly the space she needed to enjoy the final few weeks she had left with her mother. He could wait, after all they had their whole lives to be together.

However, the lack of contact still worried him as the last time she'd frozen him out like this was after their make-out session at the PPD Ball. This time he knew it was not because of him or his actions that she was freezing him out, after all they had talked and he liked her and she liked him and they had slept together, that thought raising his mood slightly especially as his thoughts turned to the night they had been together only a short week ago. How Ellen Rush had not woken up after the night Lilly and he had shared he would never know. Lilly and him had snuck out of her house that morning after their shower and her mother had been none the wiser about what had taken place in the room directly above her head the night, well early morning, before.

Rounding the corner of the PPD building he saw Kat and together they walked towards the entrance chatting about the case. When he realised that she had not seen or heard from Lilly either, his worry heightened and he'd told Boss that he was taking some lost hours to check on Lil - something that Stillman had readily agreed to once he realised he had not heard from Lilly either.

As he'd reached her door he rapped the knocker only to receive no response. Tentatively he tried her door handle and was surprised to find the door was unlocked. Cautiously he entered her house and the sight that greeted him tugged at his heart.

Ellen Rush was not laying on the couch as he has expected, on the contrary all traces of her had been removed and instead Lilly sat on the couch crossed legged, in a pale blue long sleeve tee-shirt and tracksuit bottoms, her back facing the door through which he had entered. At the sound of the door opening she slowly moved her head towards him and he could just glimpse the empty expression on her face.

"It's unlocked" he stated by way of a greeting, walking to stand in front of her next to the coffee table.

"My Mum died" she stated simply, her face still turned away from his. "Last night"

"Oh no Lil" he exclaimed sympathetically.

"I found her. She was alone, when...I sat here with her. She was so...still" Lilly explained in a quiet, almost disbelieving voice.

"She called the office" she continued, anger gracing her words "Ya know, I told her to call my cell. If she had she wouldn't have died alone."

Scotty sighed in frustration. After everything Lilly had done for her mother, from cleaning up her messes as a child, to caring for her in her death, Lilly still felt guilty that she hadn't been there at the very end.

"Ya gotta know it wasn't your fault..." he tried to reassure her as he came to sit down on the coffee table in front of her. Only then did he see her extremely pale face and blotchy red eyes and he felt a lump form in his throat. He wanted Lilly to lean on him, to take comfort in him, but he knew that when it came to matters of her family, Lilly would only rely on herself, not wanted to burden anyone with her problems.

"I should've been here Scotty!" she exclaimed angrily cutting Scotty off.

Scotty noticed the way she sneaked a glance across at him, her way of showing that she was desperate to know it wasn't her fault "You did everything you could" he tried to reassure her again.

"I never said goodbye" she revealed in a small voice, breaking Scotty's heart at the quiet despair he heard in his partner's voice.

"I'm here for you" he stated pure and simple. Every part of him wanted to reach out and envelope her into a hug, but she just looked so frail. Instead he reached out his hand and rested it on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. "Anything, you know that?"

Lilly nodded "I just want to be alone now, ok?" she stated quietly, turning to face him.

The pain and desolation in her eyes took his breath away "Yeah" he heard himself whisper against the wish of every fibre of his being that was screaming at him to just say no, pull her into a hug and never let her go. She'd smiled at him weakly then and he'd known he'd made the right decision. They may have agreed to date, but he knew that Lilly still needed her independence, especially when it came to her family.

"Ok" he confirmed again softly before getting up to leave. He couldn't do it though, not before he was certain that she knew he was there for her whenever she was ready.

"If you need me, just say...hey, and I'll be there" he stated with confidence, knowing that he would never break that promise.

Lilly turned to face him and nodded her head imperceptible. Confident that she would call him if needed, he headed out into the daylight to continue working on the case leaving Lilly seated on the couch.

* * *

><p>Lilly sat at her desk, desperately trying to concentrate on the case. She'd spent all morning and most of the afternoon sat on her couch reminiscing about her mother and by 4pm she couldn't stand it any longer. She needed to take her mind off of what had happened, she needed to busy herself, so she did they only thing she could think of: she'd gotten ready and come to work.<p>

Stillman had been quick to offer his condolences, but had not sent her home like she'd suspected. Instead he'd squeezed her shoulder reassuringly and left her to work, something that at the time she had been grateful for, although now she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.

Their latest case was from December 2004 and involved the Jacobi family who had all been shot dead, with the exception of the daughter who had survived the shot that had been delivered to her head only to go into a deep coma. Kim Jacobi had awoken from her coma several weeks ago but had only been deemed fit to be interviewed a week ago - hence the call on New Years Day morning.

During the day Will and Nick had established that Kim Jacobi had been seen with a gun minutes before the massacre of her family had begun. Initially it had been believed the father, Adam Jacobi, had been the killer, but after Kim had remembered she'd seen her father's dead body on the floor before she was shot that theory was immediately dismissed. During the course of their investigation they had discovered that Kim had been stalked by a young man, who thought Kim was in fact her mother after Emily Jacobi had started an online affair with a man half her age. Now it looked like the killer was in fact Kim Jacobi.

Seeing Kim enter the department with her carer, Ed Marteson, Lilly levered herself out of her seat to greet her. She didn't know if it was her maternal instincts kicking in or whether Kim's blonde hair and blue eyes reminded Lilly of herself, but she had developed a connection with Kim over the past few days and the squad had thought she was the best person to discuss their findings with Kim.

She told Ed to wait at an empty desk whilst Kim sat in Scotty's seat and she leant against her desk, relishing the chance to stretch her legs momentarily as she began her inquisition.

Kim denied having the gun stating she loved her family and would never hurt them. Lilly wanted to know how she could be so sure of this when she couldn't remember what happened and had informed Kim that her mother had used a photo of Kim on her own internet profile. At first Kim had looked horrified, but then she'd noticed a flicker of recognition in Kim's eyes.

Kim explained that she did have the gun that night, but not to kill her family, instead she had planned on using the gun on herself. However, before she had a chance to use it her mother had found her in her room and promptly snatched it from her hands. It appeared the shock of their teenage daughter contemplating suicide due to their constant arguing had been somewhat of a turning point for Adam and Emily Jacobi and the family had decided to relive a happier time from when they had lived in Cincinnati and had spent the night in their basement eating popcorn in case a tornado swept over them. Kim was explaining how she had been in the kitchen making popcorn when her Dad had been forced into the kitchen, a gun pressed against his chest. Suddenly she froze and her eyes widened in horror.

Realisation hit Lilly then at what Kim was reliving.

"You saw him Kim. You know who he is don't you?" Lilly asked forcefully, but got no response from Kim. "Who is he?" she demanded.

Kim's eyes widened further and she jumped up from Scotty's seat gasping in horror at something behind Lilly.

Immediately Lilly turned round only to be confronted with Ed Masteson pointing a gun at her and panic shot through her at the crazed look on his face.

"You're not going to take her from me" Ed stated menacingly "Not again".

Lilly froze and a wave of foreboding washed over her. All her years of training and experience left her mind as she stared at the gun that was pointed at her...and Bean. The next thing she knew, the gun was pointed away from her and Stillman was running out of his office towards her, only to stop when Ed pointed the gun at him.

In the few seconds the gun had been pointed away from her, Lilly mind had scrambled into action and she started to remember snippets from her hostage negotiation training. "Pacify the hostage taker...stay calm... try and negotiate a way for some of the hostages to be released in exchange for their demands..." Lilly's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Ed's voice.

"I'll kill all of you!" he shouted, grabbing Kim and holding her close to him almost protectively.

Lilly was vaguely aware of running footsteps as the other detectives in the vicinity exited the building leaving only herself, John, Nick and Will in the department, all of whom held their arms up in a surrender position.

Then everything seemed to happen so quickly, Stillman telling Ed that everything was going to work out, Ed raising the gun and waving it around to point at each of them, John, Will and Nick being handcuffed to the filing cabinets and doors. She herself was in the process of collecting their keys, effectively leaving her the only one with the freedom to remove the gun from Ed's grasp. Why had he let her be free? Was it because she was pregnant? Was it because she was better collateral? What was he going to do to her? She'd die before she let him hurt Bean.

Suddenly Ed was barking at her "Get the keys!"

"I'm going as fast as I can" she stated authoritatively. How did her voice sound so calm when her heart was pounding so fast, the sound of her blood pumping so hard around her body that it was an almost deafening sound in her ears and her child was quite literally turning circles in her womb due to the beyond anxious state of its mother.

Stillman was talking again and Will was calling their Tactical Commander, but the gun was still trained on her and right now that was all she could focus on. Collecting the last key from Vera she placed them on the desk in front of Ed, at his request, and moved to stand in front of Vera. Ed was making demands then and Stillman was trying to appease him, negotiate with him, but Lilly could barely concentrate. Her chest hurt from where her heart was beating so fast, her breathing was shallow, her legs were weak, her mind was numb, her back was aching and her braxton hicks contractions had turned into a painful cramping sensation low in her stomach. Every fibre of her body was telling her to make a run for it. But she couldn't. She couldn't leave her friends here. She couldn't leave _Kim_ here, she had been through enough already.

In the corner of her eye she saw Nick flip his phone open and start to text. Slowly she slid further towards him to hide the phone from Ed's view.

Ed started muttering then, telling them all his side of the story and they stood in silence listening to his crazed ramblings.

..."Do you feel happy now? Just tell me, because...because that's all I wanted. That's why I did this" Ed asked.

Lilly looked at Kim desperate to catch her attention, to tell her to agree, to say whatever she had to keep Ed happy and therefore keep them all alive, but she didn't look up and kept her eyes locked on the floor as she replied.

"Your disgusting" Kim spat out and horror flooded through Lilly's body, the foreboding she'd felt earlier intensifying as Ed moved to point the gun directly at Kim. Kim had nothing to lose, she had already lost her family, but Lilly was just about to start hers. She didn't want to die before she got a chance to see her child, like her mother had missed the chance to see her grandchild.

"Helicopter's coming right now" she heard the deep voice of Will inform them.

"It'll come from behind that building" John affirmed.

And then the gun was off Kim and it was waving around the detectives again as Ed moved to the window to see his helicopter.

"To your right" John guided Ed.

And then Nick was giving the signal for them to all get down, Kim crouching next to a desk and Nick reached out to Lilly, pulling her close and guiding her down with him, her head tucked under his and his free arm placed protectively around her.

Then the glass was shattering and Ed was flying forward across the office, his body being stopped by a wayward desk in his path.

But it wasn't over. He got up and Lilly heard herself gasp, and not just from the stabbing pain in her belly that had suddenly intensified.

"I hate liars" Ed stated menacingly turned the gun towards her Lieutenant.

Another shot sounded and she saw John's body jolt as the bullet entered his shoulder.

"Hey!" she heard herself shout with that calm, authoritive voice she still didn't know how she was maintaining.

Ed didn't hear her though and he marched towards John who had fallen to his knees.

"You're going to die" he'd stated with conviction.

Lilly couldn't let that happen. She couldn't watch her Lieutenant, the closest person she had to a father, be killed in front of her and before she knew what she was doing she was talking.

"She doesn't love you!" she shouted in a desperate panic, ignoring the stabbing pain in her abdomen once again.

Then the gun was on her again, but she couldn't stop talking.

"She doesn't love you! She didn't even write those e-mails!" she shouted at Ed, that statement gaining his attention.

"You wanna say that again?" he asked her with that same menacing tone.

She heard John's warning but she couldn't stop herself from speaking.

"They lied to you, but I won't" she stated with as much empathy as she could muster in her current state. Her back and stomach pains were getting worse and she was now feeling an intense pressure on her pelvis. Why couldn't Bean stop moving around so she could concentrate?

"Get away from me" Ed spat out, the distrust evident in his eyes.

"Listen, you've got to get away from those windows or they'll kill you" she stated honestly, not having to lie with that statement. Her frantic mind thinking of where they could go.

The interview room.

"There's no windows in there you'll be safe" she stated hurriedly, pointed towards the Box.

Ed picked up Kim then and headed towards the interview room.

"You're coming too" he instructed Lilly.

Panic rushed through her and fear gripped her stomach. This should not be happening to her today. No, she should be at home on her couch wrapped in Scotty's arms as she grieved the loss of her mother. He should be trying to cheer her up by trying to pry out of her what gifts she wanted at the surprise baby shower he had planned for her next week that she wasn't supposed to know about. She should not be heading into the interview room with a crazed gun-wielding murderer when she was 8-months pregnant.

"You don't need her" she heard John shout but it was no good. Ed was already dragging Kim towards the interview room and there was no one else who could help her. If she didn't go, he'd shoot her and her friends. If she went, Nick, Will and John would be saved and she just hoped that the PPD negotiators could get Kim and her out.

Mustering a courage she didn't know she possessed she informed the team of her decision.

"I'm going in" she stated calmly, knowing from the furious look on John's face that they would be having a serious talk when this was over. After all, this was technically the second time in a year that she had officially disobeyed her superior officers command.

She waddled as best she could towards Ed, trying to add confidence to her swagger, and she opened the door to the interview room allowing Ed and Kim to enter. "There's a room behind that, it's safer" she heard herself say as she hovered by the doorway to the interview room, not having any desire to progress further into the room.

"You better not be lying to me" Ed growled at her.

"They can see you in here. There, they can't" she replied matter of factly, still wondering how her voice sounded so calm and collected.

"Come in here and I'll kill them both" Ed shouted out to the detectives in the main office. "Shut the door" he demanded of Lilly, a hint of challenge in his tone. With that she slowly, but confidently, moved to the door of the interview room turned round and took one last look into the main office before shutting the door.

* * *

><p><em>Please don't hate me! One word: trust...<em>


	34. Chapter 34

_Thanks for the positive reviews, I was sure you would all hate me! Anyway on with the story... _

_**Disclaimer:** Please see previous chapter for disclaimer re: original dialogue from Cold Case episode - I kinda need it to make this story work. In case you haven't guessed by now, I don't own anything to do with Cold Case. _

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><p>"So what's going on between you and Lilly?" Kat Miller asked Scotty Valens as they headed towards PPD headquarters. They had just dropped off Kim Jacobi and her carer, Ed Marteson, at PPD for Lilly to interrogate Kim, then returned the car to the PPD car park, and they were now walking back to PPD.<p>

"Huh?" he asked distractedly. Since his visit to see Lilly this morning he'd been feeling tense, as if something bad was going to happen and he had this strong urge just to get back to the office, finish his paperwork and then drag Lilly out of PPD and back to one of their places so he could make her deal with her mother's death. He hadn't been happy when she'd text him earlier to say that she was coming into the office, knowing that she was using work as a distraction from her grief, but he didn't want to make her more upset and risk triggering premature labour. He'd read that stress, such as the death of a family member, could trigger early labour and he did not want that to happen to Bean. He wanted his child inside Lilly as long as possible so that it could have the best possible start in life, even if the longing to finally meet his child was becoming unbearable.

"Don't play dumb with me Valens" Kat continued "I've seen the way you two have been looking at each other since you came back from holiday and I heard you made quite a scene at the PPD Ball. You two finally get it together over the Christmas break?"

Scotty shot Kat an annoyed scowl. It was none of her god damn business what Lilly and he were up to and he did not want any rumours to start about the current state of their relationship. Hell, he wasn't even entirely sure of the state of their relationship! Technically in the last 8 months they had had two one night stands, a baby on the way due to their first night of passion, and Lilly had agreed to go on a date with him - something that had been delayed thanks to the Jacobi case. Yet somehow their relationship seemed like so much more.

He was just about to tell Kat to mind her own business when he noticed several Police cars heading towards PPD headquarters with their sirens blazing. Both detectives turned to look at each other, deep concern etched on each other's faces, and by some unspoken agreement they both started to run towards PPD headquarters.

The sight that greeted them made Scotty's stomach drop to the floor. PPD HQ was completed sealed off and had been evacuated, SWAT surrounded the entire building meaning only one thing - something bad was going on inside. Automatically he showed his badge to the street cop who was trying to stop him from crossing the Police tape as he pushed past him, and then he was looking for Lilly, hell, he'd settle for anyone who could tell him where Lilly was, he was desperate to find her, to reassure himself that his sense of unease meant nothing. Frantically he looked around but he could not find her and he couldn't find Will, Nick, John, Kim or Ed either. A feeling of foreboding came over him.

"Scotty!" he heard Kat shout, completely unaware that she had been next to him the whole time "I've got a text from Vera".

"What does it say?" he demanded urgently, the panic rising inside him.

"ED MARTESON IS THE KILLER AND THE HOSTAGE TAKER. SMUGGLED .38 IN WITH THE WHEELCHAIR. RUSH OK." Kat read out.

Relief momentarily flooded through Scotty as he received confirmation that for the time being, Lilly was ok. Scotty looked around wildly, this time trying to find the Tactical Commander.

"There! Come on, we have to tell him!" he yelled to Kat already running towards the Commander, Kat's footsteps echoing in the background.

Quickly they updated the Commander with the information Nick had supplied and then Kat's phoned beeped again as she received another text from Nick.

"HOSTAGE TAKER AT SOUTH EAST WINDOW" she read out.

Scotty looked up to the 3rd floor windows hoping against hope that he would be able to catch a glimpse of Lilly, but all he could see was the strip lighting of their office. Panic invaded him once again. Where had Ed taken them?

Scotty heard the Commander rely the information to the sharp shooter and tell him to take the shot, and he immediately felt nauseous. If something went wrong then...

"Hey! If you miss you're gonna kill one of ours!" he yelled angrily at the Commander.

"Back off Detective, let me do my job" the Commander informed him curtly.

"You don't get it!" Scotty yelled back "My gir...partner is in there and she's 8 months pregnant!"

The Commander looked up at him then and nodded his head solemnly "I'll do everything I can" his eyes meeting Scotty's and forming an unspoken agreement.

Scotty had never felt more helpless in his life. All he could do was stand there and wait, his eyes glued to the 3rd floor windows desperate for any sign that Lilly was still alive. Behind him he could hear Kat tapping on her phone, no doubt texting Vera that the sharp shooters were in position and that they should be prepared to get down.

He heard the helicopter approaching and he knew it wouldn't be long until the sharp shooter took a shot and he sent a silent prayer to let Lilly and Bean be ok. He just couldn't shake the feeling of foreboding that he had which was getting stronger by the second and that worried him. Rarely did his gut let him down and this was one time he was praying it would.

Then everything happened so fast. A gun shot rang out above the noise of the helicopter, he heard the wide panel of exterior glass shatter and he instinctively covered his head as the jagged shards of glass fell directly on top of them. Seconds later a second gun shot was fired, this time from within the building and it took all of his self control to stop himself from being sick as his stomach plummeted even further southward. Then he was sure he heard the sound of Lil's soft sweet voice. He couldn't tell what she was saying, but he was sure it was there if he listened carefully enough and suddenly he felt a ray of hope that Lilly hadn't been the one who was shot. Immediately he felt guilty because one of his colleagues had been shot, but right now his only concern was Lilly and Bean. Truth be told, he knew that any of them, Kat included, would take a bullet for Lil right now because they were all so protective and in love with Bean already.

Scotty's attention was brought to the Commander's walkie talkie then as it crackled to life "Hostage taker inside. One hostage down, white male, late 50's"

"That's our Lieutenant!" Kat exclaimed.

"Stand down, stand down" he heard the Commander advise his team.

Anger flooded through Scotty then. The stupid Commander had almost got their Lieutenant killed! The guy obviously didn't know what he was doing.

"I told you not to fire ya idiot!" he yelled at the Commander, not caring about protocol and procedure right now. As far he was concern the guy had put Lilly and Bean at risk and that made him lower than scum in his opinion.

"You stay out of it!" the Commander yelled, his colleague coming forward aggressively and trying to grab Scotty. He shrugged him off easily and stormed away, having more important things on his mind right now than getting into a fight.

"I'm getting in there" he stated with determination, not caring how many rules he was breaking. Whether the Commander wanted to admit it or not, things were quickly going south and all Scotty knew was that he had to get Lilly out. If he had to take a bullet in the process, so be it. After all, he had one advantage the Commander did not; he knew the Jacobi case and Ed. Maybe he could talk him round where the others had failed.

"What about him?" Kat reasoned.

"Screw that guy" was Scotty's only response as he started jogging towards the PPD HQ, being mindful to stay out of the view of the Tactical Commander and his team lest he be shot in error.

Scotty entered the building via a side entrance and worked his way towards the stairwells, breathing a sigh of release when he entered one without being noticed. Carefully he ran up the stairs, gun drawn and finger ready to pull the trigger if needed, until he reached the third floor. All the while he tried to push down the feeling of fear and unease that had settled upon him as he'd entered the abandoned building.

Finally he reached Homicide and saw that only Nick, Will and Boss where in the bullpen. Nick and Will were busy dressing Boss' shoulder wound and it was apparent that their Boss gone into shock.

"Where's Lil?" he asked frantically.

"In there" Will's deep voice informed him pointing towards the interview rooms.

Scotty had never felt more horrified in his life as he stared at the ominously closed doors of the Box.

* * *

><p>Lilly rested against the table in the Observation Room, half-heartedly listening to Ed's mumbling explanation once again and watching the gun he had pointed at Kim Jacobi intently. Her task would be so much more simpler if her braxton hicks and backache would just stop as they were extremely distracting. Her braxton hicks never normally lasted this long and were rarely painful, but she reasoned being stuck in a room with a gun wielding killer was bound to do strange things to her 8 month pregnant body. At least she had managed to get her breathing somewhat under control having found the breathing techniques she learnt in yoga were helping with the pain she was getting in her stomach. Bean had also stopped doing somersaults, although she could still feel the frantic movements of its arms and legs.<p>

Feeling the sharp cramping sensation low in her stomach for what must have been the third time since she'd entered the room with Kim and Ed, she knew she needed to get the hostage negotiation underway. She knew it was selfish, but all she wanted right now was to go home, get Scotty to give her a massage whilst she put a hot water bottle on her back and possibly even try the TENS machine that Mike and Alegria had brought her for Christmas in an effort to get the pain in her back and stomach to stop.

"Look, I have to make a call" she stated matter of factly with her phone in her hand, although she could not stop the hiss of air she took in at the end of her statement as the cramping sensation stopped, immediately being replaced by a feeling of intense pressure in her pelvis. No doubt Bean deciding to twist in her uterus once again.

A shot of panic ran through her as Ed lifted the gun and pointed it directly at her stomach as she finished her statement. "Put it down" he commanded coldly.

"You wanna get outta here, right?" she reasoned "They're going to come in if I don't call. I'm pregnant in case you haven't noticed and I know my partner will be frantic if I don't call and let them know I'm ok" her heart longing for Scotty as she referred to her partner. Feminism be damned, right now she wanted a knight in shining armour to come in and rescue her from this goddamn situation.

"Trust me" she stated confidently "okay?" Seeing tentative trust in Ed's eyes she flipped her phone open and called the one person she trusted more than anybody else in the world, the one person she trusted to get her and Bean out of here safe and well.

Scotty.

* * *

><p>"What the hell is she doing in there?" Scotty demanded of Nick and Will as he helped them dress John's wound.<p>

"Hey man, you think any of us wanted her to go in there?" Nick replied harshly "we were all handcuffed to the filing cabinets or doors, we couldn't stop her"

Anger flooded through Scotty then that Lilly would voluntarily be taken hostage in the interview room and risk her own life and that of Bean's.

"How long has she been in there?" he demanded angrily.

"She went in a few minutes after John was shot" Will answered calmly "We've not heard anything since".

"There done" Nick said as he taped the last of the bandage over John's wound however, blood was already seeping though the dressings and Nick immediately pressed his hand onto John's shoulder as hard as he could in an attempt to stem the blood flow. "Sorry" Nick apologised as John grunted at the added pressure.

Nick, Will and Scotty all stared at each other as they thought of what they could do.

"We need to get her out" Scotty stated with quiet conviction.

Will sighed "Nick, you stay with John. Scotty come on" he stated with finality.

Scotty watched as Will retrieved his gun from his locker and together they headed towards the two doors of the interview rooms. The last they knew, she had entered into the left hand door but where they were now was anyone's guess. Hesitantly, Will and Scotty crept up to the doors to see if they could hear the sound of voices in order to establish exactly where Lilly, Kim and Ed were. Just as Scotty was about to press his ear against the door his phone rang. Reaching down, a wave of relief washed over him as he saw it was Lilly who was calling him.

"It's Lil" he informed Will as he flipped open his phone.

"Need a helicopter on the roof, right now" her cool, calm, professional voice rang out, but the undertone of fear was not lost on Scotty.

"We're outside the interview rooms" Scotty informed her, the anger he felt receding as the Police Detective inside him took over.

"Well you can't see in here so...don't try anything" she stated cryptically, the hint of fear still present.

Scotty frowned and turned towards Will "You're not in the interview rooms? You're in Observation" he queried.

"That's what I said" Lil's strong voice resonated from his phone, but if he was not mistaken her voice quivered and it also sounded strained, like she was in pain.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked, desperately trying to figure out what Lilly's plan was.

"Hey"

Scotty's mind shot back to this morning. She had spoken their code word: Lilly needed him.

"You hear me. Hey" she spoke desperately into his ear again.

"You want me to come in" he stated, finally understanding that she needed him and she was asking for his help. "Get him to turn away from the two ways and stay down" he instructed, a plan forming in his head.

* * *

><p>A wave of comfort and relief washed over her as she spoke to Scotty. She had said their codeword from this morning and he knew she needed him. He was coming to help her and soon this would all be over.<p>

Now all she needed to do was get Ed to face away from the two-ways and get Kim and herself on the floor.

"They're...uh...they're on their way" she informed Ed as she walked into the corner of the room hoping that Ed would turn to face her as she moved.

"You're lying!" he shouted, once again raising the gun and pointing it at her stomach. Fear washed through her, but was immediately replaced by the sharp cramping sensation in her abdomen that was still not easing off. She had to keep moving though, she had to get him to face away from the mirrors.

"Maybe I should just kill you now!" he yelled.

Complete and utter terror flooded through Lilly then. Normally when she was faced with a gun in a hostage situation it didn't faze her. Sure she was scared, but she swallowed it down and just dealt with the situation. Now though, now she was just starting to realise that before she could shut herself off because she had nothing to live for, now though it was like she was 10 years old again and getting beat by that monster in the alleyway. Now she had something to live for and she didn't want to die. She wanted to be a mother, to raise her child with Scotty and for the first time in a very long time she wanted to _try_ for happily ever after with Scotty. She had to get Ed to focus on something else rather than killing her.

"Why do you take such good care of someone who doesn't even love you?" she stated calmly, wondering how she could maintain such a voice when she was filled with terror.

"She does" Ed stated with certainty

"You're trying to make her into a different person who loves you the way you wanna be loved, but...it's not gonna happen" Lilly realising in that instant that's exactly what she had been trying to do her whole life with her mother. She promised herself there and then that if she ever got out of this situation alive she would love her child no matter who that child was or how they turned out. Whether that be a straight A student, the quarterback of the football team, or an creative soul. Her child would not have to change who it was to gain her love.

"She wrote things to me, that you don't know" Ed stated with confidence.

"See, you hold on to the good things but there are bad things too, right Ed?" Lilly asked him desperately, fighting back tears "See, she rejected you"

"That's not true" Ed denied.

"Well you shot her" she stated, confidence once again returning to her voice "Why do you think you did that?" she asked him compassionately.

Ed started to recount the events of that night with the Jacobi's then, how he had broken into her house to save Kim from her misery so they could be together forever as she'd promised in her e-mails. He'd shot her father, then her mother and finally her brother to prove his love for her, but she'd rejected him, told him she hated him so he had been left with no choice but to kill her too.

"You have to let her go" Lilly said tenderly, reaching forward to pull Kim off the floor, out of the grip of Ed Marteson, "It's not going to be how you want it to be. It's over" Lilly told Ed with finality as she moved Kim to the door and out of Observation and into freedom.

Then the gun was back on her and she was trapped.

"You don't think someone could love me? Huh?" Ed asked with disbelief "You don't?" he queried again, malice entering his voice.

Terror once again flooded through Lilly as she saw Ed's eyes harden and a maniacal glint appear. A look she had seen once before in the attic with George.

Where was Scotty? She'd said their code word, he was supposed to be here to save her!

"You wanna shoot me? You wanna shoot me? Shoot me now!" she shouted realising the Scotty's hesitation may be due to him now knowing that she had Ed in position. She just hoped that Scotty could hear her voice from the interview room.

"You're gonna die" Ed stated with conviction.

"Then do it already!" she yelled, wondering why Scotty hadn't shot yet.

"Shoot me!" she shouted louder this time in case Scotty had not heard her. Where was he? She knew that she didn't have much time left before Ed really would pull the trigger.

"Do it now!" she shouted again, this time the panic was evident in her voice.

She heard a gun fire and the sound of shattering glass, but less that a second later her shoulder felt like it was on fire and she felt wetness flow from the juncture between her legs. Only one thought rang through her mind as she stumbled backward, hit the wall and slowly slid down it as her legs gave way:

What have I done?

* * *

><p>Scotty waited several minutes before he tentatively opened the door into the interview room hoping that it had been enough time for Lilly to get everyone into position. As he walked to stand opposite the mirror at the back of the interview room he hypothesized she had as he could the mumble of voices, but Lilly's sounded further away than Ed's. The only problem was, he couldn't see anything so he didn't know where the occupants in the next room were.<p>

He waited several more minutes, minutes that felt like years as the adrenaline ran through his blood, his anger towards Lilly grew and his frustration with the situation increased.

Then suddenly there it was.

Lilly's voice.

_" Then do it already?" _

Was that Lilly telling him to take the shot?

_"Shoot me!" _

This time he focused on where the sound of her voice was coming from.

_"Do it now!" _

Upon hearing the panic in Lilly's voice, Scotty could not contain himself anymore and he fired a shot into the corner of the glass breaking the two way mirror. Immediately he moved his gun to the area he thought Ed was standing in, and seeing he was correct, he pulled the trigger. Ed Marteson jerked forward before he fell to the floor for the final time.

Not taking is eyes off the suspect, he strode through the connecting doorway with his gun drawn. He kicked the gun away and then checked for a pulse, noting that he had shot Ed in the centre of his back.

Ed Marteson was dead.

It was only then that he became aware that Will was also in the room.

"Lil!" Will panicked voice echoed around the room.

Scotty looked up and was horrified by the scene before him. Lilly Rush lay propped up against the wall, a red stain seeping through her pure white maternity top.

"He got me" Lilly's weak shaky voice emanated into the room.

"Lil!" he exclaimed, the shock he was feeling evident in his voice. He went over to her and moved Will's hand from her shoulder, replacing it immediately with his own "Get the paramedics!" he shouted at Will who was already half-way out the door to find assistance. It didn't stop his from screaming his request one more time as he felt the tears build in his eyes "Get the paramedics!"

It was only as he lifted his hand from her shoulder that he realised that although there was a lot of blood, he could not see a bullet wound. Cradling her weak body in his right arm, he carefully moved the shoulder of her shirt further away and could not believe what he saw.

The bullet had missed going into Lilly's shoulder by a matter of inches. Instead it had grazed the top of her shoulder and taken a chunk of her flesh with it, hence the abundance of blood. He placed his hand back on her shoulder and applied pressure in an attempt to stop the blood flow from Lilly's body.

"It's ok Lil" he reassured "It's just a flesh wound. Everything is going to be ok" relief evident in his voice as he tried to stop the tears from flowing down his face and he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

His eyes drifted to her face and he was dismayed to see her eyes were wide open and full of fear. Her mouth was moving as if she was trying to tell him something.

"What is it Lil?" he asked with concern.

"I...I think my water broke. I..I think..I..I'm in labour!" she whispered.

* * *

><p><em>Again, please don't hate me! Just trust...<em>

_I have to admit I did originally plan to have the story follow the same path as the show i.e. Lilly gets shot in the shoulder and is in mortal danger however, a) it was only after doing general research on the internet concerning gunshot wounds that I realised how much internal damage they actually do and that would have had serious implications for Lilly and Bean and on Lilly being a mother (when Bean finally arrives, which may or may not be sooner rather than later...) b) there is not that much information on pregnant woman getting shot on the internet and c) I think the emotional scars would have been too much for Lilly and Scotty to bear. I think her getting wounded whilst pregnant will be enough angst for the two of them to get through. I'm not a doctor and I just didn't think that I'd be able to do the story justice by having Lilly shot in accordance with the show as opposed to receiving a flesh wound from being shot at, so I changed the storyline slightly. _

_Out of interest, what sex do you guys think Bean is? I obviously know but am intrigued to see if I have unconsciously given it away in the story. If you just want to leave a review saying Boy or Girl that would be fine, it's purely out of curiousity that I ask. _


	35. Chapter 35

_I've just realised (having finally figured out the ins and outs of FF) that I have forgotten to thank the people who have alerted and/or marked this story as one of their favourites over the past 5 months - so a big thank you! As always, a big thank you to all the reviewers too as I was nervous about writing this storyline but you have all been supportive so far. _

_This chapter is written in a slightly different style which I hope you all enjoy. Just so you know, italics = flashback._

_Remember the back problem I mentionned in past chapters? Well, I found on this week that it has been misdiagnosed for the past 13 months and everything I was told to do to "cure it" (and was actually doing) was actually making my back worse! Anyway, just to warn you I am now on prescription drugs again that are supposed to help my back heal and they have completely addled my mind! So if this chapter doesn't make sense, blame the drugs, not me LOL! You'll be glad to know that the bullk of this chapter was drafted a while ago so it will only be the edited parts that might not make sense. _

_**Disclaimer: **Hmmm, I wonder if I sued the NHS for misdiagnosis I could get the ownership papers for Cold Case as part of the settlement...as it stands at the moment I'm dazed, in pain, and not the owner of Cold Case or anything related to it. _

* * *

><p>"Push Lilly! Push!" Scotty Valens encouraged his partner whose right foot was currently digging into his right shoulder as he braced her leg, a poor nurse getting the responsibility of her left. Lilly had his other arm in a death grip, not that he had any intention of complaining. 19 hours she had been in labour, 19 hours and still no baby. He'd read somewhere that women who had difficult pregnancies tended to have easier deliveries and women who had easy pregnancies had difficult deliveries. Lilly definitely fell into the latter category.<p>

Once she had whispered those 9 terrifying words to him in the interview room everything seemed to slow down and he felt like he was underwater. The paramedics had pushed him aside, placed an oxygen mask over Lilly's face and started their assessment, people were coming in and out of the room, but all he could see was Lilly's bump and he was desperate to know what was going in there. Was Bean ok? He couldn't speak, he couldn't move and he'd stood in the interview room completely dumbfounded, only one thought going through his mind: it was too soon for Bean to be born.

Then Lilly had been loaded onto a stretcher and he'd watched as the paramedics wheeled her out of the room, but he'd stood still rooted to the spot, still to shocked to speak, as he watched her go. If it hadn't been for Will Jefferies and Nick Vera intervening at that very moment he may never have made it into the ambulance with Lil.

_Nick Vera looked between Scotty Valens and the stretcher that was taking Lilly Rush to the hospital and immediately realised there was something wrong with Scotty. Casting a quick glance over at Will, a silent conversation was had and he started chasing after the stretcher that contained the woman he thought of as a sister. _

_"Hey!" Nick Vera shouted after the departing paramedics "Hey!" _

_"Scotty" Will spoke solemnly to Scotty, grabbing his arms and shaking him slightly. "Scotty"_

_Slowly he turned his head away from the door Lilly had just departed out of and stared at Will. _

_"Scotty; Lilly needs you. Bean needs you. You've got to go after her man" the burley detective informed Scotty, the firmness of his words not lost in his gentle tone. _

_Scotty's mind whirled as it tried to process the events of the last 30 minutes. He had shot someone. Ed had shot at Lil. Lilly thought she was in labour. Bean was...Bean was... He heard Will speaking to him and eventually Will's words permeated the foggy world in which his brain was currently residing. Lilly needed him. Bean needed him. Suddenly the underwater feeling was gone and the world was spinning at an alarming speed. _

_"I...I...I gotta go!" he shouted at Will as his adrenaline kicked in and he ran in the direction Lilly and the paramedics had taken just a few short minutes ago._

When he'd reached ground level he'd seen Nick arguing with the paramedic and he'd sprinted over immediately, joining Lilly in the rear of the ambulance once he'd explained he was the father of Lilly's child. The ride to the hospital was one of the worst things he had ever experienced. Lilly didn't utter one word the whole way there, but her eyes were wide open and boring into his and clearly depicting the terror, horror and fear she was feeling. He'd held her hand in his the whole way there, feeling her cold, clammy skin and watching her tremble no matter how many blankets were put on her as shock set in.

As soon as they'd reached the ER they had been separated as Lilly had been rushed into an assessment room and he had promptly been shown into a waiting area by a harassed nurse. Hours seemed to tick by, time he used to convince himself that Lilly and Bean were dead and he was again going to be left with nothing, just like he had been left with nothing when Elisa had died. His anger had grown as the seconds ticked by. He was angry at security at PPD for not detecting the gun, he was angry at Lilly for being in the office and especially for going into that interview room, he was angry at himself for not pulling the goddamn trigger a split second sooner. The worst feeling though was the guilt he felt for letting Lilly and Bean down. Why had he hesitate! Why? Lilly had said "Hey", yet he hadn't done what she asked. He hadn't saved her.

Eventually a doctor had walked directly up to him and escorted him to Lilly's room. Apparently Lilly had been asking for him. On the way the doctor had appraised him of the situation. Lilly's shoulder wound would require plastic surgery, but they had stopped the bleeding for now and had applied some rudimentary stitches and a dressing to prevent infection. She'd been given a shot of pregnancy safe antibiotics to assist with fighting any infection and also a shot of adrenaline as a treatment for shock, to which she had responded well.

There had been positive news in respect of Bean too. Tests had confirmed the baby was not in distress and the fluid that Lilly had felt was her bloody show and mucus plug, not her waters. However, she was having contractions that indicated she was in the first stage of labour and had started to dilate so she had been taken to the maternity ward to be monitored. The most likely reason for the contractions was due to the stressful situation she had been in and there had been a chance that the contractions would stop, as Lilly was responding to the treatment for shock and the source of her stress had now been removed so all they could do was wait.

_Scotty tentatively entered the room the doctor had shown him, desperately trying__ to control the anger he felt toward Lilly for putting herself and their child in danger. At his first climpse of Lilly the anger that he had been building toward her disappeared and was immediately replaced by a huge wave of relief. Lilly had stopped shaking and her skin had a slightly better colour. Her blood stained clothes had been removed, being replaced by a hospital gown, and there were numerous wires and tubes leading off from her arms and bump leading to machines that were measuring goodness knows what. _

_"Hi" he said awkwardly, walking slowly towards her bed. She turned to look at him and he could clearly see the tears in her eyes._

_"I'm sorry!" she managed to choke out before the emotions of the day overtook her and she burst into tears. _

_"Hey, it's not your fault" Scotty soothed her, gently taking her in his arms, being mindful of her right shoulder, and feeling the wetness of her tears soak through his shirt as her body shook. The comfort he sought from having her in his arms, alive, made the anger he felt towards her recede further, but the comfort and relief was short lived as Lilly groaned and tensed against him, fighting him off._

_"What is it Lil?" he asked with concern._

_"Contraction" Lilly had stated as she stated to breath as they had been told in the lamaze class._

_"I'm here Lil" Scotty stated with determination, grabbing Lilly's hand and letting her squeeze it tightly as he synced his breathing with hers as they had practiced._

After he'd witnessed Lilly's first contraction he'd realised they had nothing with them if the worst happened. The hospital bag he had packed was still sat in his hallway at home and he'd realised with horror that he still had on the same shirt and tie that was marred with Lil's blood. He'd quickly removed both items and shoved them in the first trash can he could find, it wasn't like he would be wearing them ever again anyway. He's been left in only his tee-shirt and work trousers.

Lilly had informed him her contractions were coming every 8 minutes and he'd left her briefly in order to call his parents to explain the situation and ask them to bring the bag to him - along with a change of clothes . It was only as he was about to place the call that he was surprised to find it was 3am and he decided that maybe calling them wouldn't be such a good idea. As he was walking back to Lilly's room he'd been surprised to find Kat, Will, Nick and even John, whose shoulder was now bandaged and his arm was in a sling, in the waiting room of the Maternity Department.

They'd all fired questions at him wanting to how Lilly was, what was happening, was Bean ok, and he'd briefly explained what was going on. Nick had volunteered to go to his house to get the hospital bag and a change of clothes for him and Kat had immediately agreed to go to Lilly's house to get the TENS machine, she being the only other person in the squad that knew what a TENS machine was.

On the way back to Lilly's room he had spotted a vending machine that had given him an idea...

_Scotty entered Lilly's room and saw that she was just about to have another contraction._

_"I'm here Lil" he said as he walked over to her and held her hand, once again syncing his breathing to hers. _

_Once the contraction was over Lilly looked over at him and noticed the items he'd brought into the room._

_"Scotty, what's with all the food and drink?" she asked him quizzically_

_He couldn't help but smile as he revealed his plan. _

_"Because we're going to have our first date" he said simply. _

_"What?" Lilly exclaimed in confusion. _

_"Well you and I haven't been on our first date and it looks like time might be running out. So how about it Lil? You, me, on a date, right now?" he asked her seriously. _

_"You're kidding, right?" she asked him, one eyebrow raised. _

_"Nope. From what I can figure out we have 8 minutes between each one of your contractions to have a date and we have the finest selection of soft drinks and snacks to enjoy. So, Lilly, tell me - what is your favourite colour?"_

And for the first hour, they had sat together on her bed finding out the silly pieces of information they didn't know about each other in between contractions, desperately trying to deny the fact that her contractions had gone from being every 8 minutes to every 7. Soon enough Lilly had had her first exam...

_Doctor Jenson snapped off the glove that he had just used to examine Lilly and discarded it in the nearby medical waste bin._

_"Well Lilly, you've dilated about another 0.5cm and the test results show your contractions have become more frequent. I think it's time" Doctor Jenson informed them gently. _

_"But...but it's too soon!" Lilly exclaimed heartbrokenly. _

_"You're at 35 weeks gestation and a foetus born now has a 98% chance of survival. I think the best thing we can do is let nature take its course" Doctor Jenson advised kindly "I think we need to get you up and about and get this show on the road"_

Scotty did not think he would ever forget the look of complete and utter devastation on Lilly's face as she was told she was going to be having a premature baby and he'd fought to reassure her with everything he had that Bean was going to be fine. They'd spent the next hour walking around the hospital corridors hoping to speed her labour along, even stopping off at the waiting area to collect the hospital bag and change of clothes that Vera had brought and had been surprised to find his parents there. His father explained that they had seen footage of Lilly being wheeled into the ambulance at PPD on the early morning news and they had immediately rushed to the hospital. They weren't mad at him like he'd expected, on the contrary, they were just happy that everyone was safe and alive. Despite their assurances that everyone could go home, the team and the elder Valens' refused to leave.

Huffing Lilly had slowly waddled back to her room with him in time for her next exam. Unfortunately nothing had changed so again they walked the hospital corridors. By the time she had her third exam she had dilated another 0.5cm and they switched to the birthing balls. For an hour they bounced on the balls simultaneously through the contractions, and Scotty noticed that her contractions were now coming every 6 minutes and lasting longer, but at her next exam there had been no change. As Lilly's back was starting to hurt more and she was finding it hard to sit, they started pacing around the room. On and on they had paced and occasionally bounced, their conversation lessening as the hours wore on and Lilly's contractions became more frequent and more intense. Finally Lilly had reached the 8 hour mark and unfortunately that's when things had really taken a turn for the worst.

Lilly wanted to be examined standing up, but Doctor Jenson's shift had ended and the new on call doctor had refused her request. By this time Lilly's could barely sit on the soft birthing ball as her back was so sore and she told the doctor that she just _knew_ if she got on the bed she wouldn't get off and she didn't want that. By this point Scotty could tell that Lilly was starting to tire, hell he'd been tired and he'd been drinking coffee for that last 8 hours, and her resolve was wavering. He was not going to let that happen though. If Lilly wanted to be examined standing up, then he would make sure that she was and he had taken over the battle. Relief and gratitude had flooded her eyes as she breathed through a contraction, squeezing his hand, whilst he argued with the doctor. Reluctantly, the doctor had agreed to examine her in a standing position and Scotty had acted as her support as the doctor examined her.

They'd received good news in that after 8 hours of contractions, she was now 4cm dilated however, whatever the doctor had done during the examination had obviously _moved _something within Lilly, because almost immediately upon the doctor removing his hand and giving them the good news, Lilly had a bowel movement all over the floor. Never had he seen her look so mortified and she started to cry. The doctor had mumbled something about bowel movements being common and sending maintenance in to clean up as he'd left the room, leaving Scotty to comfort her as best he could. He didn't think that anything he could have done would have made her feel better.

Gently he'd moved her over to the en-suite bathroom so she could clean herself up, only to realise her movement had been rather loose and was all down her legs. She just sobbed harder when he'd informed her and his heart had broken a little more at the ordeal she was going through. Carefully he'd removed her hospital gown and helped her into the shower before he'd disposed of it in the medical waste bin and picked up a fresh nightshirt and her washbag from the hospital bag. As he was on the way back towards the bathroom, he heard Lilly call his name and his heart had sped up as he heard the panic in her voice.

Upon reaching the bathroom he saw her standing their naked, eyes wide open, in a pool of fluid. Lilly Rush's water had finally broken. Part of him had expected her to look smaller once her water had broken and he was mildly surprised to find her bump was still the same size.

He'd stripped off then and got in the shower with Lilly so that he could wash her tenderly in between contractions. Lilly had noticed that the warmth of the water was helping with the pain in her back and once they were fully dressed, him now wearing the jeans and tee-shirt Vera had brought for him, he manoeuvred Lilly so that she was standing against the bed whilst he went to ask the nurse if the water birth suite was free. Fortunately for them it was and Lilly was promptly moved into that suite.

For the next two hours he had sat in the warm water with Lilly coaching her through her contractions and he'd been able to tell the warm water had helped her manage the pain of the contractions. It was only on the next exam that they discovered the warm water was in fact slowing down her contractions and she had to get out of the birthing pool. Once again they resumed their pattern of bouncing and walking. An hour later and she was 5cm dilated and the transitional stage of labour began.

Lilly's contractions started to come closer and closer together and lasted for about a minute at a time. He could tell she was in serious discomfort but each time she was asked if she wanted pain relief, she refused. It was like she was trying to punish herself for Bean's early arrival and it didn't matter what he said, she still refused pain relief. Eventually she'd reluctantly agreed to try the TENS machine only to find it ineffective.

After 16 hours, Lilly had reached 8 cm dilation, but with that came another nasty labour surprise as she started being sick. It was at this point that she had positioned herself on the bed, exhaustion and nausea finally getting the better of her as contraction after contraction came only 1-2 minutes apart, the peak pain threshold lasting for most of the duration. He'd felt so helpless applying cold compresses, feeding her ice chips and holding the pan for her to be sick in as she'd soldiered on without a word of complaint as she shook and trembled on the bed. Still she had refused pain relief despite the agony she was now in.

Out of everything that had happened, what had amazed him the most was that as soon as Lilly had found out she was in labour and that Bean's arrival was imminent, it was like something had overcome her and she became solely focused on the task at hand. She wasn't screaming or cursing him like he expected she would, on the contrary, each contraction was handled with dignity as she squeezed his hands, focused on whatever it was that was giving her strength, and breathed through it, groaning in rhythm to her breathing. She asked him for something when she needed it, but it was never more than the item: ice chips, cool cloth etc. Witnessing labour had given him an all new appreciate and respect for Lilly Rush.

Finally, _finally, _they had heard the words they had been waiting to her. After 18.5 hours of labour, Lilly was 10cm dilated and ready to push.

So here he was, bracing Lilly's leg on his shoulder, coaching her as best he could and letting her squeeze his hand to the point that it had become numb. She'd been pushing for 30 minutes and thankfully Doctor Jenson was now back on duty and handling the delivery. He had assured them both that Lilly was now in the active phase: Bean's head was in Lilly's birth canal.

In front of him Lilly groaned again as she felt the precursor of another contraction, but her concentration never waivered.

"You can do it, Lil. You're almost there" Scotty encouraged.

"Right Lilly, I want you to bear down really hard now and push" Doctor Jenson instructed.

"This is the worst date I've ever been on Valens!" Lilly panted just as she took a deep breath, tucked her chin against her chest and started pushing.

"1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10" Scotty counted.

"Ugh!" Lilly sighed as she collapsed back against the pillows panting for air.

"I promise, next time you can choose what we do" Scotty responded to Lilly's previous statement "I'll just bring my credit card and pay" he finished with a smirk.

"I'll hold you to that Valens!" Lilly panted again as another contraction started to build.

Groaning she grabbed Scotty's hand as he pushed her leg back and she curled forward pushing yet again. It was then that Scotty saw something amazing. A tiny piece of black hair appeared from Lilly's opening before sliding back up as the contraction ended.

"Lilly, Bean's got black hair!" Scotty cried excitedly, completely forgetting about counting.

"Really?" Lilly panted tiredly.

"Yeah" he said awestruck. It was really happening. He was about to become a father.

"Lilly, I think with one hard push the baby could be crowning on the next contraction. You think you can do it?" Doctor Jenson challenged.

Lilly simply groaned.

"Come on Lil, you've done so good. I know you can do it" Scotty encouraged.

Scotty heard Lilly take a deep breath and knew another contraction was coming. Moments later her hand clamped down on his and he counted her through her contraction, completely focused on her extremely red face, clenched jaw and closed eyes.

"1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10"

Lilly collapsed back against the pillows completely exhausted.

"I can't do it Scotty! I can't!" she cried as she flopped back against the pillow panting.

"Yes you can, Lil. You're Lilly Rush you can do anything" he encouraged again.

Lilly simply nodded her head negatively.

"Scotty, look down" he heard Doctor Jenson say.

The sight that greeted him brought tears to his eyes and he couldn't help but reach down to touch it. He could not only see the top of his child's head, but he could touch it too and he immediately felt connected to his child, a lump forming in his throat.

"Lilly! You're crowning!" he encouraged her enthusiastically. "Bean's got so much black hair" he added.

"I can't do it Scotty! I can't!" Lilly replied exhausted and distraught as she took in another deep breath signally a contraction was imminent.

He pushed her leg back as far as he could and counted her through the contraction. Without giving her time to react as the contraction ended, he gently pulled their conjoined hands south and pressed her fingers gently against the top of their child's head. Lilly's eyes shot open and her head pop up, awe and wonder visible in them.

"Is that...?" she asked breathlessly.

"Yeah Lil, that's Bean" he informed her lovingly.

Scotty saw the determination fire in Lilly's eyes again and on the next push Bean's forehead was revealed.

"Lilly, you're doing so well" Doctor Jenson encouraged Lilly "I want you to give it everything you have on the next push so we can get this head out"

Moments later a contraction hit Lilly and for the first time she gave an animalistic growl as she pushed.

"That's it Lil! Keep pushing! I see it Lil! I see it! Oh my god, Lil! It's got a head! Bean's got a head! Scotty cried out excitedly as he saw the first glimpse of the back of his child's head.

"Yeah?" Lilly queried tiredly.

"Yeah. There's so much hair!" Scotty informed her.

"Lilly, listen to me, on the next contraction I just want a little push ok? I'm going to deliver the first shoulder but we need to go slow to make sure you don't tear, ok?" Doctor Jenson instructed her.

Lilly nodded and prepared herself mentally for what she needed to do.

Scotty stared at her in wonder, counting her down, as she physically changed her pushing technique and Doctor Jenson safely delivered the first shoulder.

"That's great Lilly. Now just one more like that for the second shoulder and this baby will be born. You guys ready to be parents?" Doctor Jenson asked with a smile.

Scotty and Lilly's eyes met and they smiled softly at each other, the same thought going through their minds:

_Parents._

Scotty saw the same emotions flick through Lilly's eyes that he was feeling and answered the question for both of them.

"Yeah Doc, I think we are" Scotty informed him, wonder, apprehension, happiness and a whole other mix of emotions coating his words.

"Okay then. Lilly, whenever you're ready"

Lilly nodded and less than a minute later she was gently pushing their child out.

Scotty watched intently, not wanting to miss one minute of his child being born. Everything was going so slowly, the second shoulder was moving forward millimetre by millimetre and then it was free and Bean slid out of Lilly's body so quickly if he were to have blinked at that moment he would have missed it.

At 19.23 on 8th January 2006, Baby Rush-Valens was born.

A disgruntled cry filled the air and it was the best sound that Scotty had ever heard, his heart immediately filled with joy and love, tears appearing in his eyes at the array of emotions he was experiencing.

"So what do we have?" Doctor Jenson queried, moving the newborn in his arms carefully.

"Congratulations! It's a girl!" he informed them all, holding her up for Lilly and Scotty to see.

"A girl? A girl!" Scotty exclaimed. Valens' didn't have girls, they had boys? But Doctor Jenson had just said..."Lilly! We've got a girl! A...A...A daughter!" he whispered, full of emotion and tears flowing down his face as he hugged Lilly tenderly.

"Do you want to cut the cord Daddy? Doctor Jenson asked tenderly.

"Yeah" Scotty replied, still choked and full of emotion.

Doctor Jenson handed Scotty the scissors and he cut the cord. He was surprised at how tough it was, but hardly paid it any heed, so desperate was he to see his daughter again. _His daughter! _

But as soon as the cord was cut she was whisked off to be checked out and Scotty's heart felt like it was being torn in two. He wanted to stay with Lilly, to thank her for giving the best gift ever, to let her know he was forever indebited to her, but he also wanted to go and see his child. His head kept moving between the two and then he heard Lilly's tired voice.

"Go" she commanded "She needs you"

Gratitude filled his soul and he smiled at Lilly as he immediately rushed over to meet his child. She was so tiny! She had thick black hair all over her head, and bright red checks from where she was screaming. Her lungs definitely worked that was for sure! Her eyes were screwed shut as she continued to scream having been yanked from her nice warm cocoon. He counted 10 fingers and 10 toes as the gunk was wiped off her. Now clean he could see that she appeared to have Lilly's milky white skin, although her limbs still had a blue tinge to them so he couldn't be sure, but otherwise he could swear she looked exactly like him.

"Hey Bean, it's ok. Daddy's here" he whispered tenderly to his daughter, the sound of her distressed cries pulling at his heart strings and making _him _feel distressed.

Immediately upon hearing her father's voice her screaming cries lessened to a whimper and she opened her eyes.

Scotty's breath was taken away at the sight of his daughter's eyes. They were the purest blue he had ever seen, an exact replica of her mother's - scratch that, an exact replica of her mother's eyes without all the pain, hurt and emotional barriers he so often saw within Lilly's. His daughter's eyes were just full of innocence and curiosity and he couldn't help thinking they were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen as father and daughter continued to stare at each other.

So caught up was Scotty in falling love with his daughter over and over again that he didn't notice the commotion that had developed behind him.

* * *

><p><em>I would like to dedicate this chapter to my friends MC, KD, LS, JT, CH, GS, SG, SJ and LM whose labour stories have horrified me beyond belief over the years and whose experiences have helped me write this chapter (yes, most of this is based on real life stories!). You guys deserve medals! <em>_I've never been through labour but I hope it was pretty realistic as I did do a lot of internet research as well as hearing my friends horror stories._

_So gauging by the reviews, I either sub-consciously let the cat out of the bag or you guys just really wanted Lilly and Scotty to have a girl! You can try and guess the name if you like..._


	36. Chapter 36

_Here's the next chapter of Life Unexpected. Have to admit it is a bit of filler chapter, but happy reading anyway! _

_**Disclaimer: **No attempt at a witty remark today as currently suffering from an allergic reaction to the medication I mentioned in my last post. A swollen stomach and liver I do own, Cold Case I don't. _

* * *

><p>"This is the worst date I've ever been on Valens!" Lilly Rush panted just as she took a deep breath, tucked her chin forward and started pushing.<p>

Feeling the contraction coming to an end she groaned and collapsed back against the pillows of her hospital bed. She was beyond exhaustion.

"I promise, next time you can choose what we do" she heard Scotty reply "I'll just bring my credit card and pay" he finished with his trademark smirk on his face.

The last 48 hours were officially some of the worst hours of Lilly Rush's life. They were up there with the day she was attacked at the tender age of 10 and the day she shot George. How ironic she thought that the day her child was conceived and the day it was going to be born were both some of the worst days of her life. In the last 48 hours she had been held hostage, shot at, gone into shock, endured having a shot of adrenaline in her butt as treatment for the shock, been told she was in labour and was going to have a premature baby, and for over 19 hours she had laboured and pushed and this _thing_ was just not coming out of her.

"I'll hold you to that Valens!" Lilly panted again as another contraction started to build. Groaning she grabbed Scotty's hand as he pushed her leg back and she curled forward pushing yet again.

Contraction over, she flopped back onto the bed and her mind once again started contemplating the last 48 hours. She'd experienced the most humiliating moment of her life as she'd literally pooped herself in front of Scotty and the doctor, she'd thrown up countless times and now her vagina was exposed to the world. Rosa Valens had been right when she'd told her to leave her dignity at the door when she checked into the maternity ward.

During the early stages of her labour, Scotty and she had been able to talk and Scotty had been adorable when he had suggested their first date - it would be one she would never forget she thought ruefully. For a while it had been fun getting to know stupid, yet deeply personal, facts about each other, but as her labour had progressed she'd been unable to talk to Scotty and all her concentration had turned inwards, almost like she was gaining strength from _somewhere _outside her body as her contractions worsened. She didn't know from where the strength was coming from, frankly she didn't care, but she was extremely grateful for it. A strange sort of peace had overcome her and it almost felt like something else was taking control of her body as the hours passed and the contractions ripped through her.

Feeling another contraction build she took in a deep breath, grabbed Scotty's arm , curled herself forward and pushed until the contraction ended, once again falling back against the soft pillows, hot, sweaty, breathless and still pregnant.

"Lilly, it's got black hair!" she heard Scotty cry excitedly from beside her.

"Really?" she heard herself ask, having no idea where she got the energy from to form the one worded question.

"Yeah" was his awestruck reply.

Her mind continued analysing the past 48 hours as she tried to recover her strength for the next contraction that she knew was merely a minute or less away. God she just wanted this over with! She was quite sure she had never been this tired in her life and if it hadn't been for Scotty she wasn't sure how she would have gotten through the last 48 hours. He'd been with her for every contraction, walked and bounced alongside her, argued with the doctor for her, showered her down after her accident and sat with her in the ill fated birthing pool without complaint.

Lilly was disturbed from her reverie by the sound of Doctor Jenson's voice.

"Lilly, I think with one hard push the baby could be crowning on the next contraction. You think you can do it?"

She simply groaned not having the strength to vocalise her feelings right now.

"Come on Lil, you've done so good. I know you can do it" she heard Scotty encourage her. It was alright for him, he wasn't trying to squeeze another human being out of his body!

She felt another contraction build and then she was pushing again, feeling as if her body was being ripped in two as she felt an intense burning pressure down below. Suddenly she just couldn't do it anymore. She just couldn't. She'd paid her dues. She'd gone through the whole ordeal without pain relief, because if it was her fault that Bean was arriving early then she was going to makesure there was nothing untoward flowing through her child's blood.

"I can't do it Scotty! I can't!" she cried as she flopped back against the pillow as her contraction ended.

"Yes you can, Lil. You're Lilly Rush you can do anything" she heard him encourage her again. It didn't help this time. He didn't know what it was like. The pain, the heat, the nausea, the emotion, the exhaustion. She couldn't do it anymore, she just...couldn't. No longer having the energy speak to she just rolled her head from side to side as yet another contraction built. The strange strength that had overcome her since she'd gone into labour kicked in again and she felt her body curling forward and pushing again almost like her body had a mind of its own. The burning pain in her crotch intensified and she pushed as hard as she could willing this _thing_ to just get out of her body.

She felt the energy seep from her body as the intense pain faded, but this time she couldn't collapse back against the reassuring softness of the bed as she was being pulled forward gently by someone. Suddenly her fingers made contact with something slimy, yet so soft and she felt her heart leap in her chest as a wave of awe washed over her.

"Is that...?" she asked Scotty.

"Yeah Lil, that's Bean" he informed her lovingly.

Determination shot through her. She could do this! Bean was almost here and it was her _job _as Bean's mother to makesure it arrived safe and sound. If her baby was being ripped from her womb 5 weeks earlier than it should have been then she was going to makesure it had the best delivery into this big world as it could.

"Lilly, you're doing so well" she heard Doctor Jenson encourage her "I want you to give it everything you have on the next push so we can get this head out"

Over the next few contractions she pushed with everything she had, focused solely on what her body was trying to achieve as inch by inch her child made its' way into the world. Everything seemed so surreal and the sounds in the room drowned out so focused was she on her task. She thought she heard Scotty tell her that Bean had black hair and she thought she responded, but she couldn't be sure, so focused was she on giving birth to her child. Never had she experienced anything as intense as this in her entire life. The sound of Doctor Jenson's voice somehow permeated her intense concentration.

"Lilly, listen to me, on the next contraction I just want a little push ok? I'm going to deliver the first shoulder but we need to go slow to make sure you don't tear, ok?" Doctor Jenson instructed her.

Panic washed through her momentarily. How was she supposed to only do a little push? She'd never done this before! She didn't want to tear as she really didn't want stitches in her nether regions, but she was so desperate for this torture to be over. How was she going to do this? Her panic ended though as the strange strength entered her body once again and she responded to her body's demands, trying desperately only to push gently.

"That's great Lilly. Now just one more like that for the second shoulder and this baby will be born. You guys ready to be parents?" Doctor Jenson asked with a smile.

Scotty's eyes met with her and she felt a myriad of emotions past through her. There was one thing she was certain of though; her and Scotty were ready.

"Yeah Doc, I think we are" she heard Scotty inform Doctor Jenson his tone reflecting exactly what she was feeling.

"Okay then. Lilly, whenever you're ready" Doctor Jenson informed her.

With the next contraction she pushed as she had done before, feeling like she was having the biggest poop of her life as she felt something slide out of her body. The intense pain receded almost immediately and the greatest sense of relief, exhilaration and achievement flooded her as she collapsed against the bed completely spent. She'd done it! She'd given birth!

A sharp scream filled the air and Lilly's eyes immediately flew open and with the last remnants of energy she possessed she lifted her head up, so desperate was she to see what was causing that sound. She vaguely heard Doctor Jenson speaking and then Scotty was hugging her, talking to her.

"A girl? A girl!...Lilly We've got a girl! A...A...A daughter!" she heard Scotty whisper emotionally in her ear as he held her close to him.

Then Scotty released her and she was disappointed to find that Bean, _her daughter_, had been taken to be cleaned up and she stared longingly in the direction of her child's cries, each sound causing a stabbing pain to her heart. Even in her tired state she noticed Scotty's head flick between her and their daughter and she could clearly see the conflict in his eyes, and as much as she wanted Scotty by her side right now, she knew that Bean needed her father more.

"Go" she told Scotty imploringly "She needs you".

Contentment and relief washed over her as Scotty smiled at her with pure joy in his eyes. She watched as Scotty headed over towards their distressed daughter and revelled in the euphoric feeling she was currently experiencing. She had given birth. She had a _daughter. _She had a daughter, and she realised that her daughter had a father_, _ a very happy father if the look in Scotty's eyes was anything to go by.

Her attention was promptly brought back to her current predicament at the sound of Doctor Jenson voice.

"Lilly, I need you to bear down for me" he instructed seriously and somewhere in the back of her mind she noted the concern in his voice and the look on his face however, that thought was quickly forgotten as her head began to spin. She managed to do as she was instructed, only to be rewarded with another bout of dizziness.

"Get me 50cc's of oxytocin" she heard Dr Jenson inform the nurse seriously and a syringe of the medicine was quickly inserted into the cannula to which her IV line was attached.

"Lilly, we need to get this placenta out of you. Now I need you to bear down for me again"

She did as she was told and felt one of Doctor Jenson hands enter her vagina as the other massaged her still distended abdomen. Her head was spinning, but suddenly the dizziness intensified as she felt something slide out of her body, quickly followed by a wet sensation. She was pretty sure that Doctor Jenson swore, except she suddenly felt so weak and heavy and tired that she couldn't be sure.

Vaguely in the background she heard her daughter's distressed cries lessen to a whimper as she heard Scotty talking to their daughter. She couldn't hear what they were saying but she would recognise her partner's voice anywhere. Suddenly she was feeling very cold and everything was becoming foggy. A serene feeling overcame her as darkness started to encroach over her, one last thought drifting through her mind:

At least Bean was ok.

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><p><em>So you guys probably all hate me now, right? Remember I am poorly at the moment before you send too much hate mail my way!<em>

_With regard to the medical knowledge, I'm not a doctor and all the information comes from research on the internet, so I hope it is fairly accurate. The amounts were made up by me, no doutbt subconciously stored in my brain from the days when ER ruled on TV!_


	37. Chapter 37

_Thank you for the reviews, story alerts and Favourite Story/Author alerts. I can't believe the story has reached over 200 reviews already! I'm extremely touched and grateful that you all seem to be enjoying the story and hope that it continues. _

_And on that note, here's the next chapter! I must admit I did shed a tear whilst writing this, but that might be because I was feeling extremely soppy and emotional on the day I wrote it as I've re-read it now and didn't cry. Thought I'd better warn you just in case. _

_**Disclaimer: **Do you have more files on your desk then desk space? Check! Do any of those files containing the ownership papers to Cold Case? Uncheck. Doh! _

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><p>Scotty's eyes were glued to his daughter's as the midwife performed the Apgar test and he couldn't help but notice the flicker of concern in her eyes.<p>

"I'm just going to give her a little oxygen to help with her breathing" the midwife informed him as she held a small oxygen mask over his daughter's tiny mouth and nose. She started squirming more voraciously, her tiny face screwing up and he could tell she was about to cry again. Scotty was desperate not to hear that torturous sound again and one of his hands quickly reached down to stroke his daughter's tiny coned shaped head.

"Está bien mí híja preciosa" he soothed his daughter in Spanish, overjoyed to find that she recognised his voice whether he spoke in English or Spanish as she immediately relaxed under the sound of his voice and touch of his hand. " Papá está aquí" he soothed, lifting his other hand and placing his little finger in his daughter's hand, gasping when she held it and feeling shocked at just how much strength he felt from her tiny digits. He stayed that way, tenderly stroking her head and soothing his daughter with his voice, she never releasing her grip on his finger or moving her eyes from his face, until the midwife informed him it was time to perform the Apgar test again.

Scotty watched intently as the midwife performed the test.

"She's doing much better" the midwife informed him with a smile after a few minutes "Would you like to hold her?"

Scotty nodded his head, too overcome with emotion to speak at the prospect of holding his tiny daughter in his arms. A nurse came over then and swaddled his tiny daughter in a pink blanket, placing a pink bonnet on her head in the process, before gently lifting her from the monitoring table and placing her in his arms.

Detective Fitzpatrick had been right. It really was the best feeling in the world.

He held his daughter lovingly in his arms, tears once again flowing down his face and his lips curved into a happy smile as his daughter immediately snuggled into his warmth. Her eyelids started to droop, then shut completely as she fell asleep in his arms.

Scotty regarded his daughter. She was so tiny! Her whole body was shorter than his forearm and her features were so refined and delicate. She definitely had Lilly's skin tone and the mixture of Lilly's pale skin and his dark hair was striking, making her dark long eyelashes stand out on her cherub like face. She was simply beautiful.

"How about we go meet Mummy?" he whispered to his sleeping daughter, gently brushing his lips across her forehead in a tender kiss. His daughter sighed and wriggled in his arms and he took that as a sign that she was ready to meet her mother.

Scotty turned round and immediately froze at the scene that greeted him, his free hand instinctively coming up to protect his innocent daughter from the horror scene before them despite the fact she was asleep. He did not want her to witness any of this.

Before him Lilly's pale limp body lay on the bed, an oxygen mask had been placed over her face, her eyes were closed, her lips were blue and a pool of thick dark blood was on the floor beneath her. He's seen enough in Narcotics to know that if that was Lilly's blood, then she was in serious trouble.

"Phone the OR and tell them we're on our way!" he heard Doctor Jenson bark to a nurse in the room as Lilly's bed was wheeled out of the delivery suite with her on it, leaving Scotty and their daughter standing in the room completely and utterly confused.

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><p>Scotty Valens sat in an private room in the Maternity Department of Philadelphia Hospital, his tiny daughter soundly asleep in his arms. The bed were her mother was supposed to be was empty and still freshly made whilst the bassinet that had been set up for his daughter remained unused. He just could not detach himself from the one person who was his only link to Lilly at the moment. A nurse had very kindly gone to bring his parents to the room as he just couldn't stand the thought of leaving his 20 minute old daughter alone.<p>

His daughter whose mother could be dead right now for all he knew.

Unable to take the eerie quietness of the room any longer he started to speak to his daughter softly.

"Hey Bean. I know you're asleep right now and that you haven't met your Mummy yet, but ya gotta know that Daddy loves you very much. There's not enough words in the world to describe how much I love you, and whatever happens, I am _always_ going to be here to love you, to protect you, to care for you. You're not going to have to worry about anything Bean because Daddy is going to take care of you, your Mummy too" Scotty paused then, too choked by emotion to speak as the thought of Lilly not making it became too much for him to bear. "But don't tell Mummy that because she'll say she doesn't need to be looked after, but I know she does and deep down she knows that too. It's our little secret Bean, ok?" Scotty paused again and chuckled at the thought that he and his daughter already had a secret together "You want to know another secret Bean?" his only reply being the sound of his daughters snuffled breathing "Daddy _needs_ to look after you and Mummy. You're my little miracle Bean. Your only job is to be happy. That's all Mummy and I want is for you to be is happy. Okay? Just...be happy, because we will always love you no matter what"

Scotty pressed a gentle kiss to his daughter's cheek and wiped away the tears that had formed in his eyes as he continued to stare at the beautiful creature Lilly and he had created. Who would have thought that a drunken night of sex could result in something so perfect?

Now was not the time to get emotional, he scolded himself. No, he had to be strong for Lilly and Bean because they needed him.

"Scotty? Is everything ok?" his father voice interrupted his internal tirade as he entered the room, his mother following closely behind.

"I...I...I don't know" he answered truthfully. It had been 25 minutes since he'd last seen Lilly. 25 minutes since an obviously stressed Doctor Jenson had wheeled Lilly into the OR and a nurse had hurried explained what was happening "Lilly's bleeding heavily and they've taken her down to surgery" he informed his parents quietly.

"Oh Scotty! Is she ok?" his mother asked with concern

"I...I...don't know. They said the doctor would be in with news soon" Scotty advised his parents "But I have someone I'd like you to meet" he spoke quietly, not wanting to disturb his daughter.

It was then that his mother's eyes opened wide as she realised the baby was swaddled in pink "Is it...is it..."

"Yes, it's a girl. You have a granddaughter, Ma" he said as he stood and walked proudly over to his parents, a loving smile on his face.

Rosa gasped as she peered down at the newest member of the Valens family - the first female for 5 generations. "She's beautiful!" she exclaimed, holding out her arms indicating she wanted to hold the baby as her eyes welled with tears of happiness.

Scotty reluctantly relinquished his daughter to his mother, feeling immediately protective of her even though she was merely a foot away in her grandmother's arms, and glanced across at his father. He was surprised to see that he had a tear in his eye and a tender, proud smile on his face. When Emilio had been born he had been proud and happy of course, but he had never seen that tear and that unnerved him.

"You're ok, Dad...ya know...having a granddaughter?" Scotty asked hesitantly, a small part of him wondering if his father would feel let down by having the males only Valens line broken.

Ramiro looked up surprised. "Are you crazy? She's mi princesa" he replied softly, his hand gently stroking the top of her head as he stared intently at his first granddaughter, finally placing a soft kiss to her still coned shaped head.

"Gosh Scotty, she's so tiny. How much does she weigh? What were her measurements?" Rosa asked with awe and concern, her eyes still not leaving the tiny infant's face.

"She's 5lb 4.5oz, her head circumference is 12 inches and she's 19.5 inches long" Scotty stated, knowing that although she was an ok weight for a premmie, her length made her look extremely skinny.

"Don't you worry, mi amorcita, we'll soon get you fattened up" Rosa whispered to her granddaughter pressing a gentle kiss to the tip of her nose. The baby screwed up her face and brought her tiny fist up to brush whatever was disturbing her away from her face causing Rosa and Ramiro to chuckle.

"She looks just like you!" they said in unison, before gasping as their granddaughter opened her eyes and gave her grandparents the first glimpse of her bright blue eyes - as well as her own version of Lilly's Ice Queen stare Scotty noted.

"But her eyes are all Lilly's" Rosa commented lovingly "Aren't they?" she cooed to the baby "just like your Mummy's".

Scotty couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped his throat as his daughter looked between her grandparents, took a deep breath, sigh, and he swore shrug her shoulders, before snuggling back into the warmth of her blankets, closing her eyes and going back to sleep, the near 20 hours of labour she had endured obviously taking its toll.

"Do you want us to watch her while you go and tell the team?" Ramiro asked, his mother still so wrapped up in her new granddaughter.

A wave of panic washed over him. The team! How could he tell the team what had happened? Would they blame him? After all, he was the one that had gotten Lilly pregnant and if it wasn't for him she wouldn't have just given birth and her life wouldn't be hanging in the balance right now. He swallowed as he thought about the friendly warnings that Boss, Will and Nick had given him about hurting Lilly and Bean when they had first heard he was the father of Lilly's child. Any other time he would gladly have taken a beating, but he couldn't, not now, not while Bean needed him.

And what about Bean? He knew his parents would take great care of her for the few minutes he would be with the team, but truth be told, he just couldn't bring himself to leave her. Right now, he probably needed her more than she needed him.

"I...I don't know if I can" he informed his parents brokenly.

Ramiro shared a look with his wife before coming over and squeezing his son's shoulder reassuringly. "I'll tell them, don't worry"

Scotty smiled gratefully at his father "Thanks Dad"

"Might be nice if I have a picture of the baby to show them though? You know, cushion the blow" he said whilst retrieving the digital camera from his pocket and waving it for Scotty to see.

Scotty jolted with surprise. It had been almost 30 minutes since Bean had been born and he still did not have one picture of her! He'd been annoyed when he'd first realised he'd forgotten to put a camera in the hospital bag, but then he had been so focused on Lilly and helping her with her labour and time had just rushed by since Bean had been born and he was now just realising there were no photos of his daughter yet.

"I don't know Dad" he replied awkwardly "I mean Lilly hasn't even held her yet and I don't feel right about the team seeing a picture of her before Lilly has met her own daughter"

Ramiro smiled reassuring. "That's ok mi hijo, it was just a thought and I'm sure they'll understand. How about we take some pictures of her now to show Lilly when she comes out of surgery though?"

Scotty nodded. "Yeah Dad, that sounds great"

"Ok, well I'll go tell everyone and then I'll come back and take some pictures, ok?"

Scotty nodded and saw his father disappear out the door from the corner of his eye, his attention already returning to his daughter and the intense urge to hold her again came over him.

"Ma..." he spoke hesitantly to his mother, not sure how she would react to having to give up her granddaughter so soon. But he _needed_ to hold Bean now, he needed to feel connected to Lilly in whatever way he could.

Rosa looked up and saw the desperation in her son's eyes and the longing expression on his face, desperation and longing she immediately recognised having given birth to two of her own sons.

"Te amo, tu es mi amorcita" she whispered to her tiny granddaughter, before she gently pressed a kiss to the child's forehead and returned her to Scotty's arms.

"You did good Scotty" she informed her son proudly, but her tone soon turned serious "But whatever happens with Lilly, you can't mess up now like you did when Elisa passed. You can't drink when you have a baby and you can't go out doing goodness know what when you have a child. You have responsibilities now and your father and I will help out however we can, but ultimately she's yours Scotty".

Scotty sighed. Trust his mother to lecture him at one of the worst times of his life.

"I know Ma" he informed her seriously, briefly glancing up to meet his mother's eyes so she could see how serious he was.

Rosa saw the love and adoration pouring from her son's eyes and knew that whatever happened with Lilly, both her son and granddaughter would be ok.

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><p><em>The Spanish is translated from an online EnglishSpanish dictionary so if it's wrong or offensive, I apologise. Similarly, the terms of endearment are from forums on the internet so I hope they are fairly accurate and not offensive. From what I can remember of my GCSE Spanish they seems about right, but well, that was over a decade ago now and Spanish was never my strong suit! I also hope Bean's head circumference is about right, because although I know the weight/length is about right, I can't find anything about head circumference on the internet and fortunately my friends have all had full term babies so their measurements are no good. _

_BTW I wanted this chapter to be sweet with Scotty bonding with Bean and Bean meeting her grandparents, but it was difficult given the situation with Lilly. I hope I accomplished at least some sweetness after all the drama that's been going on!_

_Until next week..._


	38. Chapter 38

_Thanks for the reviews of Life Unexpected. I know you must be getting a bit frustrated with all the drama that's going on and not getting much resolution, but things will be moving forward - just slowly! Seems there is a lot to explore around this subject matter. _

_And on that note, here's the next chapter! I hope you enjoy. Not sure if I like the first few paragraphs but I decided to leave them in anyway. _

**Disclaimer: **_I am currently the owner of an airline ticket and hotel voucher for a trip to Turkey in the summer, unfortunately Cold Case was not included in the deal_.

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><p>Ramiro Valens walked back towards the private room that currently housed his wife, son and his little princesa. He had just informed Lilly and Scotty's colleagues of the latest developments and it had not been an easy task. One minute they had all looked so joyous, happy and proud - just like he had experienced a few minutes ago - the next they had been plunged back into the murky world of devastation, anxiety and fear as he informed them all of Lilly's predicament. He had tried to convince them to leave promising to call them once they knew more on Lilly's condition, but once again they had all refused to go. Having spent the last day in the waiting room with John, Will, Nick and Kat he knew it would be futile to try and argue with them so he left them to deal with the situation in their own way. There weren't many things he liked about his son's dangerous job, but he liked the fact that being a police officer automatically gave his son another family to rely on. Sometimes his youngest son could be so strong-willed, headstrong and stubborn, not to mention being the king of self-blame when life went wrong even when he had no control over things, like now, that sometimes his own blood family was not enough to save him from himself and that additional bond he shared with his colleagues always seemed to help his son, and for that he was grateful.<p>

As he walked closer and closer to the hospital room he couldn't help the small smile that appeared on his face at the thought of seeing his little princesa again. Despite what was happening with Lilly, he was just so happy and proud to have his nieta, his little princesa, in the family. Ramiro was a man of few words and generally he left the talking to his wife, but part of him had always wanted a daughter, a little replica of his beloved Rosa to spoil, and although it was not meant to be for him and Rosa, he was so proud to have his little nieta in the family. His beautiful princesa, with her thick dark hair and bright blue eyes, and he knew that she already had him wrapped around her little finger, his son too although he doubted Scotty realised that yet, and he would be spoiling her rotten in the years to come.

He would be lying if he said he hadn't been disappointed when his youngest son had told him that he had gotten a woman pregnant outside wedlock - he'd thought that he and Rosa had raised their son better than that - but he'd heard rumours of Scotty's behaviour since Elisa had passed and truth be told, he wasn't surprised when Scotty had come to dinner that fateful day back in August and told them his news. He'd also be lying if he said he wasn't pleasantly surprised when he'd met Lilly. When Scotty had said the mother of his child was one of his work colleagues he'd had visions of her being one of his trashy informants from the days when he'd worked undercover, so he was pleasantly surprised when he'd first met Lilly and discovered she was his son's partner. He knew right away that things were going to turn out ok for his son and grandchild because Lilly was, well, Lilly. She wasn't pretentious, she didn't play games with his son and she was smart, smart enough to keep his son in check. Plus, she seemed as desperate to give her child a family as the Valens were to have their grandchild in their life. It had taken his wife a little longer to warm to Lilly, but after Rosa's encounter with Lilly's mother, well, there had been no doubt in either of their minds that Lilly and her child would be welcomed into the Valens family, no questions asked.

With a newborn baby Scotty and Lilly were going to need all the help they could get and Rosa and he were going to be there to support them both, no matter what happened. He considered Lilly his daughter now, even if there was no marriage certificate, and he knew that Rosa felt the same way. If the worst happened with Lilly they would be there to help Scotty and his princesa out all they could. He knew that Rosa had always wanted a daughter too, had secretly hoped for one when she was pregnant with Scotty, and he was actually worried about how he would stop his wife from smothering their nieta too much. There was no doubt in his mind that the baby would be equally spoilt by her abuela as she would be by him. She was going to be one loved and spoilt child whatever happened.

Over the past few months he'd noticed how close Lilly and Scotty had grown, especially at Christmas, and although his son still swore that nothing was going on between himself and Lilly, he knew that something was growing between them. Whether they knew it was a different matter, but he hoped that if Lilly pulled through this whole experience would bring his son and Lilly closer together and that one day he could officially call Lilly his daughter in law. He just wanted Lilly, Scotty and his nieta to have the family they all deserved.

Saying a final prayer to God that Lilly would be ok, he opened the door to the hospital room and chuckled at the sight that greeted him.

"That's enough Ma!" Scotty exclaimed angrily "You're going to blind her if you keep taking pictures!"

Before him sat Scotty who was once again holding his daughter whilst his wife excitedly took photos of their new nieta.

"Come mi querida, give them a break" he said as he entered the room and gently grabbed his wife's hand that was holding the camera. "You've taken 20 pictures already!" he exclaimed when he looked at the camera's display screen.

"I just want to makesure I get all the pictures of her I can before she changes too much. You know how quickly they grow up. It seems like only yesterday that Scotty was born" Rosa stated with exasperation.

"She's 45 minutes old mi querida. I don't think she's going to change or grow up too much in the next few hours. Let's just let her rest for a little bit, ok?" he spoke to his wife kindly knowing that she was just excited over finally having a girl in the family.

"But I haven't had a picture with her yet" Rosa spoke dejectedly.

Scotty sighed. "Here Ma, you can hold her and I'll take a few shots, you too Dad, then that's it, ok? She's had a long day and she needs to rest. It's been a big day for her" he tried to appease his parents.

Rosa smiled happily at her son as Scotty gently handed the baby back over to her once again "Thanks mi hijo " she said sincerely.

Scotty took the camera from his father, fighting the protective feeling he had over his daughter once again, and started taking pictures of Bean with her grandparents. Truth be told, the flash of the camera didn't seem to be bothering her one bit, but she was so small and so fragile that he didn't want to risk anything harming his tiny daughter.

"Um, Dad? How did the team take the...the news?" Scotty asked his father hesitantly as he took another picture of his daughter and his parents.

Ramiro looked up from the tender gaze he had been giving his granddaughter and looked his son in his eyes.

"They're all very happy the baby is ok, and Kat said something about winning a bet? They're all worried about Lilly though" he told his son gently.

"Are they still here?" Scotty asked awkwardly as he still wasn't sure what their reaction to him would be knowing that he had caused Lilly to be in the situation she currently was.

Ramiro nodded his head once. "They're going to stay until they know what happens with Lilly" he informed his son soberly, to which Scotty just nodded his head and took a few more shots before a voice from the door interrupted him.

"Hi. I'm Doctor Greenway" a young woman in her late 20's greeted them all warmly, the doctor being thoroughly aware of the precarious situation the family was currently in "Doctor Jenson is still with Lilly, but he asked me to check up on Baby Rush"

"It's Rush-Valens" Scotty corrected automatically as he turned his attention to the doctor. "Hi, I'm Scotty Valens, the father" he greeted the new doctor.

"Oh, I'm sorry. It says here that Lilly is not married I'll just..."

"She's not...We're not" Scotty confirmed "but we agreed the baby's surname is going to be Rush-Valens"

Doctor Greenway smiled sympathetically at Scotty "I'm sorry. We legally have to use the mother's surname in the hospital for the baby, so unless you're married we going to have to use Rush I'm afraid. It's for identification purposes you see in case there is an infant abduction etc. I hope you understand."

Scotty nodded his understanding. Next time he was here he would make sure his child had his surname on their hospital tag.

Doctor Greenway turned her attention to the other occupants of the room, in particular to the woman holding the baby. "You must be the grandparents. Congratulations." she greeted them with a smile.

"Thanks. I'm Ramiro Valens and this is my wife Rosa. You said you needed to check up on the baby?" Ramiro answered the doctor politely.

"Yes that's correct, her one hour check up is due. Would you mind putting her in the bassinet so that I can run a few tests?" Doctor Greenway asked kindly.

"Wait! An hour! What's happening with Lilly?" Scotty asked frantically as he watched his mother slowly walk over to the plastic bassinet and set his tiny daughter down. He couldn't believe it had been an hour since he had last seen Lilly being wheeled out of the horror scene that was the delivery room.

Again Doctor Greenway smiled at Scotty sympathetically "I'm not sure, but I'm sure Doctor Jenson will be out with news as soon as possible" she tried to reassure everyone.

Scotty barely heard what the doctor was saying as he stood next to the bassinet, an intense frown coating his features and his arms rigidly folded across his chest as he watched his daughter and the doctor like a hawk. Carefully the doctor unwrapped the nest of blankets that contained his tiny daughter immediately caused her to start crying as the cool air hit her body. Scotty flinched at the sound and tried to reassure his daughter.

"Está bien mí hija preciosa. Papá está aquí" he spoke softly and tenderly hoping to soothe Bean.

He watched as Doctor Greenway poked and prodded his daughter, causing his daughter's cries to become louder and anger started to boil within him. How dare the doctor treat Bean like this? The doctor was being far too rough with his delicate daughter in his opinion and it was taking all of his self-control, not to mention the fact that his parents were in the same room, not inform the doctor of his opinion.

A frown not too dissimilar to his own was currently screwing up his daughter's beautiful face as her arms and legs flailed around wildly trying to fight off whatever test the doctor was trying to conduct.

Suddenly a nurse came flying into the room and his attention was drawn away from his squirming and distressed daughter.

"Scott Valens?" the nurse asked frantically.

Startled, Scotty looked up at the nurse and immediately his heart dropped into his stomach. The nurse had an anxious, almost panicked look on her face and there was blood smeared all over her scrubs.

"That's me" Scotty answered in a tight voice, the sight of the bloodied scrubs and the sound of his screaming daughter almost becoming too much for him to bear.

"Good" the nurse breathed out a sigh of relief. "You're listed here as Lillian Rush's next of kin and we need you to sign these consent form." she stated urgently.

It was only then that Scotty realised the nurse held a brown folder in her hand and that he was indeed Lilly's next of kin. Not long after completing their wills they had both changed their next of kin forms at work to each other figuring that if anything happened to either one of them, the other would need to know immediately so they could make arrangements for the baby. Little did he know that barely a month later he would have Lilly's life in his hands.

Looking down at his screaming daughter and then desperately over at his parents, a wave of gratitude washed over him as his mother left his father side and came to stand in his place by the cot. Softly she started to sing a lullaby to her granddaughter in Spanish in an effort to soothe the screaming infant and he moved over to the nurse so he could concentrate on what she was saying.

"Wh...what's happened with Lilly?" he asked in a desperate tone.

"There was a problem delivering Lilly's placenta, and although Doctor Jenson was eventually able to retrieve all of it, she's haemorrhaging. Badly. They've tried all the non-invasive treatments they can, but now they either need to clamp the blood vessels leading to her uterus or they need to perform an emergency hysterectomy" the nurse informed him hurriedly "And we need you to sign these consent forms before we can do anything."

Behind him he heard his mother gasp and stop singing, but was relieved when not a moment later his father took up signing the lullaby and was quickly re-joined by his mother, albeit her voice now sounding a lot more choked. Scotty couldn't help but stare wide-eyed at the nurse as his frazled brain tried to comprehend what she had just said. He had to give the surgeon permission to take away one of the parts of Lilly that made her a woman? He would solely be responsible for ending her chance of having another child with one flick of his signature? How was he meant to make that decision?

"Please Mr Valens, I know this is a shock, but we need you to sign these urgently. Lilly's already on her 4th blood transfusion" the nurse stated pleadingly.

"Is...is she going to...to die?" he whispered to the nurse feeling his heart start to break and tears fill his eyes.

The nurse paused "Doctor Jenson and Doctor Marsden, the Chief Gynaecologist, are with her and they're doing everything they can" she answered sombrely.

Reading between the lines of what the nurse was saying Scotty realised how grave the situation was. Grabbing the pen from the nurse he scrawled his signature along the bottom of each form. It was barely legible as his hand was shaking so badly, but he didn't care. He didn't care if Lilly had a hysterectomy, he didn't care if she was mad at him, he didn't care if she hated him for what he had just done, he didn't care if she never spoke to him again because of what he had just signed, all he cared about was making sure that Lilly...survived. He couldn't live without his partner. He just...couldn't.

Hurriedly the nurse picked up the phone in the room and dialled as extension "I've got it" was all she said before she slammed down the phone and ran out of the room again.

Scotty sent a silent prayer to God that Lilly was ok and that he hadn't just made the worst decision of his life. Lilly had been through so much in her life that she didn't deserve to have the chance of motherhood ripped out of her hands at the last possible moment. Their daughter was so tiny and innocent that she didn't deserve such a cruel fate either.

Turning round he found that Doctor Greenway was just finishing the tests on Bean.

"Well?" Scotty demanded, not caring how rude he sounded. With the news he had just been given about Lilly he wasn't sure how much more he could take.

"Mr Valens. Your daughter appears to be suffering from low body temperature" Doctor Greenway informed him gently, not thrown by is gruff demeanour in the slightest.

Scotty felt his face and heart fall. "There's...there's something wrong with her?" he asked the young woman, devastation clear in his voice and face.

"It's nothing too serious. Low body temperature is quite common in newborn babies as they have trouble regulating their own body temperature and I think we need to try kangaroo care. Have you heard of that?" Doctor Greenway asked him kindly.

Scotty simply shook his head.

"Well it involves the baby lying skin against skin with someone. We normally suggest the mother, but seeing as Lilly is...indisposed...how do you feel about the baby being placed on your chest, skin to skin. It would mean having to take your tee-shirt off..."

Before the doctor could speak another word, Scotty had stripped off his tee-shirt, scooped up his still crying daughter and placed her directly against his chest.

"Shhhh Bean. It's ok. Daddy's got you" he whispered to his crying daughter who was wriggling around on his chest. "Shhhh mi hija preciosa. Papí está aquí." he whispered again, gently kissing the top of her cone shaped head, rocking her gently as he started to pace across the room.

Bean's cries started to lessen at the sound of her father's voice and the bobbing motion of his steps and she promptly curled herself up into a little ball as Scotty held her securing in his arms against his chest, directly above his heart.

"That's great Scotty, but it would be best if you could sit down with the baby so we can place blankets over the both of you" Doctor Greenway advised.

Scotty nodded and immediately placed himself back on the visitor's chair beside the empty bed. Doctor Greenway placed the pale pink baby blankets over Bean and then retrieved some extra blankets from the cupboard in the room, promptly placing them over him and his daughter for extra warmth. Once the blankets had been arranged he looked down at his daughter and was surprised to find that she had tilted her head upwards and she was staring at him intently. She had also unfurled one of her arms from the tight ball she was in and had reached up and grabbed the St Joseph that still hung from the chain around his neck - a chain he had not removed since Lilly had given him the pendent on Christmas Day, a chain and pendent he didn't plan on removing anytime in the near future. Scotty returned Bean's gaze and was simply mesmerised with his daughter and he enjoyed watching her as she studied him, she seemingly as curious about him and he was of her.

"I'll be back in a little while to check up on her" Doctor Greenway finished with a smile as she departed the room.

"Scotty, we're going to go too" his father informed him. "Your mother and I are going to go and update your colleagues about Lilly and inform the family about our nieta and then grab some coffee, ok?"

"Ok" Scotty stated quietly, too busy memorising every one of his daughter's tiny delicate features and continuing to fall in love with her as each second passed. How was it possible to love someone so much already?

"Ok. I have my mobile if you need us" his father stated as his mother came over and kissed Bean and him on the check whilst his father squeezed his shoulder and gently caressed the back of Bean's head before he heard his parents exit the room, hearing his mother sob in the distance as she walked towards the exit of the Maternity Department of Philadelphia Hospital.

A wave of exhaustion overcame him then as he realised that it had been about 48 hours since he last slept. He knew though that he wouldn't be able to sleep again until he knew that his family were ok - because whether Lilly liked it or not, she was now part of his family and his heart ached for her.

Shaking thoughts of Lilly from his head, his focus returned to the tiny person that was resting against his chest. His primary focus right now was getting Bean's body temperature up, because if he couldn't help Lilly, he was going to do everything in his power for their daughter. Thankfully he had always been warm blooded and sitting under the layers of blankets was sweltering hot so he soon started to sweat. Although it was uncomfortable he didn't care because he knew that his daughter needed that extra warmth. The mother of his child was in surgery, possibly dying, and if his daughter needed his body heat then he'd sit next to a volcano if it would help.

As he continued to hold Bean against his chest he could swear that she was started to make a slight gurgling sound every time she breathed and soon enough his daughter's eyes drooped again and she fell asleep against his chest, her head now reasting directly above his heart and her tiny hand still clenching his St Joseph's tightly. He could swear that the longer he held her against his bare chest the more he could feel her struggling to breathe and for the first time in a long time he wished his mother would come back, because what Rosa Valens didn't know about babies wasn't worth knowing. She may have only had two of her own children, but new babies were a fairly common occurrence in the Valens family and his mother was a fountain of knowledge to all of his extended family. He didn't know if the gurgling sound was normal or not, but he knew his mother would know. Not for the first time today Scotty found himself saying a silent pray to God to protect his child and Lilly.

Thirty minutes later he was relieved to see his parents coming back into the room and was grateful to see that his father was carrying a coffee for him. His mother's eyes were red and bloodshot and further evidence that she had been crying could be found by the damp patch that was on the shoulder of his father's shirt, but she was composed and almost immediately her forehead crinkled into a frown as she heard the noise that Bean was emitting with every breath she took.

"Scotty, has the doctor been back in yet?" she immediately asked her son as she bent down to look at her granddaughter.

Scotty shook his head as he took at sip of the coffee his Dad had just brought him - cappuccino with cinnamon, his favourite - and relished the caffine as the warm liquid hit his stomach. "No not yet. Why? Is that gurgling sound not normal?" Scotty asked, panic starting to form in his chest.

"I'm going to get the doctor" his mother replied solemnly causing the panic inside Scotty to go up a notch, but he held it in check knowing that he needed to stay calm for his daughter.

"Dad..." he asked his Dad fearfully.

"Don't worry mí híjo. I'm sure it's nothing" he tried to reassure his son, although Scotty could see the concern in his father's eyes.

Scotty clutched his daughter to his chest even more tightly as he started at her intently, willing that gurgling sound to go away and praying to God that it meant nothing.

Ten minutes later his mother returned, red faced and furious, an equally furious looking doctor - a Doctor Khan according to his name badge - in tow. For a split second he pitied the man who tried to take on Rosa Valens when she thought one of her brood was in trouble, but as soon as the doctor stepped towards Bean a frown creased Doctor Khan's forehead and Scotty's heart fell to his stomach. Doctor Khan immediately took Bean from his chest, causing her to wake with a start, and he placed her on the empty bed in the room so he could begin his assessment.

As Scotty retrieved his tee-shirt and re-dressed he expected his daughter to start shrieking again like she had last time, but she didn't and that unnerved him. She half-heartedly flailed her legs and arms around as the doctor assessed her but she only emitted tiny cries of discomfort, as if she just didn't have the will or energy to fight anymore.

Doctor Khan completed a quick assessment of Bean and promptly turned to face Scotty with a deep frown on his face and concern in his eyes.

"I'm sorry to inform you Mr Valens, but I think the baby has a problem with her lungs. I want to admit her to the NICU so we can run some more tests"

It was at that precise moment that Scotty Valens knew exactly what it felt to have his world cave in on him.

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><p><em>Ok, so I'm betting if you didn't hate me before you're hating me now right? Again, I just ask you to trust me. <em>

_As always I would appreciate any reviews as I'm supposed to be writing an assignment right now on legal liabilities and English law but it's not going well (in fact it's not going at all!). I'm hoping that by posting this now the possibility of a review will motivate me to answer a question i.e. answer a question, check for a review. _

_Now on to disclaimers part. I don't work in the medical profession and the medical information that's in this chapter is all from research on the internet so if it's not right, apologies. I'm also not sure what the legal position is in the US with regard to baby's surnames and next of kin forms. I know in the UK they give the baby the mother's surname for the reasons given in the story and I remember my parents having to sign consent forms for me when I was in hospital, although I was under 18 at the time so I don't know if Scotty would have to sign consent forms for Lilly or not. In any case, the consent form part worked for the story and giving you an update on Lilly so I used it. _

_Until next time..._


	39. Chapter 39

_As always, thank you for your support and reviews which are appreciated. I was sure by now you would all hate me! _

_On that note, here's the next update for you. _

_**Disclaimer: **In case you haven't guessed by now, I don't own Cold Case. _

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><p><em>"I'm sorry to inform you Mr Valens, but I think the baby has a problem with her lungs. I want to admit her to the NICU so we can run some more tests" <em>

Scotty stared at his tiny daughter in total shock and devastation as Doctor Khan's words sunk in. Not only was there a very real possibility that he could lose Lilly, but now it looked like Bean's life too was in peril and he realised that today was officially the worst day of his life.

"I need to make some calls first but I'll have a nurse come and get you both when the NICU are ready for her." Doctor Khan continued. "I really am truly sorry Mr Valens" he said sincerely just before he departed from the room.

Scotty simply nodded his head as he fought to control the tears that were threatening to spill over his eyes. Now was not the time to cry though. Now was the time he had to be strong for his daughter.

What had his tiny daughter done to deserve this fate anyway? He had done plenty of things in his life that would warrant him getting shot and having to fight for his life, but his tiny daughter? She was completely innocent in all of this. She was a little under 2 hours old and already her life was hanging in the balance.

Why hadn't he insisted that Lilly go home? She shouldn't have been there, not that late at night even though her mother had passed away. Why couldn't it have been him that was shot? Why hadn't he and Kat insisted on walking Ed and Kim up to Homicide? Maybe they would have spotted the gun, maybe he could have saved Lilly from going into that room and getting shot at. He would do anything for the tables to be turned and for him to have been shot so that Lilly could still be pregnant and for Bean to be safely nestled in her mother's womb like she should be.

"Oh Scotty, I'm so sorry" he heard his mother gasp, but he couldn't answer. He was too shocked and too emotional to say anything.

Without saying another word he exited the private room into the corridor. His chest was so tight with emotion and he could barely breathe. He needed to do something, anything to get rid of this feeling of devastation and hopelessness. But he couldn't leave his daughter or his partner. He couldn't go and get drunk like had had when Elisa died because he was a father now - even if his daughter was being ripped from his arms and placed in the NICU. Right now, he was the only person that Lilly and Bean had and he had to be strong for both of them.

The mixture of hopelessness, devastation, anger, self-hatred, frustration and responsibility became too much for him to bear and before he could stop himself his hand curled into a fist and he smashed it into the wall of the corridor. Instantly he felt a sharp pain shoot through his forearm and he took a strange comfort in that. Physical pain he could deal with, but emotional pain? Emotional pain he had never been able to deal with and once again he raised his fist and smashed it into the wall relishing the sharp pain yet again.

But it didn't help. Normally boxing helped lessen whatever emotion he was feeling, pounding against something until the emotion was all but destroyed and lying in pieces on the ground, but today the punches hadn't helped. The hopelessness and devastation was still there and he didn't know what to do. For several minutes he stayed where he was, his head resting against the wall, his fist throbbing, his lungs heaving in gulps of air as he frantically tried to rein in his emotions, but all too soon he saw a nurse walking towards him in the corridor.

"Mr Valens?" she queried and Scotty nodded his head. "Hi, I'm Miranda. Doctor Khan has asked me to show you to the NICU. They're ready for your daughter now."

Scotty's heart skipped a beat. This was it. It was finally happening. He was going to have to watch his daughter being admitted into the NICU.

Scotty nodded and headed back into the private room where he had been residing with his newborn daughter for the last 2 hours. The sight that greeted him caused his heart to break further. Before him his mother had retrieved Bean from the bed where she had been examined and she now held her tiny granddaughter in her arms. His father was holding his mother so that Bean was safely nestled between his parents and they were saying a pray over her. Not wanting to interrupt the moment between grandparents and grandchild, he waited until the pray was finished before approaching his parents.

"Ma. It's time" he managed to choke out in a dead voice.

Both his mother and father kissed their tiny granddaughter one last time before handing her over to their son.

Scotty took in the sight of his daughter who was once again cocooned in her pale pink blankets and nodded to Miranda. Together they headed towards the NICU, all the time Scotty stared into the wide brilliant blue eyes of his innocent daughter and he could see just how exhausted she was as she continued to make the gurgling sound every time she breathed. He memorised every one of her tiny features one last time and tried to memorise what the warm, loving, comfort feeling having her in his arms felt like - because he knew that feeling was going to be the only thing that was going to get him through the next few days.

All too soon the trio reached the NICU and Miranda buzzed them into the specialist unit, guiding him and Bean over to an incubator where he gently placed her down.

"It's going to be ok Bean. Mummy and Daddy love you very much and I'm going to come back as soon as I can. Mummy too just as soon as she's able" Scotty whispered to his premature daughter hoping against hope that he wasn't lying about Lilly coming to visit soon. Gently he stroked his daughter's head as he continued to talk to her "The doctors and nurses are going to make you better Bean, I promise. But you're going to have to be strong and brave for a little bit" he continued as he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and breathed in her newborn scent "You just have to stay here a little while so they can make you better" he continued, staring into her wide innocent eyes. "I love you Bean" he said as he placed one final kiss to her head.

Standing back from the incubator , he watched for a few seconds as his daughter's blankets were unwrapped and she started to whimper and squirm on the bed trying to find out what was going on as the nurses started to attach medical equipment to her. Gently Miranda grabbed his arm and guided him towards the doors of the NICU, his eyes never straying from his child as Miranda all but dragged him towards the doors. Scotty was doing ok all things considered until the split second before the doors sealed shut. That's when he heard the worst sound of his entire life. The sound of his daughter screaming in pain as he saw the first needle being inserted into her fragile skin.

He couldn't take any more and he snapped. His fists started banging on the doors as he screamed at the doctors and nurses to let him back in. Didn't they know that his daughter needed him?

Moments later his arms were restrained and he heard a familiar voice behind him. Turning round he was surprised to see that it was father who restraining him, rather than security like he'd assumed, and his mother stood in front of him.

"Ma" he said in choked voice, the emotions of the day overcoming him as he collapsed into his mother's arms and sobbed like a child. Right now though, he didn't care. What had started off as being the best day of his life, had quickly descended into being the worst. It was worse than yesterday when he'd thought Lilly had been shot, worse than the day Elisa and he had received news of her schizophrenia, worse even than the day he'd found out Elisa had committed suicide. Lilly was in theatre as the doctors frantically tried to stop the blood haemorrhaging from her body and now their daughter was in NICU.

Scotty didn't care that he was standing in the middle of the corridor outside the NICU sobbing like a child into his mother's shoulder. He just didn't have the strength to fight anymore. He was exhausted. In the last 48 hours he had shot and killed someone, witnessed the woman he cared about most not only entail a hostage situation, but go through nearly 20 hours of excruciating labour only to be wheeled straight into surgery before she had even met her own daughter, and then handed their beautiful, tiny, completely innocent daughter over to a bunch of strangers in the hope that they could fix whatever her medical problems were. It was then he realised just how cruel the world was.

"Scotty?" a voice asked from behind him.

"Yes" he answered, somehow managing to drag his body away from the comfort of his mother's warm embrace as he recognised the voice who had called his name. "What is it doctor? Is Lilly ok?" he asked, not caring that his voice was still choked with emotion and he was still wiping tears off of his face as he turned to face Doctor Jenson. If the doctor noticed he definitely didn't say anything.

"They told me I could find you up here" Doctor Jenson began "Lilly's out of surgery"

"Oh thank God!" Scotty exclaimed and he heard his parents sigh in relief behind him "Did everything go ok?" he asked, concerned by the serious expression on the doctor's face.

"We managed to clamp all of the blood vessels that were pumping blood into Lilly's uterus and we've managed to stop the haemorrhaging, but she lost a lot of blood and we did lose her for a couple of minutes" Doctor Jenson informed the Valens' sombrely.

Scotty froze and he could swear his heart skipped a beat as his tired brain tried to digest the doctor's last statement. He hoped the doctor had not just said what he thought he did "Wh...what do you mean, you lost her for a couple of minutes?"

Doctor Jenson sighed and Scotty realised then just how worn he looked. "I'm not going to lie to you Scotty, she was haemorrhaging serverely and as much blood as we were pushing into her she was pumping out of her uterus. At one point her heart did stop and we couldn't get it restarted for nearly 2 minutes. She's stable now but she'll be monitored in Intensive Care for the next 48 hours"

Scotty once again felt like he was back in the interview room when Lilly had told him she was in labour. The world seemed to be whirling around him, but he felt like he was underwater and he was having a hard time taking in what Doctor Jenson was telling him.

"But she's going to be ok, right?" he asked the doctor desperately.

"She's on intravenous antibiotics to prevent any infection and morphine to help with the pain, but she still requires a blood transfusion that will be administered over the next 24 hours. Otherwise she's ok for now. Mighty bruised, but ok" the doctor assured them, a small smile finally gracing his features.

"Oh thank God!" Scotty exclaimed again, his stomach rising slightly from the depths of hell where it had been residing. "So you didn't have to do a hysterectomy?" Scotty asked seriously, wanting to clarify beyond any doubt that Lilly still had all her internal organs.

"It was a close call, but no, we didn't have to do a hysterectomy and her organs are still all intact" Doctor Jenson confirmed.

Relief flooded through Scotty and suddenly he stepped forward and grabbed the man in front of him, squeezing him as hard as he could in a hug.

"Thank you doctor, thank you" Scotty stated quietly, gratitude filling his words. After a few seconds he released the doctor from his grip.

"No problem Scotty. She's in recovery now and she'll be monitored in Intensive Care over the next few days but you should be able to see her in the next hour or so" the doctor informed them. Scotty simply nodded as Doctor Jenson excused himself to attend to another patient.

Scotty's mind was whirling once again. Lilly had died? Lilly had died but she had been resuscitated? Doctor Jenson had just assured him she was ok, so she must be. She had all her organs, and his daughter was going to have a mother.

Every part of his body ached to see his Lilly, to reassure himself that she was still alive. He was desperate for her, but he couldn't leave his daughter. Turning back round to the NICU he peered through the large glass windows and saw his daughter at the rear of the room. The number of doctors and nurses had reduced and now there appeared to be only one nurse with her. Bean seemed to be asleep and he realised there was nothing more he could do for his daughter tonight.

However, there was something he could do for Lilly. He could be there for her when she woke up, because if she had almost died giving birth to his child there was no way he was going to have her wake up alone. Lilly had been through enough in her life, and having just experienced what he had in the last 2 hours, he knew that Lilly was going to need him as much as he needed her when she woke up. Decision made he turned towards his parents.

"Dad..." he began but was cut off by his father.

"Go Scotty. I'll tell your colleagues that Lilly is ok" Ramiro informed his son.

"And I'll make sure they go home" his mother stated with finality "And then we're going home too but we'll be back first thing in the morning to see Lilly and our amorcita"

Scotty nodded and noticed then just how tired his parents looked. Hell, he was exhausted and he was nearly 30 years younger than them! Turning he heading towards Intensive Care to see Lilly, before a horrifying thought popped into his head.

"Dad!" he turned round quickly hoping to catch his parents before they left the NICU.

Ramiro turned round with a small smile on his face "Don't worry mí híjo. I won't tell them she died"

A small relieved smile appeared on his face and he nodded to his father in confirmation before Scotty and his parents resumed their respective journeys.

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><p><em>Just a small note to those readers in the UK, this is not based on what happened to Amanda Holden! I actually drafted his chapter out around Christmas and is semi-based on a real life experience. Again, medical knowledge taken from the internet, so if it's incorrect I apologise. <em>


	40. Chapter 40

_Thanks for your kind reviews, story alerts and favourite story notifications. It is very much appreciated. _

_I can't believe this story is up to 40 chapters already! Enjoy! When I started this I had no idea it would turn out to be this long and I hope you guys continue to enjoy it as I'm still enjoying writing it. _

_**Disclaimer: **I've received 3 out of 7 results back from the assignments I've submitted for my latest course, unfortunately the ownership papers to Cold Case were not included with the "helpful" feedback. _

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><p>The first thing Lilly Rush became aware of as consciousness encroached on her was that she felt like she had been hit by a train. She felt heavy and her abdomen felt like it had been pulled apart, beaten into a pulp and then thrown back together again. Slowly she opened her eyes and for a split second she could have sworn she saw her mother standing in the corner of the room.<p>

"Mum?" she whispered with confusion into the dimly lit room, but not a second later the figure disappeared.

Her groggy brain desperately tried to remember what had happened to her to make her feel like this and she tried to raise her right hand to touch her bump and makesure Bean was ok. Immediately she felt a sharp stinging pain in her shoulder and she couldn't help the groan of pain that escaped out of her mouth. Suddenly the events of the past 72 hours came flooding back to her.

Her mother dying, Ed Marteson, being shot at, labour, delivery and then...and then...

Frantically she searched her groggy brain trying to remember what had happened after she'd given birth. Did she had a son or daughter? What had happened to the baby? Where was Scotty? No matter how hard she tried to remember, she just couldn't and she felt so guilty. Minutes? Hours? Days? Into being a mother and she had already failed.

As her numbed senses came to, she realised there was another occupant in the room and she turned her head fractionally to see the sleeping face of her partner. Instantly her heart leapt and a tiny smile appeared on her face. He was still here! After everything he had witnessed he'd stayed! She wanted to reach for him, to call his name and ask him where their baby was, but her throat felt like sandpaper and all types of medical equipment were attached to her arms.

"Scot-...Scotty" she croaked.

Immediately Scotty was wide awake, his eyes wide with surprise, but still heavy with exhaustion as he stared at Lilly.

"You're awake!" he exclaimed, leaning forward and grabbing her hand. "How do you feel?" he asked with concern, worry deep in his eyes "Squeeze the drip Lilly and it will make the pain go away" Scotty informed her seeing Lilly flinch with pain as she tried to move on the bed.

"Where's Bean?" Lilly croaked, desperate to know where her child was and wanting to know where the baby was before she made her mind even more foggy with drugs. Desolation and fear clouded Scotty's eyes causing Lilly to panic. What had happened to Bean?

Scotty gulped. Part of him had hoped the doctors had been wrong and that Bean was fine so he wouldn't have to break the news to Lilly, but they weren't and he did.

"Her lungs are a little underdeveloped and she has very mild jaundice so the doctors have admitted her to the NICU" he said, his voice dripping with helplessness and sorrow.

At that time Lilly's tired brain could only focus on the first word of Scotty's sentence.

"Her? We have a daughter?" Lilly queried before requesting water, no longer able to withstand the feeling of sandpaper in mouth and throat.

A proud smile appeared on Scotty's lips and he immediately grabbed the cup of water next to Lilly's bed, helping support her head and steadying the cup as she took some much needed sips of the cool fluid.

"Yeah Lil, we got a daughter" he confirmed, love shining from his eyes and a soft tender smile on his face as he described their child "And she's beautiful, Lil. She's got all this black hair and milky white skin, but her eyes Lil, they're just like yours. So blue and inquisitive. She's breathtaking Lil".

Tears appeared at the corner of Lilly's eyes and Scotty tenderly wiped them away with his thumbs.

"Hey Lil. What's up? The doctor said she's going to be ok. She suffering a little from jaundice and she also has RDS - Respiratory Distress Syndrome - which means her lungs aren't producing enough surfactant which is a coating that lubricates her lungs. They're giving her extra surfactant and treating her with steroids to help strengthen her lungs. They think she should be fine in the next 1-2 weeks" he assured "She's really going to be ok"

After the doctor had informed Scotty that Lilly was out of surgery and was going to be ok, he'd immediately gone to Intensive Care and found her fast asleep on the bed. She'd looked so pale and had so many wires attached to her body that he had simply flopped down in the chair beside her and started praying, hoping the small gesture would somehow help Lilly and Bean through their ordeals. His parents had informed the team of the latest developments and Rosa had managed to convince them all to go home and rest, seeing as they'd all been at the hospital for 2 days straight and both Lilly and Bean were out of imminent danger.

Two hours after Lilly had been admitted to Intensive Care Doctor Jones, Bean's doctor, had come to inform him that after some blood tests and a chest x-ray, they had made a diagnosis and he informed Scotty of Bean's health problems. He'd explained that although RDS was most common in babies delivered under 34 weeks gestation, it wasn't unusual to see it in babies born between 34 and 36 weeks gestation. He explained the treatment and assured him that she would make a full recovery and he didn't anticipate any long-term health problems. He'd also advised that they'd had to insert a feeding tube into his tiny daughter as they'd tried to feed her and she'd struggled with the sucking motion, given her breathing difficulties, the fact she was premature and she was still tired from her birth. The doctor had advised that he hoped to remove the feeding tube in the next 24-48 hours once the treatment had taken effect and she had recovered more from being born.

Relief had flooded through him and he'd said a silent pray of thanks that both his partner and his child were going to be ok. Granted it was going to take them a while to recover, but ultimately neither were at death's door and that was all he was asking for. However, beside him tears continued to fall from Lilly's eyes.

"No...no...it's not that! Well... it is obviously...but I didn't remember she was a girl...and I can't remember what she looks like or holding her!" Lilly exclaimed between sobs "I can't even remember my own daughter Scotty!"

It was only then that Scotty realised that Lilly probably hadn't seen her daughter. As soon as she'd been born he'd enveloped Lilly in a fierce hug which had probably obscured the view of her daughter. When he had cut the cord, Doctor Jenson had been holding Bean and then she'd immediately been whisked off to be assessed and Lilly hadn't had a chance to hold her before she'd fallen unconscious and been taken to the OR.

"You didn't get a chance to hold her before you passed out, Lil" he soothed.

"Really?" she asked in a small voice.

"Really" he confirmed. "You were bleeding so heavily Lil that they had to take you straight to surgery and they ended up having to clamp some of your blood vessels to stop your haemorrhaging" Scotty informed her darkly. "You've been asleep since the birth 12 hours ago." Scotty couldn't bring himself to tell her that for 2 minutes she had technically died too.

It was only then that Lilly realised the reason she had been asleep was not because of giving birth, but what had happened after she had given birth. Scotty said the doctor's had placed clamps inside her? That would account for the pain in her abdomen and for the groggy state of mind.

"Do you want to see a picture of her?" Scotty asked.

Lilly eyes opened wide and she nodded her head. He could see the desire written deep within his partner's eyes and he quickly retrieved his parent's camera from the bedside table and flicked to a picture of him holding Bean.

More tears welled in Lilly's eyes as she saw her daughter for the first time. But these weren't tears of joy and happiness, but tears of sadness and failure. She felt nothing for the infant in the picture. There was no instant love, no connection, nothing that made her feel like the baby in the photo was something she had made. Nothing that made the emptiness she felt inside go away. Scotty flicked through picture after picture and she could tell how much he adored Bean already. She was glad to see that Rosa and Ramiro had met their granddaughter and she could clearly see the love in their eyes, but still she felt nothing. She could see that the baby was beautiful, just as Scotty had described, and she could clearly see the baby was a Valens - except for the milky white skin and bright blue eyes that she recognised as her own - it just didn't feel like the baby was hers and that just distressed her more, making her feel like even more of a failure. A mother for less than a day and she had already failed in the basic task of loving her daughter.

Suddenly the mixture of pain, exhaustion and sheer desperation over feeling nothing for her child became too much for her to handle and for the first time in her life Lilly Rush gave up. She squeezed the drip and relishing the wave of strong pain medication as it washed over her, numbing her emotions immediately.

"I'm so tired, Scotty" she mumbled, almost instantly feeling her eyes droop from the strong drug.

"Sleep Lil" Scotty instructed from beside her "We can see Bean tomorrow."

Lilly shuddered at Scotty's words wondering how she was going to fake loving her child for the rest of her life. She was extremely grateful that the drugs were numbing all of her emotions right now and she quickly fell into a deep sleep once again.

Scotty watched as Lilly fell asleep and as soon as he was sure she was in an unconscious state, he ever so slowly lowered his head and gently pressed a kiss to her forehead. She just looked so pale and fragile in the sterile bed in Intensive Care that he was afraid she might break under his gentle touch, but he needed the physical reassurance that she was alive and well after everything that had happened. He knew he had just spoken to her, but he had been to hell and back in the last 48 hours and he was so grateful that _finally _things seemed to be getting better, that he needed that physical connection. If nothing else the past 48 hours had made him realise the depth of his feelings for Lilly and he hoped that Lilly felt the same way he did.

Exhaustion washed over him then and taking Lilly's hand is his he lent forward and rested his head beside her thigh on the bed, her hand still held gently in his. Having Lilly next to him proved too much and before he knew it he was asleep next to Lilly, the hint of a small smile on his face.

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><p><em>Medical knowledge from first hand experience (me!) and backed up with internet research (although surfactant didn't exist in my day for premature babies so I just got the steroids - have a fantastic set of lungs now though!) Oh! And I got prescribed morphine when I had my appendix taken out so I assumed they would prescribe morphine for Lilly seeing as appendix and wombs are all in the same region. <em>


	41. Chapter 41

_Thanks for all the story reviews and alerts this week, it means a lot to me especially as my week has sucked! _

_Anyway, on with the story! I think this is the chapter that you all have been waiting for and I hope it lives up to your expectations. _

_**Disclaimer:** I'm fortunate enough to own a lot of things, unfortunately Cold Case is not one of them. :-(_

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><p>Lilly Rush couldn't help the feeling of panic that rushed through her as two nurses entered her room, one wheeled a wheelchair for her. Two days she'd managed to avoid seeing her child. Two days she had managed to keep up the pretence that she wanted to see her daughter. Two days she spent feeling relieved every time the doctor had said she was too weak to make the trip to NICU. Two days she had spent feeling guilty for feeling relieved that she didn't have to go and see her baby.<p>

But last night she had been taken off the morphine, placed on infant friendly painkillers so she could breastfeed and taken back to the Maternity Ward, this morning the last of her blood transfusions had finished and she'd had her catheter removed (which had not been pleasant) and her last check merely an hour ago had deemed her infection free and strong enough to be wheeled to NICU to meet her daughter. How was she going to pull this off? More importantly, everyone was expecting her to breastfeed her daughter; how was she going to be able to nurse a child she didn't love?

For the last two days everyone had been so focused on the baby that few people had paid much heed to her, especially as she has spent most of the time sleeping, partly due to the near 20 hours of labour and delivery she had endured, and partly because she pretended to be asleep whenever someone came into her room. Granted, the painkillers had made her sleepy, but mostly it was due to her not being able to look at anyone in the eyes without feeling deeply ashamed of how she was feeling.

Scotty and Rosa Valens had been the exception though. She had insisted that Scotty stay with their child, his proud and happy face too much for her to bear for an extended period of time, and he'd only been to see her when the NICU was closed or on the brief breaks he took for lunch when Rosa and Ramiro had stayed with the baby. Each day he had told her stories about what he and Bean had been up to and he had brought her new photos of their daughter, and each time she felt the same way when she looked at the digital camera - nothing. She'd done a good job of faking though and the only person who had suspected anything was wrong with her was Rosa Valens.

Rosa had come to see her on and off during the past two days, giving her updates on how the baby was doing, how much weight she had gained etc and Lilly really had tried to sound interested and concerned, but she knew that Rosa had not brought her act and had tried to question Lilly several times, each time she had said she was tired and pretended to fall asleep. Lilly had stuck to her guns though and had not her feelings slip, 36 years of repressing her emotions had finally come in useful.

To make matters worse, she was pretty sure her milk had come into today. She was feeling especially emotional and her breasts ached and felt tingly and full, constricted almost. Her nipples were especially tender and even the thin material of the hospital gown resting against them felt uncomfortable.

"Ready to go meet your daughter Lilly?" the bubbly nurse - Ashley she thought her name was - asked excitedly. All the staff on the Maternity Ward were aware of her situation and that she was yet to meet her daughter - they were all more excited about the prospect of her meeting her daughter than she was too.

Lilly managed a weak smile "Yeah" she said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. Truth be told, apart from the total lack of emotional attachment she felt towards her daughter, her shoulder still stung from having the flesh removed by a bullet and her body still ached from the trauma of giving birth and having her insides clamped together to stop her haemorrhaging.

Ashley and the other nurse, Rosie possibly, came and detached Lilly's saline drip and guided her towards the chair. Standing for the first time in days, Lilly looked down and was saddened and distressed to see her stomach was still extended as her uterus had not shrunk yet - her uterus which would probably still be housing her daughter if she'd not gone into the observation room with Ed Marteson. It was only as she tried to sit down that she realised just how bruised and tender her centre was and she hissed in pain involuntarily, wishing she had the morphine back. God it hurt!

"Are you ok, Lilly?" Rosie asked brightly.

"Um...do you have a...a pillow that I could...um...sit on?" Lilly asked, her cheeks heating in embarrassment, anger and self-hatred flowing through her. What kind of mother was she if not only did she not love her child, but she couldn't even sit in a goddamn chair?

Rosie and Ashley exchanged knowing looks "Sure! I'll be right back" Rosie stated happily. Why was it that everyone on this ward was so happy and bubbly all the time?

Not two minutes later Rosie returned carrying an object that made Lilly's blood run cold. Rosie was not carrying a pillow like she had asked for, instead she was holding what looking like a children's swimming ring. Lilly shot Rosie an Ice Queen glare but Rosie simply ignored it.

"Try it Lilly! Trust me this is better than a pillow!" the overtly happy nurse informed her. Lilly wanted to know exactly how the 21 year old Rosie knew the ring was better than a pillow, but seeing as her choices were to either sit on the ring or directly on the chair, she thought she'd give the ring a go. It couldn't be any worse than sitting on the seat of the wheelchair anyway. Tentatively, and with the help of Ashley and Rosie she lowered herself into the ring and was surprised at how much relief it offered.

"Good luck Lilly!" Rosie called after her as Ashley and she headed towards the NICU.

The dread and terror in Lilly's stomach only exacerbated the closer she was wheeled to NICU. Above her Ashley prattled on about how excited she much be to meet her daughter, how she would find breast feeding amazing etc but Lilly just stared directly ahead of her with a blank look on her face, the time to meet her child coming closer and closer with each step Ashley took and she felt like a lamb being taken to the slaughter.

Ten minutes later, Ashley and she were stood outside NICU waiting to be let in, when suddenly the doors were buzzed open and she was being wheeled towards an incubator at the rear of the NICU. She immediately recognised the back of Scotty who was stood in front of the incubator obscuring her view of the baby it contained and the panic and shame inside of her intensified.

"Hi Scotty!" Ashley greet brightly "How's she doing today?"

"Good" Scotty replied with a smile, a smile that only brightened when he saw that Lilly was with Ashley.

"Hey, I didn't know you'd been given the all clear! You should've had them come get me, I would have brought you down" he said tenderly, crouching down in front of Lilly and stroking her check.

Lilly froze as she looked at Scotty, the look of pure adoration for his daughter still clear on his face. How could she break the heart of such an sweet, wonderful guy by telling him she didn't love their child, his daughter?

"Do you want to hold her?" Scotty asked standing up and attracting the attention of a NICU nurse. "She's just woken up and will be wanting a feed soon" he informed her. Bean had had her feeding tube removed the day before and had been happily feeding from a bottle with some donated breast milk ever since.

Lilly had never felt so panicked in her entire life and she felt completely overwhelmed. She needed to tell Scotty that she had made a mistake, that she couldn't be a mother to the baby and he could have her. She needed to tell him that he should find someone that could be a good mother to Bean - because she couldn't do it and that she would gladly sign over her parental rights to whomever that may be. She needed to get out of here, to run away, maybe even leave Philadelphia, and go somewhere where no one knew her - or the terrible thing she had done by abandoning her child.

But her body wouldn't respond and her mouth stayed shut.

As if in slow motion she saw the nurse Scotty had signalled remove the baby from the incubator, wires still attached, and come towards her. Lilly pushed herself as far into the wheelchair as she could, wanting to be as far away from the whimpering, squirming infant as possible, but she instinctively raised up her arms up to take the child, almost out of duty.

Lilly's brain screamed at her mouth to open, to communicate her feelings to Scotty, to say something, anything, but she was paralysed. Her mind drew a complete blank at what to say until suddenly her conversation with Scotty from 5 short days ago popped into her mind:

_"_ _If you need me, just say...hey, and I'll be there_"

It had worked in the observation room and maybe it would work now if she could just get her mouth to move.

"Hey!" Lilly managed in a choked whispered, just as the now crying baby was passed to her from the nurse's arms. Relief flooded through her as she spoke the word, realising that seconds from now Scotty would be there and he would take the baby and she could leave him to raise their child with a life full of love. Something she could not do.

But then something amazing happened. At the sound of her mother's voice the baby's cry turned into a whimper and she immediately opened her eyes and looked around wildly until she caught the sight of her mother's matching blue orbs. Lilly gasped as she saw the blue eyes of her daughter and a tidal wave of love and protectiveness crashed through her as she saw the innocence, curiousity and intensity they possessed.

"Hey" she whispered again, this time using a soothing tone hoping her voice would calm her daughter down further "I'm your Mummy" she continued, tears swimming in her eyes as her right hand came up to caress her daughter's tiny cheek, the stinging pain moving her right shoulder caused immediately disappearing as the feeling for her daughter washed over her, "and I love you very much"

Her daughter nestled further into her and Lilly felt the hollowness and emptiness she had been feeling for the last 2 days fade away, to be replaced by joy and happiness and disbelief and so many other emotions that she could not fathom nor identify at that moment.

"Look what we made Scotty" she whispered in awe, her eyes briefly coming up to meet Scotty's who was still crouched down beside her "She's perfect" she continued, her eyes once again fixed on her daughter, the love and euphoria she felt making the wires attached to her daughter tiny frame disappear.

"I know, Lil. I know" Scotty whispered in equal awe, his heart filling with pure joy and happiness as he watched mother and daughter meet for the first time.

"What's she called?" she asked Scotty, surprised that she hadn't thought to ask before now what her child's name was.

"Baby Rush at the moment, although I've been called her Bean still or _mi hija preciosa_. She's Ma's _amorcita _and Dad's p_rincesa _though" he informed her awkwardly, not knowing how Lilly would react to their daughter having Spanish nicknames.

"Why didn't you name her?" Lilly asked quizzically, her eyes once again meeting his briefly before quickly returning her full attention to their baby daughter.

Scotty shrugged "I just couldn't name her without you" he stated simply.

"Have you come up with any ideas?" Lilly asked distractedly, her eyes still focused on her daughter.

"Not really. Honestly, I thought we would be having a boy, ya know, with the whole 5 generation thing so I've been thinking of boys names over the last 6 months" Scotty replied sheepishly. "We know her middle name is going to be Elisa, right?" he clarified and was pleased when he saw Lilly's head nod in the affirmative "But I've been with her for 2 days and I still can't think of the perfect name. Plus, Elisa is kinda from my side and I wanted you to come up with her forename. I was kinda hoping that you'd come up with something whilst you've been recovering" he replied hopefully.

Lilly didn't have the heart to tell him that for the past two days she had been thinking of ways to avoid this exact moment. Over the past few minutes she had been holding her daughter she had fallen so deeply in love with her, and was continuing to fall in love with her more and more as the seconds ticked by, that she wondered how they were supposed to name something so small, so perfect and so innocent. A name their daughter would have for the rest of her life and that had the potential to shape her life in ways they could not even imagine. But something in Scotty's last sentence had made her think of a name. The name certainly summed up how she had been feeling since she had found out she was pregnant and how she felt about the future. It was something she thought their child had brought to both of their lives and something her mother had told her to have.

"How about Hope?" she asked Scotty.

Scotty pondered the name. Hope. Hope Elisa Rush-Valens. Hope Rush-Valens. He liked it, it had a nice ring to it, and although it wasn't an unusual name, it wasn't common either and that made it fairly unique. It was beautiful and elegant, yet simple but strong and it fit his daughter perfectly. It was definitely something he had been feeling since he'd found out Lilly was pregnant. Hope that she'd let him be a father, hope his family would accept his child and Lilly, hope that they wouldn't lose their jobs, hope that their child would be healthy, hope Lilly and he could be more than friends, and most recently, hope that Lilly and their daughter would be ok. Yes, he had certainly been _hoping_ for a lot over the last 6 months, and although it was a heavy burden for his daughter to bear, he knew she would carry the name just fine.

After all she was a Rush-Valens.

"I like it, Lil" he said wondrously.

"Really?" Lilly asked shyly.

"Yeah" he confirmed "Hope Elisa Ru..."

"No!" Lilly interrupted, her eyes leaving Hope for a second to bore into Scotty's "Just Valens, Scotty. No Rush" she advised seriously.

"But Lil.." he began.

"No, Scotty" Lilly interrupted again "You saved our lives in that observation room. It's been you and your family that have been here this whole time, not mine. She almost the spitting image of you Scotty for goodness sake! I want her to be a Valens. She is a Valens, Scotty." Lilly stated seriously, earnestly.

A proud smile illuminated Scotty face and he had no idea until that very moment just how happy it made him that Lilly wanted their child to be a Valens. Just a Valens. He wasn't going to lie and say that it didn't hurt him that his daughter's identity tags read "Baby Girl Rush", but as soon as they registered her birth, she would be a Valens and that made him immensely happy.

"Are you sure?" he queried.

"Yes Scotty, I'm sure" Lilly affirmed again. "So what do you think of your name Hope Elisa Valens?" she cooed to their newly named daughter "Do you like it?" to which Bean, rather Hope, let out a squawk and grabbed her mother's little finger, clutching it tightly in her tiny hand. "I'll take that as a yes" Lilly whispered emotionally to her daughter, amazed at the bonding sensation she felt when Hope took her hand.

"Um...sorry to interrupt, but I think it's time for Baby Rush to be fed" the NICU nurse stated, almost regretfully.

"Beth" Scotty addressed the NICU nurse friendly "this is Lilly, Bean's mother and my partner, and we've just decided on a name: Hope Elisa."

"What a beautiful name" Beth exclaimed warmly to the new parents. "Hi, I'm Beth" she greeted Lilly with a smile "I've been treating Hope since she was brought in"

Lilly looked up at Beth and returned her smile "Thank you" Lilly said gratefully "How's she doing?"

"She's doing well. She's responding to the treatment and if things keep progressing the way they have been, she should be out of here in a week or so" Beth responded positively "How do you feel about attempting breastfeeding?"

Lilly looked at her tiny daughter and saw that her head kept moving around by her breast and her mouth was open as if she was looking for something but couldn't find it. Suddenly every hesitation that Lilly had ever felt about breastfeeding disappeared as the strong urge to nourish her daughter overcame her. She was tired and she felt weak, but she knew that breastfeeding was best for her daughter and most importantly, she _wanted_ to feed her child.

"Yeah, I think I am" she replied wondrously, a hint of nervousness in her voice.

"Well let's get started then!" Beth began "Hope's still struggling to maintain her body temperature so Scotty has been doing lots of kangaroo care, do you know what that is?"

Lilly nodded "Scotty's explained it to me"

"Ok, well if you take down the top of your gown and we can then wrap the gown around Hope once she's settled on one of your breasts ok?" Beth advised

Lilly nodded, listening to the instructions carefully. "Uh, Scotty? Can you untie my gown and take Hope for a sec?" Lilly asked.

"Sure, Lil" Scotty replied awkwardly, quickly untying her gown and taking Hope - who immediately started to fuss as she was separated from her mother. He'd seen Lilly's breasts before, but it had always been in an intimate setting, in her bedroom, and never in public. He didn't like the idea of any random man being able to see his partner's chest, as far he was concerned, they were for his eyes only. He wasn't sure himself how he felt about seeing her breasts somewhere outside of the bedroom.

Lilly quickly slipped off the top of her gown, not caring that her breasts were now exposed for the world to see and signalled for Scotty to hand her Hope.

Cautiously Scotty lowered Hope into Lilly's arms, but could not escape seeing her engorged breasts and enlarged nipples. Although they looked different from the last time they had made love, he still found them attractive and he was relieved to find the pure sight of Lilly's breasts did not turn him on. Trying to fight a hard on whilst Lilly nursed their daughter didn't sit well with him and he wasn't sure if he should look as Lilly tried to breastfeed, even though he was curious. Deciding he would be a gentleman he turned his head away.

"That's great Lilly. Now if we start by putting Hope between your two breasts so she can get used to the feeling of being skin on skin with you. We're all born with the natural ability to breastfeed and you'll find that she'll start to bob her head against you before she flops her head to one side when she's ready to feed" Beth instructed.

Lilly did as she was told, ignoring the burning pain in her shoulder and discomfort in her abdomen, as she moved Hope into position. Having her lie on top of her, so close to where she had been growing only a few short days ago, helped fill a hole within Lilly that she didn't even know she had until that moment and she felt reassured by a daughter's weight on her chest. Gently she lowered her lips and pressed a tender kiss to Hope's forehead, whispering words of love and encouragement as her daughter squirmed against her. It wasn't only an emotional change that Lilly experienced, she noticed that her nipples started to tingle and she experience a feeling of pressure low in her breasts the longer Hope was on her chest. Just as Beth had advised, soon Hope's head was bobbing on her chest and flopping to one side.

"That's perfect Lilly. Now you see how she's flopping? As she does that you gradually need to move her down to a breast, supporting her head and shoulders with one hand and her bottom with the other. You should aim to draw her legs in the direction of your other breast to help line her up" Beth continued with her instruction.

Hesitantly Lilly did as she was told, not wanting to ruin the closeness she was experiencing with her daughter, or worse, drop her.

"Just there, Lilly, that's right" Beth continued to encourage. "You need to try and line up her nose so it's level with your nipple which will allow her head to tip back. Then hold her body against yours while her chin touches your breast. When she's ready you'll find that she'll lunge for your breast with her mouth wide open, and as she does, you need to push her slightly so that your whole nipple enters her mouth"

With the help of Beth, Lilly lined her daughter's mouth up as she had been instructed, trying to memorise where Hope needed to be for the future, and waited with baited breath for her daughter to attempt to latch on. Seconds later Hope's mouth open so wide and she lunged for her nipple.

"Now Lilly" Beth instructed and gathering together all her courage, Lilly pushed Hope's shoulders forward as hard as she dared fearing that she would he hurt her tiny daughter. The next thing Lilly became aware of was that the pressure and tingling sensation in her breasts and nipples had disappeared and was replaced by a gentle pulling sensation. She'd thought she would be able to feel the milk pouring from her breasts, but she was barely aware of the movement of fluid through her breasts and nipples. Similarly, she thought it would hurt - she had heard some horror stories from the mother's at her yoga class - but the sensation was actually quite pleasant. The connection she felt with Hope intensified and a warm, relaxed, peaceful feeling came over her. Hope relaxed against her and closed her eyes as she fed, her arm resting against her breast.

"You're a natural Lilly. It's not very often that mother's get their baby to latch on first time or that premmies can latch on at all so you're very lucky" Beth said sincerely. "Now I'm just going to wrap this over your other shoulder and breast and around Hope to help keep her warm" Beth advised, pointing to the discarded portion of Lilly's gown.

Lilly simply nodded, still completely mesmerised by the sight of her daughter feeding from her breast and enjoying the time to bond with her daughter. Several minutes must have passed before she realised that Scotty was no longer crouched down beside her and she raised her head wanting Scotty to be a part of this moment.

The sight that met her gaze made her heart melt. Scotty had turned beet red and his eyes were staring firmly out of the window.

"Scotty, are you ok?" she asked, trying to keep the mirth out of her voice.

"Fine, thanks" Scotty replied tersely, his eyes never waiving from the window. He'd purposely not looked or paid attention as Beth was teaching Lilly how to breastfeed in case it had made Lilly feel uncomfortable. To be honest, the thought of any baby, let alone his own, sucking on a woman's breast disturbed him and made him feel squeamish.

Lilly smirked. "You can look ya know, it's not like you haven't seen my breasts before" she exclaimed.

Reluctantly Scotty lowered his head expecting to see milk spurting from Lilly's breasts, but was surprised by the sight that greeted him. Lilly's other breast had been covered up and there was no sign of any excess milk anywhere. Lilly had a warm smile on her tired face and she looked calm and relaxed, serene even, and Hope looked completely at home snuggled up against Lilly's breast. It was in that moment that Lilly's breasts took on a new meaning for Scotty. No longer were they instruments for his, and her, pleasure. No, they were practicing their given intention to nourish a child and his respect, as well as appreciation, for Lilly's breasts grew.

"Does it hurt?" he asked automatically.

"No" Lilly replied, it just feels like someone is tugging my breast slightly. It's actually quite nice" she reassured him.

Scotty looked at the floor as he mumbled his next question "Can I touch it?"

Lilly's eyebrows raised in surprised at Scotty's request "Uh, sure" she replied uncertainly.

Scotty knelt down in front of her and gently rested his hand on her breast, surprised to find that it was firm. He'd expected it to be soft and to be able to feel the milk flowing through her skin, but he couldn't.

"This is so weird" Scotty exclaimed, not caring that he sounded like a teenager, as he placed the hand that had been on Lilly's breast gently on Hope's now normal shaped head.

Lilly looked up from their daughter and met Scotty's gaze.

"Tell me about it" she said softly, her breath passing over his mouth softly.

The new parents continued to stare at each other, their daughter resting safely between them before Lilly leant forward and rested her forehead on Scotty chin. Scotty raised his other hand and delicately placed it on Lilly's neck, gently rubbing the tight muscles beneath his fingers.

"Thanks Lil" he whispered, placing a soft kiss on her forehead "For giving me Hope - both literally and figuratively".

Slowly Lilly raised her head to stare into the endless depth of Scotty's eyes and a warm feeling rushed over her as she realised his eyes were like a mirror into her own soul, reflecting the exact same emotions she was feeling.

"Same to you Scotty " she whispered before she leant forward and pressed a long lingering kiss to his lips. A kiss that was sweet and tender, yet reverent and loving, and conveyed so many emotions between the new parents, as well as holding such promise for the future.

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><p><em>So I hope you like the name (no pun intended!). I've never had a babdy so again don't know what it's like to breastfeed, the information came from an instructional video on YouTube and other sites on the internet. <em>


	42. Chapter 42

_Hi! So...I'm back! Sorry for the long hiatus, I have to admit it was longer than I expected but I wanted to finish drafting Life Unexpected before I started posting again so that hopefully whatever else life decides to throw at me I can at least continue a regular-ish update of the story. _

_That being said, thank you so much for all your kind words, support and patience. They meant a lot to me and part of the reason I haven't deleted the Author's Note is so that I can still read all the lovely posts you made. I am also touched by how many people sent their wishes and have marked the story/me as a Favourite and also requested story alerts whilst I've been taking a break. It is truly appreciated. _

_My friends who were in the car accident are doing much better, and luckily the one who broke her neck didn't have any damage to her spinal cord so she can walk etc. I also passed my exam (with distinction!), and therefore the degree thing I was studying for, so I never have to take an exam again. :-) The overdose my relative took was an accidental overdose (the have Alzheimer's and they thought the tablets were sweets) so they're doing much better too. At the moment life is going much better, although I am booked in for my first filling in my tooth tomorrow and I'm petrified so who knows what's going to go wrong! _

_Anyway, you've all waited long enough, so on with the story..._

* * *

><p>"'Bye my little Hope Bean. Mummy loves you very much and she'll be back first thing in the morning" Lilly whispered to the tiny baby currently craddled in her arms, fighting with everything she had not to burst into tears. She had been discharged from hospital this morning and had spent the day in NICU with her daughter, but now visiting hours were over and she had to leave not only Hope, but the hospital too. For the first time in 7 days she would not only be separated from Hope, but she wouldn't even be in the same building.<p>

Gently placing the sleeping baby in her incubator she stroked her daughter's check and took one final look at her before falling into the warm embrace of Hope's father and letting him guide her out of the NICU, away from the hospital and towards the car park. She thought it was funny that this morning the hospital had been intent on her using a wheelchair to take her to the NICU, but now that she was officially discharged she was left standing on her own two feet - literally.

Tears streamed down her face as they exited the hospital and headed towards the car park. The bitter January wind hitting her full force, the freezing air chaffing the delicate wet skin of her face causing her to snuggled further into Scotty's shoulder. She didn't care how weak she appeared at this precise moment or that she was crying in front of her partner. Rosa, Alegria and Kat had all told her that her hormones would be all over the place once she'd had Bean, but she'd never believed them until she'd had Hope and she could now empathise with them completely. She was used to being in control, to not letting anyone see how she was feeling, but now she felt everything instantaneously and so strongly that she could not control her emotions anymore and she hated it.

As Scotty and she reached the car park she wondered how Scotty had done this for the last 6 nights. She felt like her heart was being ripped out, like she was leaving part of herself in the hospital, and there was nothing she could do about it.

"She's going to be ok Lil. You heard what the doctor said, right? She's responding well to the treatment, they have enough of your breast milk to see her through the night and they have our numbers to contact us if they need us" Scotty reassured his distraught partner, tightening his grip around her shoulders. Every part of him wanted to protect Hope and Lilly from the world. He wanted to take them away to a place where they could all be safe, happy and healthy, but he knew he couldn't do that and he hated that fact. He hated this whole goddamn situation.

It still unnerved him to see how upset Lilly got whenever she had to leave Hope. It had been bad enough when Hope and she had been in the same building, but now he was having to take Lilly home without their daughter and he wondered how Lilly was going to cope. She had been so emotional since she'd given birth, and although Mike had warned him that Alegria's hormones had been "unstable" when she'd had Emilio, he never imagined that Lilly would be so emotional. After all, she was the Ice Queen of Homicide. The only time he had seen her as close to emotional as she had been this past week was when Lilly and he had argued at PPD after she had found out about the cocktail waitress. Now she appeared so helpless that it scared him.

Lilly nodded into Scotty's shoulder. Logically she knew her daughter was going to be fine without her, but it didn't make _her_ feel any better. She wanted _her_ daughter in her arms, she wanted to see, hear and feel every one of her daughter's breaths so she _knew_ that Hope was alive and well. She didn't want some strange nurse monitoring her daughter, she was her mother, it was her _job_ to look after her daughter - a job she so desperately wanted to do but couldn't because of her own stupidity. Her daughter had been born early and was now in NICU all because she had tried to save Kim Jacobi. This was all her fault.

Coming to a stop in front of a silver Chevrolet Equinox Lilly looked up at Scotty quizzically.

"Why have we stopped?" she asked Scotty in a voice choked with emotion

"Because this is my vehicle, Lil" Scotty replied in an empty voice.

Lilly frowned. "What happened to your Dodge?"

"Traded it in this morning. It wasn't exactly a family car and I had been meaning to do it for months but had never got round to it. Guess I ran out of time" Scotty informed her in a voice devoid of emotion and a shrug of his shoulders.

Too numb to respond she simply walked round to the passenger side and was relieved to find that Scotty had already placed the inflatable ring on the front seat. Never would she have thought she would have to sit on a rubber ring, but she was still so sore that it was the only way she could sit for any length of time. Scotty got in the vehicle beside her and together they drove out of the hospital car park.

Absently Lilly watched as the snowflakes danced passed the passenger window of Scotty's car and she let her mind wander back over the past few days. Every doubt and negative feeling she had had about being a mother whilst she was recovering from surgery had been erased the moment she'd held Hope. She had spent all day, every day, with her daughter since. Scotty and she had had to be practically physically removed each evening from their daughter's incubator when the NICU closed and at night she had laid in bed counting the seconds until she could go and see her daughter again.

She had never fallen in love at first sight before, but as soon as she'd held Hope in her arms she had fell completely and utter in love with her daughter, so much so that it scared her how much she loved her. It was like the love for her child had broken through every single protective barrier she had ever built up around her heart after Ray, Patrick, and even Kite, as the love she felt for her child washed over her time and time again. And seeing Scotty interact with his daughter only seemed to deepen the feelings she had for him. The dopey look he wore on his face whenever he held Hope, the love that poured from his eyes as he looked at her, the proud smile he wore on his lips whenever he talked about her. There was absolutely no doubt that Scotty loved his daughter and he was most definitely wrapped around their daughter's little finger.

Lilly was quite sure she had never experienced such an intensively emotional week as the one she had just experienced, and now having to leave the tiny bundle of love she had created all alone at the hospital was the final straw. As much as she hated not having control of her emotions or the situation, she hated the fact that she couldn't have her daughter with her and Scotty the most.

Wiping the final tears from her eyes as she let the heat of the car envelop her, she quickly glanced at Scotty. He looked as he usually did - strong, together, purposeful - but she could see the worry and concern in his eyes, and if she wasn't mistaken anger, and she started to wonder if leaving their daughter in the hospital was just as trying for him as it was for her. Sure, he didn't have such a physical connection to their daughter as she did, after all Hope had been inside her for 8 months, but he had been their exclusively for their daughter for the first 3 days of Hope's life and she realised that he looked as drained as she felt. How could he not hate her for what she had done? They were yet to talk about what had happened, both of them having been so focused on Hope, but she knew Scotty and she knew that as soon as Hope was well and out of the hospital he would start to blame himself for what happened, just like he had blamed himself for what had happened to Elisa. But this wasn't his fault. This was all her fault and she just hoped that when he realised that he wouldn't end up hating her for all the pain she had caused. Sighing, she turned her head and resumed watching the snowflakes as they hit the passenger side window.

Scotty caught a glimpse of Lilly looking at him out of the corner of his eye and wondered what she was feeling. She looked so tired and drained, and for the first time since he had known her she actually looked dejected and like she was barely keeping it together. This last week he had been so intent on looking after Lilly and Hope that he hadn't considered how Lilly had been feeling about the events that lead up to the birth of Hope. Did she hate him for not getting there sooner? When Hope was out of hospital would she realise that he had failed them both? Would she decide he wasn't good enough to be a father? Anger surged through him then when he realised that Lilly had the power to take Hope away. Sure, he may have screwed up by not getting Lilly out of danger soon enough, but he'd die before he let anything happen to Hope - and kill anyone that tried to harm her. Didn't Lilly know that? Didn't she know that he'd learnt his lesson and would keep them both out of harm's way now until the day he died? They hadn't spoken about the events of that night yet and he was man enough to admit he was afraid to speak about it. He had too much to lose once Lilly realised the mistakes he had made.

Pulling up outside their destination Scotty let out a sigh of frustration and ran a hand through his hair, tilting his head back so it laid against the head rest.

"We're here" he informed Lilly in a flat tone.

Lilly jumped at the sound of Scotty's voice and then stared up at the gothic building in front of her.

"This is where Boss said it would be?" she exclaimed in surprise.

Scotty looked up at the church Boss had told him Ellen Rush's funeral would be and had to admit that he was surprised at the grandeur of the building. Boss had told his father that he would take care of the funeral arrangements for Lilly's mother, but he had no idea how he managed to arrange it for a weekday night in such a large church.

"Yeah" Scotty confirmed, nervousness entering his voice. He'd been grateful for Stillman's offer to arrange Ellen Rush's funeral as it was something that neither he nor Lilly had time to do at the moment, but he was yet to speak with the team, let alone see them, and had let his father deal with their Boss. He still wasn't sure what their reaction would be to him after everything Lilly had been through that was all his fault.

"Come on Lil. Boss told us to be here for 7.30pm and it's 7.25pm already" he informed his partner as he exited the car. He just wanted this over and done with.

Lilly felt overwhelmed. When Rosa had first told her of Stillman's offer to arrange her mother's funeral she'd been grateful and had immediately accepted. She was ashamed to admit that arranging her mother's funeral had slipped her mind following the events that had followed her mother's death and she'd told Rosa to have Boss arrange it as soon as possible. Now though she wasn't sure that was such a good idea, she wasn't sure she could handle leaving her daughter in the hospital and saying goodbye to her mother in one day. It was then she realised with a start, that the team might be here too. Hearing the door open beside her and feeling the cold January air whip around her, she turned her gaze to meet Scotty's.

"Are the team coming?" she asked panicked as she accepted Scotty's hand and exited the vehicle. If she was not mistaken she could have sworn she saw fear shoot into Scotty's eyes at her mention of the team.

"Yeah Lil, I think they are" he answered her in that same dead tone as he surreptitiously grabbed the ring from the front seat and shut the door of his new car.

Lilly was overcome with fear. Suddenly everything that happened to her in PPD that night with Ed and Kim came flooding back to her. Will calling their Tactical Commander, Nick trying to protect her, Boss giving her that look when she entered the interview room with Ed and Kim. God how was she going to face them, Boss especially? She'd not seen the look he had given her that night before, but suddenly it hit her that she could very well be in trouble for disobeying her commanding officer and she could lose her job. How was she going to support Hope without her job?

Together the two partners headed towards the church and she realised she was still holding Scotty's hand. Immediately she yanked her hand from his and the hurt look he shot her went straight to her heart. The team didn't know about them, hell she wasn't entirely sure what they were, but she couldn't let them find out what had been happening between her and Scotty. Not yet. She just couldn't deal with that too. Everything was just so out of her control and whirling past her at an alarming speed and she felt the panic almost overwhelm her as they reached the doors of the church.

Scotty couldn't help but notice the panic and fear in Lilly's eyes as he'd informed her the team would be at her mother's funeral and he didn't have the heart to tell her that his parents would be here too. He didn't know why she was so worried though. She'd done nothing wrong. Everything that had happened was his fault alone and he would take whatever punishment there was - he deserved it. As long as Hope and Lilly were ok that was all that matter and judging by the way Lilly was gripping his hand, it seemed that Lilly was still happy for him to be around her. As long as he had his family by his side he could deal with anything.

But suddenly his heart ran cold as he felt Lilly pull her hand out from his grasp and he couldn't help shooting her a hurt look. What had happened between the car and here?

Reaching the doors of the church he pulled one open and let Lilly enter before him. He tried to take her hand again, but she just pushed it away and crossed her arms protectively over her still protracted abdomen causing him to look at her middle. He knew that Alegria's stomach had taken weeks to go down after the birth of Emilio, but he was ashamed to admit that whenever he looked at Lilly's stomach - which was still enlarged enough to look like she was 5 months pregnant - he felt slightly angry towards her. Why had she gone in that room in the first place?

Lilly entered the church in front of Scotty and cringed when she heard the door bang announcing their arrival. She just wanted to get this over and done with now so that she could go home and snuggle with her cats. Suddenly she just felt so exhausted and the idea of seeing Olivia and Tripod, having not seen them for a week, and sleeping in her own bed seemed extremely appealing. Her cats wouldn't judge her, they would just snuggle with her and that's what she needed right now. If she couldn't have her daughter to hold then she was going to hold her cats.

She felt Scotty reach for her hand and again she refused him and instead crossed her arms self-consciously across her still pregnant looking stomach, not being able to deal with any human affection at the moment. Didn't he get they couldn't act like a couple in front of their colleagues?

Looking down at her still extended abdomen she decided this was the part she hated most about childbirth. It wasn't the fact that pregnancy made you look like an elephant, although secretly she had loved her bump and fuller bust, it was afterwards when you still looked like an elephant but had no excuse for it. Breastfeeding Hope had helped shrink her uterus, but she was still extremely bruised and swollen from her surgery and she was still having to wear her maternity clothes. For the first time she could recall, she felt self-conscious about her body.

Together the duo reached the aisle of the church and as they turned into it both Lilly and Scotty froze. In front of them stood Rosa, Ramiro, Nick, Will, Kat and Boss.


	43. Chapter 43

_Thanks for all your lovely reviews and the warm welcome back. Just so you know, I'll try and update once a week - life permitting!_

_So to celebrate what appears to be a sunny day complete with blue skies in the UK for the first time in months (although the gray clouds are looming), here's the next chapter! I have to admit it was difficult to write and I'm not entirely sure I'm happy with it, but I thought it was something that was necessary. Oh, and it's a monster of a Chapter so get comfortable! I did think about splitting it but it would mean the story as a whole would end on an odd number chapter and I have this "thing" about odd numbers. Yes, I admit it, I'm a bit of a freak LOL! _

**_Disclaimer: _**_I didn't put one of these on the last chapter and nothing happened, but just in case, I don't own Cold Case or anything remotely related to it in case you haven't guessed that over the last 42 chapters. _

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><p>Father Andrew Stillman stared at his younger brother from the alter of his church and noted with concern the bags under his brother's eyes. A week ago today John had called him from the hospital and asked him to pray for his colleague and her child. Never in all his time as a priest had John ever asked him specifically to pray for someone or something and when he'd asked his brother what was going on, John had simply told him to put on the TV. When he finally turned on the TV he realised why his brother had asked him to pray. The news was reporting about a hostage situation and shooting at PPD and he saw a young pregnant woman, Detective Lilly Rush if the news was to be believed, being loaded onto an ambulance. Minutes later he saw his brother being loaded onto another ambulance, he himself apparently having been shot, and John's request had become all too clear. That night he had prayed for his brother, Lilly Rush and her unborn child.<p>

The next day John had called again and told him the baby, a girl, had been delivered safely, but now Lilly's life hung in the balance. He'd tried to ask his brother how he felt, but as usual John avoided all questions about himself and just told him to pray. So he had, until John had disturbed him a little over 2 hours later and told him the baby girl had been taken into NICU and he needed to pray for the baby. Again he had heeded John's request and prayed for Lilly Rush and her daughter.

Hours later John had come to visit him for the first time in years in Confession and had asked for forgiveness for letting Lilly get shot, which he had readily given his brother. From what he understood of the events of that night at PPD there was nothing that John needed to be forgiven for, but he knew his brother and beneath John's somewhat stoic façade his brother cared deeply about his team. He'd also asked him if he would conduct the funeral for Lilly's mother who had passed away the day before the incident at PPD and he had agreed without hesitation.

Now in his church lay Ellen Rush and it saddened him that it seemed no friends of hers were in attendance. Only one of her daughters was coming, the other John had informed him they had been unable to locate, and it appeared that it was Lilly's friends who had come to her mother's funeral to support her. Before him stood Lilly and John's work colleagues, Will Jeffries, Nick Vera and Kat Miller, with the exception of Scotty Valens who he understood from John was Lilly's partner and the father of little baby Hope. Scotty's parents were also part of the congregation that had gathered to commit Ellen Rush to God. Being unable to stand the expression on John's face a minute longer, he walked over to his brother.

"You know, it's not your fault" he tried to convince his brother for the umpteeth in a low voice, although knowing it was probably in vain.

"I'm her Boss, it is my fault. I should have got her out." John exclaimed just as quietly, although the anger was clear in his voice.

Inside Father Andrew Stillman sighed "You saved both the innocent woman and her daughter and that was God's will" he reminded his brother "And God saved Lilly and Hope in return".

John Stillman turned to glare angrily at his brother. He wasn't feeling particular happy with God since the events of a week ago and he didn't think he could stand one of his brother's lectures at this moment in time. He was about to see Lilly and Scotty for the first time since Hope had been born and he wasn't sure how they were going to react when they saw him. After all, he was the one that allowed Lilly to work that day and because of his decision Lilly and Scotty had almost lost their child.

Despite the fact that he had confessed his sins and God had apparently forgiven him via his brother, he knew this whole situation was his fault. He shouldn't have let Lilly work that day, he should have sent her home as soon as she came in. He should have got her out as soon as Ed Marteson started waving a gun around, he should have...he should have done a lot of things differently that night.

Now the team was in tatters. Lilly and Hope were in hospital, and from he understood from Ramiro Valens, Scotty was practically living at the hospital too. He himself was on medical leave and that meant Will was having to cover as Lieutenant, a job he knew he hated. He had never seen Nick look so anxious and he was pacing up and down the church aisle like a coiled spring ready to pounce. Kat sat nervously in one of the pews twirling her necklace around her finger which was her way of coping whenever she felt anxious, a habit he'd noticed she'd developed not long after she'd given up smoking a few months ago after joining their team.

"I'm going to go and talk with Will" he informed his brother coldly and headed in the direction of where Will Jeffries.

"How's everyone doing?" John asked his good friend and colleague Will Jeffries seriously as he came to stand next to him by one of the many columns of the church.

Will peered over at his colleague and noticed the worry and concern in his eyes. "Everyone's bearing up" he replied.

Truth was, things were extremely tense in the Cold Case department at the moment. They were three staff members down and they had only just been allowed back into their area of the office following the actions of Ed Marteson. The windows and the glass of John's office were still boarded up and a rudimentary coat of paint had been splashed on the walls of the observation room to try and hide where Lilly's blood had been. He knew where it was though. He would always know where it was.

He knew John had taken the events of that night personally, that he blamed himself for Lilly getting shot and for Hope's early arrival, but John wasn't the only one to blame, he was too. It was Scotty and he that were trying to get into the Observation Room to rescue Lilly, but Scotty had taken a call and disappeared into the Interview Room without telling him what was going on and he'd froze. He didn't know whether to follow Scotty or try to get to Lilly from the Observation Room he was covering. Ultimately he stayed where he was desperately trying to hear what was happening from the other side of the door. Only a few minutes later Kim Jacobi had come running out and he had briefly glimpsed a terrified looking Lilly before the door had closed again. Less than a minute later he heard gun shots and he'd burst into the Observation Room to find Lilly on the floor and her blood on the walls. He could tell Scotty was still in cop mode securing their perpetrator, so he'd gone to Lilly. His shout must have alerted Scotty to where Lilly was, and the next thing he knew Scotty had pushed him away and he was running to get help.

The minutes that followed were still a blur to him, but he knew he would never forget Lilly's terrified expression or Scotty's shocked expression as she was wheeled towards the ambulance. Things at the hospital had initially gotten better once they had seen Lilly and Scotty briefly, and the sight of a heavily pregnant Lilly Rush, in a hospital gown, in labour, would be one he would never forget.

But as the hours passed things had gotten more and more tense in the waiting room. In the end the atmosphere had become almost suffocating between the team as they each mulled over the events of the previous day, each person no doubt felt guilty in their own way. Coffee runs were made without enthusiasm and he was pretty sure that between them they ate the entire contents of the vending machine, but they'd all known that none of them would leave until they knew Lilly and Bean were ok.

After nearly an entire day of sitting in that waiting room Ramiro Valens had finally come out to proudly inform them all that Scotty and Lilly's baby _girl_, or should he say Hope, had been born safe and well. However, the good news of her safe arrival had quickly been overshadowed by the news that Lilly had suffered complications after the birth and had been taken to surgery. Almost immediately the gloomy atmosphere had returned and the team had sat in silence awaiting news on Lilly.

Barely two hours later they were dealt another blow as Rosa and Ramiro Valens came out to tell them that now Hope was ill and being taken to the NICU. Eventually the elder Valens' had come out to tell them that Lilly was out of surgery and was being monitored in Intensive Care, and that Hope had settled well into the NICU. Rosa Valens had persuaded them all to go home, so they had. He had barely slept that night and eventually he had gone to visit his wife's grave. Few people, probably only Nick and John in fact, knew he went to see his wife when he was upset. It was usually when they had a case they were stuck with or something was going on his life that worried him, but talking to her helped him figure things out. Just being close to what was left of her brought him great comfort and he'd spent a great deal of time in the peacefulness of the graveyard over the past few days.

One thing he was certain of though was that Hope seemed to have a flair for dramatics. From her conception after a night of comfort between Lilly and Scotty after George Marks (a thought that still made him cringe) to Nick's announcement that Scotty was her father that almost caused a fight in PPD, to the day she was born after a hostage situation and her mother being shot at. Yes, Hope definitely wanted them all to know she was around!

"Kat wanted a few days off after the hospital so Nick and I transferred some of our lost hours to her so she could have some time off to be with Veronica" he informed John.

"You and Nick transferred your lost hours?" John exclaimed in mild surprise, although he was glad that Kat was taking time off to be with her young daughter. This experience had been hard on him as a father, and Jeannie was an adult. He didn't know how he'd have reacted if the same situation had arose when she was a child, or worse, when she'd had her son a few years ago.

Will shrugged and looked across the church in Kat's direction. "It's not like we're going to be using them anytime soon and you saw her at the hospital, she needed that time with Veronica."

John nodded his head once. "That's fine. I'm glad she took it" John replied, his gaze turning in the same direction as Will's.

Kat Miller sat in the pew of the church waiting for Lilly and Scotty to arrive. She could feel Sillman's and Will's eyes on her and internally she rolled her eyes. Just because she had taken a few days off to be with Veronica after everything Lilly had been through meant that suddenly all the guys on the team were walking on eggshells around her. It wasn't often she let her soft maternal side come out at work, but with everything that had happened she'd needed to be a mother for a few days. Just a mother, not a cop.

Right now though she was only worried about Lilly. She knew the guys were concerned about both Lilly and Hope and they were handling it in their own ways, but she _knew_ what it was like to have a child, she _knew_ what it felt like to go through hours of pain and then have that tiny bundle placed on your chest and the overwhelming love that followed so all that pain seemed worthwhile. But she'd heard that Lilly hadn't even got to hold Hope before she was taken to surgery and she couldn't imagine what not having those precious few moments with V would be like

Kat also knew what if felt like to get shot. She knew the burning heat of the bullet and the stinging pain it left in its wake, and although the bullet had only caused Lilly a flesh wound, she knew it would be hurting Lilly for weeks and that her ability to look after Hope would be compromised. She just hoped that Valens stepped up, although seeing how Scotty had become a walking encyclopaedia on anything pregnancy or baby related since Lilly had become and pregnant and the way he had been hovering over her the last few months, she doubted he could be torn away from his daughter now. Plus she had noticed how close Scotty and Lilly had become - as had the rest of the team - and they'd all heard the rumours that had circulated following the PPD Christmas Party, so she was 99% certain he was going to be around for Lilly and Hope for the long haul.

When she'd first been offered the position in Homicide to work alongside the infamous Lilly Rush, she'd been nervous. She'd heard the rumours about Lilly's icy moods, high standards and workaholic lifestyle, but she'd been pleasantly surprised when she had first met Lilly. Whether it was because Lilly was well into her pregnancy when she first met her, or whether it was because she was glad to have another woman on the otherwise testosterone filled team, she had found her welcoming and friendly.

As Lilly had been on desk duty by the time she had arrived, and Kat being the new detective meaning she'd gotten some of the more boring paperwork tasks, her and Lilly had talked a lot about pregnancy and childbirth as soon as Lilly had found out about V. She knew how much Lilly was looking forward to meeting Bean and to holding her baby in her arms first time. She knew how much Lilly loved being pregnant, and she had to admit Lilly made pregnancy look easy. Underneath Lilly's icy facade she was just like any other pregnant woman with fears about labour and her own mothering abilities. Because she knew that part of Lilly that the guys didn't, she wondered how she was coping with leaving Hope at the hospital as she'd heard that Lilly had been discharged today.

Waiting in that hospital for 2 days for news on Lilly and Hope had been excruciating and she started to hate the hospital, a hospital that until that night she'd had such fond memories of as it's where V had been born 8 years ago. She'd realised how lucky she had been that V arrived on time, well 2 days late to be exact, and that she had been completely healthy when she was born. She'd never forget those precious few moments when her daughter had first been placed on her chest or those few sacred days in the hospital when it was just her and V bonding. It was hard enough dealing with V being ill when she was a baby, but if she had been born unwell she thought it might just have been the end of her. She couldn't imagine leaving the hospital empty handed, to not be within an arm's reach of her child in the first few weeks of her life, but that's exactly what Lilly was having to do, Scotty too.

The longer she had been in that hospital waiting room, the more the _need_ to be with her daughter grew and she had asked Will if she could take some time off, something he had happily agreed to. The night she had gotten home from the hospital she had immediately gone into V's room, curled up next to her on the small bed and watched her as she slept until she herself fell asleep. She'd only returned to work today and she'd missed V more than normal, so much so, that she'd had her mother bring her to PPD after school just so she could see her. Will hadn't said anything and had let her spend time with her daughter in the breakroom until it was time to leave for Lilly's mother funeral. Truthfully she didn't know why she was here, she'd never met Ellen Rush, but Lilly was her friend and she knew that Lilly would need all the support she could get in the new few weeks. Turning her head she glared back and her Boss and...temporary Boss... and couldn't help but smirk to herself when she noticed both John and Will quickly avert their gaze from her.

"Think we've been busted" Will advised John with a small smile as he noticed Kat turn and stare and him and John.

"I think we have" John chuckled quietly, his small smile immediately being replaced with a frown and look of concern as he took in Nick who was pacing up and down the aisle of the church. "How's Nick doing?" he asked with concern.

Will turned his head in Nick's direction and a similar look of concern appeared on his face "He's drinking his way through it. He hasn't been this bad since Julie threw him out a few months ago"

Nick Vera paced up and down the aisle of the church refusing to look at his Boss and Will. He'd never been particularly comfortable in churches and now was no exception. He wanted to be in a bar drinking his sorrows and chatting up woman, not at his colleague's mother's funeral, a funeral that could so easily have been Lilly's and Hope's had Ed Marteson got his way.

When he had first heard that Lilly was pregnant he had of course been happy for her, but he couldn't deny that a part of him had felt slightly jealous and that jealousy had only intensified when he'd found out that Scotty was the father. Lilly was the first woman that he had ever been friends with. Sure, he had been with plenty of woman, but with Lilly he cared about her and although he could see that she was attractive, he just didn't think of her that way. She was almost asexual, almost like a kind of sister putting him in place when he needed it. And Scotty was like a brother, so the thought of the two of them together had been like thinking of two of his siblings sleeping together and that had freaked him out. There were lines that were not crossed in Homicide and sleeping with your partner was one of them.

Once the initial shock had worn off that two of his colleagues were going to be parents to the same child, he'd become angry as it didn't seem fair that all it had taken his colleagues to get pregnant was one stupid night of drunken sex, but Julie and he had been trying for a decade and nothing had happened for them. Not so much as even a late period for Julie and ultimately their inability to have a child had driven them apart and now he was going through a divorce.

However, he'd also felt ashamed for being angry with Scotty and Lilly. He knew both of them well and he knew they both liked to be in control, to plan things, so he knew it must have been difficult for them to adjust to an unplanned pregnancy. He should have been able to empathise with them, after all, when he was 18 he had gotten his high school girlfriend pregnant and that had been anything but planned. One stupid night in the back seat of his old beater and 6 weeks later he'd been selling everything he had to pay for an abortion for Megan. An abortion that at the time had seemed like the best idea, but now that he was nearing 40 and had nothing but a divorce to show for the past decade and bit of his life, he had started to think the abortion hadn't been the wisest decision.

Credit where it was due though, Scotty had stepped up and it had almost been sickening to see how much he doted on Lilly and Bean during the last 6 months. And pregnancy suited Lilly too. For the first time since he had known Lilly she looked happy, genuinely happy, and he had come to realise that for whatever reason Julie and he were not meant to be parents, Lilly and Scotty were.

But it still wouldn't stop him from kicking Scotty's ass if he messed up.

Scotty and Lilly's happiness had been infectious and before he knew it, he was running after Lilly whenever Scotty wasn't in the office. He'd get her the fruit smoothies she craved, or the file she couldn't reach because of her bump, and before he knew it his anger and jealousy had dissipated and he'd felt protective of her and Bean. He'd even started to look forward to little Bean's arrival.

When he'd heard some of the guys talking trash about her and Scotty in the Men's bathroom his fist had had an unfortunate encounter with the offending Detective's face, and whenever he'd heard a snide comment about his colleagues he was quick to silence the perpetrator. He'd even been the one to start the pools on the sex, weight, and date of birth of baby Rush-Valens, something he still could not believe Kat Miller had won. Well, the sex and weight part as no one had bet that little Hope would be born so soon.

However, the night Lilly got injured things had started to change again. After the initial relief that Lilly was ok they'd all sat in the waiting room for what had turned out to be a very long time, and to him that time had been tortuous. He must have watched 20 women, if not more, come into the department to have their babies during that period, and that wasn't counting the happy families that had left during that time too. The longer he stayed the more the jealousy and anger grew within him, so much so, that when Scotty had asked him to go and get the change of clothes from his apartment, he'd gone willingly. Already waiting in the Maternity department had become too much for him to bare. But once he'd gotten to Scotty's apartment he'd only felt worse as dotted all around the apartment was baby paraphernalia. Books on how to help mother's in pregnancy, books on what to expect once the baby arrived, books on what how to be a good father. As quickly as he could he grabbed the items he'd thought Scotty would need, as well as the hospital bag that was by Scotty's front door, and immediately returned to the hospital, because no matter how jealous he was feeling, Lilly and Scotty were his friends and colleagues and he would be there until the very end.

As hours had turned into days he'd started to feel increasingly guilty about feeling jealous and angry. For all intent and purpose it appeared Lilly was having a horrible time during labour, then once Hope had been born she had been rushed to surgery and Hope had been placed in the NICU. He'd wondered if it was because of him, because of how negative he was feeling to Scotty and Lilly that all these things were happening to Lilly, but he just couldn't stop the jealousy and anger that boiled within him. Eventually news had come that both Lilly and Hope were going to be ok, but rather than go home as everyone else had, he had gone to a bar to drown his sorrows and it had pretty much been the same way at the end of each day since. He just couldn't get over the feelings of guilt and jealousy and he was feeling exceeding anxious about seeing Scotty and Lilly, and even Hope, for the first time lest he do or say something that would upset them. He didn't want to be that bitter guy, but the way he was feeling at the moment he wasn't sure how he would react.

Suddenly from the rear of the church he heard the sound of the heavy wooden door being opened and shut and a deathly silence fell over the church. In slow motion he turned round to face the rear of the church, and he noticed that everyone else was facing the back of the church too. Seconds later he heard footsteps and then Lilly and Scotty stopped before them all at the other end of the church aisle.

Lilly felt the heat rise to her cheeks as all the occupants of the church turned to look at her. She wanted nothing more than to turn round and run back to the hospital so she could be with her daughter, or failing that, to fall into Scotty's protective embrace. How had he become her solace from the world? There was just something about being inside his arms that made the rest of the world fade away and for that split second it was just them, and Hope if one of them happened to be holding her at the time.

Scotty felt Lilly bristle beside him and he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and shelter her from what she was about to go through. She was so fragile right now that he didn't know if being at her mother's funeral was going to be too much for her, but the hospital had released her this morning so there was nothing he was able to do to prevent her from coming. All he could do now was support her the best that he could. For what felt like the longest time Lilly and he stood staring at the occupants of the church and it seemed like no one knew what to do. In the end it was Rosa Valens who broke the silence.

"Lilly! Scotty! Oh I'm so glad you're here! How's mi amorcita?" Rosa exclaimed with desperate enthusiasm as she walked up the aisle and warmly embraced her son and Lilly too, something Lilly was still trying to get accustomed to.

"She's had her early evening feed and she had just fallen asleep when we left" Lilly informed Rosa "The doctors have said she's doing really well and should be home within a week"

"Oh that's great news!" Rosa exclaimed happily. "Now, can I show your team some pictures of Hope?" Rosa practically begged.

"I told her she couldn't until you two said it was ok?" Ramiro informed them as he came up behind his wife and nodded a greeting to both Lilly and Scotty.

Lilly frowned with confusion and turned her head towards Scotty. "Hasn't the team met her yet?"

Scotty stared awkwardly at Lilly. "I didn't want the team to meet her before you, Lil" Scotty stated quietly, barely looking her in the eye. At the time it had seemed like the right thing to do, plus he had been so worried about how the team would react to what he had done, but looking at Lilly now, had he done the right thing? "Then she was taken down to the NICU" he added sombrely.

Lilly looked up into Scotty's face and noted the downcast look on his face. "Oh" she replied quietly. Now that she was thinking about it, all the pictures Scotty had shown her of Hope the first few days she was in Intensive Care were either of Scotty and Hope, his parents with Hope, or just Hope, no one else.

Turning towards Rosa and Ramiro, Lilly managed to arrange her mouth into a small smile "Sure Rosa, that's fine with me" she replied softly as she looked towards Scotty for his approval.

"Me too, Ma" he replied and had to stop the chuckle that was creeping up his throat as immediately his mother reached for her handbag and searched for the camera containing the pictures of Hope with gutso.

Taking his eyes off his mother, he hesitantly scanned the occupants of the church and was surprised at the expressions on his colleagues faces. Rather than the angry, revengeful, expressions he expecting to see on Will, John and Nick's faces, he saw awkwardness, guilt, and concern, as if no one was sure how to react. Kat's expression was the only one that was different, hers was just full of worry and had an almost pleading quality to it.

Hesitantly Scotty nodded towards his boss and Will and was relieved when they nodded their greeting in return. That simple gesture seemed to ease some of the tension in the gothic church and Kat was the first to approach the new parents.

"Hi" she said softly as she reached out and tentatively hugged Scotty and then Lilly. Scotty couldn't be sure but he thought he heard Kat whisper something along the lines of "it gets better Lil" and a wave of concern washed over him, however, his attention quickly turned to Will, Boss and Nick as they made their way through the pews to where Lilly and he were standing.

Hesitantly the group hovered close to each other and nods were exchanged, no one quite sure how to greet Lilly who had not only lost her mother, but whose own daughter was currently residing in Intensive Care. What felt like hours passed, although in actuality was probably only mere minutes, until he heard his mother's voice break the uncomfortable silence that hung over the group.

"Here it is!" Rosa exclaimed joyously as she hurriedly turned on the camera and scrolled to a picture of Hope. Just as she was about to show the picture to the expectant group she paused and looked between Lilly and Scotty.

"This isn't right" Rosa exclaimed with quiet conviction "it should be you and mí niño who introduce Hope to your friend's, not me" she said as she turned and handed the camera to Lilly.

Lilly looked up with alarm at Rosa. She just felt so panicked she wasn't sure she could speak at the moment, let alone introduce her daughter. Her daughter who should still be inside of her kicking, moving and growing, and not in some incubator.

Sensing Lilly's panic Rosa gently placed the camera in Lilly's hand and sought to reassure her "It's ok Lilly, everyone wants to meet her"

Hesitantly Lilly looked down at the camera and couldn't help the small smile that crept on her face when she saw the picture Rosa had selected. From the date and time stamp on the camera it was one of the first pictures of Hope that had been taken and personally it was one of her favourite pictures. It was just Scotty and Hope in the picture, Hope was wrapped in a pink blanket and father and daughter were just staring into each other's eyes. Scotty looked so in love, so happy, and so proud, although she could also clearly see he was exhausted. Hope was just looking curiously into her Daddy's face, and the picture was just too _perfect_ that Lilly couldn't help but smile as she felt the panic recede. Gaining all her courage she raised her eyes to meet each of her colleagues eyes and took a deep breath.

"Guys, I'd like you all to meet Hope Elisa Valens" she announced quietly as she turned the camera round for everyone to see and waited anxiously for their reactions. She was amazed to find their anxious expressions all turn to one of pride and love as they took in the tiny person in the picture.

"She looks just like you but with Lilly's eyes!" she heard Kat exclaim to Scotty, to which Lilly saw Scotty shrug and a cocky smile appear on his face out of the corner of her eyes. "She's beautiful, Lil" Kat spoke sincerely to Lilly as she hugged her again and Lilly felt a small stirring of maternal pride worm it's way through the myriad of emotions she was currently feeling.

"You did good Lil" Nick exclaimed warmly to Lilly, gently hugging her. "You too Valens" Nick exclaimed with a nod of approval to Scotty. He couldn't be sure, but Scotty thought he saw a look of relief in Nick's eyes as well as pride and happiness.

"Congratulations, Lil" Will spoke warmly as he hugged Lil. "Not bad Valens" he congratulated Scotty with a smirk and a jovial pat on the arm.

"She's beautiful, Lilly. I'm proud of you" Stillman spoke quietly and warmly, a smile lighting up his face as he squeezed Lilly's shoulder comfortingly. He stared into her eyes so he could determine exactly how his subordinate was coping with everything and was shocked by the turmoil he saw swirling around her eyes.

Uncharacteristically for his Boss, Scotty found Stillman giving him a hug, and after congratulating him on the birth of Hope, it was Stillman's parting line which shocked him "Look after Lilly". As he pulled away he saw his Boss looking at him meaningfully and he nodded in understanding. He knew that Lilly was suffering and he was going to do everything in his power to makesure Lilly survived this ordeal as he was coming to realise exactly what Lilly Rush meant to him.

The starring match between Scotty and his Boss was broken but the sound of an unfamiliar male clearing their voice to which his Boss immediately responded.

"Andrew! I'm sorry, I haven't introduced you! This is Lilly Rush and her partner Scotty Valens, they're Hope's parents. Lilly, Scotty, this is my brother Father Andrew Stillman and he's agreed to do conduct the funeral".

Lilly stepped forward slightly to greet the man who strongly resembled her Boss "Thank you for doing this on such short notice and at such an unusual hour" Lilly greeted him gratefully.

"It's not a problem. I'm sorry for your loss and for the difficult time that you are experiencing. John has kept me abreast of the situation, remember that God does not throw at us more than we can handle" Father Andrew greeted her warmly, although Lilly just wanted to scream at him following the last part of his sentence. Seriously, how much more could go wrong in her life right now? She didn't know how much more she could take.

"Now I hate to push matters, but time is pressing on. Shall we?" Father Andrew continued gently and Lilly nodded her consent following Father Stillman to the front of the church, taking her place in the front pew. Instinctively the other occupants of the church moved forward behind Lilly and took their places in the pews. Once everyone was settled, Father Andrew began the service.

"Heavenly Lord, we are gathered here today..."

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><p><em>So just a few notes:<em>

_1) I found an American police officers forum on the internet and one of the officers had posted about extending maternity/paternity leave. One officers (ironically from Philly) posted that her colleagues could transfer their lost hours to give herself and her partner (who was also a cop) more time off. I figured that the team would be more than willing to do this and that they would do it for Kat to give her time with V. Even if that's not the case, it worked for the story so let's call it creative licence! _

_2) I'm not religious and have only been to one funeral in my life, so if the church/religious bits aren't right, I apologise. Religion is not something that particularly interests me and I didn't want to spend days researching it for effectively one chapter and a few lines of dialogue. I did research that in Catholicism prists are called Fathers, but in Church of England (the other main Christian religion in the UK - created by Henry VIII purely so he could get divorced LOL), prists are called Vicars so I know at least that part is correct! _

_3) Re: Lilly being discharged after 1 week: I figure this may surprise US readers but you have to remember I live in the UK where the NHS kick you out of hospital as soon as possible! (My friend who broke her neck was only in hospital 2 weeks and went straight from being in Critical Care to being sent home! No general ward or anything!) I imagine it is slightly different in the US where the hospital would probably milk the insurance company for everything they're worth, but again I didn't have time to research it properly. And yes, in the UK a mother would be released from hospital if she was fit enough even if her child was in NICU. One friend of mine was released 2 hours after giving birth!_

_I figured it was about time that the views of Lilly and Scotty's colleauges were heard, hence this chapter. Lilly/Scotty-ness will resume from the next chapter! _


	44. Chapter 44

_It appears that I have a bit of an apology to make following the posting of Chapter 43. Contrary to my author's note in Chapter 42, last week I did delete the note I posted about the hiatus which screwed up the chapter numbering and from what I understand meant that it was difficult to post reviews. Hopefully there won't be the same problem this week as Chapter 44 of the story is now Chapter 44 in FF, but if there is, PM me and I will contact FF._

_Anyway, hope you enjoy the next chapter. You'll be pleased to hear it is much shorter than last weeks! Have to admit this is a bit of a filler chapter but it helps set the scene for the next few chapters. _

**_Disclaimer:_**_ I don't own Cold Case but I do own the "Valens Family" I have created in The Sims 2 LOL! (Where L&S have 3 sons, 1 daughter and another baby on the way...)_

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><p>Lilly Rush stalked around her mother's coffin, anger and resentment swirling through her. However, for the first time in a week she <em>was <em>able to wear her Ice Queen mask and she _was_ able to control her emotions, and that alone made her feel like the "old" Lilly Rush once again.

When Scotty and she had first entered the church no one had seemed to know how to react and after what felt like hours, but in actuality was probably only seconds, Rosa Valens had broken the tense silence by asking how her granddaughter was. Rather than anger, hateful words she expected to hear from her Boss and her colleagues for what she had done by almost getting herself and Hope killed, Scotty and she instead received hugs, smiles and numerous congratulations as Rosa retrieved her camera from her bag, handed it to her, and let her introduce Hope to her friends for the first time. Unbeknownst to her, Scotty had not let anyone meet Hope, or even see a picture of her, until she herself had met her daughter and consequently the team had no idea what Hope looked like. The consensus was that Hope was beautiful, even if she did look like Scotty, and everyone was looking forward to meeting Hope when she came hopefully came out of hospital next week.

Initially she had felt relief that no one hated her for what she had done and happy that everyone was happy for her and Scotty, but as Father Stillman had conducted her mother's funeral she felt anger and resentment grow within her. She herself was now a mother and she already knew that she would give her own life to protect Hope, but her mother had repeatedly put alcohol and men about the needs of her own children. Prior to having Hope she had been able to justify her mother's actions, she'd been able to justify that they were just the result of her mother's addiction to alcohol, that she really her loved her and Chris, but now that she was a mother, she couldn't understand her mother's actions and the resentment and anger grew as the service proceeded. By the time the service ended she just wanted to scream at her mother and ask her _why_?

Luckily just as the service had ended Kat, Will, Nick and John's phones had vibrated signalling that they had caught a case and they all quickly said their goodbyes. Sensing the change in her mood, Scotty had gone to speak to Father Stillman and was now standing at the back of the church saying goodbye to his parents and making arrangements for them to visit Hope tomorrow. Father Stillman had retreated to his chambers and advised her that the undertakers were not due to arrive for another 30 minutes and she could have that time with her mother in the church.

So here she found herself, pacing around her mother's coffin, Ice Queen expression in place, ready to conduct an interrogation, an interrogation that she knew she would not be receiving answers to, but one that she needed to do in any case. Suddenly she stopped and for the first time looked at her mother in the coffin and was surprised to see that her mother looked...at peace. She had never seen her mother look that content, that calm, that...happy, and Lilly's confusion grew.

"Why Mum? Why weren't we enough?" she whispered to her dead mother. "When I was young I used to worship you. You used to be so much fun and you used to laugh and smile all the time, but then Dad and you started arguing, Chris was born and then Dad left and you stopped being fun and you stopped laughing and smiling. Then you started drinking and you got a boyfriend and for a little while you would be happy and fun again, but then your boyfriend left and you were so mean to Chris and I..." Lilly paused then as she felt a wave of emotion threaten to crash over her, but she refused to cry. She needed to say this because she realised it would the last time she would ever get to confront her mother before she was cremated tomorrow.

Taking a deep breath, Lilly continued "Then you started being mean and bringing home those guys to cheer yourself up. Did you know how they treated us after they'd fucked you? Huh? Where did you think I learned to fight so well?" she paused again and gave a bitter chuckle as a wave of disgust and what felt like pure hatred overcame her as she remembered the nights when she would lock Chris and her in the bathroom to stop those guys creeping into _their_ bed as her mother lay naked and unconscious in her bedroom.

"Why didn't we make you happy Mum?" Lilly continued "I had a daughter, Mum, just like you said. Her name is Hope and although she's a little ill at the moment, she's already makes me so happy Mum. I love her so much and I can't imagine doing anything but wanting to make her happy and protect her for the rest of my life. That's what you're _supposed_ to want to do for your children Mum, so why didn't you? Huh? Were we that disgusting and unloveable? I tried Mum, I tried everything to get you to love me, but did you ever? Did you ever stop to think about anyone other than yourself?"

Lilly resuming pacing then taking deep breaths and tried to control the emotions that were flowing through her as she felt her Ice Queen mask start to crumble.

Then she did something that even surprised herself.

"Why?" she demanded as she walked up to her mother's coffin and slapped Ellen Rush across the face, no longer able to control the anger, hurt, pain, nostalgia and so many other emotions that were currently flow through her.

Whether it was the sound of flesh upon flesh, the fact her mother remained emotionless, or the shame that she had just assaulted a corpse she didn't know, but suddenly Lilly's legs gave way. However, rather than crumble to the ground like she expected she was caught by two strong arms. Arms that turned her around and held her close, the scent of the person immediately overcame Lilly and caused her to relax.

Scotty.

Vaguely in the back of her mind she wondered why she wasn't pushing him away, she would have with her past boyfriends, but right now she needed his strength, his warmth...she just needed him. This week had been such a rollercoaster and Scotty had seen her at her best and her worst so one more crying bout wasn't going to hurt, after all she had certainly cried a lot in the NICU these past few days as she watched her tiny daughter in her incubator.

Scotty held Lilly close to his chest feeling hot tears seep through his shirt having just witnessed what could only be described as Lilly having a mini melt down. He'd gathered over the past few years he had known Lilly that her childhood had not been easy, he just hadn't realised how bad it had been or how much it had affected her. Did she really think she was unloveable? How could she think that? Lilly Rush was truly one of the most amazing women he knew. Having watched her endure childbirth and become a mother, well, his appreciation and respect for her had grown enormously and continued to do so every day.

"Shhh Lil. It's ok" Scotty whispered into his partner's hair holding her close to him, scared that if he didn't she would literally fall apart in front of him. Gently he brushed his lips against the top of her head in a chaste kiss, relief flooding through him when he felt Lilly relax more into his body. Scotty stood in the middle of the church with his partner in his arms for what felt like hours soothing her as best he could.

" You're not unloveable, I promise you. How could you be unloveable when I..." Scotty whispered, but was cut off by the sound of Father Stillman clearing his voice. Immediately Lilly and Scotty jumped away from each other, both detective's faces showing a deep blush as if they had been caught doing something much more intimate than hugging, rather than two close friends comforting each other.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, but the undertakers have just arrived" Father Stillman informed the detectives gently.

"Thank you Father" Lilly said softly, relief washing through her that the disruption had stopped Scotty from saying what she thought he was going to. He couldn't feel that way about her, it would ruin everything if he did. "I think...I think it's time for my mother to go"

Father Stillman nodded his head in understanding and without another word turned to go and greet the undertakers.

"Come on, Lil" Scotty said kindly, trying with all his might not to let the shock show on his face about what he had almost declared. Did he really feel that for Lilly? They had been through so much together and he cared for her deeply, and the sex was some of the best he'd ever experienced, but did he feel _that_? Slowly he held out his hand out for Lilly to take "I think it's time for us to go too".

Lilly looked at Scotty's hand and then back at the coffin that contained her mother and realised that this was really it. Her mother was really gone. Calmly she walked back to her mother's coffin and caressed the cheek she had just slapped, just as her mother used to caress her cheek before she passed out after a drinking binge when Lilly had put her to bed as a child. The caress that Lilly would do anything for, because that caress was her mother's way of showing she _did_ love her.

"Bye Mum" she whispered sorrowfully "I hope you find peace and happiness wherever you are".

Lilly then turned back to her partner and was hit by the realisation that her future lay in front of her. Her past was gone and her future was now up to her. If Scotty had been about to say _that, _could she feel that way about him too?

Slowly she walked up to Scotty and fell into him once again wondering when he had become her solace from the world. There was just something about being inside his arms that made the rest of the world fade away and for that split second it was just them, and Hope if one of them happened to be holding her at the time. Did she feel that way about him already, she realised with a start?

"Come on Lil, let's go" she heard Scotty say softly and she let him guide her out of the church.

As she left she swore she felt a warm current wrap around her body and caress her cheek. It felt just like her mother's caress.

* * *

><p><em>So again, don't really know who deals with the undertaker side of things for a funeral but seeing as Lilly was in hospital and it was Stillman that arranged the funeral I figured it wouldn't be too much of a stretch for Father Stillman to deal with the undertakers on her behalf. (NB: I think undertakers are known as funeral homes in the USA but I'm not sure what the staff who work in funeral homes are called, they're called undertakers in the UK).<em>

_On a separate note, my Aunt was taken seriously ill last week which meant my Dad and I had to make a 200 mile round trip to see her (her prognosis is not good) and I started having bad heart palpitations. I'm currently off work and ordered to rest as the doctor thinks I'm now suffering from a heart condition (although not life threatening I hasten to add!). Needless to say I'll try and continue with the regular updates but real life might once again get in the way. I swear this story is jinxed as my life calmed down when I took my hiatus but as soon as I start posting it again my life takes a turn for the worse! Oh well, not many chapters left to go... _


	45. Chapter 45

_Thank you for the reviews and well wishes for my Aunt. She is still very unwell and she will never recover fully, but I guess that's what a 20 a day cigarette habit gets you after 30+ years. It's more about prolonging her life comfortably now rather than saving it unfortunately (I don't mean to sound as harsh as I do but she has kind of brought it on herself). _

_Back to the long chapters again this week I'm afraid so make yourself comfortable! Oh, and just to warn you there is one instance of bad language. _

**_Disclaimer: _**_Dodgy back, mine. Dodgy heart, mine. (I think you know something is not quite right when the doctor struggles to find your heart beat - and I don't smoke!). Cold Case ownership papers, not mine. _

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><p>Scotty Valens looked across at his partner with deep concern etched upon his face as he drove towards her house, still shocked by what he had witnessed at the church and by what he had almost said.<p>

After arriving at the church and discovering the team were happy for Lilly and him, and didn't hate him like he suspected, the funeral had begun and he had stood next to Lilly in the pew as Father Stillman had conducted the service. Numerous times he had tried to hold Lilly's hand to comfort her during the service, but each time she had refused him for reasons he still did not know. As the service progressed he'd noticed that Lilly wasn't looking mournful or upset, but she was looking angry, and with each minute of the service that had passed the more and more her Ice Queen mask seemed to creep onto her features. By the end he could feel the anger radiating off her and he didn't understand why she was so angry at him for simply trying to comfort her. After all, at the NICU with their daughter they frequently embraced and kissed to comfort each other just like any other couple and new parents, so he didn't know why she was angry at him. Sure, they had been in front of their colleagues and his parents, but he doubted any of them would have thought it was strange for him to offer his partner a comforting squeeze of the hand at her mother's funeral, it wasn't like he had been trying to make out with her in the pews or anything.

It was only after the guests had gone and Father Stillman had retreated into his office that he discovered who Lilly was really angry at. Prior to the service beginning Lilly had not had a chance to see her mother's casket and Father Stillman had advised she was free to stay with her mother until the undertakers arrived. He had stayed at the rear of the church wanting to give Lilly her privacy however, when he'd heard the things she had been saying, about her mother, about her childhood, he had started to move towards her sensing that something was not right. Realisation hit him as Lilly continued her tirade that she'd not had anyone to rely on before, and he'd realised with a start that she had been relying on him during the past few months.

When he saw Lilly hit her mother out of pure anger and frustration he knew he had to be there for her, he needed to show her that she had someone that she could finally rely on - because he was not going anywhere - so he had caught her exhausted body as it collapsed in front of him and held her close, relieved that she hadn't pushed him away. Although her mini break down had scared him, it seemed to have helped Lilly as she was now sat in the front seat of his car as they headed towards her house, sad and mournful, but strangely seemingly at peace.

Although he was glad to see that Lilly was finally grieving for her loss in a more normal manner, his mind however, was in complete disarray and frankly panicked. He had almost told his partner, the Ice Queen of Homicide, the woman whom he had been dating for less than three weeks, that he loved her. The only thing was, he wasn't sure if he did. He'd not experienced that lightning bolt moment with Lilly, like he had with Elisa, and what he had with Lilly was so different from his past serious relationship. Things will Lilly had progressed so slowly and it was becoming apparent that his conscious self had not caught up with what his heart was possibly feeling. Physically he had no doubt in his mind that he was attracted to her, he desired her of that he was certain. However, his heart had been through so much turmoil the last week with Lilly being shot and Hope's early arrival that he couldn't be sure what he felt anymore. He knew he definitely loved Hope, that love had been instant, pure, overwhelming and just indescribably, but also so different from the way he had loved Elisa, and again different from his feelings for Lilly. Heaving a heavy sigh he pulled up in front of their destination and felt his heart constrict as he realised he was about to leave Lilly overnight once again.

"We're here" he said softly as he turned to face Lilly.

Scotty's voice startled Lilly from her reverie and she was surprised to see her house ahead of her. The drive had passed in a whirlwind as she thought about the events of the past week and the events that had transpired at her mother's funeral. Strangely though she felt peaceful, as if that chapter of her life was now done and she was ready to face the future and correct the wrongs she had suffered. She wasn't going to let herself think about what she thought Scotty had been about to say. She couldn't. It would ruin everything. If she'd learnt nothing else this past week it was that she wanted Scotty in her life and to form a proper family with him, so she couldn't let herself get panicked over something that he hadn't _actually_ said. For all she knew he hadn't been about to say _that_ at all and she was going to believe that until he told her otherwise.

As for her own feelings for Scotty, well, she just couldn't deal with them right now. These past few weeks had been like a rollercoaster for her and she just wasn't used to all these overwhelming feelings. She liked to keep her life simply and as free from emotion as possible, but since she had fallen pregnant nothing had been simple, especially these past few weeks. From Scotty and hers declaration that they had feeling for each other and subsequent night of passion at New Years, her mother dying, being shot at, giving birth, Hope being in the NICU, _leaving _Hope in the NICU, her mother's funeral, it was just all too much for her to deal with, especially with her hormones as haywire as they were at the moment. Right now all she wanted to do was curl up in her bed with her cats and forget about everything until tomorrow when she could go back to the NICU and see her daughter.

Turning to look at her house she stared up at the dark empty windows and felt a chill run through her. She wasn't glad to be home at all she realised with a heavy heart and a sad sense of longing. Inside her house were all her daughter's things, but she had no child to go inside with her and she had nowhere to put her daughter when Hope did finally come home. Scotty had not had a chance to paint the nursery or assemble the furniture yet as it was something he had been planning on doing in the new year before her mother had come to live with her so her house was not ready for a baby like it should have been. Like any good parent would have made sure it was.

Hesitantly she turned her head towards Scotty "I..I don't think I can go in" she stated weakly as emotion once again washed over her and she felt the hot sting of tears in her eyes.

"Why Lil? I thought you wanted to come here?" Scotty asked her gently. They had almost had argument at the hospital early today about where she should stay now that she had been released. He thought she was still too unwell to be on her own and should stay with him, but Lilly had insisted she wanted to go home and see her cats and sleep in her bed, and after everything she had been through he couldn't deny her anything. "I can stay, if it helps?" he offered tenderly.

Lilly shook her head and Scotty was dismayed to see her distressed expression and the tears in her eyes once again.

"No, you don't understand" she sobbed "I _can't _go in there Scotty. All of Hope's things are in there and...and..."

Scotty pulled her into a gentle embrace and tenderly kissed her forehead as he started to realise why Lilly couldn't go into her house.

"Shhh, it's ok Lil. You can stay with me until Hope is out of the hospital" he informed her kindly.

"But she doesn't have a room, or a bed..." Lilly continued to sob against his shoulder.

"It's ok, Lil. It'll work out. I helped Mike put Emilio's cot together and it didn't take long. I'm sure I can get Mike and Pa to come over on the day Hope is released and we can put the cot together. Ma and Alegria will help with washing and sterilising everything I'm sure, and remember, she was always going to be staying in your room for the first few months anyway so Mike, Pa and I will still have time to decorate the nursery before she needs to use it" he reassured his sobbing partner.

Lilly heard what Scotty was saying, but it didn't make her feel any better. She wanted her daughter to come home to a _home_ so she knew how much she was loved and wanted. _She_ wanted a nursery for her daughter, a place where the two of them could go to escape and she could just be Hope's mum, and not Detective Rush, Ice Queen of Homicide. She didn't want her to have to make do with a hastily put together bed or be exposed to the paint fumes given the problems she was currently having with her lungs. She didn't want her daughter to go through what she had.

"Lil, give me your keys" she heard Scotty command gently "I'll go in and grab what you need and then we'll go to mine, ok?"

Lilly nodded her head against him before she reluctantly moved her tired and heavy body from the safety of Scotty's embrace and retrieved her house keys from her handbag, handing them to Scotty.

"I'll be right back" he whispered softly as he gently caressed her check. Lilly watched as Scotty exited the car and hurriedly walked up to her house before letting himself inside. She was startled when something in the back of her mind made her realise how right it looked for Scotty to be entering her home.

Scotty exited the car and walked swiftly to Lilly house, being careful not to slip on the frozen sidewalk. He entered her home and was mildly surprised when he was not greeted by Lilly's cats however, the reason for this quickly became evident as he saw a note from Miller saying she had taken Tripod and Olivia and would return them when Lilly was ready for them. Part of him was disappointed as he had planned on taking them to his apartment to try and cheer up Lilly, but alas, it was not meant to be.

Next he headed upstairs and into her bathroom where he grabbed her toiletries, as the ones from the hospital bag had almost run out. Then he headed to Lilly's room and was pleased to see she had packed her own hospital bag. Rummaging around in it quickly, he was relieved to find a clean pair of pyjamas, numerous pairs of underwear, maternity bras, some maternity pads and nipple pads (two things he hadn't been able to bring himself to buy, although the hospital had given Lilly a supply) and some stretchy gym trousers and cotton tops that he thought would still fit Lilly. He added a few jumpers to the pile and headed out, now desperate to get home as he realised it was past 9pm already.

It was as he was heading towards the stairs that he suddenly stopped. Directly in front of him was what was supposed to be Hope's room, but rather than the cream walls, teddy bear border and oak furniture that was supposed to there ready and waiting for his daughter, all he saw was the green walls of Lilly's former study and boxes of baby paraphernalia that were yet to be opened and assembled.

Suddenly anger hit Scotty full force. _Why? _Why had Lilly gone into that room with Ed? The guy had killed Kim's kid brother, did she really think he would hesitate in shooting her just because she was pregnant? In a moment of clarity very unlike himself, he realised that Miller and he had done nothing wrong. They had no grounds to search Kim or Ed that night and the night doorman _should_ have detected the gun as Ed went through security, but for reasons unknown he had not.

Sure, he felt guilty for not getting to Lilly sooner, for not pulling the trigger a split second earlier, but ultimately he wouldn't have had to rescue her if she had just stayed at home and grieved for her mother like she should have! Why had she chosen Observation anyway? She would have known that if gun use was necessary it would be a blind shot, so why had she done it?

Unable to contain his anger any further he kicked a box in the darken room and cursed as a box resting on top of the one he had just kicked fell off and landed on his foot. Grabbing the offending item he was just about to throw it at the other boxes in the room in anger when he realised he was holding the breast pump they had brought. Sighing, he realised that Lilly would need her breast pump as she had been using the hospital's one up until now. Reluctantly he started searching for bottles and the sterilising kit they had brought as it had been 3 hours since they had left the hospital and Lilly would need to pump soon. Angrily he kicked and threw boxes aside until he found what he needed and he shoved the articles in the bag before picking it up and angrily marching out of the house, slamming the front door as he went.

Lilly sat in Scotty's car shifting uncomfortably as she thought about the future and exactly what her feelings were for her partner in case he did say _that_ to her. However, she was distracted by her breasts that were become tighter and tighter with each minute that passed. She needed to pump soon and she was pretty sure she was already leaking into the nipple pads in her bra. The sound of a door slamming startled her out of her reverie and she was surprised to see Scotty storm out of her house looking furious. She hadn't seen him look this angry since...she gulped when she realised she had never since Scotty look this furious.

Scotty threw Lilly's belongings in the boot of the car before quickly getting into the driver's seat, slamming the door and throwing the car in drive and driving off. The sight and smell of Lilly in his car almost making him see red. The only thought going this his head was _why_?

Lilly winced as Scotty made a hard turn causing the seatbelt to tighten on her bruised abdomen and tender breasts. She didn't know what had pissed Scotty off in the few minutes he had been inside her house but there was still no excuse to be driving like this in icy conditions.

"Scotty, slow down!" Lilly exclaimed loudly, her own anger building at the danger he was putting them in "Do you want to get us killed? Do you want Hope to grow up without her parents!"

Scotty's hands tightened on the steering wheel and he threw Lilly a furious glare as she accused him of trying to kill himself and Lilly and leave Hope an orphan. How dare she!

"I'm not the one that almost got myself and my daughter killed!" he yelled at Lilly, unable to control his rage anymore. "I'm not the one who willingly walked into a room with a gun toting maniac!"

Lilly looked at Scotty in shock as he accused her of trying to kill herself and Hope, her own anger now rising as she took in his heated expression.

"What?" she said icily, glad for the second time tonight she at least sounded something resembling her old self. Her voice was strong and clear and free of the choked emotion she had been feeling barely 15 minutes ago.

"You heard me!" Scotty yelled again, pushing the gas just a little bit more to ease his anger and frustration "You're the one who voluntarily walked into a hostage situation when you were 8 months pregnant!"

Lilly bristled beside him and swallowed down the guilt that was washing over her. "You weren't even there" she yelled back "Do you think I wanted to go in? Do you think I had a choice? Everyone else was handcuffed to a filing cabinet or door, I was the only one who could do anything! Do you think it was easy for me to have to watch everyone chain themselves to cabinets and doors, to know their lives were in my hands? I don't know why he left me free, maybe because I was pregnant. Kim.."

"Kim! Kim!" Scotty interrupted Lilly "What about Bean? Did you even think about what would happen? For god sake Lil, the man shot an entire family! He didn't give a damn about kids or the fact you were pregnant!" he continued to yell.

"Don't you think I know that!" Lilly snapped, grateful to see that the turning to Scotty's road was coming up "But you don't know, yo..."

Lilly hissed again as Scotty cornered into his road aggressively and abruptly parked the car causing the seatbelt to tighten once again.

"Yeah, I know Lil, I wasn't there. But you shouldn't have been either! Why did you go into work that day? Why didn't you take some time off like Boss told you?" he continued yelling, although the guilt and confusion hidden in Scotty's tone was not lost on Lilly.

"You mean like you did when Elisa died" Lilly said snidely "at least I'm not whoring it out with some barman or drinking my way through the day" she continued, immediately regretting her outburst the moment she saw the flash of raw pain in Scotty's eyes at the mention of Elisa's suicide.

Scotty couldn't believe that Lilly had brought up Elisa and the cocktail waitress "That was different!" he shouted, his anger almost beyond control "I didn't have anyone to think of then like you did! My actions didn't cause me to die!"

"What?" Lilly exclaimed with confusion, her heartbeat rising at the thought that Hope had died before being taken to the NICU. No one had told her that Hope had been that ill "Hope died?" she whispered, her anger immediately dissipating and being replaced with self-hatred, disgust, shame and overwhelming guilt.

"No Lil! You! You died for God's sake!" Scotty exclaimed, anger, hurt and fear coating his words.

Lilly felt herself go limp in the car seat as shock and confusion washed over her and she was glad that she was sat down. She had died? Why had no one told her she had died? Was that why she had seen her mother in the corner of her hospital room when she had woken up? Had her mother been with her in some sense throughout this whole ordeal? Suddenly she needed to get out of the car, to feel the cold air against her skin, to feel it in her lungs to makesure she _was_ alive.

Scotty's head whipped round so fast as he heard the sound of his car door opening that he was surprised he hadn't given himself whiplash. He watched as Lilly started walking towards his apartment building and something inside him snapped. No! He was not going to let her run away this time! She was not going to walk away and take his daughter with her!

Scotty opened his car door furiously and yelled after Lilly, not caring how many of his neighbours he disturbed.

"Hey!" he yelled "Hey!" he yelled again as he ran to catch up with Lilly, grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. The expression on her face made him gasp and his anger receded slightly.

"I died?" she whispered brokenly to Scotty.

Scotty looked at Lilly quizzically and he most definitely felt his heart break a little at Lilly's distraught expression "Yeah Lil, didn't Doctor Jenson tell you?" he asked her softly, his anger dissipating as he was overcome with concern about the extremely pale and trembling woman he held in his hands.

At the crestfallen look on Lilly's face it was apparent that she had not been told of her near death experience and he looked Lilly in the eye as he told her what he knew. "Doctor Jenson said that you were haemorrhaging extremely badly, that the blood was coming out of you as quickly as they were pumping it in. At one point your heart stopped, for 2 minutes apparently, and they had to resuscitate you" Scotty paused and looked away as he took a deep breath before he revealed what he had done "They made me sign forms, Lil, giving them permission to put clamps inside you and allowing them to take your uterus if needed..." he whispered, his voice catching as the shock and horror rolled over her face.

"You must hate me" she whispered in horror, guilt and shame clouding her wide eyes.

"No Lil, I could never hate you" he stated truthfully "I...I thought you would hate me for what I had to agree to. I had your life in my hands Lil..." Scotty paused, seemingly toying with himself about something "I just want to know why?" he whispered.

Looking into the concerned, tender expression of her partner she knew she owned him an explanation.

"It all happened so fast" she began in a whisper, a glazed look coming over her expression "One minute I was sat with Kim talking about what she could remember, and then he was waving a gun and yelling at the guys to chain themselves up with their handcuffs. I had to take their keys, Scotty" she paused then as another wave of emotion washed over her and was relieved when Scotty nodded at her to continue. "We followed protocol as much as we could and then the sniper missed the fucking shot! Ed was wide open and he missed!" Lilly swallowed and took a deep breath as she continued "Ed got really mad afterwards and shot Boss, then he walked up to him and he was going to shoot him at point blank range. I panicked, Scotty! I couldn't let Boss die! All I could think of was getting out of there, but I couldn't leave Kim or the guys. I couldn't let them die, Scotty, and I was the only one not chained up. I told him to go into the interview room hoping that he'd barricade himself in there, but when I showed him in and pointed to Observation telling him no one could see if he went in there he pointed the gun at me and said I was going with him. I didn't want to Scotty, but what choice did I have? If I didn't he would have shot me there and then, and then shot Kim and the guys. At least if I went in the guys would be ok. I thought that having a pregnant detective would be better leverage for him and PPD would give in a bit easier, but things didn't work out that way..." she trailed off, Scotty being a party to the subsequent events.

"Oh Lil" Scotty whispered as he pulled Lilly into a tight hug. He had no idea what it had been like for her that evening and now he felt like the biggest idiot in the world. All his anger had disappeared, instead being replaced with guilt at the way he had treated his partner when all she had done was what she always did. She had sacrificed herself so that her friends and the victim could live. "I'm sorry, I...I didn't know."

"No, Scotty! You're right, I should have.." Lilly began in frustration.

"No Lil, you did everything right and when you tell Hope the story about the day she was born she's going to be so proud that you helped save all those people. Am I angry that you put yourself and Hope in danger? Hell yeah! But you saved 4 people, Lil, and that's a good thing.

"But Hope..."

"Is going to be fine" Scotty reassured the mother of his child "And I'm sorry I yelled at you Lil, you were right, I had no idea. You were being a good cop by trying to keep everyone safe" he soothed her.

"But I should have been acting like her mother Scotty, not a cop! I should have found a way out! I...I... Do...do you hate me?" Lilly whispered against him

"No Lil, I...I'm proud of you" he whispered into her hair.

He felt Lilly quiver against him and gently he pulled her head back to place a loving lingering kiss on her soft lips, still amazed at the feelings Lilly invoked in him whenever they kissed.

"Come on, let's get inside. It's getting late and we have to sterilise the breast pump before you can use it" Scotty spoke softly to his partner, relief washing through him that they had finally made peace with what had happened the night Hope had been born.

Lilly looked at her partner quizzically "You brought my breast pump?"

Scotty looked at her sheepishly. "Turns out that seeing Hope's room might not have been the best move for me either, although I can confirm the boxes are extremely durable".

Lilly raised her eyebrows at her partner and wondered in what state Scotty had left Hope's room and whether any of the items were broken.

"Anyway. I managed to find the breast pump, sterilising kit and nipple pads which I thought you might need" he finished awkwardly.

"Oh thank God, I feel like my breasts are about to explode!" Lilly exclaimed in delight, causing Scotty to turn pink. She still found it adorable that he got embarrassed whenever she breast fed Hope and a smile graced her features for this first time this evening.

Scotty reluctantly released Lilly from his grasp and unlocked the main door to his apartment building. "Why don't you start making your way up while I grab your stuff?"

"Ok" Lilly replied heading into the warmth of Scotty's apartment building. "Oh, and Scotty?" she called turning back to face her partner.

"Yeah Lil?" he turned back with a small smile that matched her own.

"Will...will you stay with me tonight?" she asked softly.

Scotty's brow creased in confusion. "Of course, Lil. I'll be on the sofab..."

"No, Scotty. I mean will you _stay_ with me tonight" Lilly asked again, embarrassment flooding through her and her cheeks flushing as she admitted for the first time in her life that she needed somebody. Although she was happy that Scotty and she had resolved their issues over Hope's early arrival, she just didn't want to be alone tonight on the first night she was truly away from her precious daughter and she just felt so safe in Scotty's arms.

Scotty's smile widened slightly and his expression soften even more as he realised that Lilly needed him tonight. Truth be told, he needed her too. This past week had been hellish with both Hope and Lilly being in the hospital. He had jumped rope and worked out so hard in the evenings to ensure that as soon as his head hit the pillow he was out like a light. He'd desperately wanted to hold Lilly in his arms every night since Hope had been born so that he could be as close to her as could be, so that he knew that she was alive, but when Lilly had said she wanted to go home after being released from the hospital he had swallowed his own feelings to make Lilly happy.

"Sure Lil, that would be perfect" he replied with a grin, his heart leaping as Lilly returned his grin with her own soft smile. Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to curl up in his bed with his partner.

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><p><em>So you may be glad to know this is the last of the seriously angsty chapters! <em>

_I apologise for the poor tense and sentence structure, I just can't seem to get my grammar right at the moment. _

_Until next week..._


	46. Chapter 46

_Thank you for the reviews and the people that have alerted and followed the story (what is this new following thing BTW?). Without further ado, here is the next instalment._

**_Disclaimer: _**_I d__on't own Cold Case, but seeing as we've had a week of almost continuous sunshine and hot weather in the UK, for once I don't care! (2 weeks ago there was major flooding, landslides and rock falls due to torrential rain, now it's glorious sunshine - go figure!)_

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><p>By his own admission Scotty Valens had always been somewhat of an aggressive driver, in fact it was one of his partner's favourite pastimes to tease him about his "lead foot", but now he had such precious cargo on board his vehicle he was not taking any changes. Glancing down at the dashboard he checked the speedometer for the umpteenth time and glared at the truck in the lane next to him, not liking how close he was to his vehicle - and not because his car was only a week old. No, in the back of his car was the most important person in his life - his 2 week old daughter. Sat next to Hope was her mother - the second most important person in his life - and as he glanced into the rearview mirror of his SUV he couldn't help the gentle smile that graced his features and the wave of happiness and relief that washed over him. Lilly sat next to Hope, her eyes transfixed on the tiny enfact as she watched their daughter intently.<p>

"The hospital said she was fine, Lil" he reassured her gently.

Lilly briefly glanced up and her eyes met his in the rearview mirror and he noticed they were filled with worry.

"But she hasn't been outside before and it's so cold and her lungs..." Lilly started with desperate concern.

"Are fine" Scotty stated with finality "And the heating is on, plus she's dressed in a babygrow, coat, hat, gloves and smothered in blankets. You heard what the doctor said Lil, she's healthy now". In fact he felt a bit sorry for his daughter bundled underneath all those layers of material that Lilly had insisted she wear. He doubted his poor daughter could move, not that she seemed the least bit purturbed by that as she slept soundly in her car seat.

Lilly simply frowned and went back to watching their daughter intently causing Scotty to sigh.

After two agonising weeks in the hospital Hope had finally been given a completely clean bill of health this morning and had been discharged this afternoon. Two agonising weeks of seeing his daughter attached to monitors and wires, of trying to care for her without disrupting the wires that were attached to her delicate skin, of his heart leaping into his mouth or dropping into his stomach whenever one of those monitors went off. Two weeks of seeing Hope scream daily as blood was drawn from her tiny foot for testing, of trying to soothe her after the doctors prodded and poked her, and feeling his heart break a little whenever he saw his daughter pass out from exhaustion from the medication she was being administered was finally over. Two weeks that had taken him and Lilly from heaven to hell and back again. Now, they were finally heading back to Lilly's house for the first time as a threesome. Although he was happy and relieved to have his daughter home, he couldn't quash the tiny seed of terror and panic that was in his gut. What if he wasn't a good enough father to Hope? She was so tiny that she barely fit in his forearm, what if he dropped her or hurt her by accident? It was one thing changing her diapers and doing kangaroo care with his daughter in the hospital supervised by nurses, but on his own? Could he really do this? He just couldn't let Hope or Lilly down.

For the past week Lilly's and his lives had evolved solely around his apartment and the hospital. They were the first ones at the NICU in the morning and the last ones to leave at night. When they weren't at the hospital they were at his apartment, and he had to admit that even with Lilly there, it just felt so empty without Hope. Not for the first time since his _hija preciosa_ had been born he wondered how such a tiny human being could already have such a massive hold over his heat and an impact on his life.

Ever since Lilly had been released from the hospital she had been staying with him and he had to admit they had grown even closer after their fight, in fact, he was actually surprised by how much he enjoyed having her stay with him. His apartment was just so quiet and still compared to the sounds and motions of the NICU, but at least with Lilly there she could make the silence and stillness bearable as they snuggled on the couch or in bed and talked about how Hope had been at the hospital that day or discussed how they wanted to decorate the nursery, that thought making Scotty groan internally as he remembered they were yet to decorate Hope's room. Now that they knew Bean was a "she", they had spent the last week talking about taking back the teddy bear decorations they had purchased and replacing them with something more girly, although no matter how much research they did on the internet they just couldn't find the perfect decoration for their daughter's room. The project had been a welcome distraction during the long nights of the past week.

He knew how crazy it sounded considering they had only been officially "dating" for 2, maybe 3 weeks at best, but it just felt so right and natural for Lilly to be in his apartment with him and he was nervous about what would happen tonight. The one thing they hadn't actually discussed in the past 2 weeks was what would happen when Hope came home, the only certainty being that her first night would be at Lilly's house. Whether he would be there or not had never been discussed and he was anxious as to whether Lilly would be receptive to him staying at her house tonight. He didn't want to leave Lilly and Hope in her house all alone, especially after being separated from his daughter so much already and with Lilly was still recovering from surgery causing her to tire very easily (not that she would admit it) however, he didn't want to push Lilly either. Having her with him almost continuously for the past 2 weeks had made him realise just what Lilly Rush meant to him, but he knew how fragile Lilly's emotional state was right now and he was desperate not to blow the budding relationship that he was sure was forming between them. His fears had not stopped him from secretly putting an overnight bag in his car this morning though, along with the few baby items he had brought to his apartment last week in the hope that he would be able to stay at Lilly's tonight, after all, it was the first night his daughter was home from the hospital.

Coming up to a red light his mind wondered back to the task of actually driving his vehicle as he concentrated on braking gently so as not to harm his daughter. "She doing ok?" he asked his partner, noting in the rearview mirror that Lilly was still watching Hope intently with one hand resting gently on the baby's chest.

Lilly glanced up briefly to meet Scotty's eyes in the rearview mirror again and offered him a weak smile. "Yeah, she's still sleeping" she answered softly, _and breathing _her mind offered as an after thought.

As Scotty gently pulled away from the junction Lilly couldn't help but chuckle to herself. It seemed she had finally discovered the key to having her partner drive safely - having his daughter in the car. Never had she witnessed Scotty driving this carefully or this _slowly_ and the fact that he cared so much about Hope reassured her and sent a warmth flooding through her. Quickly she resumed her watch over her daughter, the small rise and fall of her baby's chest and the snuffled sounds of her breathing reassuring her that everything was indeed ok with her little Hope bean.

For the past 2 weeks Scotty and she had been waiting for the moment when Hope would be given the all clear and was allowed home, but as soon as that moment had arrived a wave of pure terror had washed over her. She hadn't realised how reassured she had been by the monitors that had been there ever since Hope had been born beeping and visualising all of her daughter's vital signs, and now they weren't there, she was terrified that she would miss the signs if something went wrong with Hope again. She knew what Scotty was saying was true, that Hope had been given a clean bill of health, but she just couldn't accept it yet. She hadn't asked him yet, but she was hoping he would stay with her for a few nights as she just felt so safe when he was around and he was so good with Hope. Watching him handle their daughter with such care and diligence had opened up her heart in a way that she had never experienced before and she felt honoured that she got to witness the soft, tender, loving side of Scotty Valens.

Although it wasn't just Hope that got to see the softer side of her partner she realised, she experienced it too. Ever since their fight a week ago she had been staying with Scotty and he had been so patient, caring and tender towards her that it had almost overwhelmed her. The first night of staying in his apartment had been terrible. As she'd entered his home the quietness had enveloped her, almost overcoming her, and she could see that Scotty had felt the same way too as he'd entered the apartment a few minute later laden down with all her items. They had busied themselves at first, him cooking Spanish omelettes for their dinner and she pumping the milk that was supposed to feeding their daughter out of her over full breasts as silent tears slid down her cheeks, a stark reminder that the one person that connected them together was not there. Later that night he had walked in on her as she had sat crying in his bed pumping her breast milk yet again, and he had simply taken her in his arms and held her close as she finished her task, all the time whispering words of comfort and reassurance. Once done, he had silently taken the milk and put it in the refrigerator as she'd got herself comfortable in his bed, then he had simply joined her and held her as she had cried herself to sleep on his chest, not once complaining.

As the week wore on things had gradually gotten better and they'd both adjusted to the situation. They found things to talk about concerning Hope and once they had decided to change the decoration of Hope's room, well, that had certainly taken up some time in the quiet, still, late nights. However, each night she had ended up curled up into his side feeling as safe and protected from the world as could be. It was a strange feeling for her, one that she had not experienced before and she was trying with all her might not to let it panic her, because she was determined not to screw up whatever was developing between her and Scotty. She'd never felt this way with any of her past boyfriend's before and she didn't know why Scotty made her feel this way now. Maybe it was because they had been friends for years first, maybe it was because over the past 9 months he had been there for her when she had been at her lowest, from the night Hope was conceived until this very moment, or maybe it was purely the basic instinct of wanting to be with the father of her child and to create a true family, but her feelings for Scotty were quickly escalating.

Sighing, she glanced up quickly and was surprised to see they had reached her house already. Memories of the last time she had come here washed over her and she fought back the sadness she felt knowing that inside her child did not even have her own bed yet, even though she knew that Mike was coming over tomorrow to help Scotty build the cot. Tonight Hope and she were simply going to have to share her bed, she thought with resignation. She was not going to let that get her down though. This was a big day for her, Scotty and Hope and she was going to be as happy as she could - even if she was terrified about her she would cope.

"We're here already?" she stated in surprise, the terror inside her intensifying. Would she be good a good enough mother to Hope? What if Hope got ill again? What if she suffocated Hope by accident when she feeding and burping her? She had only breastfed in the NICU where there was plenty of medical staff around if something happened. What if she hurt her daughter whilst trying to dress or change her her? Changing diapers and dressing Hope in the hospital had been challenging as she still had limited movement in her shoulder following the gunshot wound. What if she did something wrong and she hurt Hope?

"Yeah Lil, you ready?" Scotty turned round and smiled at her hesitantly from the front seat, breaking Lilly's panicked thoughts.

"Yeah" she whispered in reply, swallowing down her panic as she watched Scotty turn around and exit the car. She could do this, she was the Ice Queen of Homicide after all and she would just keep telling herself that, although she knew in her hearts of hearts that it was futile as there was no way she could ever be an Ice Queen where Hope was concerned.

"Welcome Home Hope Elisa Valens" she whispered softly to her daughter in what she hoped was a welcoming tone as she gently unclipped the seatbelt holding the car seat in place in the back of Scotty's car. She made sure the blankets were tucked in tightly around her daughter as Scotty opened the back door.

"Bienvenido a casa mi hija preciosa" Scotty whispered lovingly to his still sleeping daughter as he gently stroked her warm, pink cheek.

Lilly couldn't help the small smile that appeared on her face as she witnessed Scotty with his daughter. She'd learnt over the past 2 weeks that hija preciosa meant beautiful daughter in Spanish and it was a term of endearment that Scotty used frequently when he spoke to Hope in Spanish. She vaguely remembered from her high school Spanish that casa meant house so she presumed that Scotty was welcoming Hope home and it suddenly hit her that this was finally happening, they were home as a family.

Scotty took in the sight of his beautiful daughter in the car seat that quite frankly dwarfed her at the moment and took in the way that Lilly had secured the blankets around Hope to ensure the cold wind and snow would not harm their daughter. He glanced up at his partner quickly and saw the love and affection that shone from her eyes as she stared down at her daughter and he realised that he could do this. Lilly was already a wonderful mother and he knew there was no way she would let him mess up when it came to Hope, she would have his ass before he hurt his daughter. Yes, together he was sure they could do this and some of the terror he was feeling seeped away as he carefully picked up the car seat and held the door open for Lilly.

The smile remainded on her Lilly's face as she saw the look of pure concentration and love that was on Scotty's face as he made sure that Hope was as safe as could be. Scotty was already a fantastic father and together she realised that both Scotty and she could do this, causing some of the panic and terror she was feeling to recede slightly. Scotty held the door open for her as she got out the car and she enjoyed the fact that her stomach had shrunk further, the bruising at her centre was all but gone and that moving was now a lot easier, if not still tiring. Scotty took her hand in his and together they moved toward her house, happiness, excitement and apprehension building inside her with each step she took towards home.

Scotty took Lilly's hand in his as they walked towards her house and for the first time he felt like they were truly a real family. A new, unconventional one at that, but still a family. There was no hospital, no wires or equipment attached to his daughter, no doctors and nurses, it was just him, Lilly and Hope. Although he was nervous about what the future held, right now he was happy. He had been through so much this past year with Elisa dying, his fling with the cocktail waitress, George, Lilly's pregnancy, Ellen Rush dying, Ed, Hope's early arrival, that he was going to cling to this happiness for as long as he could as he'd learnt the hard way that life can change for the worst in an instant.

Reaching the front door of her house Lilly slid her hand from Scotty's to retrieve her house keys, but was suddenly overcome with such gratitude that she before she could stop herself, she turned to face Scotty and placed a lingering kiss on his oh so kissable mouth. A kiss that was soft and loving, yet tentative and reverent, and it took Scotty's breath away.

"Lil?" he queried in confusion. It wasn't that he didn't like kissing Lilly, it was just his partner wasn't exactly a public display of affection type of person and he was worried something was wrong.

"Thanks Scotty" she whispered with heavy emotion, the gratitude he saw him her eyes took his breath away.

"For what, Lil?" he answered, still completely at a loss as to why she was thanking him.

"For everything" she replied hoarely, those two words not being nearly enough to adequately express her thanks toward Scotty for everything he had done for her over the past 9 months.

Scotty was completely taken aback. Lilly was thanking him? After she had given him his daughter?

"I think that should be the other way around, Rush" he replied earnestly, his own voice full of emotion.

A small blush and smile appeared on Lilly's face as she turned and unlocked the front door to her house and stepped back to let Scotty carry Hope in first, every part of her wanting Hope out of the cold wind and snow and into the safety and warmth of her home as quickly as possible.

Her happy, albeit slightly panicked, mood was quickly shattered by the sight that greeted her and Scotty as soon as they entered her house.

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><p><em>Ok, so maybe this chapter isn't as angst free as I hoped, but I did try and throw in some sweet moments! It took me 4 hours to edit and the word court nearly doubled so I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. Trust me, this draft is much better than the original! <em>

_Until next time... _


	47. Chapter 47

_Thanks everyone for the lovely reviews, I can't believe the story has received over 300 reviews already! It brings a big happy smile to my face :-D_

_Once again, this is a rather long chapter so you might want to get comfy now! _

_Also, just to let you know this is the penultimate chapter of Life Unexpected. You have been warned! _

**_Disclaimer: _**_I own o__ne new self-assembly kitchen cabinet that took two days to put together and hang on the wall and which is now mostly held together by superglue (according to my Dad - a retired aircraft engineer - this is totally safe "as most planes are stuck together with glue" :-/ Hmmmm...). Unfortunately the ownership papers to Cold Case were not incorporated within the indecipherable instructions for said kitchen cabinet. I also own two rather angry, itchy, red marks on my chest from the supposedly "hypoallergenic" sticky electrode pads that I've had stuck on my chest for most of the weekend, but that's another story... _

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><p>Emilio Valens sat in front of the coffee table at his Aunty Lilly's house carefully colouring in the big letters that Veronica Miller had drawn for the banner they were making for when Uncle Scotty, Aunty Lilly and his new cousin, Hope, came home. He had to concentrate really hard not to colour outside the lines because the last time he had Veronica had yelled at him and he didn't want to be yelled at again (although it had been really funny when she had been told off by her Mummy for yelling at him).<p>

Suddenly he heard a sound at the door and he looked up anxiously at Veronica and Mr Stillman, who was sitting on the couch helping them with the banner too as his arm was in a sling, and he saw Mr Stillman's eyebrows rise in surprise as he turned round to look at the door just as Uncle Scotty and Aunty Lilly entered.

"Mummy!" he and Veronica yelled at the same time, bewildered as to why Uncle Scotty and Aunty Lilly were here now. His Mummy had told him that Uncle Scotty and Aunty Lilly wouldn't be home until after dinner, and although he didn't know what time it was, he knew it wasn't night time yet and it wasn't dinner time, so why were Uncle Scotty and Aunty Lilly home now before they had finished making the banner? They were supposed to having a surprise party, but nothing was ready for the party?

Alerted by the panic in the children's voices calling from the living room, Kat Miller, Alegria Valens and Rosa Valens all rushed from the kitchen into the living room of Lilly Rush's house.

"What..." Rosa began, her voice full of concern until her eyes fell on a very startled looking Scotty and Lilly "Oh! Scotty, Lilly what are you doing here? I thought the hospital wasn't going to release Hope until this evening?" she asked with delight as she walked up to the new parents and placed a kiss on both Scotty and Lilly's check before looking down lovingly at her new granddaughter.

"Hi Ma" Scotty replied cautiously "the hospital released her early. What's going on?" he asked suspicously as he glanced around Lilly's living room noticing Veronica and Emilio at the coffee table with piles of paper and crayons in front of them, and his Boss on the couch holding a crayon looking sheepish.

"Well it was supposed to be a Welcome Home come Baby Shower for Rush, but you guys have kinda spoiled that" Kat answered with a joking tone as she came forward and hugged both Lilly and Scotty before taking her first real life look at little Hope, who was still sleeping peacefully "She's beautiful guys" she gushed.

"Welcome Home" Alegria greeted them warmly as she too hugged her brother-in-law and Lilly before looking down at her new niece "Beautiful, but definitely a Valens" she agreed with a smile.

"Thanks" both Scotty and Lilly answered in unison glancing uneasily at each other.

Lilly glanced around her living room slightly overwhelmed by the number of people in the small space and the party preparations that had obviously been underway. Scotty and she had agreed before Hope had been released from hospital that the day she came home they wanted for themselves, so they could get used to being new parents - hence why Mike wasn't supposed to be coming over until tomorrow. But if Alegria , Rosa, Kat and Boss were here, the chances were Mike, Ramiro, Nick and Will were too she realised with a heavy heart. It wasn't that she wasn't happy to see her friends and new "family", it's just she really wanted some alone time with just her, Scotty and Hope, and from the look that Scotty was currently giving her, he did too.

Scotty looked at Lilly briefly and could tell from her expression she felt the same way he did. It wasn't that he wasn't grateful for his friends and family's efforts, it's just that he'd wanted some alone time with Lilly and Hope before they had to deal with his crazy, overwhelming, but loving family. Heaving a heavy sigh he realised that wasn't going to be the case and that Lilly and he would be best off playing along with whatever their friends and family had planned. Reluctantly he shot Lilly a resigned look, to which she responded in kind.

"So, where's Pa and Mike?" he asked his mother.

"Hmmm?" Rosa answered distractedly, dragging her eyes away from Hope before recognition and excitement ignited in her eyes "Oh! Yes! Let me just go check something" she answered mysteriously before exiting the room and heading upstairs.

"We were making you a banner" Emilio's sulky voice sounded from the coffee table.

"Yeah, you spoiled the surprise!" Veronica seconded.

"Emilio!"

"Veronica!"

Both Alegria and Kat chastened quickly and Lilly had to fight with everything she had not to laugh at Emilio's sulky face, a face that looked a lot like Scotty's.

"I'm sorry Em, you too Veronica" Scotty appeased quickly "Can I see the banner?" to which both children nodded their heads excitedly.

Scotty walked over to the couch and carefully placed the baby carrier next to John, smiling briefly at his Boss as he helped Lilly settle on the couch next to the carrier, before returning his attention to his nephew and Veronica.

"Hi" Lilly smiled tentatively at her Boss as she fussed over Hope, still nervous about how he would react after everything that had happened that night with Ed as they'd not really had a chance to talk at her mother's funeral.

"Hi" he answered hesitantly, looking almost as nervous as Lilly.

"How's your shoulder?" Lilly asked her boss almost guiltily as she started untucking the blankets from around her daughter.

"It's getting there, Lilly. How about you?" John asked her quietly, an almost paternal concern in his voice and eyes.

"The doctor said it's healing well and I might not need surgery. I'm glad you're ok too." Lilly replied honestly.

She stared up her Boss, suddenly desperate for his approval and wanting him to give his approval of Hope.

"No, Lilly. How about _you_?" he asked her emphatically and Lilly realised that he wanted to know how she was doing emotionally, not just physically.

Slowly her eyes moved to her daughter and she stared lovingly at the tiny creature she had created, a small smile lighting up her face. "Getting there" she answered truthfully.

John smiled at Lilly affectionately, relieved that for once she was not trying to put a mask on everything. He could see she was still in turmoil, but she wasn't trying to hide or deny it, and he knew that she was letting someone in, if the way Scotty and she looked and acted around each other was anything to go by. Rush and Valens were definitely not two of the detectives he would have put together, but over the past few months he'd seen how their interactions had changed and how much happier and lighter each of his detectives had been. He'd bet his pension that if they weren't together already, it wouldn't be long before they were.

"Good" he replied simply before taking his first good look at his subordinate's child and being taken aback by just how pretty the baby was "You know, Valens and you do make good-looking children" he answered with an affectionate smile.

Lilly's face lit up at her Boss' comment "Yes, we do, don't we?" she answered laughingly, gazing adoringly at her beautiful daughter with her long dark lashes, dark hair and milky white skin that currently held a heathly pink tinge, no doubt due to the number of layers she was wearing indoors. Immediately she started to feel herself relax as she realised she was home and surrounded by friends and family that loved and cared for Hope. For once she realised that if she got stuck, she not only had Scotty to rely on, but her friends and his family too.

"Emilio, Veronica, it's time. You can show Aunty Lilly and Uncle Scotty the surprise now" Rosa soft, kind voice interrupted them from the archway that lead to the stairs.

"Yey!" Emilo and Veronica yelled in unison. Emilio immediately went and grabbed his Uncle's hand before dragging a confused and wary Scotty over towards the stairs as Veronica approached Lilly tentatively, a shy smile on her face and her hand outstretched nervously.

Lilly's brow knotted in confusion and concern as she looked between Veronica's hopeful, excited face and Hope, not quite sure what was going on and what she should do with her little Hope Bean.

"Go Lilly, I've got her" Kat spoke softly from her side, a hint of warm mischievousness in her eyes.

Reluctantly Lilly grabbed Veronica's small hand and let herself be tugged in the direction of her stairs, quickly glancing back to see Kat gently unwrap her daughter from her cocoon of blankets and lift her from the car seat, all the while cooing at Hope softly, a wistful look in her eyes.

Together Scotty and Lilly let themselves be led upstairs by Emilio and Veronica, casting puzzled looks at each other as they went. Reaching the top of the stairs they paused briefly outside what would shortly be Hope's room, before being pushed to one side to make way for Alegria , John, Rosa and Kat, holding Hope, who had followed them up the stairs and were now crowded together on the small landing.

"Sorry, but you're going to need to put these on" Rosa informed them both with a no nonsense tone as she held out rolled up tea towels "otherwise it will spoil the surprise".

Scotty looked at Lilly nervously, not liking that he didn't have a clue about what was going on or what his friends and family had done, and was relieved to see that Lilly had no clue about what was going on either.

"Come on Uncle Scotty and Aunty Lilly!" Emilo's excited voice reverberated off the walls of the small hallway, and it was at that moment that both Scotty and Lilly realised they didn't have a choice. If they wanted to know what was going on, they were going to have to put on their blindfolds.

Slowly Rosa wrapped the rolled up tea towel around her son's eyes and John did the same to Lilly "Don't worry Rush, it's going to be fine" he whispered reassuringly in her ear as he gently held one of Lilly's hand with his good arm.

Together both blindfolded detectives listened as Emilio and Veronica knocked what sounded like a code on the door before they heard the door slowly being opened.

"Just follow where I lead you Rush" John informed Lilly softly as she felt herself being guided forward.

"Scotty?" she asked quietly.

"I'm here, Lil" he replied unsteadily as he allowed his mother to pull him forward into the room.

"Stand here" his mother informed them both seriously.

With his eyesight now gone, Scotty's other senses went into overdrive and almost immediately he could sense Lilly beside him. Moving his hand slightly he brushed Lilly soft skin, and even blindfolded, he managed to find her hand and squeeze it softly.

Lilly let herself be guided as John had instructed trying to fight the overwhelming panic she felt about now being blind and not being able to see her daughter or Scotty. Gently John brought her to a stop and she could just feel Scotty next to her. Her heart leapt as his hand brushed hers before taking it softly in his. She felt him squeeze her hand and the small gesture brought her such comfort that immediately she returned the gesture, hoping he would take as much comfort from it as she did.

Listening carefully she could hear shuffling and the sound of young childish giggles, and after what seemed like hours, the blindfolds were suddenly lifted.

"SURPRISE!"

Lilly gasped in shock as she looked around the room that had previously been her office. The oak panelling that covered the lower half of the room's walls remained however, the drap faded green colour that had previously been on the upper part of the wall had been replaced with a pale sky blue colour. Grass and flowers had been painted above the oak panelling along with bumble bees, butterflies, ladybirds and small birds to give the room a look of a meadow on a summer's day. Even a few clouds had been painted at the top of the wall to give the room a "sky". Below the panelling hung pictures of rabbits, worms, moles and mice to give an above and below ground illusion. Pale yellow curtains hung from the windows which matched the bedding in the cot, and above the cot hung padded letters in various pastel colours spelling out Hope's name. The changing table had been assembled and stocked too, and her mouth dropped open as she saw a rocking chair in the corner. A rocking chair that looked suspiciously like the one she had fallen asleep on at the Valens' at Thanksgiving.

"Scotty!" she whispered, completely overcome by what the Valens' and her friends had done. How had the Valens' and her friends managed to afford this? Hope's room just looked so professional, so...perfect, it was if the room belonged in some high end fashion magazine, not her small home.

Scotty looked around the room in complete wonder as he took in the beautiful decorations. In front of them stood his parents, Mike, Alegria, Emilio, Veronica, Kat, John, Will and Nick, even Tripod and Olivia were in amongst the guest starring quizzically around the room. This was so much better than what Lilly and he had come up with and so much better than he could have done. He knew there was only one person who was responsible for this.

"Alegria ?"

Alegria blushed and shrugged. "It's nothing. It was the least I could do for my niece" she answered softly. "Do you like it?" she asked hesitantly.

Lilly turned to look at Alegria as her partner said his sister-in laws name. "You did this?" she asked in disbelief.

"Um, yeah. I have my own interior design business but I stopped working when I had Emilio, now I'm just a silent partner" Alegria replied, her face red with embarrassment "I wanted to do this and it was good practice. I haven't painted in ages and it wasn't all me. The guys painted the walls blue and assembled the furniture, Rosa made the curtains, bedding, cushions and letters and Ramiro made the chair"

"It's...perfect, Alegria . Thank you. Thank you everyone. " Scotty voice was full of emotion as he realised how hard everyone must have worked. "But how?" he couldn't help but ask.

"When I came to get the TENS machine the day Lilly was...Hope was born... I noticed the room hadn't been decorated. Then at the funeral you guys just looked so...lost... that we decided we wanted to do something for you" Kat informed them "I still had your key so that's how we all got in"

Scotty felt completely overwhelmed as he realised just how much his friends and family had accomplished in the space of a week. Looking over at Lilly he realised that tears filled her eyes and he promptly pulled her into a hug, not caring that he was standing in a room full of his colleagues and family.

"Hey. It's ok. Shhh Lil, this is good!" he comforted his partner softly.

Lilly clung to her partner as she felt the tears slide down her cheeks once again, completely overwhelmed by recent events. She thought she was over this, she thought she had control of her emotions again, but what everyone had just done for her, Scotty and Hope, it was just too much. She'd spent years pushing everyone away, years keeping everyone at bay, not letting anyone get too close, but now she was starting to realise what could be accomplished when you let people in. She had a daughter, she had Scotty, she had his family, and she had friends that cared about her.

"We'll give you a moment" Will gravelly voice sounded from the back of the room and Scotty nodded gratefully as he watched his friends and family file out of Hope's room, slightly surprised that the badass Kat Miller was currently cooing softly to his daughter, but then she was a mother herself he reasoned.

"Lil?" he questioned his partner quietly. Her hormones had become more stable, but this was a lot to take in. Hell, he even had tears in his eyes!

"Oh Scotty!" she sobbed "Hope has a bed! No, not just a bed, a room! She has a home Scotty! And it's perfect and...and..."

"I know" Scotty whispered in wonder pulling his partner closer to him and kissing her softly on the head. After what felt like an eternity he eventually felt Lilly's sobs subside and he gently pulled her off his chest.

"Pretty amazing, huh?" he asked with a crocked grin causing Lilly to giggle.

"Yeah, pretty amazing Valens" she agreed softly "Can you believe this is Hope's room? I had no idea Alegria was so talented"

"Me neither, Lil. I knew she had her own interior design business, but I just assumed it was laying out furniture and colour schemes. I had no idea she actually painted and stuff" he replied in wonder.

Both detectives stood in the room taking comfort in each other's arms as they gazed at the beautiful artistry on the walls and the soft furnishings that Rosa had made, let alone the exquisite handiwork of the rocking chair that Ramiro had hand made.

"You know if we don't go down soon, they're going to send a search party" Scotty teased Lilly gently as he placed a kiss on her lips.

Lilly laughed softly as she relaxed even more into Scotty embrance, still slightly overwhelmed by the surprise everyone had created for them. "I suppose you're right" she replied returning his kiss, and for the first time in 2 weeks she felt a flash of desire run through her. Her little Hope Bean was home, she had a room, and Scotty was here. Quickly she guided her tongue over Scotty's lips and felt his start of surprise before his mouth opened and her tongue caressed his. God she'd missed this! She missed his kisses and she missed the way he could ignite an inferno in her. Her hands moved in his hair and she gripped his locks tightly as she deepened the kiss.

Scotty couldn't help his start of surprise as Lilly responded to the chaste kiss he'd pressed against her lips. Tentatively he allowed her entry and couldn't help groaning as his tongue and lips played with her. All the frustration and emotion that had built up between them in the last two weeks came out in their kiss and it quickly heated. Scotty gently moved his hands down Lilly's figure relishing the more defined curves her pregnancy had left behind and taking delight in the shiver he felt run down Lilly's spine. Almost immediately he felt himself harden and reluctantly he broke the kiss.

"Wow" he panted.

"Yeah, wow" Lilly replied, her core throbbing pleasantly for the first time in two weeks and she couldn't help but press herself closer to Scotty.

"Lil..." he groaned. He was desperate for her. It had been weeks since they had last been intimate and after everything they had been through in the last 2 weeks and the way things had just built so quickly, well, he needed a _release. _"We can't" he whispered, his eyes closed in a pained expression.

Lilly sighed in frustration. That's right, she wasn't allowed to have sex for at least another 4 weeks. Although at this moment in time she was seriously considering breaking that rule, after all she had finally finished bleeding last night.

Groaning she reluctantly dragged herself away from Scotty. "Search party you say?"

As much as he loved having Lilly in his arms, he couldn't help the immense sense of relief that washed over his as she slinked out of his arms. Doctor Jenson had said no sex for at least 6 weeks after Lilly had given birth. Boy were the next 4 weeks going to be hard!

"Yeah, search party" he replied with a smirk.

"Well, we don't want that. Come on, let's go celebrate!" Lilly exclaimed, suddenly wanting to celebrate the fact that her daughter was finally home.

Lilly grabbed Scotty's hand and lead him downstairs into the living room, the sight that greeted her brought a smile to her face and caused a warmth to flood throughout her body. In the corner stood Nick, holding Hope, with John and Will either side and all three men were wearing soft tender smiles and adoring expressions, their chest puffed out with pride. Ramiro, Mike, Emilio and Veronica seemed to be playing some sort of game, and Kat, Rosa and Alegria stood in the corner talking with wistful smiles on their faces. The coffee table had been cleared of paper and crayons and delicious food had been laid out.

"Aunty Lilly, Uncle Scotty!" Emilio cried out as soon as he saw his relatives appear in the doorway "Can I hold 'Ope now? Pleeeeeaaase" he asked as he picked himself off the floor and flung himself at Scotty, wrapping his tiny arms around his Uncle's legs.

Scotty looked awkwardly over at Lilly and could tell that she was as uncomfortable and nervous about his young nephew holding a newborn baby as he was. "Uh, Em..."

"Pleeeeeaaase?" Emilio continued to beg with his best pleading face and puppy dog eyes.

"How about you sit on Mummy's lap and we'll hold Hope together?" Alegria piped up from the corner "How does that sound?" she asked Lilly and Scotty, a knowing smile on her face.

"Sounds great" Scotty replied with relief.

Lilly watched as Alegria arranged herself and Emilio on the couch as Scotty carefully lifted Hope from Nick's arms and placed her in Alegria and Emilio's arms.

"Now remember Em, you've got to hold her head carefully as it's all floppy at the moment and if you let go it could hurt her, ok?" Scotty educated his nephew softly.

"I know Uncle Scotty, Mummy told me" Emilio replied seriously, a look of pure concentration on his face as his cousin was placed in his arms for the first time.

The whole room looked on with tender silence as the two young cousins met for the first time.

"Hi 'Ope. I'm your cousin Emilio and I'm a big boy, not a baby like you, as I'm 3 years old. But I don't mind that you're a baby because we're going to have so much fun, we can play cars and trucks and football and poke and kick" he exclaimed excitedly, as gently he lifted one arm and poked Hope in the stomach. Almost immediately the baby's eyes opened and she starred up into her cousin's eyes, both Emilio and Hope suddenly mesmerised by each other. Seconds passed and then suddenly Hope's tiny arm flayed outwards as she "punched" her cousin, causing Emilio to giggle.

"You remember!" he cried excitedly as he poked his cousin and once again her tiny arm flayed outwards, causing Emilio to giggle yet again. However, playtime was brief as her tiny face screwed up and she emitted a loud cry.

"Looks like someone's hungry" Lilly exclaimed, still bewildered by how her body knew when Hope was hungry - her breasts always tingled just before Hope wanted a feed. Gently she retrieved her daughter from Emilio's arms and immediately Hope's cries lessened to a grizzle. Looking around in a panic she realised she was stood in a room full of people. Sure, she'd breast feed in public in the hospital before, but now it seemed different and she didn't want to expose herself around her friends and family whilst she did something so intimate.

"The blankets are laundered and ironed in the walk in closet in Hope's room" Rosa informed her knowingly "why don't you go and try out the rocking chair".

Lilly smiled gratefully at Rosa before turning to head towards the stairs, the sound of a young voice stopping her.

"Mummy, where do baby's come from" Emilio's innocent inquisitive voice asked.

"Duh! Lilly and Scotty had sex, stupid" Veronica informed the young boy matter of factly, causing a shocked silence to descend over the room.

"Oh" Emilio responded, his face screwed up with uncertainty and confusion before seconds later he asked the inevitable question that all the adults in the room were hoping to avoid "Mummy? What's sex?"

The silence that followed was deafening.

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><p><em>I have to admit this chapter was a nightmare to write as I had to think of a theme for Hope's room (I didn't want the predictable pink for a girl theme), describe it, and try and keep all the other family membersfriends involved. It was definitely a challenge, but it turned out to be one of my favourite chapters and I hope you enjoyed it too. _

_Until next week and the concluding chapter of Life Unexpected..._


	48. Chapter 48

_For the last time, thank you for everyone that reviewed, favourited and/or followed after the last chapter. I__t is with mixed emotions that I now post the final chapter of Life Unexpected. I will not cry...I will not cry...I will not cry..._

**_Disclaimer: _**_In case you haven't gathered by the past 46 disclaimers, I don't own Cold Case. _

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><p>Lilly Rush slowly awoke from a deep sleep and blinked into the inky darkness, relishing the fact that she could sleep on her stomach once again. Where was she? Slowly she rolled onto her back and surveyed her surroundings establishing she was in her bed in her bedroom. Quickly she glanced at her alarm clock and her eyes flew open when she realised that it was 9pm, her mind promptly wondering what had happened. She remembered coming home from the hospital in the afternoon, the party, feeding Hope and then...HOPE!<p>

Immediately panic and adrenaline spiked through her and she flung off the covers of her bed as she realised that Hope was not in the room with her. Her house was quiet and dark and fear pooled in the pit of her stomach. Where were Scotty and Hope? Too choked to shout she quickly ran out of the room as fast as she could and into Hope's, the sight that created her stopping her dead in her tracks.

Sat in the rocking chair in the corner of the room was Scotty snoozing, Hope securely resting against his shoulder fast asleep. Relief immediately rushed through Lilly and she couldn't help the tiny smile that appeared on her face at the peaceful sight of father and daughter together, and an idea popped into her head. Quietly she padded out of the room and back into her own, relieved to see that Scotty had placed the hospital bag next to what looked like a new moses basket; where had that come from? Rummaging through the bag she quickly retrieved the camera and silently she crept back into Hope's room to take a picture of the two most important people in her life.

Scotty awoke with a start as a bright light startled him and immediately his grip around his daughter tightened protectively as his free arm instinctively went to where he usually wore his gun. Letting his eyes adjust to the inky darkness he was pleased and relieved to see his partner standing in the room with what appeared to be a camera, and a small welcoming smile appeared on his face.

"Sorry, couldn't resist" Lilly answered his quizzical expression with a shrug and a rueful smile "I didn't mean to wake you though".

"It's ok, she's going to be wanting a feed soon anyway" Scotty replied tiredly. "Join us?" he asked patting his leg indicating that Lilly should sit in his lap, causing Lilly to raise her eyebrows and look at him sceptically. "Come on Lil" he encouraged and reluctantly Lilly lowered herself into his lap.

"You'll tell me if I'm too heavy?" she asked self-consciously, her eyes peeking up at him.

"Lil, it's fine" he assured her, surprised at just how light Lilly was in his lap. "I bench more that you weigh at the gym! Relax..." he said as he gently wrapped his arm around her back and pulled her against his chest pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead, her head resting on his shoulder. It was in that moment that Scotty realised his life was perfect, he had Lilly in one arm, his hija preciosa in the other, and there was absolutely nothing else that he could want in the world at that moment.

Lilly rested on Scotty's lap surprised at how comfortable she felt. His warmth, his smell and the steady thumping of his heart calming her and making her feel at peace. She'd never been this intimate with anyone before. Sure, she had sex countless times, but caressing and touching and just being held, that was something she didn't normally allow in her relationships and she had to admit it was nice.

She thought back to that night 8 and 1/2 month ago when Scotty and she had created Hope and she realised just how far they had both come. Back then Scotty and she had been on tentative ground. They had just re-established their partnership following his fling with the cocktail waitress and things were almost back to normal before that night with George. But over the past 6 and 1/2 months things has changed so subtly, but also quickly, that she had almost missed it. Now he was her lover, her closest confident, and her best friend, she realised with a start. He was everything she could wish for in a father for her child and just watching him interact with Hope made her heart melt. These past two weeks had been stressful, but rather than drift apart, they had drawn closer together and become a team, forming a bond that she wasn't sure would ever be lost.

Lilly was brought out of her reverie as her breasts began to tingle, and as if on cue her daughter started to wriggle in Scotty's arm before a tiny cry could be heard. With reluctance she moved her head from Scotty's chest and peered at her daughter's screwed up face as within seconds Hope started to scream. Anyone would think she and Scotty were trying to murder her the way Hope was screaming and in the back of her mind she thought she should probably buy her neighbours a gift as a way to apologise for the number of screaming nights they were about to endure - ear plugs at the very least.

"Looks like someone's awake" Scotty replied with a rueful grin as his ears rung with Hope's screams "And her lungs appear fine!"

Lilly smiled up at Scotty as she shifted in Scotty's laps and prepared herself to feed Hope. Almost reluctantly Scotty placed the tiny baby in her arms.

"Shhh my little Hope Bean, it's ok. Mummy and Daddy are here. Shhh" Lilly tried to soothe her daughter as she positioned her to feed. The look of complete and utter betrayal that Hope gave her was like a stab in her heart, but moments later her daughter latched on to her breast and peace once again returned to the small room.

"Looks like she has her Daddy's appetite" Lilly commented laughingly as she felt Hope tug at her breast hungrily.

"Sorry" Scotty apologised and Lilly felt him shrug against her back "She's not hurting you?" he asked with concern.

Lilly peered up into his eyes and gave him a reassuring smile "No Scotty, it's fine. I actually like doing this" she informed him shyly. Out of all the bad luck that surrounded Hope's birth, the one thing that both she and Hope had had success in was breast feeding. Both of them had taken to it like a duck to water and she had to admit her tiny breasts, well not so tiny at the moment, were definitely doing their job and producing enough milk. There was always enough for Hope and she could always pump some more into a bottle so that the hospital had had enough to feed her daughter during the night.

Gently she rested her head against Scotty's and his arms wrapped themselves around her and Hope. She relished the warm, comforting, peaceful feeling that always came over her whenever she fed Hope, except this time it was heightened by being in Scotty's arms.

Scotty peered down over Lilly's shoulder and watched as his daughter fed. He had never seen her from this position before and he had to admit it was pretty intimate. He watched his daughter's expression as it changed from angry, to almost greedy, to relaxed and it was amazing to watch and feel how her tiny body changed from being rigid and angry to soft and floppy as she became more relaxed and satiated as she fed.

He thought back over the past year and how much had changed. It had been a year ago today that Elisa had killed herself, and if Lilly had remembered, she certainly hadn't said anything and for that he was grateful. In the space of the year he'd had a fling with a cocktail waitress that had almost ended his partnership with Lilly, almost lost his partner twice due to two deranged murders, and then almost lost her after she'd given birth to their daughter. All this had made his realise how much he _needed _ Lilly is his life. She was the one that balanced him, the only one that could keep him in check and she was his...his Lilly, his life. Nothing made him happier than the fact that she was now in his arms with their daughter. Their miraculous little baby.

"Lil?" he spoke quietly, apprehensively breaking the stillness of the room.

"Hmm?" she responded distractedly.

"There's something I need to tell you" he whispered quietly.

Immediately Lilly stiffened. She knew what was coming. He was breaking up with her, he was leaving her and Hope just like all the others. All...this, it was all a lie and he was going to leave and break her heart. She knew it. Things had been too perfect, she should've known they wouldn't last and for the first time she honestly wondered if she'd survive after everything she had been through. She wasn't the same Ice Queen Lilly Rush anymore she realised with a heavy heart.

"Scotty, please..." she started and was dismayed to hear the fear and almost pleading tone in her voice, and feel the tears pool in her eyes.

Scotty heart was pounding as he felt Lilly stiffen against him and he heard the pleading tone in her voice.

"No Lil, it's not what you think" he whispered in panic, immediately tightening his grip to try and reassure her "I...I just wanted to say that... that Lillian Rush... I love you" he whispered tenderly in her ear as he tightened his grip around her further and placed a soft kiss in the crook of her neck.

Lilly's wide eyes shot to Scotty's and she could see the pure love that shone from them and the tender loving expression on his face. He wasn't leaving her, in fact it was the opposite! He loved her, and it was in that moment that she realised just how much Scotty meant to her. But could she say those words to him? When she had said them in the past her world had invariable fallen apart, and right now she couldn't afford for anything else to go wrong, but looking into Scotty expectant face the words came easily in the end.

"I love you too" she whispered, her heart pounding as she held her breath waiting for her world to come crashing down, but it didn't. "You'll stay tonight?" she asked vunerably when she realised that her world was still intact.

"Yeah?" he queried wondrously.

"Yeah. How could I not love you and want you here on the first night with our daughter?" she replied with a smile. Happiness flooded through her as she said those small words and watched Scotty's expression light up even more, before leaning forward and placing a tender loving kiss on his lips, being mindful not to disrupt her feeding daughter. She had never felt this peaceful or loved before, not even when she was engaged to Patrick, and for the first time she was going to let herself enjoy it. The past year had shown her how rapidly life could change and that she needed to embrace the good times when they happened.

Uneventfully she settled back into Scotty's embrace and rested her head against his as she resumed her watch over Hope once again, a small smile on her face.

"I guess that means I can call you my girlfriend then?" Scotty asked hesitantly.

Lilly couldn't help the small giggle that escaped from her throat. Girlfriend? It had been so long since she had been someone's girlfriend, but she had to admit the thought of being Scotty's girlfriend made joy coarse through her veins.

"I guess it does" she replied with awe before a small frown crinkled her forehead "Hey, how did I get into my bed? And where did the moses basket come from?" she asked Scotty. The last thing she remembered was coming up into Hope's room to feed her and then...nothing.

"Well after Veronica dropped the bombshell that we had sex..."

"Oh God!" Lilly exclaimed having blocked that memory from her head.

"Yeah, I know" Scotty exclaimed ruefully "Anyway, you came up here to feed Hope and I stayed downstairs and witnessed Kat drilling Veronica about how she knew about sex - let me tell you she was no easier on Veronica than she was on a suspect in the Box -and it turns out she heard from someone at school that you have sex to get pregnant, but she didn't actually know what sex was, so Ma explained it to both Emilio and Veronica".

"Your mother explained it?" Lilly stated in surprise.

"In laymen's terms, yes. You know, I gave you a seed to grow in your tummy, that sort of thing" Scotty explained softly.

"Oh" Lilly replied relieved to know Emilio and Veronica didn't know exactly how Scotty had put the "seed" inside her, they were both too young and innocent to know about intimate relationships and sex.

"After that we all tucked into the food Ma, Alegria and Kat had made and I realised after a while you were still upstairs. I came to check on you and you were sat here with Hope fast asleep, so I put Hope in her new crib - which she loved by the way - and then carried you to bed as you looked exhausted even asleep"

Lilly bristled internally as it was annoying her how long her body was taking to recover from Hope's traumatic delivery, although she had to remind herself that technically she did die so it was probably going to take her longer than usual to recover.

"But I'm wearing pyjamas?" she questioned with confusion.

"I changed you" Scotty said simply causing Lilly to blush.

"When I was in your room I noticed the new moses basket and when I went back downstairs I asked everyone about it. Turns out it was a Baby Shower gift from the Department and Ma had the guys set it up in your room. We have a load more Baby Shower gifts to open by the way, I had no idea we were that popular!" Scotty continued with a chuckle, before turning sombre. "Did you know the Department had a sweepstake going over the date, sex and weight of Bean?"

"No, I didn't, although I kind of expected they would" Lilly replied quietly, concerned by the sudden change in her boyfriend's demeanor.

"Kat won on sex and weight, but no one guessed Bean would arrive so soon" Scotty whispered, tightening his grip ever so slightly on Lilly and Hope "So they decided to donate the money to the NICU"

"It's ok, Scotty" Lilly reassured, feeling her partner's distress but completely overwhelmed with gratitute at her friend's kind actions "As you said, she's fine now and we witnessed earlier that her lungs were working".

"I know, but..." Scotty paused and shook his head as if trying to clear a disturbing picture from his mind "Anyway, after they explained about the gifts people started getting ready to go as it was getting late by then, so I said goodbye and thanked them all from both of us and cleaned up downstairs. By the time I did that Hope started crying, so I fed her the spare bottle of breast milk from the hospital, winded and changed her, but she was still fussing so we sat down in the chair and before I knew it, she was asleep - me too apparently until you woke me with the camera flash" he finished with amusement.

"Sorry couldn't resist, you both looked so cute and adorable" Lilly replied with a smile turning her head to Scotty.

"Hmmm, can't argue there" Scotty replied with an arrogant smirk causing Lilly to roll her eyes at her boyfriend and partner before she kissed him briefly once again, relishing in the freedom that she could now "officially" kiss Scotty.

"Talking about winding..." Lilly began.

"She done?" Scotty asked, a small spark of excitement igniting itself in his stomach as he realised it was now his turn to handle Hope.

"Yeah, I think so" Lilly replied quietly as she carefully removed a now floppy and sleepy baby from her breast before helping Scotty arrange her over his shoulder to start the winding process. As one of Scotty's arms was still wrapped around her, she gently steadied Hope's tiny bottom allowing Scotty to start gently patting and rubbing his daughter's back with his free arm.

Lilly sat and watched her boyfriend wind their daughter contently for what felt like hours, enjoying witnessing the intimate moment between father and daughter and feeling the vibration in Scotty's chest as he spoke soothingly to their daughter throughout the process. Hope emitted a few tiny whimpers and burps before one last big burp was released, promptly followed by the loudest, longest, bottom burp she had ever heard _anyone_, let alone a tiny 14 days old baby, release.

Both parents looked at their daughter in complete shock, dumbfounded by the innocent expression she was now given them.

"Can you believe she just did that?" Lilly asked in disbelief.

"Sure I can, she gets it from you" Scotty replied teasingly.

Lilly shot her boyfriend the best Ice Queen look she could muster "I do not break wind like that!" she exclaimed indignantly.

"Trust me Lil, you do" Scotty replied.

"I do not!" Lilly exclaimed again.

"Try telling your sheets that! Trust me Lil, when you sleep, your gut unloads" Scotty informed his partner.

Lilly felt her check heat in embarrassment. Did she really let loose like that when she was asleep? Well, if she did, she wasn't the only one.

"Yeah, well at least I don't move the duvet when I break wind" she informed her boyfriend icily.

"I'm a guy Lil, kinda comes with the territory" he replied with a smirk. Seeing Lilly's look of embarrassment and distress he realised that the whole gas issue was a sore point with Lilly and sought to reassure her.

"Hey Lil, it's ok. We all do it, it's natural" he replied reassuringly, tightening his grip around her a little more to comfort her. "I still love you".

Upon hearing Scotty's words, a bright smile lit up Lilly's face "And I love you too" she replied softly, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

As if by some unspoken rule, both Lilly's and Scotty's eyes returned to their daughter whose own eyes were now drooping.

"Pretty amazing, huh?" Scotty whispered into the stillness of the room.

"Yeah" Lilly agreed feeling loved and relaxed in Scotty'e embrance "Our little life unexpected"

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><p><em>Ok, so I admit the last line is probably the cheesiest line ever but I really struggled to come up with a good closing line and this was the best I could do! I hope you enjoyed it (the chapter, not the line!). "Bottom burps" are effectively breaking wind i.e. farting, chuffing, guffing etc. Farting etc just seemed too crude for a baby and my aunt used to call them bottom burps when my cousin was a baby so I used that instead. <em>

_I can't believe the story is finally finished! When I started this over a year ago I thought it would be about 15 chapters long - a couple about finding out about the pregnancy and each other's reactions, one for each month of the pregnancy, and then a couple of closing chapters. How wrong I was! Over a year later it's finally complete. There's been tough times with writer's block etc, but overall I've had fun and I do have an idea for a sequal if people are interested? _

_Speaking of sequals, if you would like a follow up and if you have any ideas that you would like included, please write them in a review or feel free to PM me. I want to keep the story as realistic as possible so if there's any father/daughter, mother/daughter, Scotty/Lilly, baby milestone etc moments you would like included, please let me know. However, if there is a sequal, it probably won't be posted until next year as after seeing the Cardiologist this week (and making an emergency trip to A&E at 1am!), I need to have a load more tests done on my heart and probably need a procedure to fix it. I obviously want to get that all sorted, plus I have a few short story ideas for another fandom which I want to get out of my mind, before I embark on another Lilly/Scotty/Hope mammouth story. _

_Thank you for all reviews and support. It has been a pleasure. _

_ditzie_blonde. _


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